Chapter 58

EPOV

“Hey…” I said soothingly, trying to reach out to her as she flinched away. “Bella…it’s just me.”

The only light in the room was being cast out through the open bathroom door. She seemed far away, lost in whatever had terrified her, making me feel helpless and I didn’t like it. “Isabella,” at the sound of her name she stilled enough for me to touch her. “Calm down, it was only a dream.”

The previous morning Bella had awoken from a dream that was filled with pleasure. Today her sub-conscious had done a complete one-eighty leaving her shaking from fear. My arms wrapped across her shoulders drawing her close and holding her there until she relaxed. The quietness of the room was in direct contrast to the prior screaming.

We had both fallen asleep on top of the blankets, completely sated from our shared passion. Anal sex is always down and dirty, but the prior night was special, creating an atmosphere of tenderness that I didn’t want to lose. So rather then move I pulled one side of the comforter over top of us and slept. When I woke the clock said four and I had to pee like a race horse, which was the reason for leaving the bed.

With the door open I could hear her mumbling something while I washed my hands. It wasn’t until the water was turned off that I could make out the words ‘don’t leave’. Knowing that she often says this in her sleep I really didn’t think anything of it while coming back to bed. The abruptness, in which Bella sprung up along with the piercing scream, scared the shit out of me. Even once she was in my arms it took her a few minutes to stop shaking enough to talk.

“Better?” I asked while Bella nodded her head against my chest. Picking up the edge of the blanket we climbed underneath to lie down. Once she was settled I asked what her dream was about.

“My mother was there. She kept saying ‘stay in the light’ or ‘stay with the light’…” Bella shook her head “something like that. I begged her to stay with me. She wouldn’t… she never did.” the last words were whispered in a hush.

Bella sighed against my chest, “Then it got very dark and I could feel people behind me…then you called my name…from the window… ‘Isabella’…I couldn’t see you because it was so bright. Then someone in the darkness grabbed my shoulder making me scream.”

Listening to her recounting of the dream I needed clarification, “It was bright in the darkness?”

“No… the dark was all around except for the blinding light in the window,” her head lifted to look at me, “from where you were calling me.”

“Hmmm…it was just a dream Bella,” tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Let’s try and go back to sleep.” She smiled timidly while nodding in agreement.

It was just a dream yet I knew that it was her sub-conscious playing out through the nightmare.
Bella settled back into me letting her fingers run over my chest, after a few minutes they stopped while her breathing grew even, telling me she was asleep. I knew that as the time grew closer for us to leave Bella’s fears and anxieties would surface. In fact, it surprised me that it had taken so long. I half expected them to materialize the moment we left Seattle.

Anticipating her distress I brought along a distraction, something for her to work on while we drove from Port Angles to Forks. It was also the reason I downloaded the directions into my phone. That way she could concentrate on her assignment rather than our destination and the GPS wouldn’t distract her with the constant talking. My hope was that Bella’s focus would be so ingrained on the task that we could just sail into Forks with the least amount of anxiety possible.

The hardest decision that I had to make centered on our D/s time. There were pros and cons to each mode including eliminating it all together for the weekend. I thought about doing just that, not having any restrictions on Bella at all. It would be nice, especially this being the first time meeting her father and Sue, to just be us. But Bella was going to need something to keep her grounded. She needed the strength that comes in her submission to me.

By all rights the best way to go would be full-mode, which would definitely supply her with all the needed tenacity. However, I didn’t think that Bella would be comfortable, nor do I suppose her father would understand. The thought of it made me chuckle causing Bella to shift around and mumble something about ‘musty tents.’ Her words made me smile as I kissed her head glad that at least she wasn’t dreaming about dark places with people attempting to grab her.

No, the suitable way for us to go was the middle route, a modified-mode - a relaxed modified. Yes, that is what we’ll do; instead of one task I’ll give her two. That should give Bella the freedom to relax and hopefully enjoy the time with the people she loves, while still utilizing her inner power.

Bella still has so many unknown fears, things that should be routine became a source of anxiety. I wasn’t a psychology major but I truly believed what I told her. No matter what good memories she has, the overwhelming tragedy of her adulthood surpasses any joy from her childhood.

Personally I don’t know how she overcame the hurdles that she already has. If a simple examination disturbed her, how the hell does she handle anal sex? I knew her husband repeatedly raped her anally, yet Bella enjoys that sex act and there is no fear or distress at anytime. In fact just the opposite occurs, she requests it. How did she rise above the trauma of something that seems insurmountable?

My girl truly is an enigma

Letting my eyes close I drifted off somewhere between sleep and consciousness afraid that Bella might have another nightmare. At some point I must have succumbed, because the next thing I was aware of was the feeling of my dick being sheathed in warm wetness. My mind was just becoming aware of what was happening when she starting moving.

With a groan my hands grasped both hips, “What are you doing?”

Bella giggled placing her hands on my chest for balance, “Should I draw you a diagram?”

At the sound of her girlish laughter my eyes finally opened. Bella was straddled over my hips, looking down at me, her hair creating a curtain around her face. “Mmmm…no drawing needed, I think I get the idea.”

She bent down giving me a kiss that caused the screaming of the dark early morning to be replaced with cries of radiant pleasure.

After reaching our mutual releases Bella stayed lying over my chest kissing each other tenderly and we remained connected until Seth whined with his own need. We both dressed in whatever we found and took him out for a quick walk around the building. The morning air was cool, but the sun was bright promising a nice day, which I mentioned in passing.

Bella looked up squinting at the brightness. “Soak in up now because it will be raining in Forks.”
I didn’t need to look at her face to know what she was feeling, the dread was clear.

Back in the room Bella showered while I began packing, laying anything dirty on the bed as she had asked me to. Once she came out of the bathroom we switched places, by the time I was done Bella was dressed and shoving all the dirty clothes into a laundry bag. Standing there for a moment watching her, I wondered when she had thought to bring something for the dirty clothes.

“That was rather insightful of you.” Bella looked at me questioningly so I added pointing my finger at the sack, “the laundry bag.”

“Oh,” she smiled. “I always bring one. Ever since I can remember, it was just easier. That way I could get Charlie his clothes back quicker.”

“You did your father’s wash?” that sounded like something a kid shouldn’t do.

“Yeah, since I was ten or eleven.” There must have been some kind of bewilderment on my face because she justified herself. “I told you this. Charlie worked all kinds of weird hours; mostly he would sleep during the day and …”

Breaking into her train of thought I made the assumption, “You did all the chores.”

She shrugged, “Someone had to.”

I truly couldn’t imagine any ten year old taking it upon themself to be responsible for keeping a house. I suppose that would be another reason why at the tender age of eighteen Bella thought herself ready for marriage. It seems so clear to me that she had hopes and dreams for a regular life; college, career, and all the other things that eighteen year olds dream about. However, in her advanced maturity she pushed her own happiness aside and took on the responsibility of trying to please someone else. I had thought Bella to be a natural submissive and it would seem like she was.

The mistake she made was in her choice of a partner. I have no doubt that had he not been abusive she would have been a perfect wife. Bella did everything within her power to see to others happiness even to the point of losing her own. At least that is how I believe it was with their marriage in the beginning, as time went on her actions were more out of fear than a desire to please. That is the major difference between a Dominate and a Dominator. While I watched her pulling the draw string on the bag, the desire to meet Charlie and see the places that shaped her early life spiked within me.

“Ok, I’ll wash this while we’re at LaPush,” she announced, tossing the dirty wash onto the floor next to our luggage.

“Ah…my little Suzy homemaker,” I teased, pulling her against me for a hug as her head tilted to look up at me.

“Would you rather wear dirty clothes?”

Shaking my head with a grin, “No…I’d rather wear no clothes at all.”

“Oh…I’m sure Leah would just love that.” She giggled against my lips.

“Ok, have it your way, we’ll keep our clothes on,” our lips met for a brief moment before I added, “at least while we’re around other people.”

“Good idea.” Bella lifted up on her toes for another kiss then stepped away from me to ask, “Speaking of dressed, are you planning to do that or are you going to breakfast in a towel?”

“Alright, I see where your priorities are,” pretending to pout as I dropped the towel so I could dress. As I turned around Bella was watching me intently. The blush that crept on her face at getting caught made me laugh as she quickly moved to straighten out the bedcovers.

Going to the main building for breakfast we sat at the same table we had used the other day. Bella ordered French toast again while I got a basic omelet and we shared a chocolate fudge muffin. We had just received juice and coffee when our neighbors sat down at the table next to us. I had wanted to talk to Bella about the modified plan for the weekend; however they were very close to us and seemed extremely interested in what we talked about.

They could eavesdrop all they wanted since there was nothing of extreme importance or of personal nature being said. Bella had finished telling me about the gift she had gotten for Seth, when a woman’s hand reached over to place something on our table. Our food came but we both sat there staring at the little pamphlet that was printed on cheap bright colored paper. The title read, “Finding God’s Purpose in Marital Intimacy.”

What the fuck?

Our gaze locked as Bella picked up the pamphlet with a look of utter contempt on her face.

“Excuse me,” she said turning to the couple next to us holding out the leaflet, “I think you dropped this.”

“No, that is for you. My husband, Dave …” the woman motioned to him before pointing to her own chest, “…by the way I’m Shirley.”

The smile on her face never wavered as she spoke, “During our morning devotions we both came under conviction to be a witness as to God’s purpose for the marital bed. We thought you should know that it’s a sacred covenant between a husband, wife, and our Lord and Master Jesus Christ. It is not one that should be defiled with such animalistic proceedings as we heard from your room.”

Was this lady serious?

Did they actually think that they had any right to interject their religious beliefs into our life? Dave was watching me for a reaction and I was just about to tell them both to shove their witnessing up their ass when Bella laid the reading material back down on their table.

“Well Shirley it’s nice to meet you, I’m Bella and this is Edward. We would be more than happy to hear what you have to say except, I’m afraid that this doesn’t pertain to us, because we’re not married.”

I thought poor Shirley’s eyes were going to bug out of her head as a loud gasp left her mouth while Bella turned her attention back to her breakfast with absolutely no expression on her face. Picking up my fork I had to bite down hard on the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing as the two of them got up from their table. I was so proud of Bella for standing up for herself, but they still weren’t done with the self-righteousness.

“We’ll pray for you,” Dave announced as he walked by to sit somewhere else.

“You do that,” I told him with all the venom I could muster.

As they walked away from us Bella looked up at me without saying a word. Raising my eyebrows I waited for her to say whatever it was. The giggle came before the words, “We thought it was jealousy…but here they think we’re some kind of demons from hell.”

“Oh…you’re a demon alright. My own personal temptress, sent to devour me.” I chuckled at the blush on her face and then glanced over at Dave and Shirley who had moved to corner as far away from us as possible. “Seriously Bella, I know that everyone is allowed to have their own ideas of morality but that was stepping over the line of civility, and I was going to tell them off but you handled it with dignity and integrity…you did good baby.”

Bella took a drink of coffee then sighed, “It’s the product of growing up in a small town. You have to learn how to say ‘fuck off’ with a polite smile on your face.”

“Was it so bad?” I asked and then clarified, “Growing up in a small town?”

“No. It was fine; it’s just that everyone knows everything about you. Some of it’s true, some of it’s conjecture, and they all have an opinion about you. They are like the annoying aunt that feels entitled to tell you what she thinks, whether you want to hear it or not.”

I grew up on the Island and compared to Seattle that was small enough but even Bainbridge was ten times larger than Forks. Something told me that I might be in for a rude awakening once we got there. I remembered when Bella and I had first started dating and her father called to ask about the rumors he heard about me.

At the time I found them to be humorous and wondered why Bella’s own father would even contemplate the possibility of them being true. I began to wonder what else has been said since that time. I had spoken with Charlie once for a few minutes on the phone, while Bella was taking a bath. Our conversation was polite and he seemed genuinely interested in our meeting.

As that time was drawing closer I found myself getting slightly edgy. It was starting to dawn on me that most of the people who live there would have known Bella her whole life, and those that didn’t would definitely know the Chief. The whole town, not just her family and friends, were going to be scrutinizing our relationship, and if Bella is correct they will be making their opinions known.

The ramifications of that have no bearing on my life directly, however it might to Bella and it most definitely will affect Charlie. I was considering spending the rest of my life with her; I want to be able to call her father asking for her hand with confidence in the certainty of his blessing. First impressions mean so very much and I didn’t know why I failed to see it before, but this weekend was going to be pivotal in our relationship.

“Hey,” Bella touched my hand. “Are you ok? You seem really far away.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking about the weekend.” That was the truth. I didn’t feel the need to elaborate on my own inner turmoil.

“What are we going to do about it?” It took me a second to realize that she meant our usual, looking around there were still too many people within ear shot for my liking.

“Finish eating, then we can take Seth for a walk through the gardens and talk about it when we have more privacy.”

“Ok,” she said taking a drink of juice. “And we need to get a rock.”

“A what?” I had no idea what the heck she was talking about.

“A nice sized rock. It’s kind of a tradition. Charlie and I would always go to the same place each summer; we would rent a cabin so he could fish. Every year we would bring home a rock, paint the year on it and then put it in the yard. It was like our souvenir but it was also symbolic. Rocks are enduring, sturdy, and the foundation that everything else rests upon. I guess it’s silly,” she shrugged, “but after all these years those rocks are still scattered around the front yard. How many people can say they still have the souvenir prominently displayed from a vacation they took twenty years ago?”

The more I learned about Bella the more intriguing she was to me. “Do you have rocks in your yard?”

Bella wiped her mouth then pushed her plate away. “Two, one from Juno and one from the Glacier. That one is really pretty; it’s pure white with black sparkly specks in it.”

The gleam in her eyes caused me to smile. “Alright my love, we’ll get you a rock to start our collection.”

We had an hour before check out and another hour after that to get the ferry back to Port Angles. Taking Seth we used the time to enjoy the nice weather while walking the grounds of the hotel. Bella snapped a few more pictures and even had a passerby take one of the three of us. While we walked the grounds looking for the perfect rock, I told her my plan of our relaxed modified mode. Explaining that basically means the only time we are D/s is when we are completely alone, either in the car, our room, or off somewhere in private. For the majority of the weekend, other than her following a few simple tasks, we would just be Edward and Bella. There would be no need to present herself or follow any protocol while we are around other people.

“What tasks?”

Of course my Bella would want to know that

Bringing her to a stop I wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her close to me. “You’ll find that out when you are laid bare, kneeling before me.”

Bella gave me a decisive nod with a loud sigh – that sound was really starting to annoy me – but it was going to have to wait. This weekend would not be the most favorable moment to deal with her propensity to make tetchy sounds. The boorish conduct was going to take more one-on-one time then we would have. It was also going to be a lesson that would require a whole weekend of unwavering discipline. I knew that Bella made those disagreeable noises out of habit, but it was a habit I was going to break and neither one of us was going to like the process.

Bella had a few more small personal items to get together while I loaded up the car with the luggage. When I went back into the room she was putting Seth’s leash on him, there was a small duffle bag, and the box containing the stained glass that needed to go into the car along with the dog’s bed, and the brilliant orange football sized rock she had found on our walk through the gardens.

“Are you ready?” I asked while Bella took a quick walk around the room making sure that nothing was overlooked. “I’m ready.”

The last thing I did was leave a tip on the dresser for housekeeping before shutting the door. Bella got Seth in the car while I checked out; we had no extra expenses so all I had to do was hand over the keys and sign the charge slip. We had agreed that I would pay for this hotel and she would take care of the room at the beach. It meant a lot to Bella and if that made her happy my ego could take the hit.

Bella was waiting outside of the car leaning against her door. When I got a few feet away she jumped up into my arms, wrapping her thighs around my waist so I had to hold her bottom with my hands. Our foreheads rested against each others as Bella looked into my eyes. “Thank you. I had a great time.”

I smiled at her letting my hands squeeze the round fullness of her cheeks, while she squirmed against me, “So did I.”

The words were spoken against her lips right before they met in a soft tender kiss. As I pulled back Bella quickly pressed her lips to mine once more before unwrapping her legs from around me. Her feet hit the ground but my hands stayed firmly against her bottom giving it another squeeze that made her whimper.

Pressing her face against my chest her hands made tight fist as she gripped my shirt. Tilting her chin up our gaze locked and I saw it flash in her eyes, the misery. It was only there for a second before she hid it behind a sad smile that tugged at my heart. The feeling created an urge to take her far away from anything that caused her that much distress.

But this was something that she was going to have to face and I wanted her to know that I would be there with her. “How about you be a good girl and get in the car now, because I can’t wait for you to show me all around the big city of Forks.”

“That will take all of five minutes,” she said dubiously with a grin.

“Then we will have to find something else to do and fill in the blank spots,” I kissed her again just for a vote of confidence. “Come on…let’s blow this joint!”

We both laughed, actually I laughed while Bella snorted. I knew it was corny but I was hoping for some levity to help ease her anxiety, it appeared to have worked. Holding the car door open I held on to her wrist as she turned around to get in. “Seriously baby, it’s going to be alright and we are going to have an awesome weekend.”

“If you say so,” she said getting into the car as I shut the door I assured her and myself, “I do say so.”

We got to the harbor as the cars were starting to line up, getting into position we each got out our passports for the customs officers. By the time we were checked through, the vehicles in front of us were starting to load. Once we were on the ferry, we took Seth out onto the deck to enjoy the sunny day.

As the ferry pulled away from the dock Bella looked up at me. “We’ll have to come here again.”

Wrapping my arm around her shoulder I pulled her close placing a kiss on her head, “Isn’t there someplace else you would like to go?”

“Do you mean in the states?” she looked up at me curiously.

I shrugged, “If you could go anywhere…where would it be?”

“Well,” I began leading Bella by the hand to sit down on the bench and listened as she talked, “I would like to see a lot of places here in the states; but there are four things I’ve always wanted to do: Tour the Tower of London, kiss the Blarney Stone, chip off a piece of the Coliseum, and climb the Pyramids.”

“Chip off a piece of the Coliseum?” she nodded her head in excitement at my question. “Bella, I think that’s illegal.”

“I’m not talking about anything big…” she held her hands out as if gripping a basketball then used her thumb and forefinger to make a circle, “…just something little. I’ve seen pictures there’s enough debris laying around, that one little stone won’t be missed.”

The seriousness in her tone made me chuckle, “And just what are you going to do with this little piece of debris?”

“Put it by the picture of us standing in front of the structure.”

Us?

Bella said us as if it was a forgone conclusion that I would be with her in that picture. She was thinking about our relationship in terms of the future. That notion made me much happier than I would have ever dreamed possible. We sat on the bench talking about more locations that we would both like visit. Bella hadn’t been very many places, hell she’d never even been to Disneyworld, so our possibilities seemed endless.

As the view of Port Angeles drew closer we got back into the car. Just as the ferry was making port Bella’s phone started playing ‘Love Shack.’ I eyed her as she dug through her purse to retrieve it, flipping it open she answered with a happy tone, while I listened to the one sided conversation.

“Hey, I was beginning to think you were ignoring me…I didn’t have any service…I’ll tell you later…ok, we are just getting into Port Angles now so go ahead and eat, I guess we’ll stop at The Shop…ok see you soon.”

Bella flipped her phone closed before putting it back in her purse. “That was Leah, she was wondering if she should hold off on lunch. I didn’t want to make her wait so we can get something quick at the Coffee Shop before going to the reservation.”

“That sounds like a plan. There is something you need to do for me while we drive.” Bella looked at me questionably as the cars in front of us started moving.

“Open up the middle consol there should be some papers in there.” Doing as I asked Bella pulled them out, studying the white sheet on top.

“Limits? I already did this…”

I cut off her train of thought, “It’s time to do another one. I put a copy of your original in there that way you can see for yourself how much has changed”

It had been a month; there should be a lot of things that had changed, not only in terms of actual experience but also preferences and willingness to partake in an activity. I was anxious to see the responses Bella gave. Although I believed that I had a better grasp of her desires, it would be nice to have concrete proof that I was moving in the right direction.

Bella dug through her purse once again taking out a pen and two different colored highlighters before sitting back in the seat. Getting to Forks was a straight shot west on the 101, as I drove with the radio on for background noise my eyes shifted over to Bella several times. It seemed that the distraction I had planned was effective in keeping her relaxed. I had worried that the anxiety would overtake her to the point of panic, but there was none of that. Each time I glanced over she appeared to be deep in thought while using the highlighters as she worked.

Reaching the town limits I needed to disturb her concentration, “Where do you want to eat?”

“Umm…the Coffee Shop, it’s right on Main Street,” she answered not even bothering to look up.

“Is the highway Main Street?”

“Yeah,” glancing up she noticed where we were. “Oh my god, we’re here…hmmm, it’s about four blocks down on the corner.”

“Are you almost done with that?”

She put all the writing implements back into her purse. “I’m finished,” her eyes were searching out the window while she talked. “There were a few numbers I debated about, but…I think it’s accurate.”

Holding my hand out she gave me the papers while showing me where to pull into the parking lot. Because of the time - two twenty-five - it was past the lunch crowd and too early for dinner, so the nearly vacant lot didn’t surprise me. Tucking the new list of limits into my shirt pocket I got out, opening Bella’s door I glanced at Seth who was sleeping in his bed on the floor behind my seat.

“Will he be alright back there?” We had not left him alone in the car before, but Bella assured me that with the doors locked he would be fine.

The diner was a long narrow room with a counter space that had six sky blue swivel chairs in front of it. The rest of the space was taken up by booths upholstered in the same hideous blue synthetic leather that all diners seem to have in common. As we entered the building a small brass bell attached to the door alerted everyone to our presence.

The two older men sitting at the counter turned to look at us. Both of them were heavyset in stature. One was dressed in olive green work clothes and the other in jeans with a green plaid flannel shirt both men wore black baseball hats. A smile formed on their faces but it was the man in the work clothing who talked, “Well Joe, would ya look what the cat dragged in”

The other man with the plaid shirt just sort of huffed as Bella spoke, “Hello Mr. Dunmoyer, Mr. Kline how are you both?”

“Ohh...I can’t complain, no one wants to listen to me anyway,” he smiled.

“Now, Mr. Dunmoyer what would you have to complain about?” Bella retorted.

The other man laughed, “Don’t get him started Bella; I just got him to shut the hell up. I’m about ready to send him home to his wife let her listen to him bitch.”

“She don’t listen to me either, why do you think I’m always leaving the house?”

Bella laughed at their exchange then looked to me, “Edward this Mr. Dunmoyer and Mr. Kline.” she motioned to each one in turn then laid a hand on my arm, “Gentlemen this is my boyfriend Edward Cullen”

We exchanged pleasantries shaking hands, it was Mr. Kline who held on for an extra moment, “You treat this young lady right son, she’s always been a good girl.”

“I’ll do my best sir,” I assured him as a middle aged African American woman came out of the kitchen carrying two plates.

“Bella…” she set the plates down in front of the men coming around the counter to give Bella a hug, “Hi Bethany.”

The woman stood back one step scrutinizing Bella’s appearance, “Girl, look at you…my you look so …happy,” the woman turned to me. “And I’m going to assume that this young man is the reason for the happiness.” Before Bella could speak the waitress held her hand out, “I’m Bethany.”

Bella apologized as I introduced myself adding, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Bethany lead us to a booth -right under a huge stuffed Elk head- asking Bella if she had gotten to see her dad yet. “No we just got here; I’ll see him later on tonight.”

“He was here with Sue earlier for lunch,” she told us handing over the menus before telling us the soup of the day and asking what we wanted to drink.

As she walked away I looked around the diner there was one other booth that had patrons in it, but other than that it was empty. My attention then went to the menu but I noticed that Bella didn’t bother to look at hers. Bethany brought our drinks and I ordered a hot ham and cheese with fries, Bella got a cup of soup with half a turkey club.

When we were left alone I took the limits Bella had worked on out of my pocket and before I could completely unfold them she explained that the pink highlights indicated a change in status while the yellow was a change in desire. Scanning over the papers there was a lot of pink marks.

“Damn baby, you did all this in a month?” I asked with a chuckle and Bella blushed while rolling her eyes, “I had some help.”

Bethany brought our food out quicker than I had expected not giving me much time to look over the list. That was alright because I wasn’t planning to analyze it right then and there anyway. There was however one item that caught my eye leaving me completely baffled. I truly should have waited until we were alone but curiosity got the better of me. Shifting my body closer to Bella I spoke softly but as firmly as I could.

“Baby…caning? You didn’t make it a hard limit.” I wasn’t asking because it was clear that she didn’t, the only thing I wanted was clarification. I thought for sure after what occurred at the club and the repercussions of that incident there would be no way she would participate in that activity. The fact that she moved it from a two down to a one indicates diminished desire but how could there be any appeal at all?

Bella dunked a piece of her sandwich into the soup holding it up to her mouth she looked at me through her lashes. “Could we go slow?”

slow?

I kept searching her eyes trying to figure out what she meant. Knowing that it was the sound that freaked her out so badly I took an educated guess as to what she was talking about. “By slow do you mean deprive you of your senses, especially hearing?”

She swallowed hard and I watched as her hand trembled while picking up her drink, “No, I’ll need to face the whole experience,” she looked me square in the eye stressing the point, “but really slow.”

Bethany came by to see if we needed anything else, sitting upright in the seat Bella shook her head, telling her to please just bring the check. When we were once again alone Bella asked if we could talk about this in the car, which under the circumstances I thought would be a good idea. While we finished our meal I half listened to Bella tell me how Bethany has been a waitress here for thirty years while the other half of my brain tried to decipher her cryptic messages. By the time we were back in the car I was just as perplexed as I was before.

Trying to remember what Emmett said about not pushing for information I remained quiet. As we came to the edge of town, directly in front of us was, ‘Cumming’s Sporting Goods’ store. I turned the corner to go south on the 110, watching as Bella’s head moved to stay glued onto the building.

“Is that?” I didn’t get to finish my question before Bella answered, “yes.”

The quiet tension in the car was so thick I had to grip the steering wheel to keep from yelling at her to just fucking say something. After the next block Bella finally talked but at first what she said made no sense.

“Do you know the book ‘Bag of Bones’ by Stephan King?”

What the fuck does a book have to do with what I want to know?

She must have taken my silence as ignorance - which of course it was- because Bella went on. “I use that book as a teaching reference. In it he says that there are two acronyms for the word fear. One is ‘fuck everything and run’ the other is ‘face everything and recover.’ In any situation that I can control…I choose to follow the latter.”

Shifting my eyes to glance at her, Bella was staring straight out the window as if looking into the unknown. I don’t know if she felt my gaze or if she simply looked in my direction but our eyes met for a brief second. Reaching down I took her hand in mine giving a small squeeze in support.

“Edward you know how I have an…anal fetish?” I nodded in acknowledgement even though I personally wouldn’t call it a fetish.

“It took me six months of working through my fears to relax enough to enjoy it. The first few times …just the thought of anything near there made me throw up. But I kept working at it, slowly building up my courage until I was able to take pleasure in something that James tried to break me with. I faced my fears and all the demons that were in the back of my mind a little bit at a time.”

“And that’s what you want to do with the caning?” it was the only assumption I could make.

“Yes…but…” she sighed, “…it will be the first time that I faced something head on that’s not completely in my control. That’s why I put a one next to caning. Because although I want to confront those fears and overcome them, it’s partly out of my hands and will be up to you.”

“Does that worry you?” I asked because I wondered if she was questioning her trust in me but she answered immediately, “No. Does it worry you?”

My head turned in her direction, Bella was watching for my reaction to her question. She wasn’t worried about me pushing her too far, too fast. Her concern was my reaction. Would I have the determination needed to help her work through all those mental blocks that are holding her back? My reaction to the response Bella had at the club was to shelter her, take her away – which at the time was the correct thing to do. I thought about this morning and the desire I had to take away the distress she had, to protect her from any and all pain.

What she was asking of me was to slowly push her in the opposite direction. Deliberately take her to a place where she is forced into a confrontation with whatever mental shields she has created to shelter herself with. Then break down those barricades one by one.

Could I do that?

There was one nagging concern I had. “Baby, I don’t want to hurt you in any way.”

“I know. That’s where the mutual trust comes in…right?”

Bella truly trusted me, even more then I trusted myself. This was something I was going to have to think about; planning out small little segments during our playtime, or maybe during down time would be better. Either way, it wasn’t a decision for us to be making at that moment, but I could give an answer to her question.

“You’re right baby, mutual trust.” I said lifting her hand to kiss the back of it.

The road began to run along the ocean with its dark grey sand and foamy water rolling over pieces of driftwood and large rock formations. Off the shoreline was a small Island which appeared to be made of two rocks in the shape of a horseshoe.

“What’s that?” I asked pointing to the island.

“Aka-lat…James Island. It was named after the first white man to climb the top of it.”

“Seriously?” I inquired in disbelief as Bella nodded with a giggle, “Yup.”

“Teach me a few words in Quileute.”

“What do you want to know?” I thought about it trying to come up with something I might be able to use.

“How do you say ‘how are you?” that seemed simple enough.

“It’s different for a man or a woman. If you are asking a man you say ‘uh-YAH-so-CHUH’ for a woman it’s ‘uh-YAH-so-CHID.’”

I practiced the words a few times while Bella helped with the pronunciation until I had them right. “Ok here’s another one for you. No matter what anyone says to you, your answer should be WAH-lee tah-chuh-AH” Repeating that word over a few times until I had it right before asking what it meant.

“It means ‘I don’t know’ and it is always a safe answer.” I was going to have to trust her on that. Bella looked to me asking with enthusiasm, “Do you want to learn two more?”

“Sure.”

“PAY-chuh that means red and pay-THLAY-so is yellow.”

“Oh, I like those.” Giving Bella a devious smile and asking her repeat them a few more times. I really did like those words, to the point where I might have her use them for safe words on occasion, especially if we are around other people.

Seth became extremely animated in the back seat, moving from one window to another as we passed a welcome sign.

You are entering
The Quileute Reservation
All state laws will be enforced

Bella turned in the seat - as much as the belt allowed - rubbing Seth’s head, “I know you’re excited to see your momma.”

Following her directions I turned onto a small dirt road that curved around the forest on the right while we passed small homes separated by woods on the left. Half a mile down the road she pointed to where we were going. It was a small red one story home with a covered porch and a matching outbuilding that sat off the road about seventy feet. Parked out in front were Jacob’s blue CR-V and an older green Ford F-150 with mud splattered on the sideboards.

When we came to a stop poor Seth was in the back seat panting so hard I was afraid he would hyperventilate. Asking Bella if I could let him out she told me yes and I opened the door to watch a normally subdued dog run at full speed in a circle around the property.

Bella laughed as she got out of the car, “he likes it here.”

“I can see that,” as I said the words the door to the house opened and a young russet colored skin man stepped onto the porch, “Hey do you need any help?”

The introduction was just a formality because I had already figured out that the tall brawny man-child with black shoulder length hair, deep brown eyes and the facial features of his sister, was Seth.

Following Bella into the house I was led into a large open kitchen that reminded me of the one in my Gram’s summer cabin. The walls were painted a bright yellow with blue checkered curtains on the windows. White metal cabinets hung on the wall above blue speckled Formica counter tops. The old porcelain farm sink sat under a window that looked out into the front yard with an old double oven stove on the left wall of the room and a Frigidaire angled in the far right corner.

Directly behind the kitchen on the other side of a wooden room divider was what I believed to be the living room. All I could see of it was a brick wall that housed a large fireplace. Off to the right was an entrance way that must have led to the bath and bedrooms.

As we entered the house Leah was wiping her hands on dishtowel after saying hello to me, her and Bella hugged. “We’re in mom’s room so you guys take Seth’s, but don’t worry I made him change the sheets for you. I didn’t want to touch the other ones; Lord only knows what was on them.”

Bella giggled saying thank you while Seth got slightly offended, “Hey I’m standing right here. If you’re going to start talking about me, could you at least wait until I leave?”

“We’re you going?” Bella asked curiously.

“I have to be at Tracy’s in an hour,” he answered and then lifted the bag he was holding, “do you want these in the room?”

His question seemed to bring Bella back to reality. I followed her through the doorway where immediately in front of us she pointed out the small bathroom. On the right the closed door concealed the room Jacob and Leah were using and to the left was our room.

Seth sat the luggage he was carrying down on the cast iron double bed that was fitted with what appeared to be handmade quilts. Bella thanked him as he left shutting the door to give us some privacy. The room was painted a deep blue color; with a gun rack mounted on the wall above the dresser, other than that there wasn’t much else. A small TV stand in one corner facing towards the bed with a desk and chair along the back wall taking up the rest of the space.

Bella was looking at me in anticipation of my reaction. “It’s cute,” what else could I say?

She shrugged one shoulder while I sat on the bed listening to the squeak as my butt sank into the softness. Tugging her hips until she stood between my legs I asked “How long did you live here?”

“Eight months. Leah came to stay with me when she returned from college in May, then I left in August.” Bella’s fingers were running lightly through my hair making my dick spring to action.

Pulling her hips I twisted our bodies so that she was laying on the bed with me looking down at her. Our lips met briefly until I pulled away trailing soft kisses down the length of her neck. A soft sigh escaped her while one leg wrapped around my hip anchoring my body to hers. Bella’s hand cupped the sides of my face directing me back to her waiting lips in kiss that was full of promise.

Shifting my weight evenly over her body, both of her legs hugged my hips securing our centers together. Bella wiggled under me with a grinding motion against my hard-on that made me groan into her mouth. The answering moan from her only served to make our tongues work more furiously as I thrust my dick against her core. My hands moved along her ribs to capture both breasts while my thumbs manipulated her firm nipples. I would have loved to have taken her, except for the voices carrying through the house from the kitchen. Besides that, every little movement caused the bed to squeak.

That was going to be a problem

Pulling back from Bella’s mouth was an exercise in control. Leaning over Bella’s soft, warm inviting body looking down into her desire filled eyes, was not making the process of calming down any easier.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” the husky sound of my voice was laden with want but her breathy answer held just as much longing, “Only for you.”

“Damn straight, only for me” our lips met again but this time we both had more control. When we parted my hands moved up to hold her face while I looked deep into her eyes.

“Mine…all mine”

The knock on the door made us sit up to appear respectable as Bella announced, “Come in.”

Seth opened the door slowly taking in our positions, “Sorry I forgot something.”

While he went to the dresser I followed Bella out into the kitchen where Jacob was leaning against the counter with yet another man I hadn’t met. After being introduced to Paul – Jacob’s brother in law - I was offered a beer and stood with the two of them as Seth came back out of his room.

Bella was standing with Leah talking about some picture which Leah went into the bedroom to get. When she brought it out Bella looked at the framed photo hugged her sister then beamed at me before bringing it over. It was the one of us at Mt. Rainer when we were in the snow. I was holding Bella with her legs straddled around my waist, but the picture was a close up of our faces. We had just kissed and Bella had her head tilted up while my teeth bit onto her chin. The photo was done in a black and white finish capturing the moment in perfect clarity. Even to the point where I could see melting snow in my hair from when Bella squashed a snowball on me. Leah did a great job with the photo; it was loving yet very sexually suggestive.

“Hey dude that’s my sister,” the playful warning in Seth’s tone was comical; however Leah didn’t find it funny.

“After what I walked in on Wednesday you should be quiet.”

“What happened?” Bella’s question seemed innocent enough but Seth’s groan and Leah’s harsh retort told everyone in the room that the question shouldn’t have been asked.

“He was fucking Tracy on the couch!”

“I was not fucking her!” Seth announced while Paul inquired of Jacob, “They were fucking on the couch?”

Seth’s eyes moved quickly to Paul and then back to his sister while Bella wondered aloud, “Did you have a sheet down or at least turn over the cushions?…I don’t want to be sitting on…”

“Oh, that’s a lot of help Bella!” the venom in Leah’s voice was clear as day.

“What would you like me to say Leah?” Bella asked sarcastically.

“Don’t encourage him,” she spit back as Bella tried using logic, “He’s eighteen years old,” while Seth announced, “For the last time, I was not fucking her on the couch. Fifteen more minutes and I might have been.”

It might have been dropped there if Paul would have remained quiet instead of antagonizing Seth with his assessment, “And five minutes after that it would have been all over.”

“Fuck you asshole! I keep my woman happy!”

“Oh…just fucking great, this is going to be a wonderful weekend. I’m all round and pregnant, no matter how I lay down I can’t get comfortable and I’m going to have to listen to my little brother screwing some toe-Tae in the living room and you,” she pointed to Bella, “doing …I don’t even want to know what you do…in the other room.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Bella questioned as Seth became offended about the toe-Tae crack, which I was pretty sure meant whore, while he once again said that they were not fucking. Bella however grew slightly indignant, “And if you can’t lie down, then bend over and take it from the back. Lord only knows you could probably use the tension release.”

Leah’s face got redder than I ever thought possible with her skin tone, “I choose refinement over indignity …”

“Indignity? Is that comment directed at me?”

Leah looked smug as she asked, “Why do you have a guilty conscience?”

Bella put her hands on her hips glaring at her sister, “What exactly is your problem Leah? I haven’t seen you in…”

“And whose fault is that Bella?”

I watched as Bella tried to reign in her anger, “I have called you almost every day but you don’t…”

“You know you’re not the only one who has a life. I’m pregnant...”

“I know,” Bella interrupted. “I held the stick so you could pee on it,” she announced while Seth added, “Ewww…that’s gross.”

Both women looked at him with a warning that he had better shut up.

“All I’m saying Bella is that you were supposed to help me, we were going to paint the baby’s room together, you were going to go with me to Lamaze…” I could see tears forming in Leah’s eyes and Bella’s voice softened.

“Then let’s paint the room.”

The emotion that Leah felt passed because she was angry again. “It’s already done Bella, I did it two weeks ago while you were off getting your picture taken!” She slammed her hand down on the table where Bella had laid the photo.

“Why didn’t you wait for me?”

“Wait for when? When? You’re always off doing things, or you have…” Leah glared darkly speaking through pursed lips, “…weekend schedules and Wednesday night schedules…” there were four people in the room who knew exactly what Leah was talking about. “So you tell me Bella, when were you going to do it? Between the trips you take, family dinners, and going to that club, when?”

“I would have made time, all you had to do was tell me.” Bella got quiet for a moment then began again, “You know Leah, I’m not going to feel bad about this, you’re the one who kept saying ‘Gee Bella you need a man, some hard hot cock in ya’…”

Seth interrupted, “ohhh…I don’t want to hear this” while Paul who after taking a drink of his beer announced, “I do.”

“Shut up,” Jacob growled while Bella continued with what she was saying, “You’re the one who talked me in to going to the club, even forced Jake to take me.”

Leah didn’t get to answer because Seth spoke up, “Hey did you ever hear of that club New Moon?” every head in the room turned to look at him. “I tried to get in there, and this really big guy…I mean he was fucking ginormous…wouldn’t let me in, he said you had to be member.”

“When the fuck did you go to New Moon?” Jacob asked what I was thinking.

Seth shrugged, “Last month when we were there for senior weekend.”

Leah just couldn’t let it go, “There you go Bella, now you can corrupt our little brother.”

That was uncalled for and I was going to say something but Jacob grabbed my shoulder shaking his head in a reminder to let the sisters work it out themselves. Seth must have picked up on what Leah meant because he looked directly at Bella, “Can you take me?”

That was not the best question to ask because both women looked at him and shouted a resounding, “No!”

“I was just asking,” the whiny teenager had made an appearance. With that Jacob tapped me on the shoulder tilting his head towards the door, telling me to follow him outside. That was probably for the best because something told me the argument was going to get a lot worse and more personal.

Leaning up against the truck I watched Paul shut the door then join us carrying three more beers. Even with the door closed the high pitched angry voices could be detected. While we waited outside talking about nothing of importance a woman came through the woods and walked over to join us. She was tall with lighter skin tones but the same long black hair and dark eyes. As she said hello - tentatively glancing at the house - Jacob introduced me saying she was Emily. I had remembered Bella mentioning an Emily but I couldn’t remember who she was. Then she said that Sam had asked her to deliver a message to Charlie, and I recalled that she was Sam’s wife.

Emily looked back at the house, “What’s going on?”

“Leah and Bella have some things to discuss,” Jacob said with a shrug.

“Are you going to stop them?” she asked in disbelief as Jacob shook his head, “No fucking way, that’s between the sisters.”

Emily huffed in horror as she turned to head into the house. Once she was inside an SUV turned in off the road. Paul chuckled as Jacob leaned back taking a drink of his beer. The vehicle parked next to my car and I watched as a middle aged woman with shoulder length black hair get out of the passenger side carrying a casserole dish. Looking at her I knew immediately who it was – Sue – she approached us with a smile leaning in to kiss Jacob’s cheek the turned her attention to me. “Hello, you must be Edward?”

“Yes ma’am,” she smiled at me then looked towards the house while the man who I had to guess was Charlie stood between Jacob and Paul.

“What’s going on in there?” His gruff voice was completely bewildered.

“Leah and Bella are fighting,” Jacob explained while Sue declared ,“It’s about time,” she looked around at the three of us aksing, “Where is Seth?”

“He’s still in the house,” Paul informed her.

Sue shook her head muttering, “Stupid boy,” before heading inside. Charlie continued to stand there watching his wife open the door yelling, “Ladies!”

“UH!” Charlie huffed. “What the dickens are they fighting about?”

Jacob shrugged, “I don’t know…it’s just a bunch of little stuff that got all blown up.”

“Now that’s not really true,” Paul interjected. “There seems to be an imbalance between your daughters. It would appear to the outside that Leah is pregnant and therefore not getting any sex, and Bella is not and gets lots of it.”

“W…W…What?!” Charlie stammered, Jacob choked on his beer while I stared in horror, as Paul tapped Charlie on the shoulder looking at me with a grin, “Charlie, have you met Edward?”

Charlie’s attention turned to me, in his face I could see some of Bella’s chin and cheek bones but what truly stuck out was the color of his eyes, they were nothing but Bella. Taking a step forward I held out my hand, “Nice to meet you sir, I’m Edward Cullen.”

Charlie just stared at my outstretched hand.

So much for first impressions.