Chapter 39

BPOV

My eyes remained closed while I hovered in that peaceful quiet calmness as long as I possibly could. I was wrapped in Edward’s arms with our bodies facing each other and our legs entangled together. The scent of his skin filtered through into my brain giving me a sense of security that I only found with him. Peeking open my eyes the muted light from the window above my bed was just beginning to cast shadows around the room, telling me it was late evening.

Edward’s arms tightened around me as I burrowed my head back into the nook of his neck closing my eyes to ease the burn. So many thoughts came to my mind, flashes of a bad morning that lead to a horrid afternoon. I felt wretched when I left the house after having a fight over something so stupid. I knew I was being irrational but I just couldn’t stop myself, maybe it was my sense of self-preservation pushing Edward away.

The previous day Tanya had commented that Edward would grow tired of my limitations. She was referring to the sexually physical aspect because she had no idea how deep my limitations truly were. Things that had been buried so deeply in my subconscious that I wasn’t even aware existed were rearing their ugly head. At first I thought their emergence could have been a result of stress, but as I drove into the center it was starting to come together.

I had shut down so much of who I was, placing the limitations on myself by refusing to open up enough to completely trust someone. The trust I had in Edward had done something to the stability I had worked so hard at keeping. It was like my psyche took it upon itself to say ‘if you are going to trust him with anything, then trust him with everything.’

I wanted to fully trust him but it was the unknown factors that kept me in perpetual limbo. I was unsure of what his reaction would be and scared to death about what was going to come out. My work at the center was not exactly helping take my mind off those fears.

Esme was there, she had joined the growing number of volunteers by helping with fund raising. That would be a good place for her with all the contacts she had, and any other day I would have been glad to see her, however the maternal love that radiates off her only fueled my fears, making me miss my own mother.

Sitting there watching the slides of the nameless, faceless women whose pictures of bruises, scars and burns are used to demonstrate what the center works with, and all I saw was my own wounds. My mind went to the pictures of myself which are locked away like all the emotions I held inside. I couldn’t sit there anymore and telling Carol I was ill was in no way a lie, my heart was racing, my head was pounding and stomach was doing back flips.

Driving to my house was a blur of red lights and tears, once I was inside the eerie quiet unsettled me, making my head throb even more – I needed Tylenol. Coming back down the hallway those damn pictures were calling out to me. Taking them out of the safe I grabbed the thicker envelope that lay underneath.

I had to take the medication before I could even focus on what I was looking at. The bottom envelope contained all the papers from my mother’s estate, insurance documents, the will, trust fund information, financial planning and lastly a death certificate. A two inch stack of used paper was all that was left of my mother.

I was so angry at her for dying and leaving me, and all those papers basically said was that her life was only worth ‘x’ amount of dollars. That was all she was worth to anyone who saw those papers. Not that she spent every Saturday eating breakfast at the diner with her daughter, that every night she read the same damn book ‘Sam I Am,’ or that the only thing she could cook perfectly were peanut butter cookies.

I couldn’t help but wonder what my life would have been like had she just put me first and stayed home. All the misery of growing up with doubts about my own self worth wouldn’t have happened. I never would have moved to Forks, never would have met James, and never would have been so fucked up. The regret over thinking so selfishly made me angry and I threw the glass across the room watching as it shattered on the floor.

Picking up the other envelope I wanted to put it back away, but something stopped me. While I swirled the little red string around the circles that held it closed I could feel the pressure in my chest building. Sinking to floor as I started taking out the evidence of all the indignity that I had suffered. Once the tears started I couldn’t stop them as I recalled every detail. The fear as I realized he was in my kitchen, the sound of the belt hitting my flesh, the burning ripping pain of him entering me, the putrid smell that was coming off my body, all those memories came back in an instant and all the emotions came with them.

Someone said my name so softly I wasn’t sure at first I had even heard it. When I looked up Edward was standing there looking at me with the pity I tried to avoid at all cost. He didn’t move at first just standing there, when he did his movements were so slow it was like he was afraid of me. I needed to tell him everything that happened along with all the feelings of guilt, shame and anger. I cried muttering out everything that was locked inside, while he held me protectively.

I wasn’t sure how long we sat on the floor or when Edward brought me to bed and I had no idea what was going through his mind at that moment, the only thing I was sure of was that he was still there. I sighed snuggling closer into his chest and fell back asleep.

When I woke again the bathroom light was shining putting a glow into the room and it was Seth sharing my bed not Edward. I could hear the muted sounds of the TV coming from across the hall; so after using the bathroom that’s where I went. Edward wasn’t in there so I wandered out through the living room and into the kitchen.

Edward was draining noodles over the sink and a small smile played on his lips when he saw me. I wasn’t sure how close to get to him until he set the pot on the counter holding his arms out to me, which I practically ran into. “I was expecting you to sleep all night.” I felt his lips on my hair as I wrapped my arms around his back and held on.

“Are you hungry?” when I shrugged Edward sighed. “Bella did you eat anything at all since this morning?”

“No,” I admitted in defeat. A low rumble echoed in his chest making me smirk while I met his eyes. “Don’t growl I’ll eat.”

“Good choice,” his answer was followed with a warm smile. We stood there staring at each other the atmosphere in the room changed and I could feel the weight of all the anxieties just lift away. I felt liberated and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

“No baby, don’t cry,” Edward said wiping the tears from my face as his own eyes turned glassy.

“I can’t help it…” I sniffled still looking in his eyes, “I love you.”

“I love you,” then his lips touched mine ever so softly like I was a piece of fragile glass. My arms weaved their way behind his neck and I pulled myself to him deepening the kiss. Our lips parted and as Edward’s arms held me closer to his body, desire raced through me making me moan.

Placing one last kiss on my lips Edward pulled back to look in my eyes. “Ah my Bella, if we don’t stop neither one of us will get food.” I mimicked his growl making him laugh.

“What are you making anyway” I asked stepping away from him. I didn’t think I had very much food left.

“You had the pasta and while I picked up Seth I brought the vegetables. It will have to do, but we need to go shopping soon or the only one that will have food is the dog.” He was tossing the bow tie pasta into the large skillet.

Scanning the contents of the refrigerator I took out the bottle of wine along with a chunk of parmesan, glancing at the pile of papers while I placed them on the table. The sight of them made me remember, “Edward where did you put the other stack of papers and pictures?”

I could see him stiffen as he carried the pan over to the table. “Ah… Leah put them away.”

“Leah was here?” I was stunned because I didn’t remember that.

“You were sleeping, she wants you to call her.” I looked at the clock - nine-thirty. I would eat then call. Getting down the plates and two glasses I thought of something else.

“Did she clean up too?”

“No, I did that,” he admitted placing utensils by my plate.

“Oh.”

He looked me in the eyes while he sat down, “did you drop it or did you throw it?” Edward laughed when I admitted to throwing the glass then he mumbled, “that’s what I thought.”

While we ate the conversation centered around anything but the stack of papers on the edge of the table. He told me about the contractor and the change of destination for the beach trip adding that his parents are going along. That information made me think of Esme.

“Why didn’t you tell me your mom was going to work at the center?”

He gahuffed. “Bella, I can’t tell you something I didn’t know”

I wanted to ask him if she ever showed an interest in helping victims or if she was doing it because Carlisle was there but Edward added to his thoughts, “…it was a good thing mom was there, she’s the one who told me you had left.” His eyes lifted in that way he has of silently asking me to elaborate.

“I couldn’t sit there anymore and on the way home I thought maybe the paperwork from my mom would be of some help to Mr. Weiss.” I continued telling him the rest of what occurred before he arrived. When I was done he asked what the papers contained and then added he would ask if they could be of any use.

Getting up to do the dishes Edward took a hold of my hand. “I’ll clean up, why don’t you go call your sister so she doesn’t worry and then take a long hot bath?”

“Only if you join me,” I stated stepping between his open legs; Edward’s hand encircled my hips as he got a wicked grin on his face.

“Try and stop me.”

I kissed him and his hands moved down to squeeze my bottom making it difficult to move away from him. Seth walked by us not even giving us a second glance as he moved to go through his door.

“How do we turn that off?” his head inclined towards the door. It was a simple switch on the security key pad; once it was off I figured I better give Edward some fair warning.

“He is not going to like this, he is going to sit out here by the door and whine all night.” He looked at me in disbelief and I nodded continuing to explain, “to Seth it’s like he’s grounded or something.”

“Well it’s only one night, maybe we can close the bedroom door and keep him in there?” It was worth a try, but I knew we were going to be dealing with one unhappy dog.

I turned on the water in the tub first, because it takes forever to fill up then while I undressed I gave Leah a call, it went straight to voice mail; I left a message telling her I was fine and that I would call her the next day. I figured to be safe I would try the house phone, Jake answered and after making sure I was alright he told me that Leah had gone to bed early. He then asked if Edward was staying with me tonight and seemed pleased to learn that he was. We said goodbye and hung up.

The water felt good as it surrounded me in warmth and I had just settled my back against the wall when Edward came in with a coffee mug. “This is the last of your milk.”

I took the cup then watched as he stripped out of his clothes marveling at the beauty of his form. He caught me watching and raised his eyebrows, then chuckled at the blush that came over my face, but didn’t say anything when he slid in behind me. Turning the jets on low I leaned back into his chest and basked in the strength of his arms around me, while I sipped on the warm milk.

My body was so relaxed and I realized that my mind was also; so there was only thing that seemed to be bothering me at that moment. “Edward, I’m really sorry about this morning.”

“It’s ok, you had a lot on your mind and I’m sorry too.” I wasn’t sure if he meant that he was sorry that I yelled at him or that he had done something. My head turned to try and see his face Edward cocked his chin and looked to look down at me.

“In a way you were right, I made the decision without consulting you. Not thinking that it would hurt your feelings. So yes, I’m sorry.” I took the last drink of milk feeling rather satisfied.

“You know what that means…right?”

“What?”

“Make up sex!” I was excited about the possibility Edward chuckled.

“Do you think you have the energy for make up sex?” he asked as his hand ran down the length of my arm.

“I don’t know…” I confessed, “…I’ve never had make up sex, is it different?”

Edward’s arms tightened around me as he shrugged, “I don’t know, I’ve never had it either.”

I sat forward then spun to look at him in shock. “Never?”

Edward just shook his head while I continued to look at him with my mouth gaping open. I realized then that what we had was as new to him as it was to me. The giving and taking of building a relationship of love and trust was something he had never done either and I giggled.

“You find something amusing?”

I nodded, “mmm hmm…We’re virgins…” his eyes sparkled and I couldn’t resist asking, “…do you want to pop my cherry?”

“That is quit an offer you are giving me…” He smirked, and his hand tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “How about we get a good night’s sleep and save the cherry popping for the morning?”

I smiled in agreement but part of me wondered if something was wrong; Edward was turning down sex, maybe he was tired.

I would have thought that with all the sleeping I did in the evening there would have been no way I would have slept all night, but that’s exactly what I did. As soon as I crawled under the covers and into Edward’s arms I drifted off into a dreamless peaceful sleep waking in the morning to an empty bed. The smell of coffee carried my feet out into the kitchen; the back door was open and after getting myself a cup – with powered creamer – I joined him out there on the porch.

Edward put his arm around my shoulder then kissed my head, “You were right he whined all night, crazy dog.” That information struck me as odd, because I didn’t hear him at all. He smacked his lips together to get Seth’s attention then called to him so we could go back into the house, where Seth sat himself down in front of his door and stared at me with sad eyes.

“I know boy, it sucks to be locked up,” I said while squatted down to scratch his ears.

“Why doesn’t he do this at my house?” Edward asked taking the last few eggs out of the carton.

“Because you don’t have a door and he knows it,” I informed him while opening the freezer to get the frozen juice and bagels out.

Edward started chopping up some onion, and I realized there was an uncomfortable quiet while we worked and I wondered what was on his mind, he just didn’t seem like himself. I didn’t need to wait long once we were seated.

“Bella,” my eyes met his. “I know its Wednesday but I think…” he sighed, “…how do you feel about skipping our session tonight?” I could feel my chest tighten and my stomach knot up and asked the only thing I could think of.

“Why?” Edward blinked a few times then got a resigned look on his face. So I knew that regardless of what I said or how I felt the decision was already made there would be no usual tonight.

“I think it’s for the best. Bella last night was the first you’ve slept since Saturday. Yesterday was… demanding on both of us. Baby, I think you need time…I need time to just be together.” I heard the together but what stuck in my mind was the ‘need time’ that he had mentioned twice.

“Alright…” I could hear the sadness in my voice so I was fairly sure he detected it also. “…I’ll just come home. I need to do stuff around here anyway,” my voice trailed off as my eyes moved down to the plate in front of me. Watching my fork play with the eggs that there was no way I was going to be able to eat. Edward’s hand cupped my chin to make me look at him.

“You can come here if you want, I wish you wouldn’t. I was thinking we could order pizza and eat in front of the fireplace with a bottle of wine and then watch some mindless movies in bed.” His thumb wiped at the side of my nose to capture a tear I didn’t know was there.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by the tear; the sadness I felt was almost stifling. Intellectually I understood what he was saying and in reality it made sense. I had been under a large strain and even though it felt like a huge relief to be rid of the burdens I had been carrying, I was still drained from the effort. Emotionally was a different story, I felt like I’ve been kicked in the stomach.

“What movies?” It was the only thing I could think to say.

“You pick.” Edward’s eyes never left my face while he waited for my answer. I didn’t trust my own voice so I nodded, not actually in agreement it was more in compliance, I didn’t have a choice.

I forced down the last few bites of egg, and then got up to wash my plate. It was actually later than I thought and I needed to get to the center. I had a counseling session and then it was my day to work with the people who man the hotline. They needed to be aware of standard procedures then I would answer their questions as well as giving basic pointers on dealing with a distraught caller. The same group would be back tomorrow for more in depth training with Carol while I worked with the women who actually did what is referred to as coffee time counseling.

Those are women who have been with the center for several years and have all taken the six week course offered by the local community college on personal counseling. It is always a fun afternoon to sit down with what I refer to as my ladies. It is basically a gabbing session about what is going on in their lives along with any unusual incidences that they might want to bring up to the group. We laugh and joke and let off steam because the work we do can be very discouraging sometimes.

All counseling is confidential even what is said to them, I however oversee their notes, because it is my responsibility to make sure that everything is copasetic. If one of my ladies detects any problem at all they inform me immediately so it can be taken care of. When one of the women are ready to move on into one our outreach programs then it becomes my job to find the placement, but their counseling always remains with who they started with.

It works effectively, bonds of trust are forged and even after the women have left the safety net of the center they will still return from time to time to let their counselor know how they are doing. Those are always good days when you see all the hard work come to mean something. An even better day is when one of those women you helped comes back to the center as a volunteer. In this new group that has just started training there are two.

While I was dressing Edward came into the bedroom. “You said you wanted to take more stuff over to my place, do you have time to do that?”

Looking at the clock I decided I didn’t, “No, not really we’ll have to come back another time, tonight” I stopped talking for a second still unhappy about the change in our usual but then went on, “…or tomorrow?”

Edward eyed me, catching the break in my speech but didn’t say anything while he sat on the bed to put his shoes on. He put Seth on his leash then reminded me that he would be with his mother all afternoon. I wondered as I walked to my car if a dresser was going to be necessary.

Edward put Seth in his car then squatted down so his face was level with mine, “I love you, don’t you doubt that. It’s just one night Bella. So we can relax and let all the outside shit go.” I nodded without saying a word because I didn’t trust my voice. Edward leaned over placing a chaste kiss on my lips, the same way he had earlier like I was fragile and he was afraid I would break.

Calling Leah back as I drove her phone went to voice mail yet again. I told her I would be at the center all day and that if she called I wouldn’t be able to answer so I would try her again later. When I arrived at the center I only had a few minutes to say hello to everyone and grab a cup of coffee before the counseling session. During those ninety minutes my mind was focused on something other than my own problems.

However the reprieve only lasted so long, once I was alone the feelings of inadequacy came back in full force. I wondered if this was unique to us, or if other couples in our lifestyle have experienced …down time? I thought about calling Rose to ask her but I knew she was busy at work and their relationship was different from ours. There was only one other person I could get some advice from, and I had said I would call her during the week.

I didn’t want to bother her if she was busy and I thought about calling the office number but I knew it was only late morning and she would still be at home. When the phone started ringing I had hoped that she would answer but I wasn’t surprised to hear Aro’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Hello” I smiled at his friendly greeting.

“Hello Sir, this is Isabella how are you today?”

“I am well Isabella. I would ask if there was anything I could do for you, but something tells me that I am not the one you called to speak with.” I grinned because he always gets right to the point.

“Sir, I always like to speak with you” He chuckled

“Yes, but here of late not as much as you like to chat to my slave.”

I gave a resounded sigh, “Is she available?”

“Give me a minute, I shall get her.” The line on the other end was quiet, and I sort of felt bad like I was being rude to Aro after he had helped me so much. But this was not something I wanted to address with him when I wasn’t even so sure that I wanted to address it with Jane.

“Hello Bella, how are you?” Jane always sounded so sure of herself; I wondered if there would ever come a time when I would be like that.

“I’m well.” I don’t think I put the right amount of enthusiasm in my tone because Jane didn’t buy it.

“Hmmm…something tells this one that is not true.”

I took a deep breath; I didn’t really know where to begin so I just started from Sunday night and the sounds and how I got all freaked out with having nightmares and not sleeping very well. I told her about my breakdown and how Edward found me in the living room with the papers and pictures all around me, how he held me while I spilled my guts to him finally blurting out, “And now it’s Wednesday and he doesn’t want to have our usual.”

“Usual?” she kind of chuckled.

“That’s what we call it.” I guess it did sound silly but it became our little word.

“By usual…” I could hear the smile in her voice, “… this one is guessing you are referring your time alone together in the playroom?”

“Yes…” I was going to start whining about how he could just decide on his own without taking my feelings into account when Jane asked,

“In all honesty Bella do you feel that you are physically and emotionally stable enough to enter into your…usual? Are you fit enough to give your Master everything that he expects from you?”
I thought about that for a few seconds and the answer was no, I was emotionally exhausted and I probably wouldn’t be any good to him, I just didn’t want to give it up.

“I’m being selfish.”

“No. This one did not say that,” she waited a split second before going on. “Bella it is a perfectly normal response to want to be close to your Master, one could ever fault you for that. However it sounds to this girl like Edward is being a responsible Dominant.” Jane let that statement sink in before she made another point that I had not thought of.

“Have you considered the idea that perhaps Edward needs to come to terms with his own feelings? This one is very sure that it was also traumatic on him. Perhaps he just needs time to readjust his own feelings about the whole thing.”

“I didn’t think of it like that…I only saw it as him pushing me away,” I admitted timidly.

“Has he pushed you away or has he suggested an alternative plan?” I told her about eating pizza by the fire with a bottle of wine and then watching movies.

“Bella it sounds to this one like your boyfriend needs to spend time with his girlfriend with no other outside influences. That will happen from time to time, even with Master there are times my husband needs his wife…” I was surprised she said my, but I understood the context of the word along with the full meaning of what she was saying.

“…during those times we are just Aro and Jane, reconnecting and building our relationship as we work through whatever obstacle we need to, together. Then we can go back to our …usual…” she laughed, “…this one does so like that word.”

Her laugh was infectious and I began to see what she was saying. “It’s all in the building process?” My conclusion came out more like a question.

“Yes. The foundation was laid and the first story started going up but the plans didn’t include the extra window, so now the plans have to be redrawn and that takes communication, understanding, and time.” Jane let her analogy sink in and then went on.

“The alternative evening sounds wonderful; you should pick up two movies. Make one a senseless comedy so you can laugh together make the other one sappy. No scratch that, make the other one scary so you can hide close inside his arms and feel protected.”

I grinned while I talked. “You’re sneaky!”

“This one has been known to be that,” she giggled before adding, “Bella use this time to reconnect to each other. Allow both of you to gain your strength back and your usual will return, probably better then it was… because your trust in each other will be stronger.” I knew she was right, and to make matters worse Edward had sort of said the same thing. But I was so wrapped up in my own feelings of what I thought was rejection I couldn’t focus on anything else. Once I had a chance to see it from his side I felt guilty about that.

“I need to apologize to Edward.” I spoke it more for myself than to Jane, but she answered me.

“This girl would suggest that you do that immediately, and also document all this in your journal so you have it as a reference.” I wanted to ask her to elaborate but I was running out of time so that would have to wait for a different conversation.

“Thank you Jane and please tell Aro that I am sorry for interrupting his day. I don’t mean to be such a pain.” I didn’t want her to feel like I only talked to her when I had a problem.

“Don’t be silly Bella, this girl is most happy to talk with you. She has told you several times this life is not an easy one and it helps to have someone to answer your questions. Besides it makes this one feel useful and had you been interrupting, Master would not have allowed this one on the phone.”

We said our goodbyes and I immediately called Edward who answered on the first ring.

“Hi,” his voice sounded wary which only served to make me feel worse for being the cause.

“Hey…how is the dresser mooching going?”

He chuckled lightly, “I don’t know, I’m still on the ferry.”

I couldn’t take the sadness in his voice any longer.

“I love you,” and as the words left my mouth I could hear his deep sigh.

“Oh Bella…you have no idea how much I needed to hear that,” the relief in his tone came across loud and clear that I had hurt him.

“I’m sorry, I was being selfish and inconsiderate…”

He didn’t let me finish. “Baby I just want a night…I need a night of nothingness” I understood what he was saying or rather what he wasn’t saying, because maybe he still didn’t know himself what he needed.

“Ok, a fire, pizza, and a big bottle of cheap wine like one of those boxes!”

He laughed, “Bella I love you, but I don’t know if I can drink wine from a box...”

I laughed with him; we talked for a few more minutes about nothing in particular and then said good-bye, both of us feeling lighter than we did this morning.

The afternoon went quickly with a lot of the questions being asked were answered by seasoned hot-liner’s and we actually broke early. Even though I stopped to pick up movies, Edward wasn’t home yet when I got there, so I let Seth out and went to take a shower. Trying Leah one more time I was shocked that she actually answered. But she said she was in the middle of a shoot so she couldn’t talk and would try me later, I hung up feeling better because at least I knew she was alive.

I debated what to put on, I didn’t feel like getting all dressed again and if we were going to be staying in the house there was no reason to, so I opted for my blue pajama’s that I had taken to the cabin. While I was feeding Seth, Edward walked in the kitchen making me laugh with his announcement of, “Honey I’m home!”

“Ah, my big dresser provider,” I said wrapping my arms around him while he gave me a quick kiss.

“Yeah babe, I don’t think we are getting one from my parents. I’m just going to order one that matches the set I have.”

“Why would you do that?” I looked at him incredulously.

“Bella, there is no way I’m going to be able to look a dresser that doesn’t match the other ones. If the finish was the same I could live with it but…no I’ll just order a new one tomorrow.”

“Alright…” I looked up into his eyes, “why don’t you empty one drawer and give me this much closet?” I held up my hands to show him ten inches of space.

“I can give you the closet space, but you are going to need more than one drawer, just let me order the dresser…please?” How could a refuse when he said ‘please’ that way?

His thought process lingered on the verge of compulsion but if it was going to bother him that much what did I care if he ordered a new one? He asked if I was hungry yet when I said no he went to take a shower stating that he felt grimy from climbing around his parent’s attic. I sat on the couch reading while I waited for Edward to come back down.

I guess he thought the same way I did about dressing comfortably because he came down with his hair still slightly wet and wearing blue flannel pajama pants and a grey T-shirt. Edward sat on the couch pulling my feet into his lap and started massaging them. I couldn’t help myself; his hands on me, even in the most innocent way made me want to be close to him. So I threw the book on the table and straddled his lap.

The shock in his face from my surprise attack was comical and I giggled while my lips met his. He was tentative again. Even the hold he had on my hips just didn’t feel tight enough. My fingers ran through the soft hair at the back of his neck as I tried to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away.

“What’s the matter?” I asked him looking into his eyes.

“Nothing, are you ready to eat yet?” I shrugged still trying to figure out what his problem was.

“I thought maybe we could have our make up sex first, you know the cherry popping?” I wiggled my hips over his groin but all I got was a half smile. “Edward?”

“Bella please…later.”

Later?

I sat there looking at him waiting for some other explanation, when I didn’t get anything I asked the only thing I could think of. “What’s the matter with me?”

“Nothing Bella, don’t take it personally.”

I could feel my heart drop. Don’t take it personally? How could I not when he wouldn’t even touch me? He’s been like this since I told him what happened.

“You think I’m dirty?” I could feel the tears fill my eyes.

“No Bella…God No, you’re not dirty.” His eyes bore into mine with such conviction I couldn’t doubt he was telling me the truth.

So then what was it? What did he hear or see?

Oh. My. God.

“You saw my pictures…they grossed you out!”

He shook his head but then he did something very uncharacteristic, Edward shifted his eyes away from mine, and I knew I was right.

I sat there for a minute waiting for him to look at me and when he couldn’t I jumped up and ran up the stairs crying, slamming shut the door to my room. I didn’t know what to do, but I didn’t have time to think because when I turned around Edward was there.

“Bella please…I swear it’s not you. God please believe me…it’s me Bella…”

I didn’t let him finish.

“Oh that’s just fucking great Edward! Can you be anymore original?” I yelled at him through my tears.

“Please Bella…you have to understand. I saw those pictures and I couldn’t believe someone could do that to you. Then I got to thinking, am I so different? I fucken get off inflicting pain on you, and I can’t reconcile the difference in my brain!”

“Are you serious?”

He knows there is a big difference!

“Fuck Bella, rationally I know it’s not the same. But I can’t get those photos out of my head…”

It was all starting to make sense.

“That’s the real reason you didn’t want to go in the play room?”

“No…Yes…partly yes,” I couldn’t believe this was happening my hurt turned to anger.

“You’re a liar…You’re a fucking liar! You said trust you…Tell me Bella…tell me! Nothing will change my love for you…Why didn’t you fucking tell me it would change everything else!” I tried to move past him to leave the room but he grabbed ahold of my arm.

“Let me go!”

He pulled me to his chest and I tried to push him away to get out of his hold but he just held on tighter.“Let me go Edward!” I said through my tears.

“Bella…Isabella, please?” His voice was firm and it just hurt me more.

“Don’t you call me that! You don’t deserve to call me that!”

“Don’t you ever say that.!” He tugged hard on my hair so my head tilted and I had to look at him, his eyes were dark and heavy.

“Why not? It’s tru…”

I didn’t get to finish my sentence because his lips crushed against mine, and it wasn’t in tentative softness, it was fierce and hungry. At first I tried to push him away but then his tongue forced its way into my mouth and desire took over. My body raced with warmth as his hands moved up under my shirt to cup my breasts squeezing them forcefully. I moaned as he spun me up against the wall pinning me there with his body.

My breathing was heavy as his hands moved down my hips taking the pajama bottoms with them letting them pool on the floor at my feet. His fingers ran through my slick folds then plunged inside me making me moan and arch my back to thrust my hips out to allow him to go deeper.

“Is this what you want Isabella?” he growled against my mouth while his fingers curled up inside of me.

“Ahhh…Yeeesss…” Edward’s other hand pulled down on the top of my shirt so my breast popped out and he sucked the nipple into his mouth tugging it with his teeth.

“Ohhh…more…please …more…” I could feel the pressure starting to build in my stomach and I tried to push my hips forward for more friction but Edwards hips had me pinned against the wall and all I could do was whimper and beg for release.

“Please…harder ...” his teeth tugged harder, but not quite hard enough.

“Please….hard…” I panted out the words and he bit down hard sending my body into a spiral of warm tingly delight.

“I don’t think I gave you permission to cum.”

I heard the words but in my blissful haze I didn’t comprehend what he was saying. The next thing I knew I was on kneeling on the bed and Edward was pushing on my back so I was leaning on my hands. He placed his left foot flat on the bed then lifted my leg so it hooked over his then grabbed my hips and slammed into me.

“Oh Fuck!” I yelled out as he thrust hard and fast in and out of me.

“Is this what you want Isabella…to be fucked?”

“Yes…yesss!” I yelled out.

The way he had my leg I was unable to move so all I could do was take it- and take it I did. Relishing every blessed moment of it.

“Well Isabella, I would hate to fucking disappoint you!” His words were only fueling my desire and I could feel the pressure building as the moans escaped my mouth.

“Don’t you fucking cum again…not until I tell you to!” he growled the words out as his body continued to slam in and out of me.

My legs were beginning to shake and I didn’t think I was going to be able to hold it off very much longer. Each thrust left me gasping in an attempt to ward off some of the building pressure.

“Who do you belong to Isabella?”

I could barely get the words out as I tried to relax my muscles so I could stay in control.

“You…you…I’m…ohhhh….pleeaasee…I’m …yours…ooohhhhh…I …can…”

“Cum Isabella!” As soon as I heard the words my muscles squeezed around him while my body shook so hard my arms couldn’t hold me any longer. My chest slumped to the bed as I screamed out his name in the sweetest release. My whole body was numb and as I tried to catch my breath I heard Edward curse and then yell out my name a second before I felt his chest sprawled against my back.

We laid there with his body covering mine catching our breath and coming down from the high of our release. I couldn’t tell if I was dizzy from the panting or from the orgasm but Edward swept my hair away from my face tugging my ear lobe between his teeth making me shiver and he growled out the word that left no doubt in my mind who I belonged to.

“Mine”