EPOV
Halle-fucking-lujah we finally had a normal day. Ever since we had left my parents on Sunday night there seemed to be one stressful moment after another. Today zilch, no tears, nothing or no one came up missing, and no punishments; now hopefully there won’t be any nightmares tonight and the day would be perfect.
I was sort of anticipating Bella having a nightmare, but to look at her it certainly didn’t seem to be looming. She was facing the bottom of the bed lying on her stomach with her feet in the air and her chest propped up on a pillow writing in her journal. The only thing she had on was a sports bra and her new tattoo.
I was stretched out next to her sitting with my back leaning against the headboard watching Sports Center. Actually I was paying more attention to Bella, but really who could blame me for that? Alex had done a fantastic job on that tat. I had originally thought the design would be too large for her petite frame, but I was wrong.
The scrolls swirled around her natural curves, the largest of the three roses situated directly in the small of her back with the two smaller ones on either side of it. Three butterflies fluttered around the scroll work - one by her hip, one on her ass cheek, and the other by the roses. Sitting there watching her I thought about how utterly normal the day was….
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After dropping Bella off at the center this morning, I ran a few errands and returned home in just enough time to let Seth out before she returned. The drive to Aro’s took a little longer than I anticipated, but we arrived right at one o’clock. I left Bella with Jane and headed up the stairs to find Aro sitting behind his desk looking over some paperwork.
This used to be Mason’s room; the light cream colors on the wall conceal the deep blue and orange that once was here. Flordia Gator’s; that was his college of choice and the only thing he regretted not being able to do. I was angry at first when Aro changed this room; I was young and felt like he was attempting to rid all traces of Mason away. Now I can understand the need to move forward, you never forget but you can’t dwell on the past either.
“Good afternoon Edward,” Aro greeted, looking up from the papers. “I had Jane double check all the receipts; Stefan did not pay his account last month. So his statement went out as you had prepared it.” That really had nothing to do with me; I only ran the statements from the computer and prepared them to be mailed. Anything else was between the member and Aro.
“I’m sure if a mistake was made, he will produce proof of payment.” I knew Stefan would have had to pay by check or credit card, so a receipt would be easy enough to supply. Aro leaned back in his chair letting out a heavy sigh.
“Sometimes Edward, I think about taking a long vacation. People can very difficult to deal with.” I couldn’t imagine that his mood was only from one unpaid invoice, there must have been other things on his mind.
“Yes, well, nothing I can do about it,” he said sitting forward. “I did however make an announcement on Club Talk admonishing those who are participating in the spreading of gossip. Reminding them that the forum is not intended for that purpose. Perhaps that will help…,” he grinned. “Or, perhaps it will have the opposite effect and just fuel the notion that Isabella is in some way attached to me.” He shrugged then went on.
“Speaking of Miss Isabella, she is well?”
“She’s fine.” I wasn’t sure what he was getting at.
“And you? Your frame of mind seems better then the last time we talked.” Ohhhh, that’s what he meant.
“Yes, considerably so.”
“Good.” That was all he said on the subject. There was no prying into what happened or what infractions Bella had committed. He was just making sure that the two of us were alright. That was why I admired and respected his opinion so very much. He never gave unwarranted advice, never repeated anything you told him, and as far as I knew he never held a grudge.
The rest of the afternoon progressed and before I realized it was after three, Aro needed to get to the club and Bella had missed her yoga class. I wasn’t going to get overly excited about that, this was more important. On the way home Bella had told me a small amount of what their conversation had entailed. Along with the fact that she doesn’t believe in an all sovereign God, she did however seem interested in the teachings of Chidvilasananda.
We were only home long enough for Bella to shower, change, and give me a blow job. Which was thoroughly unexpected and very enjoyable, she really is very talented at sucking my dick. I had to force myself to not just blow my load in her mouth, and then I felt bad for getting my spunk all over her face. But the total defeat that washed over her was heart wrenching. I wanted to clean her off and hold her in my arms so that there was no doubt in her mind that I loved her.
Bella was quiet from that moment on and I couldn’t help but wonder what was bothering her. It could have been almost anything, but I wanted to make sure she wasn’t having any second thoughts about getting the tattoo. Anything else we would talk about later when she was ready to open up to me, or rather when I forced her to.
“Baby, are you alright?” I asked taking a hold of her hand, “you seem…distant. You don’t have to do this.” I wanted her know it wasn’t too late and she could change her mind.
“Don’t you want me to?”
When the fuck did I say I didn’t want her to? I’m the one that took her there; if I didn’t want her too she wouldn’t be going.
“No.”
Bella’s head snapped in my direction, “you don’t?” There was a panic in her voice.
“No that is not what I mean...I meant it’s up to you, but I don’t want you to feel like it’s carved in stone. You can change your mind.” That seemed to relax her a bit.
“I want to...I’m kind of nervous and excited at the same time, and I was trying to remember something Jane said.” I could understand the excited nervousness and if she was just deep in thought that would explain her quietness, but I wondered.
“What did Jane say?” I was hoping Bella would tell me.
“Can we talk about it later? I am trying to get it straight in my own head.” I didn’t answer because I will admit I was slightly disappointed. But at least she was thinking about sharing whatever it was rather than making me read it, and that was a start.
The rest of the ride was a comfortable silence. When I opened her car door Bella took my hand and instead of stepping into the open space, she slid her body up against mine clasping my face in her palms. Tilting her head, gazing into my eyes, a huge smile formed on her face. “Edward, you’re the best.”
That was all she said before lifting onto her toes to place a kiss on my lips. I had no idea what she meant. My arms wrapped around her back slipping under my button down she was wearing to stroke her bare skin.
“The best what?” I asked moving my face closer to hers.
“Everything,” the word left her mouth like a whisper before I captured her lips with my own. My hands ran down her bottom squeezing through the thin layer of her yoga pants, educing a moan of wantonness.
“I should have spanked you at home. I won’t be able to for days,” I spoke the words quietly next to her ears.
“Mmmm…there’s always the other cheek.”
“Yes, or I could spank your pussy.” My hand moved to the front of her body and ran the length of the seam between her thighs. “You would like that wouldn’t you my pet?”
“Mmmm …yes,” she hissed against my neck. “It’s been days” Bella’s statement made me stop in my tracks.
“What?…What’s been days?” We were just in the playroom last night, granted she didn’t have a release and from the darkness of the ink on her foot she wasn’t going to have one tonight either. But days?
“Since you touched me.”
I was truly mystified, she was serious and I wondered if she forgot about last night?
“Bella we were together last night...”
She cut me off before I could continue. “Yeah, I know. Wednesday, Thursday,” she held up two fingers as she spoke. “That’s two days.”
“But Wednesday to Thursday is twenty-four hours. That’s one day.” I explained as I took her hand and started walking.
“I’m not talking hours Edward, I’m talking days. Two separate days.”
I huffed in sheer bewilderment, “But…”
“No buts Edward, are they two different days or not?” she questioned while I opened the door to the shop.
“Yes they are, but...,”
“But what?”
I was beginning to see her logic and although it was convoluted, I had to agree Wednesday and Thursday were two separate days.
“But nothing baby, I have to agree with you, they are two different days.” Bella beamed then giggled and I knew she was fucking with me, just to see if she could. The glare on my face was amusing her even more.
“Alright my pet, I believe you will be getting that spanking, sooner rather than later.” I assured her with a quick swat to her bottom making her gasp then giggle once again.
Alex came out in the middle of our exchange with an amused look on his face. “You two done or what?”
Bella blushed at his comment biting her lip and nodding. “Then let’s get started.”
He led us back into the private room showing the design once more for a final approval. Bella was pleased and Alex had her remove the shirt and roll the back of her pants down to reveal her butt cheeks before straddling the chair so he could prep her skin.
“Ok Miss Bella, I need you to stand up, arms at your side, and stay as still as possible while I apply the stencil.”
As she complied her eyes met mine and she looked a little nervous, so I figured I would help to calm her down. I took a hold of her hips my thumbs moving smoothly over the skin of her stomach. When Alex was done he had her stand by the full length mirror and giving her a hand held mirror as well so she could see how the placement looked on her body.
“That’s perfect Alex.” Bella announced moving the mirror in her hand and taking one last glance. Alex looked to me waiting for my approval. He didn’t need it, she could do what she liked, it was her body, but I nodded in assent for his reassurance.
“Bella I’m going to have you lay on your stomach, it will be the most comfortable for you.”
Once she was laying with her hands folded under her chin, Alex rolled up a towel for her to use as a pillow. Bella was looking in the opposite direction watching him wash his hands.
“Ummm…Alex how long is it going to take and is it going to hurt?”
“I have you slotted for three hours, it all depends on how many breaks you need. If I can get through the outline, give you a ten minute break then finish the color, we will be done in less time. And fuck yes, it hurts!” Alex told her with a smirk while he snapped on gloves.
“Oh.”
I could see Bella tense up and Alex moved his chair so he was face to face with her. “There are three types of people. Those like Edward,” his eyes met mine for a split second before looking back to her, “who no matter what - ‘there’s no fucking way’ they would do it. Then there are those who grin and bear it cursing the whole way through. And the third type relax, let the discomfort wash over them and go into a euphoric state, where they actually enjoy it. Let’s see what kind you are.”
Bella took a deep breath, nodded in agreement then turned her head to look at me. I smiled at her removing the hair from around her face. The machine made a humming noise and Alex announced he was ready to start. Bella didn’t tense up, she didn’t flinch she didn’t even blink.
Alex made small talk at first asking how the family was, and what I was going to do all summer. When I told him about the bathroom remodel, Bella commented about getting a decent tub and I assured her that was in the plans. With Alex well underway with what he was doing I figured Bella had enough time to adjust to what was happening and I made an observation.
“Not too bad baby?” I asked running my fingers through her hair.
“No, it’s kind of like a tingly pricking.”
Alex spoke up before I could comment, “she’s fine Edward. I knew you were the third kind Bella.”
“How did you know?”
Alex smirked at her question. “I just had that feeling. Now, tell me about this design.”
“What do you mean?” Bella looked to me like I knew what Alex was asking for.
“Every tattoo tells a story about the person who wears it. So tell me what it means to you. The roses, the scrolls, the butterflies, what do they mean to you?”
I could see her brain working as she formulated her answer.
“Well the butterflies…,” she smiled. “When I was little we called our vagina’s butterflies.”
“What?” I had to have clarification on that statement.
Bella’s face was crimson as she explained to me. “Don’t you think it looks like a butterfly? Especially when there’s no hair?” She bit her lip in embarrassment.
“I never thought about it.” I admitted while Alex asked, “so you want vaginas on your body?”
“No!” Bella sounded horror-struck. “It’s a symbol of womanhood; they represent my grandma, my mom and me.”
Well at least that made sense.
“And the roses?” Alex coaxed.
Bella sighed then explained. “Every year on my birthday my grandfather sent me one single yellow rose. They are my favorite flowers.” I didn’t know that, when I sent the roses to her I just thought they were bright and cheerful; Bella continued while that thought came to my mind.
“Grand always said that the rose is so fragile on the outside, but down deep they are very strong. Every fall the whole bush gets cut down to the ground, and it survives the harsh winter only to bloom again in the spring and produce beautiful delicate flowers. When my mother died he told me that’s what I had to do, but I was young and didn’t understand completely. Every year my yellow rose came, and as I got older I understood what he was trying to tell me. That in order to produce something good, you have to be strong enough to survive through the harsh winters.”
Bella grew quiet, and then added, “the roses represent the three phases of life: birth, existence, and death; all three can be harsh.”
The room grew very quiet as we took in Bella’s words. The only sound was the buzz that the needle made, so her happy voice startled me. “Edward sent me yellow roses.” I caught the twinkle in her eye, and then she asked me, “Did you know they were my favorite?”
“I had no clue baby, that was pure coincidence. I just thought you would like them.” I told her placing a kiss on her cheek.
“Do you know that besides grand, you are the only man who ever sent me flowers?”
I smiled at her feeling kind of proud that something so simple could make her happy, but then she remembered, “Oops…that’s a lie. Aro sent me flowers.” When the fuck did he send her flowers? I was going to ask but Alex beat me to it.
“Aro sent you flowers?” He seemed as puzzled as me.
“Yes, when I was in the hospital, well actually they were from him and Jane.”
Oh shit! I wanted to change the subject fast and I was going to ask about the scrolls but Alex uttered the question before I could say anything.
“What were you in the hospital for? Were you sick?”
Bella met my eyes before turning her head to look away; she clearly was ashamed about whatever had happened.
“I was stupid for not shutting my door, and I couldn’t run fast enough.” Bella’s voice was slightly shaky.
I couldn’t see her face but I placed my hand on her, stroking her shoulders with the back of my fingers. I hated that she blamed herself and out the corner of my eye I saw Alex move his head to see her face then he looked to me with concern, figuring I better take control of the situation my voice came out firmly.
“Isabella, what are the scrolls for?” I wanted to bring her back to the here and now, quickly, so I used her submissive name.
It worked, Bella’s head snapped around, her eyes grew bright. “I just like them Sir, they are fun and feminine. Don’t you think?”
“Yes they are, and they look very sexy on you too.” She smirked and I leaned over whispering in her ear, “I love you my beautiful Bella.” I kissed her lips softly and Bella turned her head so her cheek rested against mine; I could feel the tension leave her body.
“You alright now baby?” I whispered against her face, Bella sighed lightly nodding her head. When I sat up I kept the skin to skin contact by stroking her face. She was so calm I thought she was sleeping. Alex caught my eye and nodded. As I looked at the work he was doing I was surprised to see that the outline was almost complete.
“Edward, do you think Esme would like it if you got a tattoo?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know love, I never thought about it. I am a grown man, she couldn’t say too much.”
“Hmmm…Charlie isn’t going to like it.”
“Charlie?” Alex questioned.
“Bella’s father,” I informed before he got the wrong idea.
“Yeah, he’s going to think I joined some outlaw biker gang,” Bella laughed. “He would freak if he knew what I really joined.” That statement made her laugh harder.
Alex smirked at me.
“I think Miss Bella’s endorphins are in full kilt now, she’s getting silly. If you have any questions you want to ask her Edward, now’s the time.”
I chuckled while Bella exclaimed, “That’s not fair!”
“All is fair is love and war darling,” Her grin at my comment made me chuckle.
It wasn’t much later Alex was finished with the outline and Bella got up to stretch and use the bathroom. She started walking toward the door and I figured I’d better remind her of something.
“Ah Bella, I really don’t mind your ass hanging out in here, but you might want to put your shirt on, just in case someone else is out there.”
She gasped blushing and taking the shirt from me. Alex told her where she could find the bathroom and got me a bottle of water.
“Someone attack her?” He didn’t ask to be prying, I could tell by his expression it was out of concern.
“Yes, her ex-husband.” Alex didn’t answer. He just nodded once then went on to explain that he figured Bella would be fine with the pain, and that when he did the coloring she would more than likely go into a sub-space like trance.
A buzzer sounded from out in the main room and he excused himself to go see who came in the shop. With the door open I could hear the voices, the person who had just come in sounded familiar and Bella was talking to whoever it was. Felix was standing by her just making small talk, when I approached he stopped and shook my hand in greeting. I glanced over to see Alex by the front door he was on the phone, paging through his appointment book.
“You getting a tat Edward?” Felix asked like he already knew the answer, but frankly it was none of his business so I didn’t respond instead I asked him. “What brings you down here?”
“I need some touch up’s done, and I thought maybe if Alex wasn’t busy he could squeeze me in, but he said it would be at least an hour…,” His eyes glanced down to Bella while he talked, probably looking for the art work, “…so he is just going to set me up with an appointment, but he got a phone call and then Isabella came out, so we were just chatting while I waited.”
Alex finished his call and as we said good-bye Felix asked if he would see us this weekend, I told him I wasn’t sure if I would make it or not. Bella remained quiet throughout our exchange and once Felix walked away I escorted her back into the room.
“Edward, don’t you like Felix?”
“It isn’t that I don’t like him Bella, he’s just a little nosy and I told you, our relationship is nobody’s business.”
Alex was back so Bella didn’t get to comment, or maybe she didn’t have a comment either way she was back on the chair. Once the colors were picked out, Alex got to work on filling in the design. He was right about Bella; she closed her eyes relaxed into the chair and actually started letting out soft moans of contentment.
It was strange watching her get pleasure from someone else, and if I didn’t know any better I would swear she was on the verge of an orgasm. Her face was flushed, her breathing heavy, and the only thing that was missing was that little ‘v’ in her forehead.
I whispered in her ear, “don’t you fucking cum!”
Bella’s eyes flew open and she glared at me before a grin took over her face. “I won’t, don’t be silly Edward. It feels really good though, like tiny little fingers massaging one area.”
Alex snickered shaking his head.
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“Edward, Edddwwwarrrddd….” Bella’s voice and giggle broke through my thoughts.
“What?”
She laughed, leaning on her elbow and turning her head to look at me.
“I was talking to you, but you were off somewhere in la la land. What were you thinking about?”
“I was thinking about you almost cuming while Alex was working on you,” I snickered at her gasp.
“I was not going to orgasm, I was really relaxed though.”
My eyebrows raised in disbelief. “Bella two more minutes and you would have been panting and I would have had to punish you for being naughty.”
She rolled completely on her side and glared at me. “I’m not naughty.” She announced with conviction, and then continued, “Jane says that someone is naughty when they do things purposely. Jane say’s I’m just inattentive.” I grinned, moving down the bed to lay facing her.
“Oh yeah, and tell me my little inattentive pet, what else does Jane saz?” I asked tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
“Well,” Bella sighed pursing her lips as she thought, “she said that I needed to monitor myself and that I should do it several times throughout the day. Basically saying that because I knew that I was doing what you expect, I would be more confident.” She was right; it would make her more confident, I listened while Bella went on explaining.
“She also said that had I been paying attention, my eating wouldn’t have gotten so dire and if I would have confessed the first day, you probably wouldn’t have punished me at all.” I thought about that and was going to comment when Bella added, “or at least not as harshly.”
“Definitely not as harsh, and sometimes circumstances occur that will cause you to have an off day. Like not making your yoga, I can understand that. Shit happens. But when it becomes a daily thing or completely out of hand, then I have to step in. And I prefer not to do that.”
Bella nodded in agreement, “Yes, you were being obedient to me.”
What? I was completely floored by that statement. “Bella, you’re going to have to explain that to me.”
She tilted her head then sat up, putting her right foot up for me to see. I sighed, because I really hated the idea of what had to be done.
“You don’t like it either do you?” I shook my head because I didn’t like it at all. “So why did you do it?” She asked with compete sincerity.
“I told you this last night, I had to because you needed the correction.” Bella gave me a knowing grin.
“You were being obedient to me.” I thought about her words. “Isn’t that what obedience is, doing something for someone else’s benefit? It’s not always something you don’t enjoy. But what other reason would you have for doing something that you don’t take pleasure from? ”
“I guess your right baby, I was being obedient.” Bella had a way of looking at things from such a simple perspective.
“Jane also said that we are like a see-saw.” I looked at her questionably as she laid back down on her side.
“What?”
“Actually, the see-saw was my analogy. She said that whatever I give to you, you give back. So I shouldn’t feel bad about depending on you.”
“Why would you feel bad about that?” She looked away from me and I cupped her chin, but she still didn’t meet my eyes. “Bella?”
“It scares the hell out me Edward!” Her admission had me bewildered and she must have noticed. “Don’t you see? I never had anyone who I could depend on for any length of time. One way or another they always left me, so I find myself wondering how long before you do the same thing?”
“I’m not going anywhere baby. I don’t think I could if I wanted to; I find myself so totally drawn to you that I believe it would cause me physical pain to be away from you.” That admission caused me to be worried that she might think I was obsessed with her in an unhealthy way.
“Some things are even out of your control.” What did she mean by that? I didn’t get to ask because Bella kept talking, “And we talked about Mason.”
Bella was biting her bottom lip and I was certain she had something on her mind to talk to me about. I gave her a few seconds and was just going to ask when she responded. “Jane said that you and Mason were very close.” I nodded because that was no secret.
“I was just wondering if he was the reason you went to medical school, and if he was, why you didn’t finish?”
I thought about her questions rolling onto my back with a heavy sigh.
“Was he the reason? No…yes...partly. Ever since I could remember, I had wanted to be a doctor. That might have something to do with Mason being sick when he was younger, or maybe it was me just admiring my father.” Bella sat up wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her chin on her knees watching me.
“I did finish medical school. I just didn’t do residency, and I have no desire to do it now. I can’t see putting in all that time for something I deem inconsequential.”
“Edward, how can you say it’s unimportant?”
I looked in her eyes trying to figure out where this line of questioning was coming from.
“I can say it Bella, because it’s true. Mason had the best doctors and specialists and it didn’t fucking matter.” I realized I was raising my voice and worked on calming myself.
“Are you mad at him?”
My eyes shot to hers.
“No, why would I be mad? It’s not his fault; he didn’t do anything or ask to get sick. Fucking sixteen year old boys are not supposed to die, Bella. They are supposed to play football, skip school, and get a bad fucking blow job in the back of their parent’s car. Not lay bald in a hospital bed with tubes sticking out all over them, while some asshole team of doctors stand there giving false hope just so they can try new procedures out on him.”
“Then you’re mad at the doctors?”
I closed my eyes. “I’m disillusioned with the whole medical establishment. It’s not about helping people; it’s about money, and prestige, and how much of both you can get. I don’t want anything to do with it.”
“I was angry with my mother; I blamed her death for all the mistakes I made in my life. It’s a normal response to grief, five stages and all that. But I always thought if she would have loved me more than she loved Phil, she would have stayed home with me rather than go on that trip with him.”
“Baby, she didn’t want to die…,”
Bella spoke before I could finish. “I know that Edward, it’s just that ever since I was eight years old, I always felt second best. My mother chose Phil, Charlie chose fishing, my grandparents chose my mother’s memory, and James…oh man, I can’t even tell you how far down on his list I was. The point is that I don’t feel that way when I’m with you.”
I looked in her eyes they were pleading with me to understand.
“And that scares you.” I stated simply.
“Petrifies me.”
“Because you think I’m going to leave you?”
Bella shook her head. “No, I think you are going to be taken away from me by someone or something more important.”A sad smile played on her lips
“That sound’s really selfish of me doesn’t it?” I sat up pulling her into my lap
“No baby, not selfish”
If there was one thing Bella was not it was selfish. She was however insecure about so many aspects of her life. I held her as close to me as possible, she needed to know how important she was to me.
“Baby I can’t promise you that things are going to be moon light and roses or perfect all the time. But I can promise you that nothing will ever be more important to me then you are. You are in my life – no, fuck that shit...you are my life, and there is nothing I can say to make you believe that, the only thing I can give you is time. However long it takes to prove that everyone and everything else in this world pales in comparison to you in my heart.” I tucked her head under my chin stroking the length of her hair.
“It might take a lifetime Edward.”
I smiled kissing the top of her head.
“I’ll give you a lifetime, my lifetime Bella.”
I’d give her a million lifetimes if it made her feel more secure. I knew the fear that was eating at her, the unknown and the unexpected. There was nothing I could do about the curve balls that get thrown our way, but I could show her that no matter what, I would be there in whatever capacity she needed me to be in. My hand trailed down to the end of her hair coming in contact with the remnants of ointment on her back making her flinch.
“How’s your back, does it hurt?”
“No, it just feels…tight.”
Alex had said to keep A&D ointment on it for the first two days, so I had Bella lay on her stomach so I could apply some more. When I was done she put on her robe and we went downstairs, she ate some cheese and bagel chips while Seth went out one last time.
Bella had wanted to take the dog back to her house, but I preferred that he was here. I had an uneasy feeling that something was amiss. I couldn’t say any one thing stuck out, it was more of several little things that made me apprehensive. That collar incident still had me baffled, whether it was the dog himself or neighborhood kids, I didn’t like it. I just wasn’t sure how to get her to leave him here or herself for that matter. That thought did remind me of something.
“You know that see-saw thing you were talking about?” I asked her sitting down at the table with a glass of milk and an apple.
“Yes, what about it?” She sliced off some cheese and was eyeing my apple.
“Whatever I get, I’m supposed to give back. You said that’s how it works?”
“Yes?” Her voice sounded unsure. “Edward, can I have a hunk of that apple?”
I took the knife slicing off a small section and handing it to her.
“Thanks.”
Amused, I watched her slice the piece into half a dozen smaller ones then sandwiching them between a chip and cheese.
“Well then here, I have these for you.” Bella took the set of keys I had made her, eyeing me skeptically. “I have access to your house, now you have access to mine.”
“You are giving me keys to your house?” She asked before popping one of those things she made into her mouth.
“Yes, I am. You might need to get in some time when I’m not around.” Her face fell, like I had pained her. I thought about what I said and then added, “you know, in case I’m busy or at work or whatever.”
Bella’s face broke into a huge grin, “Thank you!”
“You’re welcome. One more thing, I really enjoyed taking Seth on my run yesterday. Do you think it would be alright if I did it on a regular basis?”
“Sure, he would probably like that.” Just then there was a scratch at the back door. Bella finished her snack and cleaned up while I let Seth in and checked the doors before we went up to bed. I found I enjoyed these little scenes of domestic life. Simple things like working together in the kitchen took on a whole new meaning.
Bella wore one of my older t-shirts to bed, so that the ointment wouldn’t get on the sheets. She snuggled into my arms resting her head on my chest.
“Edward do you know what I found the most interesting today?”
“What?”
“Jane kept telling me that I had to pay attention to what I was doing and use self discipline. When Aro came to say they had to leave, he gave her five minutes to finish up. She set a timer, but she set it for half a minute less so that she was in the other room exactly on time. I thought that was ingenious. I don’t know if I would have thought of that.”
“She’s had over twenty years to perfect her skills Bella, don’t compare yourself. Besides, she was more than likely punished for being late and came up with that so it wouldn’t happen again.” I didn’t want her to think that she was in any way inferior.
“I know, but I don’t know if in twenty years I would have thought of that. Oh, and she also said that had she turned off her phone without telling Aro that she did, she said that she wouldn’t be able to sit down for a long time.”
I bet she wouldn’t.
I listened to Bella keep talking, “Do most submissive’s get spanked as a punishment? Because wouldn’t they like that?”
I chuckled, “I assume that the majority gets spanked and no, a punishment spanking is not enjoyable. The instrument used is harsh, the strikes are forceful, and the marks remain for days.”
“Is it violent?”
I thought about her question before answering, “No, it is controlled and ritualistic like everything else in our lifestyle and if the submissive is unable to handle it, they safe word.”
Bella pushed herself up so she could look in my face. “You can safeword a punishment?”
“Absolutely, you can and should safe word whenever you need to.” I thought I had made that clear before.
“Edward if they can safeword, why don’t they?” How could I explain this? Perhaps this is something that might be better explained from a submissive’s point of view.
“You know what Bella; I don’t really have the answer for that. I know why I think they don’t, but I believe that might be a better question for Jane. If you don’t mind I am going to let her answer that one? Now, how about we go to sleep?” She snuggled back into her spot in my arms letting out a small yawn.
The room was dark and quiet; Bella’s breathing was deep and even. I wasn’t exactly sure what woke me, but looking at the clock I saw it was too early to get up. Seth was over by the window with his paws on the glass looking outside. I smacked my lips together calling him back over to his own bed. Bella stirred slightly in my arms.
“Edward. Don’t leave me. Please…I love you, don’t leave me…,” I held her tighter to my body kissing her forehead and whispered, “I’m not going anywhere baby; not without you.” Before I drifted back to sleep.
My original Fan-fiction
Mine
A riding crop and a blindfold doesn't make it BDSM. There is a big difference between being kinky and being in the scene. It's not a sexual thing to me, it's a very spiritual thing. ~ DominaBlue
3/24/11
Chapter 26
BPOV
For the life of me I could not figure out why there was so much traffic, it was almost twelve-thirty and I needed to be at Edwards in ten minutes. I had spent longer than I expected at the center; Carol needed to talk to me about yesterday and I apologized to her for being so careless and inconsiderate. Carlisle had stopped by earlier to check on Sally and said that it looked like her ankle was just a sprain, but that her ribs were badly bruised so he wanted her to rest all day.
When I checked on her she was sitting in the community room with an ice pack on her ankle and we made an appointment for tomorrow in my office to talk. I also needed to reschedule the appointment I had missed yesterday with Melissa; and before I knew it, it was after noon and I had to leave.
Edward was ready to go when I arrived, he transferred my workout bag into his car and we left immediately. As we drove he told me that I should expect Jane to be in full slave-mode. I didn’t imagine that would bother me, I knew that she was 24/7 and it was her house after all. That thought brought a question to my mind.
“Edward when we were in my room, I told Jane it was a no sub-mode zone…,” Edward chuckled at my wording while I continued, “…and I said she could speak anyway she wanted and she spoke in the first person.” He interrupted me before I could go on.
“She referred to Aro by name?” He sounded stunned, making me think hard to remember, and he was right, she only referred to him as ‘Master’ - never by his name, when I told that to Edward he explained.
“Jane referred to herself, because she assumed that would make you more comfortable in your room. However in her…. strike that… in Aro’s home, you can assume she will not be doing that.”
Aro’s home was on Mercer Island; it wasn’t far from the city, just across the bridge, and we had arrived right on time. The home sat in the middle of a circular driveway and had an old world charm to it that seemed to fit Aro very well. The wide cement steps led to a huge wooden wraparound porch with several cushioned rockers on it. House plants hung from hooks all along the perimeter and long oval braided rugs lay on the floor helping to make the space very inviting.
Jane opened the large ornately carved wooden door. She was wearing a yellow sleeveless shirtdress that ended just above knees and belted around the waist. Her dark hair was piled on her head in a twist and her gold diamond studded collar shined as brightly as her smile, which I couldn’t help but to return.
“Hello Edward, Bella welcome to Master’s home, this girl is so very glad you could come today.” She seemed to give Edward a strange look before adding, “Edward, Master is in his study; if it is alright with you, Bella and this one will be eating in the kitchen? Master has requested that the both of you be served in the dining room.”
While Jane was explaining to Edward I couldn’t help but admire the beauty of the home. The walls were painted a dark cream color with high ceilings. Large inlaid stained glass windows took up residence on very wall. The stairwell and moldings around the windows and floors were all wooden and stained a rich dark chestnut color. Everything was shined to a polish including the inlaid wooden floor. The Cullen’s house was stately in its sheer elegance; this home was equally as impressive but with a graceful allure of a time gone by.
“That will be fine Jane,” Edward’s words brought me back to the conversation, and he cupped my chin placing a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you in a little bit,” he said, and he walked up the stairs leaving me with Jane and a grin on my face.
“Master likes his large meal in the afternoon, is roast beef to your liking? If not, this girl has something lighter she could make you.” Jane said as took my arm leading me through the house.
“Roast beef is fine; your home is beautiful, all the woodwork and stained glass, it’s very warm and inviting.” I really was stating the obvious but I felt like it needed to be said.
“Thank you, Master will be glad that you like it.”
The kitchen was equally impressive with warm rich tones, large picturesque widows, and black granite countertops. Jane had me sit at the breakfast nook while she tossed the salad. I offered to help but she said that was the only thing that had to be done. She asked me how the rest of my week was and I sighed, making her stop what she was doing to look at me.
“Did you have another writing assignment?”
I dropped my eyes as a feeling of shame washed over me. “No, I wished that was all I had.”
She didn’t pry but I felt the need to show her, slipping off my shoe I raised my foot while she walked over to see.
“Oh Bella,” she sucked in a breath through her teeth. “Ouch, how do you feel about that?”
I looked at my foot then quickly put it back down. How did I feel, how does she think I felt?
“Ashamed, angry with myself, and hurt.”
“Hurt?” Jane questioned.
“Yes. I hurt him, I made him do this and it hurt him and that hurts me.” I could feel the tears well in my eyes and I tried to blink them away as Jane handed me a tissue and patted my hand. It wasn’t a condescending gesture it was one of comfort.
Jane sighed then went back to the salad. “This girl is very sure that Edward holds no malice towards you. Have you talked with him about it? Expressed your feelings? Not that talking negates the punishment or makes it easier, but he needs to know that you understand why the reprimand occurred.” She pulled two cover plates out of the oven placing them on a tray.
“Yes, we talked, and I know very well why I was repramanded.” That’s how I knew that I had caused Edward pain and was going to make sure that I didn’t do it again.
“Good, now if you will excuse this girl for a few minutes Master’s meal is growing cold.” I asked again if I could help and she said no, but told me that I could pour us each a glass of wine. I stood looking out the window over the sink, the back yard was filled with mature trees and beyond them you could see the lake. To the right were two more windows, one looked out over the deck and the other into an octagon covered gazebo that housed a round hot tub.
“Master has asked his slave to say hello for him,” Jane said coming through the door.
“Tell him I said hello also, and please thank him for inviting me,” I smiled.
While she pulled our plates out of the oven, I put our salads by the place settings and poured the wine before sitting to eat. The food was excellent; the beef was rare and tender, Jane had made seasoned roasted potatoes and asparagus in a butter sauce. We chatted about nothing in particular and then I remembered what I wanted to tell her.
“I met Alex.”
“You did? When?” She seemed very interested in my confession.
“Monday night, he is going to do my tattoo…tonight” I didn’t think about it until now, and I started feeling a nervous kind of excitement.
Jane must have noticed. “Don’t worry, it’s not so bad.” She talked like she had firsthand experience, her face grew solemn, “I have a tattoo.”
I looked over what part of her skin I could see and came up empty.
“Would you like to see it?”
I shrugged figuring that if it was hidden then it must be in an intimate spot. Jane stood up lifting the side of her dress to reveal her right upper thigh. There was a elaborate Roman style ‘M’ about four inches square with ‘ason’ written along the right edge of it, and on the left was the dates Dec. 16,1983 – June 18,2000
“Mason?” I asked.
Jane nodded lowering her skirt, “Our son.”
I didn’t know what to say, I never knew they had a son, of course he would have died way before I met Aro.
The words slipped from my mouth before I could stop them, “what happened?” I thought maybe there had been an accident or something; he would have been of driving age.
“Mason had leukemia,” she stated clear as day. “He was the cutest kid. He and Edward were inseparable, always together from the time they were little. There are pictures of our wedding with the two of them as duel ring bearers.”
I giggled picturing that in my mind. “Can I see that picture?”
Jane grinned nodding, “Mason was two and a half and Edward would have been four, they were so handsome in their tuxedos. This girl shall have to get the album out and show it to you.” Jane had a faraway look in her eyes.
“Master and his girl lived together before being married and Mason was born then. This girl’s mother was old school and would constantly say that God was going to punish us for having a bastard baby.”
I gasped, because what kind of a mother would say that?
“So when Mason was eight and became sick, this girl knew it was God’s punishment for her lifestyle, both before marriage and after.”
She didn’t need to explain, I knew what lifestyle she was talking about.
“But then he went into remission and we were so happy to have our son back. And he was a typical boy; ah…he and Edward were always getting into trouble, nothing bad, just boy stuff.” She added shaking her head.
“Cutting the hair off of little Alice’s Barbie’s, breaking windows with a baseball, stuff like that. Then when Mason was fifteen he got sick again. Edward was here every weekend playing video games, watching sports, and talking about girls. Edward would swear to him that he was going to be a doctor and discover something that was going to make him well. But he never got the chance. Mason tried hard to fight it, but ... well he died a few days before Edward’s eighteenth birthday.”
“I’m so sorry Jane,” I said squeezing her hand.
“Thank you Bella,” she said patting my hand. “Edward took it very hard, we watched the life drain out of him, and even though he went to school, and he did very well…,” she let out a long sigh, “…his heart just wasn’t in it.”
I thought about that, and what he had said before about being afraid, and not being able to help all the children so he was too scared to try and help any of them. I wondered what he was afraid of and I wondered how I could bring the subject up? My thoughts were disrupted by Jane’s statement.
“Do you remember the other day when this girl said that Edward could never hate you?”
I nodded.
“Bella that man looks at you like you are his hope for the future. There has not been hope in his eyes in so long, that it brings such joy to see.” Jane stood moving to pour the pot of coffee into the carafe.
“Would you like some apple cobbler?” She asked spooning some into two bowls and placing them on the tray.
“I don’t think I am allowed to have it.”
“Help yourself to coffee and this one shall ask for you.”
I shrugged knowing it was a lost cause. A minute later Jane came through the door as I was adding cream to my coffee.
“Edward says ‘no, you may have fresh fruit or sherbet,’ both of which are available.”
I rolled my eyes and Jane saw my response, “he was rather adamant about it. What did you do?”
I took the journal out of my purse and showed her all of the red marks.
“Oh Bella, you must take better care of yourself. Your nutrition is so important, you need it for your strength and your heath otherwise you could get sick.”
I was getting another lecture but I didn’t mind it because she meant well, and on a deeper level I knew she was right.
“Ok, enough of being a mother hen, let’s see what we can do here,” Jane scrutinized my entries. “Let’s kill two birds with one stone.”
Our stone throwing consisted of bowls of fresh berries with fat free cream on top. While we ate Jane glanced over some of my entries, not really reading them, just scanning to see what topics I had written on.
She stopped on the communication essay. “This one here, this was a punishment?”
I nodded taking a sip of coffee, “I was naughty.”
She sighed, “not naughty, this one doesn’t like the word naughty. That implies that you consciously disobeyed, is that what happened?”
“No, I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“That’s right Bella, so you were not naughty, you were inattentive. This life requires your constant attention, that doesn’t mean that you are not going to fall short. This one has been serving her Master for over twenty years, and is sad to say that even she still receives correction. The only advice that this one can give is, as soon as you are aware of your short coming you confess it. Don’t wait.” She stressed that part.
“Call your Master immediately with the tiniest of infractions. You will learn quicker and feel better about your service to him. Case in point, you knew that your eating was not as directed. Had that first day you counted up and seen what had occurred you should have called him and confessed. The next day you would have been more attentive to what you were doing. It would not have gotten that out of hand and your punishment would not have been as severe, and possibly there might not have been any at all.” She let that settle into my brain then continued.
“Better yet, if you would have been more attentive you would have seen that you were short and perhaps had a piece of toast with some peanut butter or cheese on it and met your requirements. It’s all in the details, repetition, and self discipline. Get into the habit of checking yourself several times throughout the day if need be.”
I nodded in understanding, “I’ll pay more attention and monitor myself better.”
“Good,” Jane pursed her lips, I knew she had more to say, “…and your sleeping?”
“I have trouble sleeping, sometime I have nightmares. It’s been better lately though,” I admitted sheepishly.
“Bella, this one cannot imagine what you have lived through or the devastation that has brought upon your life. However, your Master is very aware of that and can understand to a degree, you must get your proper rest for your own sake, if not his.”
I glared at Jane, that was an easy statement for her to make.
She sighed at my irritation, “alright, work upon your eating, and sleep as best you can, you said it is getting easier?”
“Yes, I sleep better when Edward is with me. He makes me feel… sheltered.” I felt self-conscious to be saying that out loud. It was like I had just admitted my overwhelming need for him, like I couldn’t even sleep without his presence. But it was the truth and even with him there my subconscious still terrorized me in my dreams.
“Bella it sounds to this one like you are depending upon your Master.”
“I am, and that scares me.” I admitted in defeat. I could see the question raging in her eyes I didn’t give her a chance to pose it. “Jane I never depended on anyone in my life. Anytime I did, it was a complete disappointment. So I just learned to do everything on my own. I hate the fact that I am so weak to need Edward so much.”
“Bella there is no such things as needing your Master too much. Let’s make that clear right now.” Jane’s voice turned demanding, “he wants to be needed, it brings him satisfaction to meet your needs and see that you are properly taken care of. There is also no such thing as a weak submissive. It takes a lot of strength, courage, and confidence to give yourself over so completely to someone else. It is not an easy thing to do, and those that try because they think it is an effortless life find out very soon that it is not. That usually happens with the first punishment.”
I wasn’t sure I understood what she was saying, “the first punishment?”
“Oh yes Bella, those that think it is easy will walk away before they allow themselves to be subjected to any kind of correction. They are head strong and fail to see the growth that comes with being reprimanded.” Jane pursed her lips as she watched me take in that last statement.
“How can one explain this that it makes sense? Ummm…you teach psychology so you understand that a child is taught, develops through that teaching, experiments to see how it works, looks for the reaction either good or bad, readjusts their behavior accordingly to mature and then is taught again.” I understood what Jane was saying, but I didn’t see where it fit in with our discussion.
“Don’t you see Bella? You are like a child in this lifestyle and you are looking to your Master to show you the right way. He does that through the process of giving rewards and dispensing penalties. Those that think this life is easy only want the rewards and the playtime. They have no intentions of growing or changing, so when that first real punishment comes and they have to think about something other than what they want, they are gone.” Jane gave me a moment, and then she continued.
“Look at your foot…”
She didn’t actually mean that I should look, but I did, and every time I thought about it I had a sick feeling in my stomach.
“I don’t know what you did but…”
I interrupted her, “I turned off my phone.”
Jane started to giggle.
“It’s not funny!” My words seemed to somewhat put an end to the humor she saw.
“This one is sorry for laughing, you are right it is not funny. It’s just, had this one turned off her phone without giving Master notice, she would not be able to sit for a very long time.” She spoke with a grin on her face, so I knew she still found my predicament humorous.
“Edward said he would never strike me as a punishment but I think I would have rather had a spanking.” I whispered the words feeling my face blush, because I found I rather liked spankings.
Jane giggled at my reaction. “Ah, dear girl,” she leaned in real close, “there are different kinds of spankings - those you enjoy…,” she said with a grin, “…and those you do not.” She added the last part shaking her head and gazing in my eyes, “believe this one when she says, you would not have enjoyed that spanking.”
I knew she was right, but that fact didn’t make my punishments any easier.
“That’s what this one was saying. When the first real punishment comes, those that think it is easy cannot humble themselves to admit they were wrong and accept the correction and learn from their mistakes. As a submissive that is what we do, humble ourselves…,” she said lowering her left hand while raising her right hand she added, “…while honoring our Master. It is sometimes a very difficult line to walk and only the very strong can do it.”
Jane was quiet letting me think about the words she said then she added, “Don’t you ever think of yourself as weak. Bella you are in a committed relationship that requires your total commitment, and you have no idea what you are doing, so of course you are going to depend on Edward. That happens with submissive’s and the deeper the commitment the deeper the dependency.”
“You mean it’s going to get worse?” I was almost horrified at the thought. Jane burst out laughing whether at my statement or my expression I’m not sure which, and I couldn’t help but to laugh along with her. The door to the kitchen sung open and Aro walked in.
“One would think you are having a giggle fest rather than a mentoring session.”
Jane immediately stood walking over to Aro with her head bowed low standing to his left with her hands clasped behind her back. Aro did not acknowledge her; instead he spoke to me, “how are you Isabella?”
I smiled, “I’m very well Sir, and thank you for inviting me to your home it’s very lovely.”
“You are more than welcome my dear.” His attention turn towards Jane, I could see the love and joy radiate in his eyes. “Jane, it is getting late and we will have to leave soon.” Jane’s head was still down and she stood so still it was hard to believe she was even breathing.
“Yes Master, may your slave have five more minutes?”
“Five, but that is all.”
“Thank you Master.” Jane remained in the same position until Aro was gone from the room.
The whole exchange lasted no longer than a minute, but in that time frame I saw what she was saying. For the last two hours I had been sitting here talking with a strong, intelligent, and spirited woman, who like anyone else has had to deal with suffering and disappointments. But in serving her Master she finds complete fullness; and one could not miss the admiration that Aro held in his eyes for her.
Jane moved back over to me clearing the coffee cups away. “Bella, may this girl write something in your journal?”
“Sure,” I didn’t know what she was going to do, and I hoped she didn’t want to give me a writing assignment. I knew I wouldn’t have to do it, but something told me that Edward would probably make me.
When she was done writing Jane looked in my eyes. “Very quickly and then this girl must be done, she’s afraid that once she begins talking she can go on and on. In answer to your question, yes, the dependency on both sides grows. It doesn’t,” she grinned, “it doesn’t get worse, because worse indicates something bad. It grows and strengthens your relationship by binding the submissive and dominate together, which is something to strive for.” She let me think about that then finished her thought. “Bella this is not all one sided where the submissive gives and the dominate takes. It works both ways; the trust, the respect, the obedience…” I cut her off with my outburst.
“Obedience?”
“Oh yes Bella, that is not all one sided either. The dominate needs to be obedient to the submissive’s limits. To not push more then she is physically or emotionally capable of doing and then stopping before crossing that line. They also are constantly aware of their submissive’s needs; and sometimes the dominant must forsake their own desires to see that those needs are met. That is being obedient.”
I hadn’t thought of it like that, but she was right and as I considered more of what we talked about I began to see that this relationship was like a see-saw. We balanced each other, for everything that I gave to him - he gives back to me, and vise versa. I was in the middle of my mini-epiphany when the ding sounded from the stove.
“This girl’s time is up.”
“Self-discipline?” I asked her, pointing to the stove.
Jane smiled, “exactly.”
“One more thing, please feel free to contact this girl at anytime. She would be most happy to speak with you again.”
We hugged as I thanked her, it was nice to have someone to talk to and it should have seemed weird that she was Edward’s aunt, but it didn’t. It was like talking to an older sister and there was nothing in our exchange that was of an intimate nature, and for that I was thankful.
“Come, Master has been most patient with his slave this afternoon.”
Aro and Edward were standing in the living room talking in a hushed voice. Jane presented herself as she had in the kitchen and not three seconds later a beep sounded from Aro.
“Right on time, my dear one.”
I tried to catch Jane’s eye, but she was steadfast in her stance and then it dawned on me, she had set the timer in the kitchen for at least thirty seconds before she was expected. Her words of advice came to me: ‘pay attention and self discipline.’
We said our good-byes, and as Edward held the car door open for me, I looked into his eyes cupping his cheek with the palm of my hand. “I love you.” I wanted to tell him again I was sorry, but his arm wrapped around my back pulling me closer to his body.
“I love you,” Edward spoke the words against my lips and the next thing I knew we were wrapped up in a passionate kiss. His arm held me securely against his body and I could feel the warm rush of desire run through me. My hands went to the back of his neck with my fingers threading through his hair and I moaned into his mouth.
He pulled back placing one more small kiss on my lips before resting his forehead against mine. “Ah, my Bella, what are you doing to me?”
I could see the desire reflected back through his dark eyes. “The same thing you’re doing to me.”
Edward sighed, “yes well, this is neither the time nor the place.”
He was right; after all we were standing in the middle of his uncle’s driveway. Reluctantly I got into the car and Edward shut the door.
It wasn’t until we were driving that I realized how late it was. Leah had texted me early this morning, upset she couldn’t get a hold of me yesterday, and said she wouldn’t be going to yoga today; it was almost three-thirty and I wasn’t going to make it either.
“Edward, I missed my class.”
“I know, but I thought it was more important that you had time to talk with Jane.”
I started telling him some of what we had talked about remembering that she had written in my journal. It was a quote from someone I had never heard of. Once I read it to myself, I recited it for Edward:
Discipline gives total freedom; it allows you to go beyond your limitations, to break through boundaries and reach the highest goal. The path to discipline will not only save a person's life, it will also give it meaning. How? By introducing him to deeper joys and deeper longings, by creating a silence in which the whisper of the heart can be heard. Truly, discipline is the road to liberation." ---Gurumayi Chidvilasananda
Edward had heard of the Gurumayi person, telling me that he was a she and was a Siddha Guru. She teaches that understanding of celestial awareness is achievable in the human. Basically, that God resides within ourselves we just need to be open to the experience.
“Do you believe that?” I gazed at him in wonder. We had not talked about philosophical things yet and I wasn’t sure what he believed in.
“To a degree I do. I believe that we are infinitly made in the image of God and because of that we are capable of understanding him. I don’t particularly buy into the whole god is with us theory.”
“I don’t know if I believe in God, at least not in that sense.” Edward glanced at me so I went on. “I believe that this world had a creator, because I can’t believe that this all happened by accident. But I don’t believe that he or she has any day-to-day dealings with our lives. How could an all powerful God allow such misery to happen? Abuse of the most innocent, sickness and death of children?” I shook my head, “I just don’t believe it.”
Edward sighed, “I don’t have the answers for you baby, and perhaps my thoughts stem from years of being forced to go to Sunday School.”
I giggled, “Your mother forced you to go to Sunday school?”
“She sure did. It was her life’s ambition to make me a respectable young man,” he said with a grin as we pulled into his driveway.
“Well she did a fine job.” I grinned at him, he smirked and winked.
“Edward why are we here?”
He didn’t answer me right away; instead he came around to open my car door. “You need to change into something that will be easier for Alex to work with, and that is softer on your skin for the ride home.”
Oh. I didn’t think about what I was going to wear, or rather what I wasn’t going to be wearing. “Edward, I’m going to have to sit there with my ass hanging out.” The tone of my voice increased with every word as that realization hit me.
My outburst seemed to amuse him because he chuckled while he opened the door to the house. “Think of it as your first act of exhibitionism.”
What? In front of Alex? No way. I turned to look at him as he shut the door.
“Ummm…I would rather think of it as a doctor’s appointment.”
Edward smirked, running his finger up my cheek catching my hair to move it to the back of my head where he threaded his fingers through it to tilt my face up. I could feel my breath hitch as my stomach muscles clinched. There was a hunger in his eyes and at that moment I wanted nothing more than to feed it.
His mouth moved slowly towards mine, his lips were warm and he used just enough force so that I parted mine. When our tongues met I could feel my heart race as the need to be close to him took over. My hands moved to grasp ahold of his forarms, and I pulled him closer wrapping my thigh around his leg trying desperately to gain some friction. I could feel his very hard dick pressing against my hip and I sighed out a moan in his mouth.
Edward pulled back running his lips along my jaw, and his hands down my back to cup my bottom. In one swift move he hitched me up and my thighs wrapped around his hips as he started to walk placing me on the back of the couch. He captured my ear lobe between his teeth and his breath in my ear sent shivers through my body. My hand moved down to cup his erection making him thrust into my hand and groan out my name.
“Belllaa,” the sound of it in my ear sent my body into over drive. I slithered off my perch, in between Edward and the back of the couch, to my knees and wasted no time to free his dick of its confinement. My tongue swirled around his engorged head making him hiss while his fingers threaded through my hair. I sucked him in deep to the back of my throat.
“Ohhhh…Fuck, Bella…” His words were like a cry of need spurring me on. Moving my head back my tongue lapped the underside of his shaft, swirling around the head before once again plunging him in my mouth as deep as I could. “Ahhh…baby.”
I created a strong suction, pressing my tongue firmly against the vein pulling my head back and once again quickly sheathing him around my lips. “Jesus Fucking Christ!”
I think he had enough of my teasing because his fingers gripped my hair firmer, just to the point of pain and I moaned as he started moving in and out of my mouth. The feeling of power surged through me at the knowledge that I could get him so worked up that his need would take control. There was nothing gentle or loving about it, there was only pure primal lust, both his and mine.
My hand gently squeezed his balls and as I moaned around him; he let out a long heavy sigh. I could feel his dick grow impossibly harder and he growled out, “Enough…” withdrawing from my mouth and coming on the side of my face and neck. My hand automatically came up to wipe away his cum, bringing it to my lips. “Don’t you dare put that in your mouth!”
His stern words made me stop, and as I knelt there trying to catch my breath my head lowered in shame knowing the reason for his rebuke. I didn’t cry, there was no reason to, I understood what I had done wrong and I knew I would try very hard to not do it again. I also realized that once he was satisfied with my eating habits, I would once again be rewarded with bringing him to full satisfaction in my mouth.
Edward backed away from me, and for a moment I thought maybe he was moving away because he was disgusted with me, but he was back immediately pulling me to my feet and handing me tissues to clean myself off. He wrapped me in his arms letting me snuggle against his chest and I sighed in contentment.
Edward tilted my chin making me look in his eyes; there was no loathing or condemnation in his expression. There was only approval and maybe a little regret in the half smile he gave me, and when he kissed me all I felt was his love for me.
“Do you want a quick shower? I’ll take care of Seth.” Oh yeah, I forgot about him.
“We should have taken him home.” I was surprised Edward hadn’t done that earlier.
“I’d rather not; besides, I thought maybe you might want to stay here tonight so I can take better care of you?”
I agreed with him, and as I walked into my room Jane’s words came back to me, ‘It brings him satisfaction to meet your needs and see that you are properly taken care of.’ I guess I was really going to have to learn to live with that. In all actuality it didn’t sound so bad; it’s just hard giving up a lifetime of self sufficiency. Besides I wasn’t kidding when I told Jane that anytime I depended on someone it turned out to be a disaster.
My mother died, my grandparents said that every time they looked at me they saw my mother and it hurt them, so they withdrew from me. My father was set in his ways and my arrival didn’t change them, besides Charlie was never a touchy-feely kind of dad. Jake was there for a long time, but him and Leah had their own lives and I was just an extra worry for them. Then there was James, and the only thing I could depend on from him was his leaving me alone a few nights a week so he could go fuck Vickie, and then he would come home angry because I was there.
So could anyone blame me for being hesitant?
Anytime I thought I had someone who I could depend on, or I was supposed to be able to depend on, they either left me, was distant, or worse. It didn’t matter the circumstances because the outcome was always the same; I was left to pick up the pieces by myself. Now I am expected to depend wholeheartedly on Edward and God I want to. But if this ends badly, I don’t know how I will be able to once again piece myself together.
The reflection in the bathroom mirror had no answer for me. For now, I was going to try and rely on Edward; after all, if Jane was right – which I had no doubt she was – everything I gave, he will give back. Besides what choice did I have? Our lives were already entwined and there was no going back, believe it or not that realization gave me comfort. I undressed gathered my hair up and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water wash away all the trepidation, uncertainty, and hopefully some of the horrid black ink off my foot.
For the life of me I could not figure out why there was so much traffic, it was almost twelve-thirty and I needed to be at Edwards in ten minutes. I had spent longer than I expected at the center; Carol needed to talk to me about yesterday and I apologized to her for being so careless and inconsiderate. Carlisle had stopped by earlier to check on Sally and said that it looked like her ankle was just a sprain, but that her ribs were badly bruised so he wanted her to rest all day.
When I checked on her she was sitting in the community room with an ice pack on her ankle and we made an appointment for tomorrow in my office to talk. I also needed to reschedule the appointment I had missed yesterday with Melissa; and before I knew it, it was after noon and I had to leave.
Edward was ready to go when I arrived, he transferred my workout bag into his car and we left immediately. As we drove he told me that I should expect Jane to be in full slave-mode. I didn’t imagine that would bother me, I knew that she was 24/7 and it was her house after all. That thought brought a question to my mind.
“Edward when we were in my room, I told Jane it was a no sub-mode zone…,” Edward chuckled at my wording while I continued, “…and I said she could speak anyway she wanted and she spoke in the first person.” He interrupted me before I could go on.
“She referred to Aro by name?” He sounded stunned, making me think hard to remember, and he was right, she only referred to him as ‘Master’ - never by his name, when I told that to Edward he explained.
“Jane referred to herself, because she assumed that would make you more comfortable in your room. However in her…. strike that… in Aro’s home, you can assume she will not be doing that.”
Aro’s home was on Mercer Island; it wasn’t far from the city, just across the bridge, and we had arrived right on time. The home sat in the middle of a circular driveway and had an old world charm to it that seemed to fit Aro very well. The wide cement steps led to a huge wooden wraparound porch with several cushioned rockers on it. House plants hung from hooks all along the perimeter and long oval braided rugs lay on the floor helping to make the space very inviting.
Jane opened the large ornately carved wooden door. She was wearing a yellow sleeveless shirtdress that ended just above knees and belted around the waist. Her dark hair was piled on her head in a twist and her gold diamond studded collar shined as brightly as her smile, which I couldn’t help but to return.
“Hello Edward, Bella welcome to Master’s home, this girl is so very glad you could come today.” She seemed to give Edward a strange look before adding, “Edward, Master is in his study; if it is alright with you, Bella and this one will be eating in the kitchen? Master has requested that the both of you be served in the dining room.”
While Jane was explaining to Edward I couldn’t help but admire the beauty of the home. The walls were painted a dark cream color with high ceilings. Large inlaid stained glass windows took up residence on very wall. The stairwell and moldings around the windows and floors were all wooden and stained a rich dark chestnut color. Everything was shined to a polish including the inlaid wooden floor. The Cullen’s house was stately in its sheer elegance; this home was equally as impressive but with a graceful allure of a time gone by.
“That will be fine Jane,” Edward’s words brought me back to the conversation, and he cupped my chin placing a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll see you in a little bit,” he said, and he walked up the stairs leaving me with Jane and a grin on my face.
“Master likes his large meal in the afternoon, is roast beef to your liking? If not, this girl has something lighter she could make you.” Jane said as took my arm leading me through the house.
“Roast beef is fine; your home is beautiful, all the woodwork and stained glass, it’s very warm and inviting.” I really was stating the obvious but I felt like it needed to be said.
“Thank you, Master will be glad that you like it.”
The kitchen was equally impressive with warm rich tones, large picturesque widows, and black granite countertops. Jane had me sit at the breakfast nook while she tossed the salad. I offered to help but she said that was the only thing that had to be done. She asked me how the rest of my week was and I sighed, making her stop what she was doing to look at me.
“Did you have another writing assignment?”
I dropped my eyes as a feeling of shame washed over me. “No, I wished that was all I had.”
She didn’t pry but I felt the need to show her, slipping off my shoe I raised my foot while she walked over to see.
“Oh Bella,” she sucked in a breath through her teeth. “Ouch, how do you feel about that?”
I looked at my foot then quickly put it back down. How did I feel, how does she think I felt?
“Ashamed, angry with myself, and hurt.”
“Hurt?” Jane questioned.
“Yes. I hurt him, I made him do this and it hurt him and that hurts me.” I could feel the tears well in my eyes and I tried to blink them away as Jane handed me a tissue and patted my hand. It wasn’t a condescending gesture it was one of comfort.
Jane sighed then went back to the salad. “This girl is very sure that Edward holds no malice towards you. Have you talked with him about it? Expressed your feelings? Not that talking negates the punishment or makes it easier, but he needs to know that you understand why the reprimand occurred.” She pulled two cover plates out of the oven placing them on a tray.
“Yes, we talked, and I know very well why I was repramanded.” That’s how I knew that I had caused Edward pain and was going to make sure that I didn’t do it again.
“Good, now if you will excuse this girl for a few minutes Master’s meal is growing cold.” I asked again if I could help and she said no, but told me that I could pour us each a glass of wine. I stood looking out the window over the sink, the back yard was filled with mature trees and beyond them you could see the lake. To the right were two more windows, one looked out over the deck and the other into an octagon covered gazebo that housed a round hot tub.
“Master has asked his slave to say hello for him,” Jane said coming through the door.
“Tell him I said hello also, and please thank him for inviting me,” I smiled.
While she pulled our plates out of the oven, I put our salads by the place settings and poured the wine before sitting to eat. The food was excellent; the beef was rare and tender, Jane had made seasoned roasted potatoes and asparagus in a butter sauce. We chatted about nothing in particular and then I remembered what I wanted to tell her.
“I met Alex.”
“You did? When?” She seemed very interested in my confession.
“Monday night, he is going to do my tattoo…tonight” I didn’t think about it until now, and I started feeling a nervous kind of excitement.
Jane must have noticed. “Don’t worry, it’s not so bad.” She talked like she had firsthand experience, her face grew solemn, “I have a tattoo.”
I looked over what part of her skin I could see and came up empty.
“Would you like to see it?”
I shrugged figuring that if it was hidden then it must be in an intimate spot. Jane stood up lifting the side of her dress to reveal her right upper thigh. There was a elaborate Roman style ‘M’ about four inches square with ‘ason’ written along the right edge of it, and on the left was the dates Dec. 16,1983 – June 18,2000
“Mason?” I asked.
Jane nodded lowering her skirt, “Our son.”
I didn’t know what to say, I never knew they had a son, of course he would have died way before I met Aro.
The words slipped from my mouth before I could stop them, “what happened?” I thought maybe there had been an accident or something; he would have been of driving age.
“Mason had leukemia,” she stated clear as day. “He was the cutest kid. He and Edward were inseparable, always together from the time they were little. There are pictures of our wedding with the two of them as duel ring bearers.”
I giggled picturing that in my mind. “Can I see that picture?”
Jane grinned nodding, “Mason was two and a half and Edward would have been four, they were so handsome in their tuxedos. This girl shall have to get the album out and show it to you.” Jane had a faraway look in her eyes.
“Master and his girl lived together before being married and Mason was born then. This girl’s mother was old school and would constantly say that God was going to punish us for having a bastard baby.”
I gasped, because what kind of a mother would say that?
“So when Mason was eight and became sick, this girl knew it was God’s punishment for her lifestyle, both before marriage and after.”
She didn’t need to explain, I knew what lifestyle she was talking about.
“But then he went into remission and we were so happy to have our son back. And he was a typical boy; ah…he and Edward were always getting into trouble, nothing bad, just boy stuff.” She added shaking her head.
“Cutting the hair off of little Alice’s Barbie’s, breaking windows with a baseball, stuff like that. Then when Mason was fifteen he got sick again. Edward was here every weekend playing video games, watching sports, and talking about girls. Edward would swear to him that he was going to be a doctor and discover something that was going to make him well. But he never got the chance. Mason tried hard to fight it, but ... well he died a few days before Edward’s eighteenth birthday.”
“I’m so sorry Jane,” I said squeezing her hand.
“Thank you Bella,” she said patting my hand. “Edward took it very hard, we watched the life drain out of him, and even though he went to school, and he did very well…,” she let out a long sigh, “…his heart just wasn’t in it.”
I thought about that, and what he had said before about being afraid, and not being able to help all the children so he was too scared to try and help any of them. I wondered what he was afraid of and I wondered how I could bring the subject up? My thoughts were disrupted by Jane’s statement.
“Do you remember the other day when this girl said that Edward could never hate you?”
I nodded.
“Bella that man looks at you like you are his hope for the future. There has not been hope in his eyes in so long, that it brings such joy to see.” Jane stood moving to pour the pot of coffee into the carafe.
“Would you like some apple cobbler?” She asked spooning some into two bowls and placing them on the tray.
“I don’t think I am allowed to have it.”
“Help yourself to coffee and this one shall ask for you.”
I shrugged knowing it was a lost cause. A minute later Jane came through the door as I was adding cream to my coffee.
“Edward says ‘no, you may have fresh fruit or sherbet,’ both of which are available.”
I rolled my eyes and Jane saw my response, “he was rather adamant about it. What did you do?”
I took the journal out of my purse and showed her all of the red marks.
“Oh Bella, you must take better care of yourself. Your nutrition is so important, you need it for your strength and your heath otherwise you could get sick.”
I was getting another lecture but I didn’t mind it because she meant well, and on a deeper level I knew she was right.
“Ok, enough of being a mother hen, let’s see what we can do here,” Jane scrutinized my entries. “Let’s kill two birds with one stone.”
Our stone throwing consisted of bowls of fresh berries with fat free cream on top. While we ate Jane glanced over some of my entries, not really reading them, just scanning to see what topics I had written on.
She stopped on the communication essay. “This one here, this was a punishment?”
I nodded taking a sip of coffee, “I was naughty.”
She sighed, “not naughty, this one doesn’t like the word naughty. That implies that you consciously disobeyed, is that what happened?”
“No, I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“That’s right Bella, so you were not naughty, you were inattentive. This life requires your constant attention, that doesn’t mean that you are not going to fall short. This one has been serving her Master for over twenty years, and is sad to say that even she still receives correction. The only advice that this one can give is, as soon as you are aware of your short coming you confess it. Don’t wait.” She stressed that part.
“Call your Master immediately with the tiniest of infractions. You will learn quicker and feel better about your service to him. Case in point, you knew that your eating was not as directed. Had that first day you counted up and seen what had occurred you should have called him and confessed. The next day you would have been more attentive to what you were doing. It would not have gotten that out of hand and your punishment would not have been as severe, and possibly there might not have been any at all.” She let that settle into my brain then continued.
“Better yet, if you would have been more attentive you would have seen that you were short and perhaps had a piece of toast with some peanut butter or cheese on it and met your requirements. It’s all in the details, repetition, and self discipline. Get into the habit of checking yourself several times throughout the day if need be.”
I nodded in understanding, “I’ll pay more attention and monitor myself better.”
“Good,” Jane pursed her lips, I knew she had more to say, “…and your sleeping?”
“I have trouble sleeping, sometime I have nightmares. It’s been better lately though,” I admitted sheepishly.
“Bella, this one cannot imagine what you have lived through or the devastation that has brought upon your life. However, your Master is very aware of that and can understand to a degree, you must get your proper rest for your own sake, if not his.”
I glared at Jane, that was an easy statement for her to make.
She sighed at my irritation, “alright, work upon your eating, and sleep as best you can, you said it is getting easier?”
“Yes, I sleep better when Edward is with me. He makes me feel… sheltered.” I felt self-conscious to be saying that out loud. It was like I had just admitted my overwhelming need for him, like I couldn’t even sleep without his presence. But it was the truth and even with him there my subconscious still terrorized me in my dreams.
“Bella it sounds to this one like you are depending upon your Master.”
“I am, and that scares me.” I admitted in defeat. I could see the question raging in her eyes I didn’t give her a chance to pose it. “Jane I never depended on anyone in my life. Anytime I did, it was a complete disappointment. So I just learned to do everything on my own. I hate the fact that I am so weak to need Edward so much.”
“Bella there is no such things as needing your Master too much. Let’s make that clear right now.” Jane’s voice turned demanding, “he wants to be needed, it brings him satisfaction to meet your needs and see that you are properly taken care of. There is also no such thing as a weak submissive. It takes a lot of strength, courage, and confidence to give yourself over so completely to someone else. It is not an easy thing to do, and those that try because they think it is an effortless life find out very soon that it is not. That usually happens with the first punishment.”
I wasn’t sure I understood what she was saying, “the first punishment?”
“Oh yes Bella, those that think it is easy will walk away before they allow themselves to be subjected to any kind of correction. They are head strong and fail to see the growth that comes with being reprimanded.” Jane pursed her lips as she watched me take in that last statement.
“How can one explain this that it makes sense? Ummm…you teach psychology so you understand that a child is taught, develops through that teaching, experiments to see how it works, looks for the reaction either good or bad, readjusts their behavior accordingly to mature and then is taught again.” I understood what Jane was saying, but I didn’t see where it fit in with our discussion.
“Don’t you see Bella? You are like a child in this lifestyle and you are looking to your Master to show you the right way. He does that through the process of giving rewards and dispensing penalties. Those that think this life is easy only want the rewards and the playtime. They have no intentions of growing or changing, so when that first real punishment comes and they have to think about something other than what they want, they are gone.” Jane gave me a moment, and then she continued.
“Look at your foot…”
She didn’t actually mean that I should look, but I did, and every time I thought about it I had a sick feeling in my stomach.
“I don’t know what you did but…”
I interrupted her, “I turned off my phone.”
Jane started to giggle.
“It’s not funny!” My words seemed to somewhat put an end to the humor she saw.
“This one is sorry for laughing, you are right it is not funny. It’s just, had this one turned off her phone without giving Master notice, she would not be able to sit for a very long time.” She spoke with a grin on her face, so I knew she still found my predicament humorous.
“Edward said he would never strike me as a punishment but I think I would have rather had a spanking.” I whispered the words feeling my face blush, because I found I rather liked spankings.
Jane giggled at my reaction. “Ah, dear girl,” she leaned in real close, “there are different kinds of spankings - those you enjoy…,” she said with a grin, “…and those you do not.” She added the last part shaking her head and gazing in my eyes, “believe this one when she says, you would not have enjoyed that spanking.”
I knew she was right, but that fact didn’t make my punishments any easier.
“That’s what this one was saying. When the first real punishment comes, those that think it is easy cannot humble themselves to admit they were wrong and accept the correction and learn from their mistakes. As a submissive that is what we do, humble ourselves…,” she said lowering her left hand while raising her right hand she added, “…while honoring our Master. It is sometimes a very difficult line to walk and only the very strong can do it.”
Jane was quiet letting me think about the words she said then she added, “Don’t you ever think of yourself as weak. Bella you are in a committed relationship that requires your total commitment, and you have no idea what you are doing, so of course you are going to depend on Edward. That happens with submissive’s and the deeper the commitment the deeper the dependency.”
“You mean it’s going to get worse?” I was almost horrified at the thought. Jane burst out laughing whether at my statement or my expression I’m not sure which, and I couldn’t help but to laugh along with her. The door to the kitchen sung open and Aro walked in.
“One would think you are having a giggle fest rather than a mentoring session.”
Jane immediately stood walking over to Aro with her head bowed low standing to his left with her hands clasped behind her back. Aro did not acknowledge her; instead he spoke to me, “how are you Isabella?”
I smiled, “I’m very well Sir, and thank you for inviting me to your home it’s very lovely.”
“You are more than welcome my dear.” His attention turn towards Jane, I could see the love and joy radiate in his eyes. “Jane, it is getting late and we will have to leave soon.” Jane’s head was still down and she stood so still it was hard to believe she was even breathing.
“Yes Master, may your slave have five more minutes?”
“Five, but that is all.”
“Thank you Master.” Jane remained in the same position until Aro was gone from the room.
The whole exchange lasted no longer than a minute, but in that time frame I saw what she was saying. For the last two hours I had been sitting here talking with a strong, intelligent, and spirited woman, who like anyone else has had to deal with suffering and disappointments. But in serving her Master she finds complete fullness; and one could not miss the admiration that Aro held in his eyes for her.
Jane moved back over to me clearing the coffee cups away. “Bella, may this girl write something in your journal?”
“Sure,” I didn’t know what she was going to do, and I hoped she didn’t want to give me a writing assignment. I knew I wouldn’t have to do it, but something told me that Edward would probably make me.
When she was done writing Jane looked in my eyes. “Very quickly and then this girl must be done, she’s afraid that once she begins talking she can go on and on. In answer to your question, yes, the dependency on both sides grows. It doesn’t,” she grinned, “it doesn’t get worse, because worse indicates something bad. It grows and strengthens your relationship by binding the submissive and dominate together, which is something to strive for.” She let me think about that then finished her thought. “Bella this is not all one sided where the submissive gives and the dominate takes. It works both ways; the trust, the respect, the obedience…” I cut her off with my outburst.
“Obedience?”
“Oh yes Bella, that is not all one sided either. The dominate needs to be obedient to the submissive’s limits. To not push more then she is physically or emotionally capable of doing and then stopping before crossing that line. They also are constantly aware of their submissive’s needs; and sometimes the dominant must forsake their own desires to see that those needs are met. That is being obedient.”
I hadn’t thought of it like that, but she was right and as I considered more of what we talked about I began to see that this relationship was like a see-saw. We balanced each other, for everything that I gave to him - he gives back to me, and vise versa. I was in the middle of my mini-epiphany when the ding sounded from the stove.
“This girl’s time is up.”
“Self-discipline?” I asked her, pointing to the stove.
Jane smiled, “exactly.”
“One more thing, please feel free to contact this girl at anytime. She would be most happy to speak with you again.”
We hugged as I thanked her, it was nice to have someone to talk to and it should have seemed weird that she was Edward’s aunt, but it didn’t. It was like talking to an older sister and there was nothing in our exchange that was of an intimate nature, and for that I was thankful.
“Come, Master has been most patient with his slave this afternoon.”
Aro and Edward were standing in the living room talking in a hushed voice. Jane presented herself as she had in the kitchen and not three seconds later a beep sounded from Aro.
“Right on time, my dear one.”
I tried to catch Jane’s eye, but she was steadfast in her stance and then it dawned on me, she had set the timer in the kitchen for at least thirty seconds before she was expected. Her words of advice came to me: ‘pay attention and self discipline.’
We said our good-byes, and as Edward held the car door open for me, I looked into his eyes cupping his cheek with the palm of my hand. “I love you.” I wanted to tell him again I was sorry, but his arm wrapped around my back pulling me closer to his body.
“I love you,” Edward spoke the words against my lips and the next thing I knew we were wrapped up in a passionate kiss. His arm held me securely against his body and I could feel the warm rush of desire run through me. My hands went to the back of his neck with my fingers threading through his hair and I moaned into his mouth.
He pulled back placing one more small kiss on my lips before resting his forehead against mine. “Ah, my Bella, what are you doing to me?”
I could see the desire reflected back through his dark eyes. “The same thing you’re doing to me.”
Edward sighed, “yes well, this is neither the time nor the place.”
He was right; after all we were standing in the middle of his uncle’s driveway. Reluctantly I got into the car and Edward shut the door.
It wasn’t until we were driving that I realized how late it was. Leah had texted me early this morning, upset she couldn’t get a hold of me yesterday, and said she wouldn’t be going to yoga today; it was almost three-thirty and I wasn’t going to make it either.
“Edward, I missed my class.”
“I know, but I thought it was more important that you had time to talk with Jane.”
I started telling him some of what we had talked about remembering that she had written in my journal. It was a quote from someone I had never heard of. Once I read it to myself, I recited it for Edward:
Discipline gives total freedom; it allows you to go beyond your limitations, to break through boundaries and reach the highest goal. The path to discipline will not only save a person's life, it will also give it meaning. How? By introducing him to deeper joys and deeper longings, by creating a silence in which the whisper of the heart can be heard. Truly, discipline is the road to liberation." ---Gurumayi Chidvilasananda
Edward had heard of the Gurumayi person, telling me that he was a she and was a Siddha Guru. She teaches that understanding of celestial awareness is achievable in the human. Basically, that God resides within ourselves we just need to be open to the experience.
“Do you believe that?” I gazed at him in wonder. We had not talked about philosophical things yet and I wasn’t sure what he believed in.
“To a degree I do. I believe that we are infinitly made in the image of God and because of that we are capable of understanding him. I don’t particularly buy into the whole god is with us theory.”
“I don’t know if I believe in God, at least not in that sense.” Edward glanced at me so I went on. “I believe that this world had a creator, because I can’t believe that this all happened by accident. But I don’t believe that he or she has any day-to-day dealings with our lives. How could an all powerful God allow such misery to happen? Abuse of the most innocent, sickness and death of children?” I shook my head, “I just don’t believe it.”
Edward sighed, “I don’t have the answers for you baby, and perhaps my thoughts stem from years of being forced to go to Sunday School.”
I giggled, “Your mother forced you to go to Sunday school?”
“She sure did. It was her life’s ambition to make me a respectable young man,” he said with a grin as we pulled into his driveway.
“Well she did a fine job.” I grinned at him, he smirked and winked.
“Edward why are we here?”
He didn’t answer me right away; instead he came around to open my car door. “You need to change into something that will be easier for Alex to work with, and that is softer on your skin for the ride home.”
Oh. I didn’t think about what I was going to wear, or rather what I wasn’t going to be wearing. “Edward, I’m going to have to sit there with my ass hanging out.” The tone of my voice increased with every word as that realization hit me.
My outburst seemed to amuse him because he chuckled while he opened the door to the house. “Think of it as your first act of exhibitionism.”
What? In front of Alex? No way. I turned to look at him as he shut the door.
“Ummm…I would rather think of it as a doctor’s appointment.”
Edward smirked, running his finger up my cheek catching my hair to move it to the back of my head where he threaded his fingers through it to tilt my face up. I could feel my breath hitch as my stomach muscles clinched. There was a hunger in his eyes and at that moment I wanted nothing more than to feed it.
His mouth moved slowly towards mine, his lips were warm and he used just enough force so that I parted mine. When our tongues met I could feel my heart race as the need to be close to him took over. My hands moved to grasp ahold of his forarms, and I pulled him closer wrapping my thigh around his leg trying desperately to gain some friction. I could feel his very hard dick pressing against my hip and I sighed out a moan in his mouth.
Edward pulled back running his lips along my jaw, and his hands down my back to cup my bottom. In one swift move he hitched me up and my thighs wrapped around his hips as he started to walk placing me on the back of the couch. He captured my ear lobe between his teeth and his breath in my ear sent shivers through my body. My hand moved down to cup his erection making him thrust into my hand and groan out my name.
“Belllaa,” the sound of it in my ear sent my body into over drive. I slithered off my perch, in between Edward and the back of the couch, to my knees and wasted no time to free his dick of its confinement. My tongue swirled around his engorged head making him hiss while his fingers threaded through my hair. I sucked him in deep to the back of my throat.
“Ohhhh…Fuck, Bella…” His words were like a cry of need spurring me on. Moving my head back my tongue lapped the underside of his shaft, swirling around the head before once again plunging him in my mouth as deep as I could. “Ahhh…baby.”
I created a strong suction, pressing my tongue firmly against the vein pulling my head back and once again quickly sheathing him around my lips. “Jesus Fucking Christ!”
I think he had enough of my teasing because his fingers gripped my hair firmer, just to the point of pain and I moaned as he started moving in and out of my mouth. The feeling of power surged through me at the knowledge that I could get him so worked up that his need would take control. There was nothing gentle or loving about it, there was only pure primal lust, both his and mine.
My hand gently squeezed his balls and as I moaned around him; he let out a long heavy sigh. I could feel his dick grow impossibly harder and he growled out, “Enough…” withdrawing from my mouth and coming on the side of my face and neck. My hand automatically came up to wipe away his cum, bringing it to my lips. “Don’t you dare put that in your mouth!”
His stern words made me stop, and as I knelt there trying to catch my breath my head lowered in shame knowing the reason for his rebuke. I didn’t cry, there was no reason to, I understood what I had done wrong and I knew I would try very hard to not do it again. I also realized that once he was satisfied with my eating habits, I would once again be rewarded with bringing him to full satisfaction in my mouth.
Edward backed away from me, and for a moment I thought maybe he was moving away because he was disgusted with me, but he was back immediately pulling me to my feet and handing me tissues to clean myself off. He wrapped me in his arms letting me snuggle against his chest and I sighed in contentment.
Edward tilted my chin making me look in his eyes; there was no loathing or condemnation in his expression. There was only approval and maybe a little regret in the half smile he gave me, and when he kissed me all I felt was his love for me.
“Do you want a quick shower? I’ll take care of Seth.” Oh yeah, I forgot about him.
“We should have taken him home.” I was surprised Edward hadn’t done that earlier.
“I’d rather not; besides, I thought maybe you might want to stay here tonight so I can take better care of you?”
I agreed with him, and as I walked into my room Jane’s words came back to me, ‘It brings him satisfaction to meet your needs and see that you are properly taken care of.’ I guess I was really going to have to learn to live with that. In all actuality it didn’t sound so bad; it’s just hard giving up a lifetime of self sufficiency. Besides I wasn’t kidding when I told Jane that anytime I depended on someone it turned out to be a disaster.
My mother died, my grandparents said that every time they looked at me they saw my mother and it hurt them, so they withdrew from me. My father was set in his ways and my arrival didn’t change them, besides Charlie was never a touchy-feely kind of dad. Jake was there for a long time, but him and Leah had their own lives and I was just an extra worry for them. Then there was James, and the only thing I could depend on from him was his leaving me alone a few nights a week so he could go fuck Vickie, and then he would come home angry because I was there.
So could anyone blame me for being hesitant?
Anytime I thought I had someone who I could depend on, or I was supposed to be able to depend on, they either left me, was distant, or worse. It didn’t matter the circumstances because the outcome was always the same; I was left to pick up the pieces by myself. Now I am expected to depend wholeheartedly on Edward and God I want to. But if this ends badly, I don’t know how I will be able to once again piece myself together.
The reflection in the bathroom mirror had no answer for me. For now, I was going to try and rely on Edward; after all, if Jane was right – which I had no doubt she was – everything I gave, he will give back. Besides what choice did I have? Our lives were already entwined and there was no going back, believe it or not that realization gave me comfort. I undressed gathered my hair up and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water wash away all the trepidation, uncertainty, and hopefully some of the horrid black ink off my foot.
Chapter 24
BPOV
I walked into my room at Edward’s house kicked off my shoes and laid down on the bed. Edward was downstairs taking care of Seth, the poor dog had been in the house since this morning and although he was happy to see us, he was even happier to be let outside to do his business. I came up here with the sole purpose of taking a shower, but at that moment all I wanted to do was lie there and relax.
Edward was right, I had an extraordinary day. He had asked me in the car if I was sure that I wanted to proceed with our evening as planned. I didn’t know how to explain it to him, but there was a part in me that was so looking forward to our time together that I would be disappointed if it didn’t happen.
It wasn’t just the time I would spend with Edward, because I had no doubt in my mind that if I agreed to postpone our usual, and instead opt to just lie in bed all night, that I would be wrapped in his arms. So the desire to be in the playroom had a deeper meaning. I wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but somewhere deep down inside of me, I knew that after the day I had the best place for me to find solace was in my submission to my Master. And as I lie there that realization both excited and scared the hell out of me.
“I thought you were going to shower?” I opened my eyes to see Edward standing by the bed; I hadn’t even heard him come in.
“I am, I just needed a minute.” He held out a glass of wine for me and after I took it, he pulled the chair from the desk over and sat down, gazing at me while I sat on the edge of the bed.
“Tell me what happened today.” It wasn’t a request and even though I was in my room, I felt the need to explain.
“When I got to the center this morning, Carol told me that over the weekend one of the hotline people gave out my personal number. They are not suppose to do that, ever. But I wasn’t too upset; all anyone can do is call me because nothing can be traced to my home.” That was one of the perks of having a PO Box. Edward was quiet so after I took a sip I continued.
“Sally called my cell phone; I guess she is the one who was given my number. Anyway she said that her and the kids left and were at a neighbor’s house. I told her to call a cab and I would pay when she got to the center. Because they have to come on their own, we have paid cab fare many times, but we are not to go and get them.” That was rule number one and why Carol was so upset with me.
“So why didn’t she call a cab?”
I took a deep breath knowing he was not going to like what I had to say. “She couldn’t walk because of her ankle and she was too far away.”
“Where was she?”
I sighed and took another sip before I answered, “She was in Yelm.”
“What?” Yeah, he was not happy about that at all. “You drove all the way to Yelm?”
My eyes dropped to the floor and I could feel my teeth biting into my bottom lip.
“Bella?”
His stern voice made me look up into his eyes. “Yes Edward, I drove to Yelm. It’s only an hour away.”
He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “If you made it to Yelm in an hour then you must have been driving like a bat out of hell.” Edwards’s eyes were dark and I was very glad that we were having this conversation in my room. I did what I felt I had to do, and if given the same situation I would do it again.
“It took me longer to get back.” I thought I would let him know that.
“Why was that Bella?”
“I was trying to be careful not to bounce around too much because Sally was in so much pain; and the kid’s were only in seatbelts.”
Edward’s mouth dropped open. “You took the children in your car without proper car seats?” He voice escalated and I took another drink looking in his eyes and nodding my head once. He was there when I arrived; did he see any damn car seats? I didn’t ask that question though he was upset enough with me at the moment.
“And what would have happened had you been pulled over?”
I shrugged and then told him, “I would have explained what happened, what I was doing, and given my father’s name, title, and phone number.” Yes, I was not above using my father to get out of a quandary. Edward was shocked; he sat there with a gaping mouth, blinking rapidly.
“What?” I didn’t understand why he was so stunned. “Are you telling me that you never used your father’s connections to get quicker medical attention or a favor?”
“Bella, that’s different. I’m not breaking the law or putting myself and others in danger.”
I thought about that before answering. “It was more dangerous for her and the kids to stay.”
“And how about the danger you put yourself in? What if her husband would have been there?” His eyes grew dark and his voice demanding, “and why wasn’t your phone on?”
Oh shit. I had worried myself about the possibility that her husband might be there, but Sally assured me that he was not, and since she was at a neighbor’s house I figured that he wouldn’t show up either and I told that to Edward.
“The phone Bella.” I could see him trying to rein in his anger, and I knew that if we had been anywhere else but in this room, I would have been Isabella at that moment.
“I turned it off.”
“You…,” Edward didn’t get to finish his statement because I continued to explain.
“On the way back, Sally was upset and we were talking and the phone kept ringing and interrupting us, so I turned it off.”
He sat there with his head down, running his hand through his hair for what seemed like forever before his eyes finally met mine again and he released a long sigh.
“Bella…,” Edward sighed again, “I’m going to give you one more chance to just stay in this room and relax tonight. I’ll bring your dinner up here; we’ll take a long bath and watch TV.”
I knew what he was saying; I understood that once I walked out my door, I was totally his submissive and I would be held responsible for my actions. The thing was that regardless of whether it was tonight or tomorrow I knew that I would be punished, and if he was going to have me write a ten-thousand word essay on the merits of safe driving or phone usage I would rather just get it over with. Besides, I needed to feel the security of my Master’s attention, even if at the moment my Master was displeased with me. I didn’t get to answer because Edward stood and walked to the door.
“I’ll tell you what Bella, you think about it. If you’re not in the kitchen at six o’clock I’ll join you up here. If you decide to go on with our usual, then bring your journal to the kitchen wearing only a robe and make sure your hair is completely dry.” He raised his eyebrows silently asking if I understood.
“Alright.” After my answer he huffed, shook his head, and left my room. Leaving me there to contemplate my options, but my mind was already made up.
Five minutes before six I walked into the kitchen with dry hair, wearing my pink silky robe, and carrying my journal - Edward wasn’t there. The back door was open and the unmistakable smell of food grilling was wharfing through. I went outside standing behind Edward and waited for him to acknowledge my presence. It seemed like a long time, but in reality it was only a few minutes before he turned from the grill to face me.
“Good evening Isabella.” When I looked in his eyes the irritation that was evident before was replaced with an eerie calmness that made my stomach clinch and I had to swallow hard before I could answer.
“Good evening Master.”
“I wasn’t a hundred percent sure you would be down, so I did not set the table, please do so now.”
“Yes Sir,” I busied myself with the task, taking extra time to fold the napkins into little pockets so I could place the utensils inside of them. I had just put my journal in front of his place setting when Edward came in carrying a plate. As I presented myself, I could see that he had skewers of grilled prawns and scallops and to my embarrassment my stomach growled.
“When is the last time you ate Isabella?”
“This morning Sir.”
The annoyance was back on his face. “Then I am very glad that I forced you to stay in bed, or you might not have eaten all day.” I didn’t say anything and he demanded, “Sit!”
I took my place and Edward brought over a bowl of rice pilaf and fresh beans to go along with the seafood and tossed salad. When he finally sat down he placed a red pen on top of the journal and ordered me to eat.
The food was good; he had marinated the prawns and scallops in a lemon butter sauce that gave it just the right amount of flavor without being over powering. The conversation was not so good, because there was none, not one word - not even a sigh, and the tension was beginning to make me edgy. I kept looking at him hoping he would say something, but he didn’t even acknowledge that I was there, and it became increasingly harder for me to continue eating. But I knew that if I didn’t it would just add to his irritation with me.
Finally, near the end of the meal, Edward picked up my journal and as he construed it, he used his red pen. I thought maybe he was correcting my spelling or something, but he never turned the page. When he was done he closed the book with the pen inside and laid it back where it was on the table before turning his dark eyes to mine. It was at that moment I was rethinking my decision to meet him in the kitchen, and had I the chance I would have ran back up to my room.
He inclined his head toward my plate, “are you done?”
“Yes Sir?” It came out like a question, because even though I didn’t think I could have eaten one more bite, I wanted to make sure that he was satisfied with my meal.
“Very well, go to the playroom and prepare yourself.” That was it; that was all he said, and with each step I took down the stairs and closer to the door, the queasiness in my stomach grew.
The atmosphere in the playroom didn’t do much to help calm me. Most of the room was dark, the only two dimly lit areas were the one immediately inside the door where my mat was waiting for me, then over to the left by the media equipment there was a black comforter on the floor in front of one of the chairs with the small round side table sitting next to it.
Edward didn’t tell me how much time I had and I figured he was in no mood to be messing around, so I moved quickly into the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth. When I came out I threw the robe I was wearing into my closet closing the door then went to kneel on my mat, taking a mental inventory of my position. I readjusted several times, never feeling comfortable and as I closed my eyes to focus on my breathing I realized what was missing, there was no music playing.
Each time I had been in the playroom there had always been soft meditating music in the background. I wondered if it was an oversight on Edward’s part or if he had done it on purpose to keep me more on edge? I squirmed a little more, the waiting and anticipation making me restless. What was taking him so long? Breathe Bella, breathe. I focused once more on my breathing and position finally beginning to calm myself; that was, until Edward entered the room.
I heard the movement of the door and I could sense his presence, and even more than that I could feel his eyes on me, but he didn’t move. Seconds, minutes, hours might have passed -- I had no idea. I wanted so badly to see his face and it took all my resolve to stay in position. Every part of me was screaming to just turn around and tell him how sorry I was that I caused him so much worry. That I had made a rash decision without considering the consequences, ask him to yell or scream to do something, because anything would be better than the silence.
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as Edward moved to stand in front of me, but he still remained quiet, and I broke. The tears formed in my eyes and slowly ran down my cheeks. They weren’t tears of fear, they were of remorse; I had driven him to the point where he was so upset with me that he would not even talk to me.
“Tears? Are they for true regret or just edginess?”
They were actually a little bit of both, but mostly from regret. I raised my head in an attempt to peek at him.
“Keep your head down and don’t look at me.” I immediately complied, waiting, while he went back to holding me in an agitated gaze.
“So which is it Isabella regret or anxiety? Speak!” Edward demanded.
“Master your girl is very sorry, she regrets causing you worry by driving so far.”
He huffed, “Driving? On your list of rules I don’t remember driving long distances as one of your regulations. Don’t get me wrong Isabella, I’m not very pleased about the fact that you drove so far alone, and I certainly am not happy that you made it there in an hour. That means you not only put yourself at risk, but everyone else who happened to be on the road with you today. That was reckless and dangerous and had it just been driving we would not be having this discussion right now.” Edward grew quiet for a few seconds before he continued.
“So tell me again Isabella, what exactly my girl is sorry for?”
I thought for a second but still wasn’t sure what he was talking about, I don’t know if it was out of impatience or if Edward was truly trying to help me because he asked, “What rule did my girl completely disregard today that caused me so much worry?”
Then I knew exactly what he was talking about.
“She is sorry for turning off her phone.” My voice was small and quiet, but he heard me.
“Yes, that is what caused me the needless worry. Your actions were callous and inconsiderate to not only me but also to Carol, my father, and anyone else who cares about your welfare. By simply answering the phone one time all of the alarm could have been avoided. But no, you consciously choose to just walk all over our concern for your well being.”
I didn’t think of it like that and as he spoke, I couldn’t help but feel bad for my behavior. I should have answered the phone, told them where I was.
“Carol was so concerned that she had my father call me. I had no clue where you were and I couldn’t reach you on the phone, in fact your phone is still off.” He’s right, it was, I hadn’t turned it back on and as I knelt there I wondered who else might have been trying to get in touch with me. If it was Leah, she would be frantic, which I suppose is exactly how Edward felt, that thought brought on a fresh round of tears.
“This cannot happen again. Your phone is not ever to be turned off. I don’t care where you are, what you are doing, or who you are with. Your phone will remain on and charged at all times. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes Sir,” I answered quickly through a sniffle.
“Sit, with your legs stretched out.” I wasn’t exactly sure I heard him correctly so I hesitated.
“Now Isabella.”
I moved quickly to sit flat on my bottom while Edward walked behind and brought over a folding chair which he sat on in front of me.
“Give me your right foot.”
Again I hesitated, but not because I didn’t understand, but because I was unsure what he was going to do and I was slightly scared. I could feel my stomach fluttering from the anxiety and my face felt tingly as I slowly lifted my foot into the air.
Edward grasped it, lifting it higher so it was level with his waist. I still didn’t look into his eyes but I watched as he pulled a black permanent marker from the pocket of his shirt and proceeded to write on the bottom of my foot.
When he was done, he put my foot back on the floor and told me to look at him. When I did his eyes were dark, glassy, and filled with grief, and I gasped as new tears formed from the realization that I was the cause of his anguish.
“You are not to scrub that off; it will wear off on its own in a few days. Now, look at it.” Edward inclined his head and I bent my knee to see what he wrote. I bit my lip wondering why he wrote his name on the bottom of my foot. When I met his eyes again he continued to explain.
“Maybe this will remind you of how insensitive you were to my feelings today and with each step you take you can remember whose concern for your safety you completely disregarded. Besides, the way I figure it, if you are going to walk all over me you might as well do it with my permission.”
Oh my god! For the next few days, every time I take a step it’s like I’m walking on him, hurting him. I looked back down at my foot and my fingers ran over the letters.
“Your girl is so sorry Master,” I said through tears. “She wasn’t thinking,” I sniffled then added shaking my head, “she didn’t realize.”
Edward’s hand cupped my chin, making me look at him. “That’s the problem Isabella, you didn’t think. Now you can think about that,” he inclined his head toward my foot. My eyes dropped, I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes anymore.
Edward stood and walked back behind me again. “Kneel, Isabella.” As I did he stood back in front of me handing me my journal. When I looked down it was opened to the page where I recorded my daily activities. There were numbers circled in red in every box that kept track of my food intake.
“I did not give you a specific calorie intake for the hell of it, I expect it to be followed. If you do not fuel your body with sufficient nutrition then you will become weak and unhealthy. Which once again, besides yourself, you are hurting me.” He stopped talking as I looked over all the red circles. I hadn’t realized that there was so much missing from my diet.
“I expect by next week at this time that you will have that problem corrected. Your sleep is also inadequate; I expect that to be improved upon also. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes Master.”
Edward took my journal, “come Isabella.”
When he took my hand to help steady me I was careful to place my weight on my toes. I didn’t like the idea of walking on Edward and I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to keep from doing it for the next few days. He led me over to where he had the chair set up in front of the media equipment. There was some kind of a wide leather belt, a red rope and a black one lying over the top of the chair.
Edward picked up the black rope first. I watched as he matched up the two ends before sliding his hands along the length until he found the middle section. “Hands at your side”
When I complied he stepped behind me and wrapped the length around me right above my breasts meeting the ends in the middle of my back. He then proceeded to secure my arms to my body with six or seven circles of rope. Finally feeding the ends through the space where my arms laid against my torso closing in the gap and pulling my arms in tighter to my body. Edward cris-crossed the rope on my back and again between my breasts, wrapping several circles underneath, before finally tying a knot directly in the center of my chest.
The binding wasn’t tight and the rope was soft and with every tug and pull I felt more at ease until I realized I was standing flat on my feet; I shuffled to place most of my weight on the left foot, while I lifted the right one. Edward raised an eyebrow at me. He knew what my problem was but he didn't say anything about it.
Edward then picked up the wide leather belt, “raise your hands in the air.” When I did he wrapped it around my waist buckling it in the front. He took each of my hands and secured them in the straps that were attached to the belt on the sides of my waist. He checked all the restraints making sure that nothing was too tight or restricting my circulation, and when he was satisfied he had me lean over the arm of the chair.
I didn’t know what he was doing, and in one swift move he slid a very well-lubed butt plug into me making me gasp in surprise.
“Ok, come lie down.”
He had to help me because I didn’t have the use of my arms, and once I was where he wanted me he started working with the red rope.
I watched Edward carefully wrap several circles around my upper thigh then around my ankle before attaching it to a hook in the floor. He then brought the end up to feed through the black rope under my breast before repeating the process on the other leg. My feet were flat, my knees were up, and my thighs were very open.
Edward walked over to the cabinet and came back with the crop and a long silver stick. He sat down in the chair that faced me; his form was directly between my legs. He tilted his head as his eyes roamed over my body and then he smirked.
“I really like the look of that plug. I didn’t show it to you, look at the screen.” I turned my head to the side and there I was, I don’t know how he was zooming in, but the full focus became the ruby red jewel that laid flat against my rear opening. “Do you like it?”
“Yes Master, it’s pretty.” It was too.
“Hmmm…pretty? Yes it is, I have a blue one that is larger, we are going to work up to that very soon.” He sighed and then gave me my instructions.
“It’s a movie night Isabella; that means we relax and watch the video from previous sessions. We will be doing this from time to time. This is the edited version of both sessions from last week. You are not to take your eyes off the screen, you are not to orgasm, and do not struggle in your restraints. Focus on the security you feel in your bonds, force yourself to relax into them and let that help to keep you composed and under control. This is a learned skill Isabella, and one you must master.”
Edward has told me several times about learning to control myself and this exercise didn’t sound too tough. I actually felt very comfortable and when I focused on my breathing and allowed my muscles to relax, I found that I was very content in my restraints. Edward pressed the button on the remote and the screen lit up; I was waiting for sound, but there was none, it was just us. He zoomed in so the only image on the screen was me; my hands were secured to the ceiling and Edward was using the flogger on me.
My mind was so engrossed at what was happening on the screen that it startled me when I felt something sliding into me. Edward sighed out his unhappiness at my reaction and I mentally cursed myself for having that kind of response. I know I was still new to all this, but honestly, I should have been expecting something.
I relaxed again, having no reaction when he slid the dildo all the way inside if me and began moving it; I could see his hand moving from the corner of my eye but he was still sitting leisurely in the chair. When his hand drew back again, I could see something shiny and I figured he had somehow attached the silver stick to the dildo.
As I continued watching the screen I was fascinated by what I saw. I could see the way I responded to the flogging and I looked like I was getting lost in the sensation of the leather hitting my skin, reaching and practically begging for another strike. That fact registered in my mind as erotically strange, I never thought of myself as a masochist and I wondered if that was what I really was?
Edward’s question brought me out of my conjecture. “Do you see Isabella, how your body craves more?”
I did see it, and that was something I was going to have to think about. I told him so.
“Yes Master, your girl sees,” my voice was shallow and I could feel my body responding now to the attention Edward was giving me as the toy inside me began to pick up speed. I think I would have been alright had he not slid the leather of the crop along the inside of my thigh. The heat in my body was building, and when the first slap hit over my clit I moaned out in pleasure and need.
“Keep watching.”
It was beginning to get harder to stay focused, but I again relaxed and let everything around me slip away; and then the sound came on. The moans of pleasure that were escaping my mouth on the screen turned to pants and outright begging for more. The sound of my pleas became another form of stimulation and as much as possible my hips started to move.
“Isabella, hold still and relax.” His stern voice warned with a harsh slap of the crop on my inner thigh. How the hell am I supposed to relax when I am watching myself on the screen? All this stimulation occurring at one time was beginning to get to me. Edward sighed, paused the video, and removed the toy from inside of me.
“Ok, we are going to do this exercise again; and we will do it all night if we have to.”
I felt bad that I was unable to stay still and disengaged.
“Use your relaxation breathing from yoga. Let your eyes see, your body feel, but put most of your focus on the feel of your restraints and stay unhindered by anything else. Control Isabella, keep yourself under control,” he suggested with a warning.
When he restarted the video, I went into my deep breathing, and this time when he inserted the dildo into me I didn’t even flinch; and as Edward moved the crop over my body, slapping at various places, I found that I was able to detach myself from the sensations. That was until I saw myself orgasm on the screen and watched as Edward lifted me and filled me with himself. Then all I could think about was having him inside of me.
Edward must have seen my reaction because he stopped the movement of the dildo; my muscles still clenched around it and I wanted so badly to be able to orgasm at that moment.
“Calm yourself Isabella, you’re doing very well, don’t lose your composure now.”
I took a few deep breaths getting myself under control. I know it sounds stupid, but at that moment I was more interested in pleasing Edward than I was in my own release, and I knew that I could gain self satisfaction by being pleasing to him. As the Friday session started on the screen all I wanted to do was what he had asked of me.
Edward completely removed the dildo as I watched myself struggle to gain composure on the screen. I wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing, I was too engrossed with what was occurring on the video. I felt something at my entrance and I forced myself to remain relaxed and quiet. This one was larger and was like a rabbit with an extension that stimulated my clit.
“Don’t you loose that,” Edward warned as he stood and used the edge of the crop to circle my nipples making them pucker and stand more erect. Then he proceeded to quickly flip the leather back and forth across them. I knew he was watching me and I struggled to keep my breathing even and my body under control.
“Very good Isabella, let’s move it up a notch shall we?” I didn’t respond, I wasn’t sure if I was suppose to or not, but I got my answer with a stern rebuke.
“Isabella, I asked you a question and I expect an answer.”
“Yes Master, take it up a notch.” I did so wish I could look at his face, but he was standing behind me and my instructions were to keep my eyes on the screen, so that’s what I did. I felt Edwards’s hands on my breast, and then something like a suction cup was attached to each nipple. He squeezed something and they began to vibrate, and then the toy between my legs also started to hum.
I focused on my breathing as I watched my body curl in on itself on the screen and then Edward began to rub the crop over my body flicking the underside of my breasts and stomach before moving down to my thighs.
I was working really hard at staying in control, focusing my attention on the feel of the rope around my chest and the thick band of leather around my wrist. I was spacing out, just letting the feel of all the stimulation happen; and I found in my mind I was looking, waiting, anticipating where the next strike would occur so I could feel the warmth of the sting.
“Don’t you dare orgasm!” Edward warned in a menacing voice.
How he knew that I fighting off the beginnings of an orgasm made my mind focus once again on the bindings around my body.
“Keep watching the screen.” The focus was only on my face and I could see myself struggle to keep in check, and I wondered if that was what I looked like now? My internal muscles were clenched so tightly I was afraid if I let go that I would lose the grip I had on the toy inside me along with whatever control I had over the rest of my body. Edward’s voice brought me back.
“Tell me what you said here.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about until I saw myself throw my head back and scream out in Quileute. “Master I…,”
“Who?” he asked abruptly.
“Your girl screamed out curses,” I took a deep breath trying to keep myself together, Edward hit one of suctions on my nipple making it pop off and I whimpered sucking in a breath.
“What else, Isabella?”
I needed to swallow to get my voice, “She said – ‘so fucking good, it feels so fucking good.’”
“Ahhh, and do you feel like that now Isabella? If I allowed you, would you cum?” As he said this he popped the suction thing off my other nipple.
“Yes Sir,” I said as I sucked in air, while he ran that crop over my very sensitive breasts.
“Hmmm, too bad that is not going to happen. Not tonight anyway.”
The screen went black but the sound remained on and all I could hear were my cries of pleasure while I withered there on the floor.
“I believe that you need more of a reminder of who you belong to, and that your life is no longer your own. Your orgasms are mine to give or to withhold, and as long as one mark remains on your foot, they will be withheld.” With that said he reached down to remove the dildo from my body making me sigh partly in relief and partly in frustration.
I watched Edward remove his shirt and unbutton the top of his pants while he brought over a pillow which he placed under my head before removing his jeans and straddling my face. I opened my mouth to swirl my tongue over the head of his dick once, before sucking him into my mouth.
“Ahhh….that’s my girl.” Edward wasn’t taking it slow, and as he began to pump in and out of my mouth, I sucked and lapped on his shaft. “You’re the only one who can bring me pleasure Isabella. Just you.”
As his words registered in my brain I used more of my tongue moving it along his underside as he withdrew and more suction when he reentered. “Oh, Isabella, yes…just like that.”
His words were creating a fire in my soul and I was beginning to think how lucky I was to be the only one who could taste the essence of his seed. That thought made me more conscious of what I was doing and the groans of pleasure that were coming from Edward. At that moment it didn’t matter that I couldn’t orgasm, it was more important to me to make him have his release and let him finish inside of me. Taking his pleasure from me in whatever method he so choose.
I could feel his dick twitch in my mouth and I knew that he was close. I tried to suck him in deeper so he could cum in the back of my throat, but he abruptly pulled away, grasping his dick and came all over my neck. I looked up at him, his eyes were closed and his face was relaxed. When Edward opened his eyes he looked into mine and seeing the confusion there he explained.
“When your nutrition is as it should be, then you can have the privilege of me finishing inside your mouth.”
I couldn’t help the tears that filled my eyes, or the sob that escaped my throat. At that moment I felt completely unworthy, and he could have slapped my face and it would have caused me less pain then his words just did.
He moved quickly to release my legs, stretching them and rubbing the area where the ropes had been. Next came my wrists, and then finally my arms were free and I was sitting on Edward’s lap in the chair. He was running his hands down my back in a soothing manor while I cried on his shoulder.
“Shhh…stop the tears.” I sniffled trying to bring myself under control again as he cupped my chin to make me look at him.
“Listen to me,” I focused on the movement of his lips as he spoke, “I told you that my rules are not something that I play around with. I also told you that I would not enjoy having to punish you, because it will hinder my enjoyment of you. Now it is what it is, take the punishment and learn from it; so we do not have to have this discussion ever again.”
I nodded at his words, because I just didn’t know what to say. I felt so wretched, like I had let him down in such a big way, and I wondered how long this last consequence was going to continue? I didn’t ask him, I just let him lead me into the bathroom to take a shower. It was a very quiet shower and when we were done, Edward handed me a robe telling me to go to bed.
He didn’t invite me to sleep in his bed, so I went to my own room curling up in the soft comfy chair with a blanket laid over my body and my journal in my hands. I was finding it therapeutic to spill my heart and soul out in words. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that in the back of my mind I knew Edward would eventually read it. Maybe it just a way for me to vent; either way, I found a reprieve from all the emotions and feelings of inadequacy that I carried.
I had cried myself out while spilling my guts, and I must have fallen asleep in the chair because the next thing I knew Edward was putting me to bed and turning out the light. When he left the room I had so wanted to scream out for him to stay, but I didn’t think he would. There, in the darkened room, a feeling loneliness erupted inside me and I cried.
I don’t have a lot to say. Just a few shout outs.
To everyone who is reading my story. Thank you
To those of you who leave a comment. Mega Thank you. Your ideas and thoughts are fantastic and I enjoy reading every one of them. I try to reply to each one, if I miss you I’m sorry.
To those of you who are pimping out this story you all know who you are. I was only given one name - keitachibana along with vbfb1 for adding Diamond to her Domward’ Dungeon Series…Extra Mega Thank you…As a reader who pimped, that means so very much to me.
I saved the best for last to my beta MommyLovesEdward…Super Mega Extra Thank you…You rock girl!!! It makes it easier for me in so many ways, since you jumped on board and this journey became a lot more fun… love ya girl!
I have gotten a few questions for the OT I want to do, but I am going to need more. Please keep them coming. Also I had a request for more pictures, those have been posted on the Extra’s under photos. I do have a picture of the tattoo I will post it when Bella gets it. So you will see it the same time Edward does.
I believe that is all the housekeeping I have other than to say. The idea for this story is mine, the words are mine, sadly the characters are not…because oh...what I would love to do with Edward…lol
I hope you like this chapter, it’s an absolutely must be done kind of chapter…there are no warnings necessary, at least I don’t think so…enjoy.
I walked into my room at Edward’s house kicked off my shoes and laid down on the bed. Edward was downstairs taking care of Seth, the poor dog had been in the house since this morning and although he was happy to see us, he was even happier to be let outside to do his business. I came up here with the sole purpose of taking a shower, but at that moment all I wanted to do was lie there and relax.
Edward was right, I had an extraordinary day. He had asked me in the car if I was sure that I wanted to proceed with our evening as planned. I didn’t know how to explain it to him, but there was a part in me that was so looking forward to our time together that I would be disappointed if it didn’t happen.
It wasn’t just the time I would spend with Edward, because I had no doubt in my mind that if I agreed to postpone our usual, and instead opt to just lie in bed all night, that I would be wrapped in his arms. So the desire to be in the playroom had a deeper meaning. I wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but somewhere deep down inside of me, I knew that after the day I had the best place for me to find solace was in my submission to my Master. And as I lie there that realization both excited and scared the hell out of me.
“I thought you were going to shower?” I opened my eyes to see Edward standing by the bed; I hadn’t even heard him come in.
“I am, I just needed a minute.” He held out a glass of wine for me and after I took it, he pulled the chair from the desk over and sat down, gazing at me while I sat on the edge of the bed.
“Tell me what happened today.” It wasn’t a request and even though I was in my room, I felt the need to explain.
“When I got to the center this morning, Carol told me that over the weekend one of the hotline people gave out my personal number. They are not suppose to do that, ever. But I wasn’t too upset; all anyone can do is call me because nothing can be traced to my home.” That was one of the perks of having a PO Box. Edward was quiet so after I took a sip I continued.
“Sally called my cell phone; I guess she is the one who was given my number. Anyway she said that her and the kids left and were at a neighbor’s house. I told her to call a cab and I would pay when she got to the center. Because they have to come on their own, we have paid cab fare many times, but we are not to go and get them.” That was rule number one and why Carol was so upset with me.
“So why didn’t she call a cab?”
I took a deep breath knowing he was not going to like what I had to say. “She couldn’t walk because of her ankle and she was too far away.”
“Where was she?”
I sighed and took another sip before I answered, “She was in Yelm.”
“What?” Yeah, he was not happy about that at all. “You drove all the way to Yelm?”
My eyes dropped to the floor and I could feel my teeth biting into my bottom lip.
“Bella?”
His stern voice made me look up into his eyes. “Yes Edward, I drove to Yelm. It’s only an hour away.”
He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “If you made it to Yelm in an hour then you must have been driving like a bat out of hell.” Edwards’s eyes were dark and I was very glad that we were having this conversation in my room. I did what I felt I had to do, and if given the same situation I would do it again.
“It took me longer to get back.” I thought I would let him know that.
“Why was that Bella?”
“I was trying to be careful not to bounce around too much because Sally was in so much pain; and the kid’s were only in seatbelts.”
Edward’s mouth dropped open. “You took the children in your car without proper car seats?” He voice escalated and I took another drink looking in his eyes and nodding my head once. He was there when I arrived; did he see any damn car seats? I didn’t ask that question though he was upset enough with me at the moment.
“And what would have happened had you been pulled over?”
I shrugged and then told him, “I would have explained what happened, what I was doing, and given my father’s name, title, and phone number.” Yes, I was not above using my father to get out of a quandary. Edward was shocked; he sat there with a gaping mouth, blinking rapidly.
“What?” I didn’t understand why he was so stunned. “Are you telling me that you never used your father’s connections to get quicker medical attention or a favor?”
“Bella, that’s different. I’m not breaking the law or putting myself and others in danger.”
I thought about that before answering. “It was more dangerous for her and the kids to stay.”
“And how about the danger you put yourself in? What if her husband would have been there?” His eyes grew dark and his voice demanding, “and why wasn’t your phone on?”
Oh shit. I had worried myself about the possibility that her husband might be there, but Sally assured me that he was not, and since she was at a neighbor’s house I figured that he wouldn’t show up either and I told that to Edward.
“The phone Bella.” I could see him trying to rein in his anger, and I knew that if we had been anywhere else but in this room, I would have been Isabella at that moment.
“I turned it off.”
“You…,” Edward didn’t get to finish his statement because I continued to explain.
“On the way back, Sally was upset and we were talking and the phone kept ringing and interrupting us, so I turned it off.”
He sat there with his head down, running his hand through his hair for what seemed like forever before his eyes finally met mine again and he released a long sigh.
“Bella…,” Edward sighed again, “I’m going to give you one more chance to just stay in this room and relax tonight. I’ll bring your dinner up here; we’ll take a long bath and watch TV.”
I knew what he was saying; I understood that once I walked out my door, I was totally his submissive and I would be held responsible for my actions. The thing was that regardless of whether it was tonight or tomorrow I knew that I would be punished, and if he was going to have me write a ten-thousand word essay on the merits of safe driving or phone usage I would rather just get it over with. Besides, I needed to feel the security of my Master’s attention, even if at the moment my Master was displeased with me. I didn’t get to answer because Edward stood and walked to the door.
“I’ll tell you what Bella, you think about it. If you’re not in the kitchen at six o’clock I’ll join you up here. If you decide to go on with our usual, then bring your journal to the kitchen wearing only a robe and make sure your hair is completely dry.” He raised his eyebrows silently asking if I understood.
“Alright.” After my answer he huffed, shook his head, and left my room. Leaving me there to contemplate my options, but my mind was already made up.
Five minutes before six I walked into the kitchen with dry hair, wearing my pink silky robe, and carrying my journal - Edward wasn’t there. The back door was open and the unmistakable smell of food grilling was wharfing through. I went outside standing behind Edward and waited for him to acknowledge my presence. It seemed like a long time, but in reality it was only a few minutes before he turned from the grill to face me.
“Good evening Isabella.” When I looked in his eyes the irritation that was evident before was replaced with an eerie calmness that made my stomach clinch and I had to swallow hard before I could answer.
“Good evening Master.”
“I wasn’t a hundred percent sure you would be down, so I did not set the table, please do so now.”
“Yes Sir,” I busied myself with the task, taking extra time to fold the napkins into little pockets so I could place the utensils inside of them. I had just put my journal in front of his place setting when Edward came in carrying a plate. As I presented myself, I could see that he had skewers of grilled prawns and scallops and to my embarrassment my stomach growled.
“When is the last time you ate Isabella?”
“This morning Sir.”
The annoyance was back on his face. “Then I am very glad that I forced you to stay in bed, or you might not have eaten all day.” I didn’t say anything and he demanded, “Sit!”
I took my place and Edward brought over a bowl of rice pilaf and fresh beans to go along with the seafood and tossed salad. When he finally sat down he placed a red pen on top of the journal and ordered me to eat.
The food was good; he had marinated the prawns and scallops in a lemon butter sauce that gave it just the right amount of flavor without being over powering. The conversation was not so good, because there was none, not one word - not even a sigh, and the tension was beginning to make me edgy. I kept looking at him hoping he would say something, but he didn’t even acknowledge that I was there, and it became increasingly harder for me to continue eating. But I knew that if I didn’t it would just add to his irritation with me.
Finally, near the end of the meal, Edward picked up my journal and as he construed it, he used his red pen. I thought maybe he was correcting my spelling or something, but he never turned the page. When he was done he closed the book with the pen inside and laid it back where it was on the table before turning his dark eyes to mine. It was at that moment I was rethinking my decision to meet him in the kitchen, and had I the chance I would have ran back up to my room.
He inclined his head toward my plate, “are you done?”
“Yes Sir?” It came out like a question, because even though I didn’t think I could have eaten one more bite, I wanted to make sure that he was satisfied with my meal.
“Very well, go to the playroom and prepare yourself.” That was it; that was all he said, and with each step I took down the stairs and closer to the door, the queasiness in my stomach grew.
The atmosphere in the playroom didn’t do much to help calm me. Most of the room was dark, the only two dimly lit areas were the one immediately inside the door where my mat was waiting for me, then over to the left by the media equipment there was a black comforter on the floor in front of one of the chairs with the small round side table sitting next to it.
Edward didn’t tell me how much time I had and I figured he was in no mood to be messing around, so I moved quickly into the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth. When I came out I threw the robe I was wearing into my closet closing the door then went to kneel on my mat, taking a mental inventory of my position. I readjusted several times, never feeling comfortable and as I closed my eyes to focus on my breathing I realized what was missing, there was no music playing.
Each time I had been in the playroom there had always been soft meditating music in the background. I wondered if it was an oversight on Edward’s part or if he had done it on purpose to keep me more on edge? I squirmed a little more, the waiting and anticipation making me restless. What was taking him so long? Breathe Bella, breathe. I focused once more on my breathing and position finally beginning to calm myself; that was, until Edward entered the room.
I heard the movement of the door and I could sense his presence, and even more than that I could feel his eyes on me, but he didn’t move. Seconds, minutes, hours might have passed -- I had no idea. I wanted so badly to see his face and it took all my resolve to stay in position. Every part of me was screaming to just turn around and tell him how sorry I was that I caused him so much worry. That I had made a rash decision without considering the consequences, ask him to yell or scream to do something, because anything would be better than the silence.
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as Edward moved to stand in front of me, but he still remained quiet, and I broke. The tears formed in my eyes and slowly ran down my cheeks. They weren’t tears of fear, they were of remorse; I had driven him to the point where he was so upset with me that he would not even talk to me.
“Tears? Are they for true regret or just edginess?”
They were actually a little bit of both, but mostly from regret. I raised my head in an attempt to peek at him.
“Keep your head down and don’t look at me.” I immediately complied, waiting, while he went back to holding me in an agitated gaze.
“So which is it Isabella regret or anxiety? Speak!” Edward demanded.
“Master your girl is very sorry, she regrets causing you worry by driving so far.”
He huffed, “Driving? On your list of rules I don’t remember driving long distances as one of your regulations. Don’t get me wrong Isabella, I’m not very pleased about the fact that you drove so far alone, and I certainly am not happy that you made it there in an hour. That means you not only put yourself at risk, but everyone else who happened to be on the road with you today. That was reckless and dangerous and had it just been driving we would not be having this discussion right now.” Edward grew quiet for a few seconds before he continued.
“So tell me again Isabella, what exactly my girl is sorry for?”
I thought for a second but still wasn’t sure what he was talking about, I don’t know if it was out of impatience or if Edward was truly trying to help me because he asked, “What rule did my girl completely disregard today that caused me so much worry?”
Then I knew exactly what he was talking about.
“She is sorry for turning off her phone.” My voice was small and quiet, but he heard me.
“Yes, that is what caused me the needless worry. Your actions were callous and inconsiderate to not only me but also to Carol, my father, and anyone else who cares about your welfare. By simply answering the phone one time all of the alarm could have been avoided. But no, you consciously choose to just walk all over our concern for your well being.”
I didn’t think of it like that and as he spoke, I couldn’t help but feel bad for my behavior. I should have answered the phone, told them where I was.
“Carol was so concerned that she had my father call me. I had no clue where you were and I couldn’t reach you on the phone, in fact your phone is still off.” He’s right, it was, I hadn’t turned it back on and as I knelt there I wondered who else might have been trying to get in touch with me. If it was Leah, she would be frantic, which I suppose is exactly how Edward felt, that thought brought on a fresh round of tears.
“This cannot happen again. Your phone is not ever to be turned off. I don’t care where you are, what you are doing, or who you are with. Your phone will remain on and charged at all times. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes Sir,” I answered quickly through a sniffle.
“Sit, with your legs stretched out.” I wasn’t exactly sure I heard him correctly so I hesitated.
“Now Isabella.”
I moved quickly to sit flat on my bottom while Edward walked behind and brought over a folding chair which he sat on in front of me.
“Give me your right foot.”
Again I hesitated, but not because I didn’t understand, but because I was unsure what he was going to do and I was slightly scared. I could feel my stomach fluttering from the anxiety and my face felt tingly as I slowly lifted my foot into the air.
Edward grasped it, lifting it higher so it was level with his waist. I still didn’t look into his eyes but I watched as he pulled a black permanent marker from the pocket of his shirt and proceeded to write on the bottom of my foot. When he was done, he put my foot back on the floor and told me to look at him. When I did his eyes were dark, glassy, and filled with grief, and I gasped as new tears formed from the realization that I was the cause of his anguish.
“You are not to scrub that off; it will wear off on its own in a few days. Now, look at it.” Edward inclined his head and I bent my knee to see what he wrote. I bit my lip wondering why he wrote his name on the bottom of my foot. When I met his eyes again he continued to explain.
“Maybe this will remind you of how insensitive you were to my feelings today and with each step you take you can remember whose concern for your safety you completely disregarded. Besides, the way I figure it, if you are going to walk all over me you might as well do it with my permission.”
Oh my god! For the next few days, every time I take a step it’s like I’m walking on him, hurting him. I looked back down at my foot and my fingers ran over the letters.
“Your girl is so sorry Master,” I said through tears. “She wasn’t thinking,” I sniffled then added shaking my head, “she didn’t realize.”
Edward’s hand cupped my chin, making me look at him. “That’s the problem Isabella, you didn’t think. Now you can think about that,” he inclined his head toward my foot. My eyes dropped, I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes anymore.
Edward stood and walked back behind me again. “Kneel, Isabella.” As I did he stood back in front of me handing me my journal. When I looked down it was opened to the page where I recorded my daily activities. There were numbers circled in red in every box that kept track of my food intake.
“I did not give you a specific calorie intake for the hell of it, I expect it to be followed. If you do not fuel your body with sufficient nutrition then you will become weak and unhealthy. Which once again, besides yourself, you are hurting me.” He stopped talking as I looked over all the red circles. I hadn’t realized that there was so much missing from my diet.
“I expect by next week at this time that you will have that problem corrected. Your sleep is also inadequate; I expect that to be improved upon also. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes Master.”
Edward took my journal, “come Isabella.”
When he took my hand to help steady me I was careful to place my weight on my toes. I didn’t like the idea of walking on Edward and I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to keep from doing it for the next few days. He led me over to where he had the chair set up in front of the media equipment. There was some kind of a wide leather belt, a red rope and a black one lying over the top of the chair.
Edward picked up the black rope first. I watched as he matched up the two ends before sliding his hands along the length until he found the middle section. “Hands at your side”
When I complied he stepped behind me and wrapped the length around me right above my breasts meeting the ends in the middle of my back. He then proceeded to secure my arms to my body with six or seven circles of rope. Finally feeding the ends through the space where my arms laid against my torso closing in the gap and pulling my arms in tighter to my body. Edward cris-crossed the rope on my back and again between my breasts, wrapping several circles underneath, before finally tying a knot directly in the center of my chest.
The binding wasn’t tight and the rope was soft and with every tug and pull I felt more at ease until I realized I was standing flat on my feet; I shuffled to place most of my weight on the left foot, while I lifted the right one. Edward raised an eyebrow at me. He knew what my problem was but he didn't say anything about it.
Edward then picked up the wide leather belt, “raise your hands in the air.” When I did he wrapped it around my waist buckling it in the front. He took each of my hands and secured them in the straps that were attached to the belt on the sides of my waist. He checked all the restraints making sure that nothing was too tight or restricting my circulation, and when he was satisfied he had me lean over the arm of the chair.
I didn’t know what he was doing, and in one swift move he slid a very well-lubed butt plug into me making me gasp in surprise.
“Ok, come lie down.”
He had to help me because I didn’t have the use of my arms, and once I was where he wanted me he started working with the red rope.
I watched Edward carefully wrap several circles around my upper thigh then around my ankle before attaching it to a hook in the floor. He then brought the end up to feed through the black rope under my breast before repeating the process on the other leg. My feet were flat, my knees were up, and my thighs were very open.
Edward walked over to the cabinet and came back with the crop and a long silver stick. He sat down in the chair that faced me; his form was directly between my legs. He tilted his head as his eyes roamed over my body and then he smirked.
“I really like the look of that plug. I didn’t show it to you, look at the screen.” I turned my head to the side and there I was, I don’t know how he was zooming in, but the full focus became the ruby red jewel that laid flat against my rear opening. “Do you like it?”
“Yes Master, it’s pretty.” It was too.
“Hmmm…pretty? Yes it is, I have a blue one that is larger, we are going to work up to that very soon.” He sighed and then gave me my instructions.
“It’s a movie night Isabella; that means we relax and watch the video from previous sessions. We will be doing this from time to time. This is the edited version of both sessions from last week. You are not to take your eyes off the screen, you are not to orgasm, and do not struggle in your restraints. Focus on the security you feel in your bonds, force yourself to relax into them and let that help to keep you composed and under control. This is a learned skill Isabella, and one you must master.”
Edward has told me several times about learning to control myself and this exercise didn’t sound too tough. I actually felt very comfortable and when I focused on my breathing and allowed my muscles to relax, I found that I was very content in my restraints. Edward pressed the button on the remote and the screen lit up; I was waiting for sound, but there was none, it was just us. He zoomed in so the only image on the screen was me; my hands were secured to the ceiling and Edward was using the flogger on me.
My mind was so engrossed at what was happening on the screen that it startled me when I felt something sliding into me. Edward sighed out his unhappiness at my reaction and I mentally cursed myself for having that kind of response. I know I was still new to all this, but honestly, I should have been expecting something.
I relaxed again, having no reaction when he slid the dildo all the way inside if me and began moving it; I could see his hand moving from the corner of my eye but he was still sitting leisurely in the chair. When his hand drew back again, I could see something shiny and I figured he had somehow attached the silver stick to the dildo.
As I continued watching the screen I was fascinated by what I saw. I could see the way I responded to the flogging and I looked like I was getting lost in the sensation of the leather hitting my skin, reaching and practically begging for another strike. That fact registered in my mind as erotically strange, I never thought of myself as a masochist and I wondered if that was what I really was?
Edward’s question brought me out of my conjecture. “Do you see Isabella, how your body craves more?”
I did see it, and that was something I was going to have to think about. I told him so.
“Yes Master, your girl sees,” my voice was shallow and I could feel my body responding now to the attention Edward was giving me as the toy inside me began to pick up speed. I think I would have been alright had he not slid the leather of the crop along the inside of my thigh. The heat in my body was building, and when the first slap hit over my clit I moaned out in pleasure and need.
“Keep watching.”
It was beginning to get harder to stay focused, but I again relaxed and let everything around me slip away; and then the sound came on. The moans of pleasure that were escaping my mouth on the screen turned to pants and outright begging for more. The sound of my pleas became another form of stimulation and as much as possible my hips started to move.
“Isabella, hold still and relax.” His stern voice warned with a harsh slap of the crop on my inner thigh. How the hell am I supposed to relax when I am watching myself on the screen? All this stimulation occurring at one time was beginning to get to me. Edward sighed, paused the video, and removed the toy from inside of me.
“Ok, we are going to do this exercise again; and we will do it all night if we have to.”
I felt bad that I was unable to stay still and disengaged.
“Use your relaxation breathing from yoga. Let your eyes see, your body feel, but put most of your focus on the feel of your restraints and stay unhindered by anything else. Control Isabella, keep yourself under control,” he suggested with a warning.
When he restarted the video, I went into my deep breathing, and this time when he inserted the dildo into me I didn’t even flinch; and as Edward moved the crop over my body, slapping at various places, I found that I was able to detach myself from the sensations. That was until I saw myself orgasm on the screen and watched as Edward lifted me and filled me with himself. Then all I could think about was having him inside of me.
Edward must have seen my reaction because he stopped the movement of the dildo; my muscles still clenched around it and I wanted so badly to be able to orgasm at that moment.
“Calm yourself Isabella, you’re doing very well, don’t lose your composure now.”
I took a few deep breaths getting myself under control. I know it sounds stupid, but at that moment I was more interested in pleasing Edward than I was in my own release, and I knew that I could gain self satisfaction by being pleasing to him. As the Friday session started on the screen all I wanted to do was what he had asked of me.
Edward completely removed the dildo as I watched myself struggle to gain composure on the screen. I wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing, I was too engrossed with what was occurring on the video. I felt something at my entrance and I forced myself to remain relaxed and quiet. This one was larger and was like a rabbit with an extension that stimulated my clit.
“Don’t you loose that,” Edward warned as he stood and used the edge of the crop to circle my nipples making them pucker and stand more erect. Then he proceeded to quickly flip the leather back and forth across them. I knew he was watching me and I struggled to keep my breathing even and my body under control.
“Very good Isabella, let’s move it up a notch shall we?” I didn’t respond, I wasn’t sure if I was suppose to or not, but I got my answer with a stern rebuke.
“Isabella, I asked you a question and I expect an answer.”
“Yes Master, take it up a notch.” I did so wish I could look at his face, but he was standing behind me and my instructions were to keep my eyes on the screen, so that’s what I did. I felt Edwards’s hands on my breast, and then something like a suction cup was attached to each nipple. He squeezed something and they began to vibrate, and then the toy between my legs also started to hum.
I focused on my breathing as I watched my body curl in on itself on the screen and then Edward began to rub the crop over my body flicking the underside of my breasts and stomach before moving down to my thighs.
I was working really hard at staying in control, focusing my attention on the feel of the rope around my chest and the thick band of leather around my wrist. I was spacing out, just letting the feel of all the stimulation happen; and I found in my mind I was looking, waiting, anticipating where the next strike would occur so I could feel the warmth of the sting.
“Don’t you dare orgasm!” Edward warned in a menacing voice.
How he knew that I fighting off the beginnings of an orgasm made my mind focus once again on the bindings around my body.
“Keep watching the screen.” The focus was only on my face and I could see myself struggle to keep in check, and I wondered if that was what I looked like now? My internal muscles were clenched so tightly I was afraid if I let go that I would lose the grip I had on the toy inside me along with whatever control I had over the rest of my body. Edward’s voice brought me back.
“Tell me what you said here.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about until I saw myself throw my head back and scream out in Quileute. “Master I…,”
“Who?” he asked abruptly.
“Your girl screamed out curses,” I took a deep breath trying to keep myself together, Edward hit one of suctions on my nipple making it pop off and I whimpered sucking in a breath.
“What else, Isabella?”
I needed to swallow to get my voice, “She said – ‘so fucking good, it feels so fucking good.’”
“Ahhh, and do you feel like that now Isabella? If I allowed you, would you cum?” As he said this he popped the suction thing off my other nipple.
“Yes Sir,” I said as I sucked in air, while he ran that crop over my very sensitive breasts.
“Hmmm, too bad that is not going to happen. Not tonight anyway.”
The screen went black but the sound remained on and all I could hear were my cries of pleasure while I withered there on the floor.
“I believe that you need more of a reminder of who you belong to, and that your life is no longer your own. Your orgasms are mine to give or to withhold, and as long as one mark remains on your foot, they will be withheld.” With that said he reached down to remove the dildo from my body making me sigh partly in relief and partly in frustration.
I watched Edward remove his shirt and unbutton the top of his pants while he brought over a pillow which he placed under my head before removing his jeans and straddling my face. I opened my mouth to swirl my tongue over the head of his dick once, before sucking him into my mouth.
“Ahhh….that’s my girl.” Edward wasn’t taking it slow, and as he began to pump in and out of my mouth, I sucked and lapped on his shaft. “You’re the only one who can bring me pleasure Isabella. Just you.”
As his words registered in my brain I used more of my tongue moving it along his underside as he withdrew and more suction when he reentered. “Oh, Isabella, yes…just like that.”
His words were creating a fire in my soul and I was beginning to think how lucky I was to be the only one who could taste the essence of his seed. That thought made me more conscious of what I was doing and the groans of pleasure that were coming from Edward. At that moment it didn’t matter that I couldn’t orgasm, it was more important to me to make him have his release and let him finish inside of me. Taking his pleasure from me in whatever method he so choose.
I could feel his dick twitch in my mouth and I knew that he was close. I tried to suck him in deeper so he could cum in the back of my throat, but he abruptly pulled away, grasping his dick and came all over my neck. I looked up at him, his eyes were closed and his face was relaxed. When Edward opened his eyes he looked into mine and seeing the confusion there he explained.
“When your nutrition is as it should be, then you can have the privilege of me finishing inside your mouth.”
I couldn’t help the tears that filled my eyes, or the sob that escaped my throat. At that moment I felt completely unworthy, and he could have slapped my face and it would have caused me less pain then his words just did.
He moved quickly to release my legs, stretching them and rubbing the area where the ropes had been. Next came my wrists, and then finally my arms were free and I was sitting on Edward’s lap in the chair. He was running his hands down my back in a soothing manor while I cried on his shoulder.
“Shhh…stop the tears.” I sniffled trying to bring myself under control again as he cupped my chin to make me look at him.
“Listen to me,” I focused on the movement of his lips as he spoke, “I told you that my rules are not something that I play around with. I also told you that I would not enjoy having to punish you, because it will hinder my enjoyment of you. Now it is what it is, take the punishment and learn from it; so we do not have to have this discussion ever again.”
I nodded at his words, because I just didn’t know what to say. I felt so wretched, like I had let him down in such a big way, and I wondered how long this last consequence was going to continue? I didn’t ask him, I just let him lead me into the bathroom to take a shower. It was a very quiet shower and when we were done, Edward handed me a robe telling me to go to bed.
He didn’t invite me to sleep in his bed, so I went to my own room curling up in the soft comfy chair with a blanket laid over my body and my journal in my hands. I was finding it therapeutic to spill my heart and soul out in words. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that in the back of my mind I knew Edward would eventually read it. Maybe it just a way for me to vent; either way, I found a reprieve from all the emotions and feelings of inadequacy that I carried.
I had cried myself out while spilling my guts, and I must have fallen asleep in the chair because the next thing I knew Edward was putting me to bed and turning out the light. When he left the room I had so wanted to scream out for him to stay, but I didn’t think he would. There, in the darkened room, a feeling loneliness erupted inside me and I cried.
I don’t have a lot to say. Just a few shout outs.
To everyone who is reading my story. Thank you
To those of you who leave a comment. Mega Thank you. Your ideas and thoughts are fantastic and I enjoy reading every one of them. I try to reply to each one, if I miss you I’m sorry.
To those of you who are pimping out this story you all know who you are. I was only given one name - keitachibana along with vbfb1 for adding Diamond to her Domward’ Dungeon Series…Extra Mega Thank you…As a reader who pimped, that means so very much to me.
I saved the best for last to my beta MommyLovesEdward…Super Mega Extra Thank you…You rock girl!!! It makes it easier for me in so many ways, since you jumped on board and this journey became a lot more fun… love ya girl!
I have gotten a few questions for the OT I want to do, but I am going to need more. Please keep them coming. Also I had a request for more pictures, those have been posted on the Extra’s under photos. I do have a picture of the tattoo I will post it when Bella gets it. So you will see it the same time Edward does.
I believe that is all the housekeeping I have other than to say. The idea for this story is mine, the words are mine, sadly the characters are not…because oh...what I would love to do with Edward…lol
I hope you like this chapter, it’s an absolutely must be done kind of chapter…there are no warnings necessary, at least I don’t think so…enjoy.
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