Chapter 69

BPOV
Personal goals?
I sat there staring at the journal wondering what the heck that meant. Did Edward want something that had to do with my submission to him or did he mean life in general? Was this task his subtle way of telling me that there was something about me that I needed to change?
That thought was dismissed as soon as it entered my mind. Because I was absolutely sure that if that was the case Edward would simply tell me. Besides that very morning, the whole time that we spent in bed making love he drilled it into my head how much he adored me. He called me beautiful in every way possible so I knew with all my heart that couldn’t be the reason.
“You’re over thinking this Bella.”
I’m over thinking?
Edward used that soothing voice he has that compels me to understand, “I’m not asking you to come up with a cure for cancer. All I’m talking about are small simple goals, nothing more than that.”
“What kind of goals?” Edward frowned at me. I wasn’t asking him to tell me what objectives I should work towards I was just looking for some direction. “I mean, could they be anything?”
“Yes anything. However they should be relevant, specific, and obtainable.”
I heard what he said relevant, specific and obtainable, those were the words that any educator threw out when talking about goal setting. They truly meant nothing to me because I already knew what a goal consisted of. The intellectual part was taken care of; it was the emotional side I wasn’t too sure about. The more I thought about it and what Edward was asking me to do, the more my mind could only come up with one word. Unfortunately my brain was a jumbled mess of vagueness and the word came out in an exaggerated expression of my discontent.
“Why?”
“Why?” Edward spit the word back at me through narrowed eyes as he sat forward in his chair. At his intense glare I could feel my body recoiling.
Shifting in my seat I drew my legs up to tuck them underneath me while he continued to stare. The intensity of his gaze was so strong that my eyes dropped down to my journal that was clutched in my hands while my teeth nervously bit into my lip. I knew it was wrong to question Edward’s direction and my whiny childish tone didn’t help. In fact all it did was make me sound like a spoiled bratty child. Which was exactly how I was feeling, that didn’t get any better as Edward thoroughly reprimanded me.
“You should know by now that I’m not in the habit of having to explain myself. Nor is it your place to question anything that I would have you do. I know that I should have conveyed the task during our usual. However, I was trying to see that you had a sufficient amount of time to think about what is important to you and what you would like to obtain. But make no mistakes Isabella, that task is not a request from your boyfriend it is a demand from your Master. And just to make myself perfectly clear, had your outburst occurred during our usual time, you would have been swiftly punished. As it is I’m teetering with the notion of doing exactly that as a reminder that you are to respect me at all times.”
Not once did Edward raise his voice above a normal tone, he didn’t need to, the point was made. I on the other hand remained quiet while he continued, “If you want to behave like an ornery child I can be accommodating. Is that what you want Isabella? Do you need a time-out?”
“No Sir,” at my answer Edward gave me the signal to look at him. Lifting my gaze his face was impassive with deep penetrating eyes that are reserved for my Master.
“Now…if you can gather your emotions and behave respectfully then we can finish our discussion minus the incisive whining.”
“Your girl is sorry Master; she didn’t mean to behave like a spoiled brat.”
Edward finally blinked while letting out a deep sigh as he sat back in his chair. I on the other hand remained where I was, rigid and afraid to move. Not that I was worried for my safety, Edward would never hurt me. My anxiety was from my desire to not cause him further disappointment or do something that would add to the feeling of division that already surrounded us. To me it felt like there was a wall between us, one of my own making, which alienated the two of us. On his side was everything good, warmth, companionship and acceptance, on my side resided isolation, disgrace and condemnation.
It seemed like forever sitting there waiting for some sort of indication that it was acceptable for me to move. In all actuality in was only a few seconds until Edward gave me the hand signal to come to him. Before I even crossed the three feet that separated us he gestured for me to kneel, which I did gladly. Moving to his side I sunk to my knees settling on the floor as close to his legs as possible.
“Relax nâhtötse.”
At the feel of my face resting against his thigh all the tension left my body as I let out a stuttering breath while the tears fell. I wasn’t full out crying; it was more of an emotional release that I felt at knowing my place in his heart was secure. Edward shushed me while his hand gently stroked across my shoulder and down my arm as the side of my face nuzzled on his leg. The back of his fingers grazed along my cheek passing across my lips where I gently kissed them.
“Better now?” My body had become so relaxed I only nodded at Edward’s question. That wasn’t what he expected from me, “Answer please.”
“Yes Sir,” I replied quietly, keeping my eyes closed in an attempt to stay in that place of quiet peace.
Wordlessly, Edward’s hand continued to stroke across the skin of my shoulder and upper arm. I savored the times that I was allowed to rest at his feet in total submission. No words needed to be said, he was expressing his acceptance of me in the silent form of his touch. I was conveying my need for his admiration through my tranquil surrender and all felt right with the world.
With my eyes closed I enjoyed the feeling of Edward’s hand as it moved over my body. The contact on my bare skin sending tingles of delight through me. I was so very relaxed yet totally aware of my surroundings. The feel of soft flannel against my face masking yet not eliminating his scent as each breath I took drew more of him into me. In that moment there was not a single conscious thought going through my mind. The breeze blowing softly against my face carried the unmistakable smell of saltwater. I could hear the roll of the waves as they crashed over the sand along with the cry of the seagulls scavenging for food. I knew that the sun was rising however under cover of the balcony we were shaded and it was easy to get lost in the serenity.
Sooner than I would have liked Edward’s hand went to the back of neck, gathering both braids he tugged on them tilting my head back. Retaining the tension on my hair he guided my movements until I was upright on my knees and facing him. There was no anger in his expression yet his eyes were dark with seriousness as he spoke.
“Isabella, I’m not expecting anything profound, a two week time period doesn’t allot for anything momentous. All I’m talking about are three personal goals that can be anything you desire as long as they are meaningful, to you, not to me. You will not be judged for the subject matter or for the degree of difficulty in reaching them. The only expectation that I have is your completion of the task, both parts of it. First in making your choices of what you want to achieve and then implementing the steps towards ultimately obtaining them, and I will accept nothing less than that. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes sir.”
Edward’s little speech only brought back to mind the fact that I had to come up with goals. He did make me feel slightly more at ease about the whole thing, by pointing out that a two week time frame wouldn’t allow for anything life-altering. Still, I had no idea what I would work towards or how to even set about deciding, that was something I would have think about. The one thing I didn’t have to dwell on was Edward’s purpose. I was sure he had one yet it was clear that he wasn’t going to divulge his reason to me.
“Alright, so other than your original question of why, is there anything else I can answer?”
My head shook as much as it could with Edward still gripping my hair as I answered, “No Sir.”
“Good.” I watched the expression on his face change as he muttered ‘shit’ right after I heard the pitched voice of a little boy, “Hi Uncle Eddie!”
The hold he had on my hair was released as he answered his nephew with a wave, “Hi Vinny.” Edward took a hold of my elbow helping me to stand up with him. Vinny was saying hello to me as Mia ran after her brother falling down in the sand just as she yelled, “Ankle Addie!”
“Sorry babe, my attention was on you and I didn’t see them coming up the beach,” Edward told me quietly as he wrapped one arm around my back while we stood against the railing. I didn’t know what he was apologizing for until I looked down into the faces of his family.
Alice was too busy picking up Mia and brushing the sand off her to be concerned with us. Rose and Emmett stood next to Jasper, both with a smirks on their faces. Jasper however had the same look of disgust as Carlisle and Esme who glared up at us through wide incensed eyes. Carlisle’s gaze was fixed on Edward shaking his head in disapproval while Esme gave me a vacant stare.
Edward was right - Shit
That was twice in less than two hours that Edward’s mother had caught me in a compromising position.
Oh my god…she does think I’m a degenerate slut!
“How was your breakfast?” Emmett called up to us.
I think that Emmett was trying to defuse the situation. I also realized that even though the baby doll nightie I had on wasn’t form fitting it only went halfway down my thighs and I didn’t have anything on underneath. That thought caused me to stand with my legs pressed tightly together and a little closer to the railing. After being caught on my knees with Edward possessively holding on to my hair, the last thing I needed was for a gust of wind to come along. Something told me that a Marilyn Monroe impersonation wouldn’t go over too well.
Edward was answering his bother while I shuffled on my feet trying to show interest in the seashells that Vinny was holding up. Esme and Carlisle had stopped glaring at us but I was really uncomfortable in my state of dress, especially with them all looking up at us. Edward squeezed my hip and I thought that he was warning me to stand still so I was both surprised and relieved when he whispered in my ear, “Go inside nâhtötse.”
Excusing myself I told everyone that I would see them all later and under the pretext that I had something to do, I went inside. That wasn’t truly a lie because after drinking all the coffee I did need to use the bathroom and at that point any excuse would have done.
I couldn’t get over the look that Edward’s mom had given me. While she was in our room earlier, Esme didn’t seem to be overly concerned with what I had said. In fact, she more-or-less blew it off, only giving me a strange look as she was leaving. It was then that her eyes took in my braided pig-tails along with the girly innocents of my blue nighty. I figured that she was a smart lady and knew exactly what naughty thoughts I was hoping my ensemble would conjure in her son’s mind. That was why I suggested that his mother thought I was a slut. Like I was the lowest form of a vile seductress who used her womanly wiles against innocent baby boys enticing them into all kinds of debauchery.
However, the look of disapproval from Edward’s father, along with his mother’s abhorrent stare left no doubt in my mind what they thought.
Standing in the kitchen I picked up the tray with the dirty plates on it from breakfast trying to imagine how our private moment on the balcony would have appeared to an onlooker. It didn’t seem so bad to me. We were both dressed, in pajamas, but still not uncovered. There was no groping occurring, everyone’s hands were in completely appropriate places, mine at my side and Edward’s…
Opening the door to place the tray out in the hallway I thought about where Edward’s hands were. One was in his lap – I think – and the other was at the back of my neck holding my hair. We were almost at the same eye level looking at each other; he was sitting in the chair while I was kneeling. I suppose that was the problem.
Closing the door to the hallway I tried to put myself in Esme’s place and what implications that scene would have meant to me. I was fully aware of the lifestyle and would have known exactly what was occurring. The same as his parents did.
I suddenly felt very dirty and for some reason Charlie popped into my head as I wondered what he would have said or thought seeing us like that. Would he have understood the dynamics of what was happening? I thought not, and was glad as I usually am that my father lives in a world of ignorance. There was no way he would understand the complexities of our relationship and he certainly would never condone it. I couldn’t even imagine the conversation that would most definitely occur if he found out. And I was absolutely positive I wouldn’t be able to look into my father’s face every day with the knowledge that he knew.
It had not occurred to me earlier that Edward’s parents are very aware of his lifestyle and therefore mine as well. Maybe that’s because unlike my father who would without a doubt be bringing that fact up all the time – because like Leah it would be his way to gain understanding – Esme and Carlisle don’t. They can’t be in denial; it would be an impossibility with practically everyone in their immediately family involved to some degree in Power Exchange. There was no way for them to stick their head in the sand and pretend it’s not happening.
Both of Esme’s bothers own and operate lucrative clubs in two major cities that catered to the S&M community. I have yet to meet Edward’s other Aunt and Uncle but I was sure that they are as openly blatant about their chosen lifestyle as Aro & Jane were.
Their two sons are actively involved, although from what I could tell Emmett and Rose have an on and off relationship. Rose doesn’t wear a collar all the time; it seems more like they engage in D/s play when the mood strikes. Edward on the other hand has adapted it to his way of everyday life. Our playtime is scheduled yet just as what happened earlier on the terrace the persona is always present, and I liked it that way.
Standing back at the sink rinsing out the beer bottles that Edward had left there the night before, the thought occurred to me. Hell, even Alice is involved with the club.
She and Jasper might not participate in activities however I wager to guess that eighty percent of her business comes directly from the patrons of New Moon. As we ate dinner the previous night, Alice went on and on about the garments she had made. Esme sat there with a smile on her face engaging in the discussion as she asked for clarification on some of the designs. There was no scorn or apprehension in the conversation; it was just a fact of their life. With all that going on around them there was no way for Edward’s parents be oblivious, so what was it?
Turning off the sink after wiping down the counter area Edward set the coffee pot and cups down that I had left outside. “Is this everything?”
Edward told me yes as he leaned his back against the counter watching me wash the dishes he had just brought in. He appeared to be relaxed with his arms crossed against his chest but I could tell that he was scrutinizing me. Rinsing the soap off the coffee pot I didn’t wait for it to dry before putting it back on the hot plate and wiped the counter down again.
“Are you done?”
My eyes went to Edward, “Yes, thanks for bringing it all in, I didn’t want to bend over to pick it up,” self-consciously my hands went to the short length of my gown. He gave me a crooked grin and before I could stop myself I blurted out, “I think your mom hates me.”
My words brought out a genuine smile as he spoke, “My parents don’t hate you Bella. In fact they adore you.”
Maybe they used to
“Did you see the look your mom was giving me?” the sadness in my voice couldn’t be contained. I truly liked his parents and didn’t like that they were upset with me or my actions.
Edward’s shoulders seemed to slump down as his hands fell to his side in defeat. “That look wasn’t for you Bella, that solely belonged to me. I broke the cardinal rule of being in public-”
“We weren’t in public.” I cut him off because in my mind we were on our own private terrace, having our own private moment.
“Anytime we are not behind four walls with a closed door, we are in public. That means that we, or rather I, need to always be conscious of other people and their sensitivities.” Edward pursed his lips as if in thought and then continued.
“Do you remember on Mother’s Day we went to my parents?” I nodded at his question. “And before we went I explained to you that my parents are aware of my lifestyle but they don’t want it thrown in their faces?”
I did remember him telling me that which was why we had cut our first weekend short, so nodding he went on, “They don’t approve, especially my mother who holds out hope that somehow this is just a phase and the right woman will come along and I will give up my propensity for kinky sex.”
I guess Esme just figured out I’m not that woman
“However, I’m a grown man who supports himself and is not doing anything illegal or detrimental to society. So I can live my life anyway I choose and there is no shame in that, but out of respect for my parents I don’t let them see that side of me.” He sighed then continued.
“I suppose ignorance is bliss and out of sight out of mind or any other shit that you can think of to describe my parents dismissal of my personal life. What I’m trying to say is that they don’t approve and for the most part they don’t say anything. They keep their opinion to themselves as long they don’t see anything that brings it to their attention. They have never seen me interacting with my submissive, so it is easy for them to believe it doesn’t occur.”
I interrupted him because I had to know, “Is that the reason you never took other women around your family?”
Edward’s eyes grew a little softer. “In part yes, but the main reason was because those women never meant anything special to me. I wasn’t going to go traipsing a bunch of different woman in front of my mother. She already doesn’t approve, she would be even less inclined if she had to see so many…” as he trailed off there was almost a look of remorse in his eyes, “Besides to me taking a woman around my family was significant, it was opening up another part of me that all of them had no right to see. Introducing any of them to my family would have given the wrong impression to both my parents and the women. That wouldn’t have been fair to either of them, I’m ashamed to admit that those women were nothing but play things…”
The last words were spoken in a hushed whisper as if he was embarrassed to admit the truth even to himself. “You shouldn’t feel bad about that Edward. They were grown women who knew what was happening. You never promised them anything and they were with you of their own free will.”
“I know that Bella, yet I still can’t help but to be sorry because the decisions I made before are effecting us now.”
We quietly held each other’s gaze for a long moment, I’m sure Edward was condemning himself for his past and I didn’t know what to say to make it any easier for him. There are times when his past comes up to bite me in the ass. That’s when I need to see the circumstances for what they are and remember that it’s not Edward’s fault. It’s not like he was with those women while we were together, or even while he was trying to pursue me. At least I hoped that was the case, if I was wrong I hoped I never found out about it.
He sighed in resignation, “Yeah, well. There is nothing I can do about that now. But with what happened with my parents, that was my fault too.”
I wanted to argue with him that there were two of us out on the balcony but Edward shouldered all the blame upon himself. “By my not being vigilant and keeping a closer watch on what was going on around us, I’m afraid that I opened up the preverbal can of worms. The reaction from my parents was directed towards me, and I’m sure I will hear about my public display. It makes them uncomfortable, so when they are around it is not something I talk about or even allude to. Not because I’m ashamed, it’s simply out of respect for their wishes.”
The scenario that Edward was explaining reminded me of the government’s position on homosexuals in the military. It was a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ situation. I suppose that when you have a child that engages in something you don’t approve of , that would be a good stance to take and would fall under the umbrella of unconditional love.
“The problem is…” Edward smiled reaching out to take my hand, drawing it to his lips and placing a kiss on the pulse point of my wrist. Tugging my arm he pulled my body so that I was positioned in front of him standing between his opened legs. The heat coming off his body was making my own temperature rise, only I wasn’t sick even though my voice sounded weak as I asked, “the problem is?”
Edward gave me a broad smile rubbing the tip of his nose against mine. “You”
My head moved back to allow me a better view of his face as I questioned in disbelief, “Me?”
“Yes you…I find myself so distracted around you that everything else fades away. You, Ms. Swan, capture and hold all of my attention to the point that I forget about everything else including my responsibilities.”
“I’m sorry.”
At my words Edward’s head tilted backwards as he rolled with laughter. Looking up at him I was taken aback for a moment until I realized the humor of my own statement and giggled along with him.
“Oh Bella,” Edward stated with a chuckle as he tightened his arms around the small of my back, “what am I going to do with you?”
“I could think of a few things,” I said looking at him through my lashes.
Edward took in a deep breath before leaning down to kiss me. Our mouths melted together as my hands held on to his arms. His hands moved down gathering the bottom of my nightie and began to pull it up over my body. Breaking the kiss I took a small step back to look up into his face, as I did he slipped the nightie over my head.
“What are you doing?” I asked with mock suspicion.
“Well…” Edward said taking each of my wrists in his hands and bringing them up to his shoulders, “…if I remember correctly there was a suggestion made to spend the morning naked in bed.”
Nodding my head I admitted, “Yes there was.”
“So I was wondering,” his hands wrapped back around me, “after our brief intermission, if that offer might still be available?”
“Oh…were you now?” my hands tightened around his neck as he started walking me backwards towards the bedroom.
Edward’s head bobbed up and down with a wicked grin, “Yes I was. What do you say?”
As if I could refuse
“I say you have entirely too many clothes on.”
“I can fix that,” and he did.
We spent the next two hours in bed, laughing, talking and making love – twice.
Much like earlier in the morning it took a lot for me to get out of bed. I would have been perfectly happy right where I was. However, the clock kept ticking and I figured that Edward’s parents were already unhappy with our behavior and I didn’t want to add to that. With that thought on both our minds we reluctantly got out of bed and into the shower to remove the smell of sex from our bodies.
Edward was dressed in his board shorts and t-shirt a lot quicker than I was ready for. If we were spending the afternoon on the beach there were things that I had to get together. He followed me around the rooms asking stupid questions like why I needed band-aides on the beach. Then laughed at me when I told him that you never know what’s going to wash up on the shore that you could step on. Believe me I knew, rocks, shells, glass and fishhooks have all at one time or another found their way into my feet. I was taking the band-aides.
After a few times of me explaining my motives I finally sent him down to the car to get the cooler – which I had accidentally left there the day before. That turned out to be the best thing I could have done. It gave him something to do and got him out of my way. I love Edward with all my heart, but his constant questioning of me was getting on my nerves.
By the time he came back up I had everything we needed in the beach bag and all I had to do was put some ice in the cooler so our drinks and lunch would stay cold. Double checking the bag I handed Edward the cooler grabbed our towels and sand mat so we could leave. Stopping by the hotel store we bought fresh deli sandwiches, drinks and a few small bags of snacks before heading out onto the beach area.
It was a beautiful day to spend outside; the sun was warm with a gentle breeze blowing off the ocean. The beach itself was right off the outside deck of the hotel with maybe only fifty feet of sand before the shoreline began. There weren’t a lot of people out yet and since Edward and I were the first from our group to arrive we picked a spot on the sand to set up our area. The hotel had lounge chairs available for their guests to use which Edward gathered together while I set out the sand mat.
Edward sat down on the mat next to me and while I took my sunglasses and visor out of the bag he pulled out the SPF 30 sunblock and took off his shirt. Getting to my knees I knelt behind his back to apply the lotion over his shoulders. Working my hands over the expanse of his back, letting them drop down under the waist band of his shorts to the top of his butt cheeks. “Hey… no sun going to be down there.”
I giggled, “You never know, you could lose your shorts in the waves.”
“Well in that case maybe you better do my front too,” Edward smirked at me as he laid down on his back with head resting on my legs.
“Do your own front,” I laughed handing him the bottle.
Edward’s hands came up tugging on the material of my white terry cloth cover-up, “Are you going to leave this on?”
I nodded looking down into his squinting eyes, “For now.”
At my words he pulled the bottom of my shirt over his head looking up at me through the large opening around my neck making me giggle at his silliness. “What are you doing?”
“I wanted to get a good look at the merchandise. I barely got to see you in the bathing suit before you covered it all up.”
Edward had the most adorable pout on his face and I couldn’t help but taunt him. “We spent practically the whole morning checking each other out. I would think you would be tired of seeing the merchandise.”
“Oh nâhtötse, there aren’t enough minutes in the day for me to grow tired of seeing your body.”
Taking ahold of my shirt I pulled it back over his head and suddenly altered my position to straddle Edward’s waist. I moved so quickly that he made an ‘omph” sound as the back of his head hit the mat.
Looking down into his surprised face I leaned over top of him to block the sun from his eyes. “That’s what you say now; in thirty years when my boobs droop and my hips spread you’ll be singing a different tune.”
Edward looked up at me and for a second all playfulness was gone, “You planning to be with me in thirty years?”
I didn’t know what to say, because we hadn’t really spoken in any depth about a future together. Yet I couldn’t imagine one without him. On the other hand I didn’t want to sound like love sick puppy who was dreaming of a life with someone who didn’t want the same thing. I took the safe route turning it back to him. “I plan to be here as long as you want me.”
Edwards smile practically blinded me, “Well in that case, how far are these boobs going to droop? Am I going to need a pillow to reach them or are they just going to fall in my mouth?”
I laughed at him, “They won’t turn into utters.”
He laughed with me wrapping his arms around me and shifting so I was lying flat on my back. He stuck his head under my shirt, nipping with his teeth at the skin over my ribs making me squirm as he spoke from inside my shirt. “What about when you lay down are your boobs going to be all the way over here?”
Lifting up the top of the shirt I looked down to see what he was doing, laughing as he nipped some more. “Get out of there.”
“What the heck!” Emmett’s loud voice boomed. “Haven’t you two had enough, there’s no nooky on the beach.”
At Emmett’s words Edward stuck his head out of the top of my shirt, stretching the neck opening as he looked at his brother, “Is that posted somewhere?’
His question made me laugh and I think I heard the click of a camera as little Vinny who was perched on Emmett’s shoulder declared, “Yeah…no nook’n on the beach.”
Then his little voice asked, “What’s nook’n?” while I tried to push Edward’s head down as I giggled, “Would you get out of my shirt!”
Rose laughed, “I’ll bet that’s the first time you ever heard that Edward.”
He chuckled giving me a kiss before removing himself while Vinny became more insistent, “What’s nook’n!”
“It’s not nook’n, it’s Nooky,” Emmett told him as Edward took my hand pulling me to my feet. I looked at Emmett wondering why the heck he said the word again and didn’t just attempt to get Vinny’s mind on something else.
“Nooky is what adults call hugging.” Rose and I snickered while Edward stared at his brother blankly and wondered, “What are you going to do when he repeats that?”
“He’s not going to repeat it. Are you my man?” Emmett questioned his five year old nephew as he took him off his shoulder and set his feet on the ground. Vinny shook his head adamantly denying any chance of that happening, “No, I won’t repeat it.”
I smirked knowing damn well that he was like a little parrot that recited everything he heard. Shaking my head I bent over to get a towel, as I laid it out on one of the lounge chairs I laughed along with Rose who guaranteed her husband that he was going to be in big trouble because she was sure that Vinny didn’t even know what repeat meant.
“Well then we just all have to stick together with the story…”
“Oh no…” I said sitting down with my book and putting on my sunglasses, “…I’m a cops kid, and will squeal to save her own butt.”
“Then I’ll just blame it on you,” Rose sat in the chair next to me snickering at what Emmett said while I gasped and Edward chuckled. “That’s the way a family works little Bella, you blame each other and no one really knows who did it. Isn’t that right Edward?”
The traitor stood nodding in agreement, “It’s the ‘I don’t know’ and ‘it wasn’t me’ syndrome that siblings do. See what you missed out on being an only child?”
“That’s ok we’ll make up for it now. All those in favor of blaming Bella raise your hand,” three right hands up in the air simultaneously. Even Vinny who looked around at what they were doing succumbed to Emmett’s suggestion and raised his hand.
“Oh, thanks a lot!”
Edward smirked at me, “Just trying to give you the full experience babe.”
“Full experience at what?” Alice asked as she appeared with Mia perched on her hip and a large beach bag slung over her shoulder. Jasper followed behind her carrying a huge cooler with towels folded on top of it.
“Bella is tattle-teller, we were just explaining that doesn’t go over so well in a big family,” Emmett was already trying to make his case.
“That’s right,” Alice declared setting Mia down in the sand. “She who tattles, takes the blame.”
“Is that how it worked?” I asked Edward who nodded, “exactly how it worked. You learn real quickly to keep your mouth shut. Because mom and dad knew somebody did it, but they couldn’t just point a finger in blame and they couldn’t punish all of us…”
“Oh…mom did one time.” Alice stood up taking sand toys out of her bag, “Remember when someone broke great-grandmother’s lamp. Mom was so mad, she even called up Aro and had Mason grounded.”
“That wasn’t funny, I had to miss a football game because of one of you,” for it not being funny Emmett sure was snickering at the memory. Then he turned to me, “See Bella we hardly got blamed for anything and because there was no one else, you got blamed for everything.”
I shook my head, “No I didn’t. I was good girl and never did anything wrong.”
“Bull,” Edward muttered, “she just jumped of cliffs, got lost in caves and ran around the outside of house naked.”
“That doesn’t count,” I insisted but Edward countered. “Oh excuse me, I think if ten years later Emery still calls you sweet cheeks, it counts.”
I could feel my face heating up – fucking Emery.
“Wait!” Emmett exclaimed, “Emery who?”
“Oh that reminds me,” Edward started.
Emmett stopped Edward before he could finish, “No…No...No…nothing reminds you of anything…until I know Emery who?”
“If you would let me finish…”
Edward was cut off again this time by his parents who said a generic hello from behind our chairs. At the sound of their voices my knees bent as my flat feet rested on the seat of the chair, it was as if my body was trying to brace itself for what was sure to be coming. The feel of Esme’s one arm hug from over the back of my chair slightly stunned me as she made her way around to everyone. I suppose maybe Edward was right and she wasn’t angry at me, or perhaps she was being cordial for the sake of appearances. I felt bad at that thought because I didn’t want to believe that Esme would be insincere. In fact both of Edward’s parents were probably the most genuine people I have ever met.
I opened my book pretending not to notice that Esme picked the chair next to mine. From the corner of my eye I watched as she placed a towel over the plastic before sitting down. I sort of steadied myself waiting for the twenty questions or the innuendos that I was sure would be coming. I could feel the rising anxiety build in me as I listened to Edward explain about needing a partner for golfing. The three men got as excited as a ten year old as he gave the entire where’s, when’s and what for’s. It would have been more comical if I wouldn’t have been so distracted waiting for Esme to say something derogatory to me.
I practically jumped when she reached over to touch my hand, “Did you have a restful morning Bella?”
Taking in a deep breath my head turned in her direction, it took me a second to realize what I was seeing. The laughter burst out of me at the sight of Esme sitting there with two braids in her hair. Leaning my head towards her my laughter turned to tears as I realized that this was her silent acceptance of me. She didn’t think ill of me; I wasn’t a slut who was unworthy to be with her son. And if she cared that I submitted to Edward, she was never going to let me know. Esme wrapped her arm around my shoulder holding me closer as her head leaned in towards mine and she whispered in my ear, “We all like our men to defile us dear.”
I nodded and couldn’t stop the tears from falling as I felt that unconditional love that only comes from a mother. It wasn’t something that I had grown up with; Sue was the closest thing to a mother that I could remember having. She loved me and of that I was certain. But still the daily give and take that occurs between a mother and daughter was never part of my life. And I realized at that moment how much I truly missed growing up. Edward and Emmett were telling me the joys of having siblings when in my mind the greatest joy they could ever know was having a mother who unmistakably loved them and always would.
Wiping the tears from my eyes Esme whispered, “You make my son happy Bella, that’s all I could ever want.”
Nodding against her shoulder I whisper back “thank you” hoping that she would know everything that I meant by those two words. Thank you for making me feel welcomed, thank you for accepting me just as I am, thank you for making me feel cared for and thank you for showing me the love of a mother.
Taking another deep breath I broke away from Esme’s embrace and instantly missed the warmth that just seems to radiate from her.
“How about if you and I go out for lunch one day next week?” the suggestion made me smile. I had been out with Esme before while the four of us went shopping. However if it was just going to be the two of us we could get better acquainted and talk more intimately. I figured if Edward is considering us spending the next thirty years together connecting with his mother would be a good thing to do.
“I’d like that.”
“Good, I’ll call you.” I actually found myself looking forward to that call.
My eyes went back to the men who were all standing in front of us talking boisterously about Emmett being the one who was going to play golf. All of them were loudly voicing their opinion on the matter. Carlisle and Jasper were grumbling like children that they couldn’t go while Emmett gloated over his victory.
They all seemed lost in the discussion except for Edward, who was showing obvious interest in the exchange I had with his mother. I wasn’t sure if he realized that I had been crying real tears or if he thought it was from laughter. The sad smile on his face made me think he knew the truth and I smiled wider to let him know that everything was alright. He tilted his head a little bit taking in my expression then winked before joining back into the conversation.
Opening the book back up I re-read the same page over again laughing at some of the parts I had missed the first time. Edward sat down on the side of my chair facing his mom with a bottle of water. After taking a long drink he offered me the bottle which I gladly took a drink from before putting the cap back on. He leaned on me propping his back against my chest so his head lay in the valley between my breast, and my fingers automatically threaded through his hair.
“Edward is there a reason you didn’t shave today?” Esme inquired while Edward stayed where he was answering with an unconcerned tone, “I’m on vacation.”
His mother sighed, “I certainly hope that you shaved the whole time you were with Bella’s family. I would hate to think what they thought if you went around looking like you had no grooming habits.”
Edward’s head turned in the direction of his mother, “How comes you don’t yell at Emmett, he has facial hair?”
“Your brother keeps it trimmed, you just look all scruffy,” she countered making me giggle.
“Bella likes my scruff,” Edward tilted his head back so that even in the position we were in he could take in my face, “don’t you nâhtötse?”
Nodding in agreement, my nails ran through the prickly hairs on his face and neck. I loved when Edward ran his coarse hair on his face over my skin. The prickly scratching would work me into a frenzy as he teased the flesh on my sensitive areas. Just the thought of it was creating a craving in me. It was like a scratch that needed to be itched and Edward was the post.
He must have noticed some kind of change in my body because he chuckled. “See mom, I told you, she likes it,” Esme sighed deeply shaking her head but glanced at me with a smile, she knew the score.
“You coming?” Edward answered Jaspers question with an absolute yes, standing he kissed my forehead leaning down to whisper in my ear “In front of my mother”
I rolled my eyes feeling my face heat up while Edward chuckled before kissing his mother’s head and going with the men down to the water’s edge. The four of them stood there watching Vinny run into the water just far enough for the waves to reach his calves before he ran back out. I went back to my book glancing up a few minutes later to see them all tossing a football around.
Jane had given the book to Edward for me, placing a note inside telling me it was the perfect read for sitting at the beach. I had to admit it wasn’t a book that would normally attract my attention. Romance novels weren’t my typical choice; however Jane assured me that ‘The Corset Diaries” was not a standard Harlequin Romance. The story didn’t contain a voluptuous blonde damsel in distress who is ravaged by a burly hero with a big dick. In fact the story was just the opposite and it was funny as hell.
Mia took my attention away from starting a new chapter, she was dripping wet and screaming in Jasper’s arms as he carried her to Alice. “What happened?”
“She got wiped out,” he said without any concern. Alice on the other hand went into mommy phase, jumping from her chair to wrap her daughter in a towel and a hug. Once she calmed down I was going to go back to my book, but Rose stopped me with her comment.
“Skanks homing in at three o’clock,” my eyes shifted to the two women in the ugliest bathing suits I had ever seen, slowing down their pace as they approached our men.
“What the heck are they wearing?” Alice asked while she towel dried Mia’s hair.
“Hideous,” Esme murmured.
As I said ugly, they looked like someone took a perfectly good swimming suit and ripped large chunks of material out until the only thing left was a bunch of scraps. My suit on the other hand was cute with a top that was reminiscent of the forties and the bottom cut to resemble boy shorts with ruffles. Realizing that I was still was wearing the cover up I stood to remove it, making my motions as exaggerated as possible. Turning to fix my towel Esme gasped at seeing the tattoo on my back and like everyone else she pulled the edge of my bottoms to see what was hidden.
“When did you get that?”
“A month ago, Alex did it,” I added the last part because I was sure she would know who that was.
“I always thought about getting a tattoo, something small over my hip that only my husband and doctor would ever see,” Esme confessed.
“You should do it,” Esme had a great body and it would look good on her.
“I don’t know, I think my grandmother would roll over in her grave,” Esme answered while I readjusted the bottoms over my hips.
Purposely bending at the waist to give Edward a good shot of my butt, I picked up the sunblock out of my bag. As I was doing my little show I couldn’t be sure if he was watching as I placed one leg on the chair, slowly working the lotion into my skin. The higher my hands went the more sensual the motions became.
Switching to the other leg Rose snickered, “That’s slick chick, you definitely have his attention.”
Good
Sliding one finger under the strap of my top I let it fall over my shoulder to put lotion on as I finished the other side Rose waved me over to her chair, “Come here I’ll do your back.”
Sitting in between her legs I gathered my hair holding it up out of the way. Esme had been watching what was happening with the skanks. “That’s terrible; you girls shouldn’t have to put up with stuff like that.”
“That’s nothing, you should see what I put with,” giving a dismissive wave I thought better of my statement. “No, it’s better if you don’t.”
Rose chuckled rubbing the lotion into the area between my shoulder blades. Being present for the Jessica fiasco she knew exactly what I was talking about. However, her comment caught me off guard, “Not anymore.”
“What do you mean?” I asked turning my body so I could see her.
Rose grinned, “Bella, after what Aro did I don’t think anyone will even look at you funny.”
“What did he do?” Rose narrowed her eyes at me before understanding came to her features.
“Edward didn’t tell you?”
Tell me what?
My head shook and before I could answer she enlightened me. “Aro sent Jess a certified letter, telling her that because she committed an assault on the premises she was permanently banned from the club and that if she even steps foot on the property she would be arrested for trespassing.”
Oh My Fucking God
“When did this happen?” I wanted specifics about Jessica while Esme was more concerned with what Rose meant by an assault. Rose decided to educate Esme first, recounting all that happened that night in the bathroom. I kept my mouth shut while Alice wondered why I hadn’t said something to Jessica right away and Rose dismissed her question saying that there were extenuating circumstances. Alice caught on to her meaning and Esme just eyed me in a way that told me she wanted to know, but didn’t want to at the same time. Much to my happiness it was the latter instinct that won out.
Esme did however want to know something, “And Edward knows this Jess person how?”
Tilting my head I gave her a pointed look over the top of my sunglasses, understanding came to her immediately as she rolled her eyes, “OH.”
With the story out of the way I wanted my question answered, “Rose when did this happen? And does Edward know? because he didn’t say anything about it.”
“We all had dinner…”
“That I wasn’t invited to,” Alice’s disruption irritated me, “I invited you, and you didn’t want to come.”
“Yeah, I was invited as an afterthought,” all I could do was questionably stare at Alice and hope that her feelings weren’t truly hurt.
“Anyway…” Rose interjected, “that was Monday night and I think Aro mailed the letter Tuesday, because she wasn’t there all weekend.”
I rolled my eyes, “Great that means everyone was talking about it and there was even more gossip.”
“Not too much,” Rose shook her head. “Everyone was more interested in why Mike got suspended.”
“What did Mike do?”
“Doesn’t Edward tell you anything?” I was beginning to wonder that myself. Although it was certainly possible that Edward didn’t know anything about this since it occurred while we were away. My blank stare must have been enough of an answer.
“That night that Jess attacked you, Mike had signed her into the club and then erased her name.”
“Why would he do that?” Alice wondered.
“I have no idea,” Rose shrugged. “No one even knew that they were together.”
“Uh,” was the only response I could come up with. Rose twirled her finger in a circle, “Let me finish your back.”
Spinning around I started thinking about all that Rose had said. I certainly wasn’t going to miss seeing Jessica’s smiling face. In fact rather than feeling bad about the situation, I found that I was happy about what Aro did. That was one less of Edward’s bimbos that I would have to deal with. As I thought about it I wondered. “If Jessica has Mike why did she make such a big deal about me being with Edward?”
“Oh please Bella, your comparing bologna to a T-Bone!” I laughed at Rose’s analogy.
Mike was handsome in a boy next door kind of way, where Edward was just…well…Edward. He was perfect in every way. With Rose moving her hands across my back my mind wondered why Mike would have erased Jessica’s name. Was he embarrassed by her or was he trying to hide her presence in his life from someone? If so who?
It hit me like a bolt of lightning, “Rose…” my body sprung upright as I spun around so quickly that I startled her making her splatter lotion all over her chest.
“Jesus Christ Bella!” she yelled wiping the lotion off with the back of her hand.
“Rose!”
“What!”
“Listen, what did Jessica say in the bathroom?”
“I don’t know, by the time I got there she was just about done…”
“No think Rose. She told me that she got her ass chewed out for something that wasn’t her fault and then she was going on about wanting me to disappear and then she said that she used to fuck Edward…”
Esme gasped but I couldn’t pay attention because I needed to know what Rose remembered. I tried to jog her recall, “Then she said something about her having to play…”
“Third fiddle, when she gets invited.” Rose finished my thought in a monotone voice as she remembered what was said. I nodded “Exactly!”
She looked at me like she still had no idea what I was talking about. “Don’t you see? It’s Mike, he has someone else but they sometimes invite Jessica whenever…”
“They want to use her,” I nodded at Rose’s comment while Esme sighed, “Awe… that poor girl.”
Poor girl?…she’s a bitch
Keeping that opinion to myself I ignored Esme’s comment while Alice asked, “I don’t understand what that has to do with Mike being suspended.”
“He erased Jessica’s name because he didn’t want anyone to know that they were together, and he has someone else. Someone a whole lot more important to him and they had Jessica do something that she messed up. So she came into the bathroom all mad because Mike chewed her a new asshole about it and there I was. What did she call me?”
Thinking about the derogatory name Jessica chose to use, “I think it was skank ho.”
Rose looked at me with a huge smile on her face, “I think your right.”
I couldn’t contain myself as Rose broke into a deep laugh. The giggles overtook us until our heads were on each other’s shoulders while we carried on. We must have looked ridiculous sitting there in a fit of giggles.
“What the hell is going on?” Emmett’s loud voice only made us giggle more.
“Bella is a Skank Ho,” Rose said through her laughter as she sat up pointing a finger at me.
With my hands on my knees I leaned back looking up into Emmett’s eyes laughing harder at his perplexed expression making it harder to get the words out. “Can…you…imagine that…me…a skank ho?”

Emmett stared as if we had lost our minds making us come to our senses. In my moment of clarity I realized Edward was still by the water’s edge with the other men and that Esme and Alice had somehow found us funny because they were giggling too.
“That’s it, I don’t want you two sitting together anymore.” Emmett’s finger wiggled back and forth between Rose and me as I turned back to face him.
Esme took ahold of the situation, “Emmett do you want something?”
His eyes narrowed at the two of us while he answered his mother. “They wanted me to ask about lunch.”
“Oh. Whenever you’re ready,” Esme’s sweet voice giving the answer that I was sure Emmett wanted to hear and dismissing her son with a simple statement, “Go tell them.”
He walked back down the beach shaking his head and muttering, “those two are trouble.”
Rose finished with the lotion on my back and I was just standing up when the men rejoined us. Edward eyed me for a second then broke into a big smile; whatever Emmett had told him about our exchange certainly hadn’t upset him. In fact it was just the opposite he seemed rather pleased.
Lunch was very relaxed, Alice had another beach mat that was put next to mine and we all sat there eating and talking. The men were still going on about golfing with Emery. I guess from their standpoint it was something special, to me it was just Emery. The same guy who I grew up with and no matter where his career took him he would always be the boy who lived on the next road and mercilessly teased me.
Throughout lunch it seemed like Jasper was the most upset that he wasn’t the one going on the golf outing. He kept giving Alice puppy dog eyes however; she must have been immune to them because every attempt was promptly ignored. I couldn’t really blame her, golfing was set for Saturday and it just turned out that he and Alice were hosting a swimming party for Vinny’s baseball team.
It didn’t really help that Emmett kept wallowing in his good fortune by saying, “Too bad suckers.”
The last time Jasper looked to his wife, she gave him back an expression clearly stating that if he left her alone with fourteen five year old boys, she was going to kill him.
I couldn’t blame Alice, it sounded like a hell of a lot of work and before I knew what I was saying the words just popped out of my mouth. “Do you want some help?”
“Oh my god Bella, would you really come?” Alice leaned forward looking past everyone else to take in my response. Her voice sounded both shocked and hopeful. Like she couldn’t believe I would even offer.
Since I had already put my foot in my mouth I might as well go all the way. “Sure, Edward’s going to be golfing, and I don’t have anything else to do.”
My mind immediately started to berate myself. It would be on Saturday and my time belonged to Edward. I should have talked with him first because even though he would be gone he might have had something planned for me to do. Looking up into Edward’s face for reassurance I was met with an irritated stare that told me everything I needed to know.
Shit – I fucked up again