We left the pub and began walking slowly down the street. The sun was starting to set and even though it was the beginning of May, there was a chill in the air. Reflexively I shivered.
“You cold?”
“Just a little, it’s not far, I’ll survive.”
He put his arm around my shoulder, providing warm friction with the movement of his hand on my arm. I looked into his face, meeting his eyes, he grinned “What kind of a gentleman would I be, if I allowed you to get sick?”
“Are you a gentleman?”
“Most definitely am, my mother instilled into us boys the virtue of treating a woman with respect and courtesy.”
“How does that figure in with the whole...club life thingy?”
He chuckled. “Club life thingy?” he asked mockingly. “Are we going to talk about that now?” His eyes grew a little darker, I shrugged, and he shook his head “How much further do we have to go?”
“It’s at the end of the next block.”
“Then I’m afraid that conversation will have to wait for a later time.”
We were quiet for few steps, his arm wrapped protectively around me. With each step I could smell his skin, not like cologne; just man, raw, sweet, and sensual.
“Can I ask you something Isabella?”
“Sure.”
“How many men have you been with?”
Wooo… Was not expecting that.
“Umm,” I could feel my face heat up. “..Yeah... um, one”
He stopped walking. “One! Just one?”
I nodded my head, “Yeah, one, just James. That’s all.”
He looked at me like I had birds flying out of my ears. “Isabella, when was the last time you were with a man?”
I looked around the street, very aware that there were people who could hear us.
“Willingly?”
His eye brows narrowed, “What do you mean willingly? Fuck Isabella, did he hurt you? Did he force himself on you? What kind of an animal is he?”
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I hated being weak, so I yelled, “I couldn’t fuck stop him! I tried, he wouldn’t stop! What the fuck was I suppose to do? I didn’t want him to, but he wouldn’t stop!” By the end of my tirade, tears were pouring down my face. I was shaking as Edward pulled me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me, and holding me close.
When I finally settled down I could hear myself repeating over and over, “It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault.”
Edward was brushing his hand down the length of my pony tail, whispering soothingly, “Of course it’s not your fault.”
I relaxed into the warmth of his chest, slowly coming back to reality. I tisked at my own stupidity.
Taking a few deep breaths, I shook my head keeping my eyes closed, “Edward, really. What do you want with me? I have so much shit in my past. You...you, don’t want me.” Putting my hands on his chest I tried to remember the feel, it’s been so long since I felt so safe and protected, I didn’t want to forget what it felt like, and then I pulled away.
Edward grasped my hands, “Isabella, look at me.”
I took another deep breath and looked into his eyes.
“We all have shit we have to work through. Some of us just have a little more than others. I can’t tell you that I can make you all better, or that you will forget. But I can tell you, that embracing who you are, and letting all the other shit go, will allow you to live a fulfilled life. Giving yourself over to someone else is part of the healing process. Remember I said you’re going to have to trust me?”
I nodded.
“Baby, I’m going to have to hear all your shit. I need to know, because I need to be able to know what’s ok and what’s not. I need to know how far to push you without causing damage either physically or emotionally and I don’t ever want to hurt you. You are going to have to trust me with everything you have in you. It’s a process. We start out slow, when I can trust you and you can trust me, without any doubt…” He smiled, “…Baby, that’s when we made it to the top. But it’s a long way up there. There’s going to be lots of tears and letting go.” He took a deep breath, glanced around the street then looked back into my eyes. “My question for you is, do you want to climb up that ladder with me?”
What is he asking me? I kept looking at him searching for an answer in his eyes.
“Why?” Was the only thing I could ask.
“Do you feel that?” His face grew gentle squeezing my hands a little tighter.
“Yes,” I nodded.
“What does it feel like?”
“It’s a tingle, like a small current.” I answered, looking at our hands.
“Exactly! I have never felt that before, ever. I don’t know Isabella, but I think fate has stepped into our lives to bring us together. I’m offering you my knowledge to help you explore who you are in here.” He touched my chest right over my heart. “You said you have something screaming inside you wanting to get out. So let me help you.”
I still wasn’t sure what he wanted from me.
“Look I’m not asking you to strip naked and kneel at me feet, at least not at this minute.” I chuckled, he smiled “Let’s go slow, we’ll talk more about this Sunday. You think about it. I have rules, and hard limits that I don’t cross. I can be warm and generous, but also strict and forceful. It’s all a matter of trust, Love.”
I didn’t miss the ‘love’ part, and inside I was smiling to beat the band, on the outside I was scared.
“Come on, my father is probably wondering where I am.” I nodded, and we continued on in silence.
When we came to the front door of the center, I opened the latch to the gate for the breeze way that ran alongside the building.
“We have to go in the back. My car is back there, and no one goes in the front.” He followed behind me. Once we were through and at the back of the building I punched the code into the steel door, walking through into the open court yard.
“Security?”
I nodded, “Yeah, can’t be too safe.” I turned around to look at him, “This is a place where you have to forget it’s location. You can’t tell anybody. There are a lot of men in this city that would love to know where the center is. If you tell, you’re putting a lot of people at risk.”
He looked almost hurt, but then his face softened, “You’re trusting me.” It wasn’t a question, it was statement of fact.
“I am.” I smiled, nodding my head.
“See it’s a beginning,” he beamed.
I stood there just taking in the sight of this handsome man who, for some unknown reason, wants to be with me. He wants to explore my innermost desires and bring them out so that I don’t feel like I am suffocating in them.
He ran the back of his thumb down around my jaw line. I could feel the heat of his touch linger. His face came closer to mine and my heartbeat picked up speed. I tilted my head as he brought his lips to mine. His lips were soft and warm. I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck, letting my fingers twirl in his soft hair. His arms reached behind me. One was on the small of my back, the other behind my neck, pulling me closer. My breathing increased as I felt his tongue trace the curve of my lower lip. I responded by allowing him access, and moaning when our tongues met in a warm, wet, and sweet dance. I could feel the muscles of his upper body flex as I wrapped my leg around his upper thigh, trying to get some friction. He groaned as he thrust his very erect penis into my hip.
I suddenly became aware that we were no longer alone when I heard an, “Oh, My?” from Carol and a deep throat clearing which I assumed was Edwards father.
I broke away from his body and standing in the entrance to the center was the two interrupters. Dr. Cullen looked like he was ready to burst, and Carol looked at me and winked with a big ‘that a girl’ grin on her face.
I looked at Edward, and he had a smug look on his face. Me I was blushing so hard I thought my face would pop.
Dr. Cullen cleared his throat again, “Are you ready Edward?... or do you need a few more minutes?” he added with a chuckle.
Oh my god, how come the earth never opens to swallow you up when you need it to?
Edward beamed at me, still looking kind of smug. “Where is your car?”
“Umm.. It’s down in the parking deck, under the building.”
“Will you be safe getting there?”
I nodded.
“Ok... then I’m ready dad”
Edward looked at me with a gleam in his eye, leaned over and kissed me softly. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow night.”
“Ok.”
He smiled.
“Bella it was nice to meet you.” Dr. Cullen walked up to me with a smile on his face, he shook my hand.
“It was nice to meet you too, Carlisle.”
They turned and were walking away when his father clapped Edward on the back. “Why don’t I get a kiss like that?” He was still laughing when they closed the steel door.
“Holy Hell girl! What was that?” Now Carol was laughing. I shook my head and stepped past her to enter the building.
“Come on Bella, tell me!” I kept waking trying to think of what to say. When I reached my office, Carol was still giggling.
“Well, it was a kiss.”
“Sweetie, that was more than a kiss. I thought you two were going to go at it in the courtyard.”
“It was…pretty hot” I flushed.
“I’ll say,” she agreed.
After a few seconds she asked if I was ready to go. I nodded. We turned out the lights, checked the security alarm and headed to the garage.
“So...Dr. Cullen is going to help us?” I asked as we reached our cars.
“I think he is. He was really great with Sally, she was relaxed around him, and he seemed to have a lot of compassion for her predicament.”
“That’s good, he seems really nice.”
“Not as nice as his son though.” Carol snickered.
I shook my head grinning.
As she was stepping into her car I called out, “Carol!”
She looked over at me.
“I just wanted you to know, Edward doesn’t have a little peen.”
She started laughing along with me as we got in our cars.
It wasn’t quite dark when I pulled into my driveway pressing the garage door opener. I’d been gone thirteen exhausting hours and all I wanted to do was sit in my tub and enjoy a glass of wine.
“Hey Seth, were you a good boy today?” I said as I patted his head. After feeding Seth, I headed down the hall with half a bottle of red wine and a glass.
I started the water for the tub, turning the lights down and put some soft music on. Once my hair was up and my clothes in the hamper, I lowered myself into the hot water, turning the jets to a low setting. As I sat there sipping my wine, I contemplated all that Edward had said today. Was this something I was willing to explore? Am I willing to open myself up to him? Will he still think I’m worth it when he finds out how fucked up I am? Pouring the last of the wine into the glass, I figured it was time to get out.
Once I was dried off with my robe wrapped securely around me, I sat on the edge of my bed rubbing lotion onto my legs, when my phone chirped. Checking it I saw that I had three missed text messages.
I was just making sure you got home safe - E
Twenty minutes later:
Are you home or are you still at the center? - E
The last one was fifteen minutes ago:
Isabella - I’m starting to worry – Edward
Oh my - I got an Isabella and an Edward. I texted him back immediately.
Sorry - I was taking a bath. Yes, I am home safe – B
I’m relieved that you are home. You must be all pruney from being in the water so long - E
I was starting to prune up a little bit. But I’m still in one piece. -B
Well that’s good to know, I like you the way you are. Are you getting ready for bed? You had a long day.- E
Yes - the whole week has been long, but I have some papers I need to grade, and I have to finish putting the final together. So I will be up for at least two more hours - B
Will you sleep late in the morning? You need rest. - E
I plan to. Depends on Seth, he likes his breakfast in a timely fashion. He can be insistent - B
Most males are. I’m going to let you go so you can get your work done and get to sleep, pleasant dreams, Isabella - E
You too Edward - Goodnight. – B
I graded the last four reports, pulled the final document up on my computer, but I couldn’t get my mind off of the words that Edward had said while we were on the street. I laid there wondering if I could really give myself whole heartily over to Edward. He was handsome, intelligent and made me feel safe.
I got up to use the bathroom, and then walked across the hall to my office. Pulling the two books I wanted off the shelf, I went back to my bed. I haven’t looked at these books for almost a year. I read them before; but I figured that if I was actually considering taking Edward up on his proposition, I wanted to know what I was getting into. I started with Different Loving.
As I settled into bed, my mind filled with all the possibilities. The first time I read this book, I couldn’t understand how in the world someone could find pleasure in being dominated. How pain or humiliation could bring satisfaction? As I began to delve into this world of power exchange, I understood that it is about the submission of yourself. The submissive gives themselves over willingly, giving up control for a designated time frame. The more I understood the mindset of the submissive, the more I saw myself. There was something in me that just wanted to give all power over to someone else. To get lost in the sensations. I wasn’t sure how much pain I would like, but I sure wanted to find out.
I checked out web sites and did some personal interviews for my Thesis - at least that’s what I told myself. I found a rope bondage technique called Kinbaku that created intricate designs of knots and rope around the submissive’s body. The submissive’s looked beautiful, peaceful, and secure. That’s the feeling I craved, security.
I would find myself surfing through bondage paraphernalia. Wondering what a crop would feel like on my skin, the smell of leather from the gag in my mouth, and it turned me on. I would find myself masturbating to the images of dark eyes and strong hands on my bottom, while I begged to climax.
Now Edward is offering me this, and there is something inside me that wants to jump at the opportunity. Yes, we definitely needed to talk. Yawning, I looked at the clock -1:45- turning out the light I settled under the blankets, closed my eyes and let sleep take me.
Somewhere in the recesses of my brain, I’m aware that I’m lying on a leather covered table. My skin is slick with perspiration. My hands are tied above my head; my eyes are covered with some sort of blindfold. I can feel warm hands running along the curves of my breasts as my nipples harden. A breath by my ear whispers, “Just feel it, Isabella.” I take comfort in the voice. Fingers rub more forcefully over my nipples and begin to pinch and tug. Something cold and slicky is on my belly; I suck in a breath at the sensation. One of my nipples is pinched tighter. I gasp, and as he takes the other nipple in his hand he reaches up to remove the blindfold.
“I want to see your eyes.” I look into his beautiful green eyes that are filled with desire. He reaches out and attaches the other clamp, never taking his eyes off mine. I hum in satisfaction.
“Keep your eyes on me Isabella, and don’t make a sound.” He begins to run his hands from my face down over my breasts. As he moves closer to my core his touch becomes firmer. I close my eyes.
“I told you to keep your eyes on me!” I look back at him, but his eyes are no longer green, they’re blue. His hair is now long blond strands. His voice is cold and I start to panic. But I can’t move. His soft touch becomes a slap in the face. He grabs my arms and begins shaking me. “I told you Bitch, you’ll never get away from me!” He slaps my face again.
My eyes spring open as I leap up in the bed. My heart is pounding in my chest; I can feel the sweat on my forehead as I try to get my breathing under control. Looking around the room, Seth is standing by his bed watching me; the clock says 7:45. I take another deep breath to let the tension go. It was only a dream. My breathing is slowly coming back to normal as I realize I’m safe.
“Come on Seth, let’s go get some breakfast.”
Taking the book from last night, along with me, I glance at the security system in the living room as I let the aroma of fresh coffee lead me into the kitchen.
Seth goes out to do his business while I get myself a cup of coffee. I have a few slices of raisin bread left, so I plop a piece in the toaster and take a yogurt out while I get the butter from the fridge. Looking at the contents of the fridge reminds me that I’d better do some grocery shopping.
When the toast is done, I sat down at the table reading some more while I ate my breakfast. After a second cup of coffee Seth wonders in looking for his breakfast. Taking the pot of coffee over to the table I was about to sit back down when the house phone rang, startling me. - I was still a little jumpy from my dream- picking up the phone I look at the caller ID -Leah
“Hey girl, what ya doing calling so early?” I asked.
“It’s almost nine Bells, you didn’t answer your cell so I called the house number.”
I looked at the clock on the microwave; damn it is almost nine. “Yeah, it’s still in my room on the charger. So, what’s up?” I figured she wanted to hear what happened Thursday night.
“Well it’s a really nice morning and I need some exercise because my ass is getting so big Jake is going to start using it for target practice.” I laughed. “You think that’s funny?”
“Yes I do, besides your ass isn’t big. You are having a baby. What do you expect?”
She sighed, “I didn’t expect my ass to blow up like the Goodyear blimp. Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk in the park?”
“Yeah, that sounds great, Seth likes the park. I have to shower and dress, can you give me a half an hour or so?” I asked as I started straightening up the kitchen.
“Yeah, it will take me that long to waddle over there.”
I laughed again, “Ok, see ya soon, love you.”
“Love you too, Bells.”
I showered, threw my hair up in a messy bun, and put on some mascara so that I didn’t look so tired. I dressed in a black pair of yoga pants and a form fitting gray t-shirt. Leah was already in the kitchen when I came down. She had on a pair of khaki Capri’s and a maternity shirt that read: ‘I may be pregnant on the outside, but on the inside I’m a hot chick.’
“Hey girl, you ready?”
I grabbed a few dog snacks, hooked Seth to the leash, picked up a doggy doo bag, and we walked out the door. It was a beautiful spring morning, perfect for a walk. We traveled the three blocks to the park; it was one of the reasons why I loved this neighborhood. The city owned park housed a few baseball fields, a play ground, a public pool, and a three mile walking trail.
“I think we are going to go to Forks next week for Mother’s Day” Leah looked at me to get my reaction.
“That’s good, Sue will be glad to see you.”
“Yeah, she would be glad to see you too.”
I knew that was coming. I sighed, “I’m sure she would, but I don’t think I’m going to go back until Graduation weekend. I’ll send her flowers and give her a call.”
Leah gave me a strange look. “Can you at least think about it? You can drive with us. We’ll go straight to La Push and come back later that night.”
I shook my head, “You know that they will want to go out for dinner, and Charlie will want me to come to the house so he can show off his newest improvement.”
“Well that’s not so bad, we will all be together, he won’t bother you.”
“I’ll think about it, and let you know,” I shrugged.
“That means, no.” She huffed.
I looked at her, “That means I’ll think about it,” I answered with an annoyed tone.
I didn’t want to continue with this conversation, so I changed the subject. “So, what are your plans for this weekend?” We stopped by a tree so that Seth could pee, when he was done we continued with the walk.
“We are going out for lunch, and then Jake and I are going to go register for baby items.”
“That will be nice.” I was making a mental note to call Sue about putting together a baby shower.
“Why don’t you come with us?’
“No, you and Jake go, that’s like a couple thing you should do together. Besides I have some work to do.” I shook my head.
She stopped turning towards me, “Bella, you need to get a life. Preferably one with a man in it, with some hot sex, and mind blowing orgasms.”
“I have orgasms,” I sulked.
“I’m not talking about self induced, or battery assisted, I’m talking about a warm blooded hot hard cock that makes you scream with pleasure.”
“Is that what I need?” I laughed.
She looked at me completely serious, “Yes...it is.”
“Speaking of which,” she went on, “What’s up with that guy from the other night.”
“Edward,”I smiled and shrugged.
“Jake didn’t tell me his name. He just said that the guy was eye-fucking you all night. Then he was groping you on the curb.”
I stopped walking. “Oh My God! He was not! Yes we were stealing glances at each other. On the curb he asked for my number so we can go for coffee, and he kissed my cheek. I would hardly call that groping.”
Leah huffed and rolled her eyes, “That husband of mine, he had you fucking him in the bathroom.”
“Get the hell out of here; you wait until I see him.” She laughed, but I was sort of annoyed.
“So tell me about...Edward?”
I smiled again, I couldn’t help it, every time I thought of him I just felt warm. So I filled her in on what happened at the club. How I knew Alice and Aro, some of what we talked about. Then I told her about him coming into the pub and his father.
“So, his dad is going to work at the center?”
“Looks that way.” We had to stop for Seth to do his business. I told her about my mini breakdown, and how he held me.
She rubbed my arm, “Were you ok?”
“Yeah, I just felt so safe with him.” I told her about the kiss in the courtyard.
“Was it a kiss...or a kiss?” she asked with raised eyebrows. I bit my lip and felt my face heat up
“Holy Shit! It was that good?”
“It was like tongue sex.” We both stood there giggling.
When Seth was done I bent down to pick up the mess; I wasn’t paying attention and Seth’s leash got away from me.
“Seth!” He started running toward the ball field, “SHIT!”
I ran after him, he ran up to a man who reached down and held on to his leash.
When I got over there I was looking at Seth, “You’re a naughty dog! No treats for you!” I scowled at my dog trying to look intimidating. “I’m sorry he got away from me.” I said as I looked up.
“Isabella.”
Oh shit, so much for dry panties.
“Edward!” I’m sure the shock was plain on my face.
“I believe this is yours,” he said as he handed me the leash with a smirk.
“Bella!”
“Hi Alice.” I said with a wave. She got up off her folding chair walking over to me with a toddler on her hip, giving me a one arm hug.
Leah came up behind me. “You got him Bells?”
“Yeah.”
She sort of bent around her belly grabbing Seth’s nose. “You know I can’t run, you’re such a brat, your name suits you!” I giggled as Leah stood back up.
“Little Bella! What are you doing here girl?”
“Hi Emmet, we’re just out for a walk”
Dr. Cullen came over with a woman holding his hand. She was slender and shapely, with honey colored hair. “Hello Bella.”
“Hi Dr. Cullen.”
He turned to the woman, “Sweetheart this is Bella, Edward’s...friend,” and he chuckled.
The woman stretched out her hand, “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Esme.”
I nodded and shook her hand, “Pleased to meet you.”
Leah cleared her throat from beside me.
“Oh, excuse me. Leah, this is Edward and his family. Alice is his sister and her husband Jasper. Umm… Emmet, his brother and his wife Rosalie. Rosalie is going to have a baby too. And his parents Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. Everyone this is my sister Leah.” I looked at Edward. “Umm, Jake’s wife.”
Everyone said ‘hi’ and shook hands. Rosalie was talking to Leah about where she bought her shirt at. I was half listening when Alice asked, “Why are you in this park Bella?”
“We live a few blocks away,”I motioned with my hand.
Alice’s eyes lit up.
“Do you all live together?”Edward asked.
I giggled and he narrowed his eyes.
“No, I live on Ferndale and Leah lives on the next block, on Spruce.” He nodded.
“Oh,” Alice got serious, “Are you telling me that we live less than a mile from each other?”
Dr. Cullen cut in, “I think it’s a little further than a mile Alice. But you are very close to Edward.”
“Do you live in this area?” I looked at Edward.
“Yeah I do, over on Cypress.” He nodded.
“How long have you lived there Bella?” Alice was very curious.
“Four years, I like it here. It’s quiet, it’s low crime, and close to walking trails.”
Leah’s phone rang, “Excuse me,” she said and turned to answer the phone.
Edward was watching me as I talked to his family. He didn’t say very much and I wondered if maybe I was unwelcome.
Leah came back over and pulled me aside, “Bells, Jake wants to stop at some auto shop and they close at noon, so he’s coming to pick me up… Do you want us to drive you home?”
I shook my head, “No, no, I’m going to finish the trail. You guys go have fun, and pick out lots of really good stuff for me to buy.”
She laughed and eyed up Edward, “Oh yeah, your right ‘sex-on-a-stick,’” she whispered with a giggle. “Anyway, you sure you’ll be alright?”
“Its broad day light Leah, I can walk three blocks by myself. I’ll be fine.” I rolled my eyes.
“Ok listen, call me later and let me know about next weekend; he won’t come to La Push Bells, you know he won’t. Sam would kick his ass.” She hugged me.
I sighed, “I’ll talk to ya later, go before Jake starts worrying. Besides, you know how long it takes you to waddle anywhere.” I laughed, Leah was faking shock.
“You wait Bitch; you’ll be waddling one day too.”
We hugged good bye, Leah called over my shoulder, “Good bye everybody, it was nice to meet you.”
They all said good bye and Leah walked back towards the entrance. I turn back around to see Edward watching me with an emotionless face.
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