Chapter 76

EPOV

“That’s it nâhtötse, let it all out” My fingers were threading through Bella’s hair soothing her as she wept.

From the moment we had come into our room Bella hadn’t stopped crying. Sitting on the couch she slunk to the floor kneeling at my feet with her head in my lap. My first instinct was to stop her by keeping her in my arms but I understood the need she had to be where she was. After the night she endured the security and reassurance that came from being on her knees would be most welcomed. The tears were therapeutical, allowing her to finish processing her thoughts and release all the pent up emotions.

The relentless crying came in spurts through muttered words about fluted vases, see-saws and glass blowers. There was no way for me to tell what she was talking about so I just let her cry while I comforted her best I could.

It had been almost twenty hours of an emotional roller coaster ride that I was ready to get off of. After Bella had gone to sleep in the early morning hours, I picked up her journal and began to read. The words she writes are so articulate that there leaves no doubt in my mind as to the point she is making. That has both a positive and negative effect on me. On one hand I’m glad that there is a full understanding of the workings of her mind yet on the other I don’t always like what I read. In this instance the latter was definitely the case.

It was slightly disconcerting to read the casual references she made to both me and my collar she wore. I could see how with my property adorning her neck, Bella would think of it as her possession. It would also be easy to allow her to continue with that train of thought. But to what end? It would seem detrimental to her mindset if I tolerated the misconception. If it is hers, then what reason does it serve others than to be a pretty trinket, rather than an outward expression of submission and therefore obedience?

Getting Bella to adjust her train of thought on that matter should be an easy endeavor and I hoped that once it was mentioned to her, that I would not have to revisit the problem again. But it was Bella I was talking about and that was something I would have to see about later along with her referring to me as Edward.

Hmmm…one thing at a time

My biggest concern was Bella’s assumption that I would be proud of her for not bothering me while she figured out a course of action on her own. She might have saw not coming to me as a source of pride, but I knew it was much deeper than that. Whenever Bella was in a situation that she couldn’t control she used an “I don’t need you” attitude as a defense mechanism.

She had done it her whole life, starting when her mother died and making the move to Washington. In her earlier journal entries Bella talks about never allowing Charlie to see her cry because she didn’t want him to think that he had inherited a sniveling child. That same behavior continued all through her life intensifying to include her whole family during her marriage.

Bella separated herself from any and everyone who offered help in order to have some control over an uncontrollable situation. Judging from her unscrupulous activities she was attempting to do the same thing with me.

The unhappiness Bella had over the task of setting three short term goals was made known immediately. To me it seemed like a simple assignment that would give me an insight into how she prioritized; yet to her it became major event that she would have been very happy to not comply with. I however wasn’t giving her a choice, so in her mind by not seeking my guidance she reverted back to what had worked in the past.

Wielding her stubbornness like a two edged sword, using it as protection against an assault while also striking it towards anyone who could assist her. The last blow was struck in my direction because if she had no power over what I was requiring of her then she was going to control any part of it that she could. That included keeping me at a distance while she fumbled around trying to figure out what it was I wanted from her.

Silly girl

Had I been anyone else it might have worked, but to her detriment I knew my Bella better than she knew herself. I will admit that when the problem first raised its ugly head I was perplexed. Once we spoke about it on the balcony it started to become clear, especially when she admitted to purposely evading my questions. By the time I had read her journal there wasn’t a doubt in my mind as to what she was doing and I knew that the self-destructed behavior had to end.

That left me with the dilemma of what to do about it. After going back to bed I laid there holding Bella while different ideas ran through my head. As I thought about the whole thing several truths fell into place.

Bella was still under the fallacy that independence was something to be prized. She wanted to prove that she was fully capable doing things on her own without my assistance. She wore my collar (and pretty as it was) the significance of that act carried connotations that she seemed to have forgotten about. And last but not least was her delusion that somehow I had become a willing partner in the bizarre game of chicken she was playing. Unfortunately for her I was not going to be the one to flinch.

Perhaps had my Bella been anyone else a stern talking to or a compassionate plea would have been enough for her to see the error of her ways. But not my girl, she was the type of person that needed to see things for herself. I could tell her the sky was blue and she would nod her head in agreement but never truly believe until she saw it.

No, when it came to tenacity Isabella was likened to a drug addict or an alcoholic, she had to hit rock bottom. Letting it shatter her apart until all the fight was gone and she was confronted with the truth staring her in the face.

As the lesson started to formulate in my mind I wondered if it was the right thing to do. It seemed like an obvious form of discipline. As surly as Isabella dismissed me and all that I can give her, I would turn the tables and dismiss her. I had to rationalize the degree to which I would go. In no way did I want her to feel abandoned or neglected. I would be attentive, respectful, and caring yet when it came to showing acceptance of her service that would be totally rejected.

God I hated to fucking do that

I’m a selfish bastard who enjoys Isabella’s submission and all the little ritual protocols that come along with it. Yet, if she’s going to fight me every step of the way with her manipulative willfulness then it’s all shit anyway. Bella needed to rationalize her behavior against what is expected of her and that was something she was going to have to see for herself.

No, it was the best way, maybe the only way

The ramifications alarmed me as I worried about her fragile confidence. Bella had worked so very hard at getting to where she is in her submission and she needed to remain that way. If I was not careful six weeks of hard work, tears, and letting go of pent up anxieties could be destroyed, that was something I was not willing to let happen. Bella needed to remain assured of her place in my heart, positive in her submission, and aggressive in moving forward; all of which basically meant that I had to break her without annihilating her delicate self-esteem.

Words from the journal kept resonating through my mind ‘my own pride stopped me’ and ‘what was so wrong?’ both statements were followed up with justified intentions. That was another thing Bella needed to think about. There should be no need to justify, her only justification is that it had been asked of her – again it comes back to total obedience. Once that was set in her mind all the rest would come easily. Well, at least easier; because it will all come back to her setting aside her own arrogance to obey my words and my rules without question. Isabella’s total obedience was not something I was willing to compromise on.

Yes…it had to be done

It was going to take a lot of strength on my part, first in just carrying out the discipline. Isabella was not going to be a happy, in fact I was downright positive she would be miserable. It was going to kill me to see her like that and all I could hope was that it didn’t take all fucking night. I was going to have to be constantly on edge keeping her close so she didn’t doubt my affection yet distant enough for her to learn the lesson. It was going to be a balancing act that would require me to walk on a tight rope made up of my own emotions.

I was also going to need the strength to pick up the shattered pieces once Isabella broke, and there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that she would break. Once that happened the crash would come like a tidal wave that I would need to let her ride out while still keeping myself on the same tight rope. Again I liked it to an intervention that takes place with someone addicted to a chemical and the one thing that is required – tough love.

Could I do that?

For Bella ? For our relationship? For her growth?

Yes, I could!

Once my mind was made up I let sleep take me knowing that I would need to be strong, and for Bella I could that.

Several times throughout the day I second guessed my plan, it was hard to show her that she was loved and meant everything to me while still refraining from fucking her. Twice - I almost caved twice -throughout the day.

The first in the morning while I was still considering other routes, Bella was enticing standing in the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel twisted on her head and a bra. I hadn’t a chance to really kiss her good morning and once I did the touch of her skin sent that fucking tingle I feel straight to my dick. Reasoning in my mind that it wouldn’t be a good idea wasn’t enough and it was one of the few times I was glad my brother interrupted.

The next was when we came back from our trip into town. I fucking wanted her and the thought of Bella in the next room naked with nothing but a thin wooden door between us nearly drove me mad. Pacing the floor like an expectant father while I kept repeating ‘it’s for Bella – tough love Edward – stick to your plan’ was the only thing that kept me in the outer room.

Fucking longest five minutes of my life

It was easier on the beach as I could exert some energy by passing the football around with my brothers while the women talked. When we joined them Bella was all too eager to comply with my time schedule and I had surge of remorse for dashing her enthusiasm for the evening. That only lasted for a brief moment as I was told the topic of the conversation the girls were having.

I still find it rather disconcerting that whenever women get together they seem to always talk about sex. It’s not like men never mention sex or make innuendos because we do. The thing I can’t grasp is the open, in-depth conversations about personal preferences and experience; Emmett’s right, women tell each other everything.

Once the women went inside we sat on the blanket talking, and I mentioned that Bella was not going to be her happy self for the evening. My only reason for saying anything at all was so that neither of them, especially Emmett – who has no filter – would question Bella as to her demeanor. Which I was sure would be downcast and I didn’t want to make her any more uncomfortable. Jasper didn’t exactly understand what I was going to do and I didn’t go into explanations with either of them as to the reasons.

Emmett knew the routine and dropped the subject but Jasper was more persistent, “What exactly was Bella’s crime Edward?”

Giving him an It’s none of your fucking business look I told him flatly, “There was no crime. My submissive needs discipline. If that makes you uncomfortable we will spend the evening by ourselves.”

Emmett shrugged, “Do what you have to do.”

“You’re not going to hit her,” Jasper stated as if he would not allow that to happen. At my assurance he shook his head, “I don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to like it. The only thing I’m asking is that you not interfere and for god’s sake don’t tell Alice.”

That was all I needed. If my sister knew she would be sure to tell Bella and I wanted my girl to come to her own conclusions. Rose – Rose would keep her mouth shut.

“Whatever Edward.”

I expected that Jaspers acquiescence had more to do with his curiosity than actual acceptance. If we were all together it would give him a glimpse into our world and it would also give him the assurance that I don’t ‘hit’ Bella. Whatever his reason, he gave me his consent to join them for the evening with the promise to not say a word to Alice.

Knowing something is going to be difficult and actually living it is two different things. My mind was going round and round at the fact that Bella had no words for what my collar meant. It’s not that I had picked out a word and no other would do, because that wasn’t the case. In my heart I wanted to hear something that had to do with obedience; anything that took the focus off of Bella and placed it at my feet would have been sufficient.
Her generic answers of ‘this girl is owned’ and ‘she is his’ where not an acceptable answer and frankly I found them to be inwardly centered. Focusing the attention on what Isabella gets - owned and controlled - I wanted to know what my collared submissive was willing to give.

The more I thought about it the more positive I was in following through with my plan. That was until the look of devastation crossed her face when I told her it didn’t matter what she wore. I had seen that same look before, while Bella laid restrained to the mat on the playroom floor right after I reprimanded her for poor eating habits.

Standing there staring into her eyes, watching as the pain rolled through her, fucking broke my heart and I had to tell myself it was for her own good. Calling upon all my training it took every ounce of control I had to remain strong and impassive. What I really wanted to do was pull her to my body and beg her to see the destruction that her attitude brought to her life.

Once Bella left the room to dress I needed a drink but the wine was finished off the night before and all we had in the refrigerator was ice tea.

That was so not going to cut it

Bella came out dressed in what I would call semi-casual, jeans, heels and a black sleeveless shirt that hugged her body in all the right places – she was beautiful and sexy as hell.

The night progressed as I thought it would. The pouting, the lost gaze, the tears she tried to hide behind forced smiles. All night I kept thinking ‘Come on baby get the message’ and yet all I got was sadness and what looked like self-pity. Bella couldn’t see the lesson because she was still too focused on figuring out what she did wrong.

This wasn’t going to work

That made me angry, at myself for putting her through it and at Bella for being so damn stubborn she wouldn’t look beyond her own hurt. Had she listened to my words, the truth would have been there. Riding back from the Casino I wanted to grab that poo-poo face she was making and yell at her to stop thinking about herself. With each passing moment it became more difficult to keep up the pretext and as we walked to Emmett’s room I was half tempted to just call it a night, go to our room with this night behind us and pick the whole damn thing back up on Friday.

Damn is she frustrating!

Somewhere between standing in the hallway and walking into the room clarity came from the recesses of her mind.

“Asgaya.”

Sir

The word was like a whisper that I wasn’t sure I heard as every muscle in my body stiffened. When she repeated it adding a term I didn’t know but sounded like a plea for help, I had to turn and look at her. Yet I kept my expression as hard as possible to let Isabella know I was not pleased. Our gaze locked and I didn’t know if she had come to a conclusion or had reached her limit, either way the next word didn’t surprise me.

“PAY-chuh.”

Red

It was over

For the time being it was over, I would pick it up again and even though I dreaded the thought of a repeat performance I knew it would have to be done.

The tears were streaming down Bella’s face as I held my arms out offering her a safe place. She jumped up, clasped her hands behind my head, buried her face in my neck and sobbed. The room was completely quiet, Emmett and Rose both looked on with sympathy while Jasper was scornful and Alice was just plain confused. Needing to get Bella alone I told them that we would see them the next day and carried Bella out into the hallway.

The words that came out amongst the sobs were like music to my ears, “I kn..know what your collar means.”

Holding her closer I kissed her head, “Tell me baby.”

“Total…com..complete…surrender.”

I had to stop walking to allow my brain to register the words she had just spoken.

“Surrender” repeating the word to make sure I heard correctly.

That was so much fucking better then obedience

In one word Bella summed up everything that my collar could possibly mean. Respect, admiration, obedience, trust, gratitude, the list could go on and on yet none of that means a thing unless there is – surrender.

Reaching our door I had to grip Bella tighter as I reached in my pocket to get the key card out of my wallet. As my one arm tightened her head snuggled in closer as she let out a strangled cry, “Nooo…don’t let me go.”

“Shhhhh…I got you baby….I won’t let you go…”

That was the last coherent thing Bella actually said.

Her tears were starting ebb as she wiped her nose on my pants while taking a deep sputtering breath. Continuing to sweep my fingers through her hair I let her finish getting all the tears out before reaching down to lift her under the arms, "Come here baby.”

Her arms squeezed around my legs just slightly before she complied and allowed me to lift her so she was straddling my lap. Bella kind of tensed for a second before as she settled her chest against mine, resting her head against my shoulder while she struggled to get her breathing under control.

Stroking the length of her spine in long smooth motions I spoke as softly as I could, “Calm down nâhtötse, breathe with me…nice deep even breaths…shhhh…that’s my girl.”

Bella was still struggling to get control as I moved to stand while she clung to my neck, “W…whh…whhher…where we go…ing…going?”

“In to take a bath and get you some Tylenol before you get a headache.”

“T..too late.”

Setting Bella on the edge of the bed I asked her to stay still while I started the bathwater, getting a glass of water and pain tablets on the way back to her. “Here baby.”

While Bella popped the pills I squatted down to remove her shoes. They were actually very nice open toed heels with scalped sides that were held together with a thin black leather cord that tied in a bow. As I worked to take off the second one I thought about having Bella wear them for me on another night when I could fully appreciate them.

With her shoes off I took her hand leading her into the bathroom to finish with the undressing. Taking a step back I tipped her chin to stare into her eyes. Her face was blotchy; her eyes puffy red with black under them from the makeup, yet she was still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Placing a soft kiss on her swollen lips my head hovered over hers as we continued gazing at each other, “I love you nâhtötse.”

Tears prickled in her eyes threatening to spill, wiping them with the pad of my thumb I spoke as gently as possible, “Don’t cry baby, enough tears for one night.”

Sniffling she nodded but stayed quiet, “Come on, let’s get in the tub.”

Stepping in the bath she relaxed down in the hot water with a deep sigh while I turned off the faucet and undressed to join her. As I settle in behind her my hands wrap around her belly pulling so she would lean back against my chest. Bella nuzzles her face under my chin, taking a deep breath as her nose skims against the stubble that has grown over the evening.

We stay unmoved for a few minutes until she spoke against my neck, “I love you.”

Even though it was music to my ears I had to see it in her face. Stretching my head back I looked down into her deep brown eyes that were still bloodshot, “Do you?”

Bella’s brow furrowed, “Why wouldn’t I?”

Pursing my lips I answered as honestly as possible, “I put you through hell tonight.”

“Yeah you did,” my heart sunk, it was one of my fears that she would resent me and I was going to ask when she reached up to palm my cheek, “But…” stopping, Bella seemed to change her train of thought “…was it your intention to be mean?”

“No.”

“I knew that,” pursing her lips Bella smiled softly. “It wasn’t personal, it was business…and this is the business we chose.”

Leave it to Bella

“The Godfather? You’re quoting the Godfather?”

“It’s appropriate…don’t you think?” the question was an honest one and as I thought about it, she was right, it was business and for some reason - although I believe it’s still fitting - I liked her analogy much better than my drug addict one.

“Yeah, very appropriate.”

Removing her hand from my face Bella settled back against my chest and took my hand in hers playing with the tips of my fingers. “If I wasn’t being so selfish…”

Selfish?,,,No…No…No

Entwining my fingers with hers I grasped her hand, “baby you are the most unselfish person I know. Giving and kind with all your charity work…”

Sniffling Bella squeezed my hand and interrupted my words, “Those things are easy to give. Time, money, abilities,” sniffling again she sucked in a ragged breath as my arms squeezed her closer to my chest. “…Su…Sue was right. She told me… that… keeping Charlie out of my life was … cruel and selfish.”

“Shhhh…baby don’t cry.”

“No Edward,” Bella took in a deep cleaning breath through a stuffy nose. “I realized that my actions were hurtful, and that I was so wrapped up in what was happening to me, that I didn’t think about what anyone else was going through. Tonight I thought about… how malicious …and selfishly unfair that is to the people that care about me.” She started sucking in air in gasping breathes, “E…ess…esspecal…especially you. I..I..I…”

She needed to calm back down.

With my free hand I cradled her face against me nuzzling my face against the top of head as I tried to create a shelter around her while I shushed her. After a few moments Bella spoke with more coherency, “I wasn’t ready yet Edward, I didn’t want to give it up. After everything I’ve been through with James it was all I had left.”

“What baby?”

“The…last piece of my will… It was the one thing James wanted from me the most...if he could have that …if I gave it up…he would have had everything.” My arms held her impossibly tighter as Bella shivered against me. “He tried to force me into surrendering….and I wouldn’t do it,” the last words came out in a wail before she took deep breath speaking as she inhaled. “I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of …breaking me.”

Son of a bitch! I’m a fucking asshole

That fucking piece of shit couldn’t break her and yet I had. What the fuck was I thinking? If she wasn’t ready, I should have been more patient and waited for the right time. As that thought came to me I wondered why now? James had tried for years to get Bella to surrender.

As if she could read my mind Bella raised her head to look into my eyes. “But there’s a difference between someone trying to force me to concede and me surrendering freely to someone I trust, respect and love…so very much. And as soon as I saw that damn vase I knew…”

“Vase?”

At my one word question Bella turned in my arms to face me and for the moment the tears had stopped as she told me about the vase Rose had purchased. How she thought about the glass blowers working together to make something beautiful that was both fragile and durable at the same time. While I listened to her I couldn’t help that smile that came to my face as I wondered about the workings of her mind.

“What’s so funny?”

My smile must have been wider than I thought

“I swear nâhtötse I will never understand how your mind works.”

“Pretty fucked up uh?”

Running my wet hand down the length of her hair I gathered the ends, tugging slightly to tilt her head back and kissing her. As our lips parted I whispered against her, “I love you.”

“I know.” Craning my neck back I stared into her eyes. It was the first time she had acknowledged truth in my love for her.

“That’s why I know that I can surrender to you. I know you love me, just as much as I love you, and you would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. We’re like the vase…”

“I thought we were a see-saw.”

Finally a real smile crossed her face, “We are…in that we have to balance each other and work together to stay that way. I stepped away and that made you crash…I feel…bad about that. But the vase is what we are producing…the thing that we’ve worked together to make. It’s a beautiful piece of art to cherish, one that with care and proper use will last forever; but when not given the correct attention it’s very breakable.”

Cupping my face with her wet hands Bella spoke the words I had been waiting to hear, “I want us to be that beautiful enduring piece of fine art that can be admired, not a shattered piece of glass that just gets swept away with the garbage.”

In her own way Bella was telling me that she wanted to build a life with me, one that was strong enough to withstand the test of time. That was confirmed with her next statement.

“I had broken trash before Edward, now I want the beautiful,” tears were back in her eyes. “And that means,” Bella paused collecting herself, “in order to do that I have to surrender the last piece of my will, with the knowledge that it will be safe with you.”

My heart was fucking soaring. It’s not like I had an illogical idea that every day was going to be bright and rosy. It was just the idea that we both wanted the same thing and that both of us were willing to do whatever it took to get there.

Holding her by the back of the neck my lips crashed against hers in a searing kiss. Threading her fingers in my hair Bella slid closer to me closing the small distance between us as she moaned into the mouth. With a ragged breath I reluctantly pulled back to see her confused expression. Tucking her hair behind her ear I gave her my reason, “We have more to talk about baby and if I don’t stop…” giving her a grin, “…we’ll never get any talking done.”

“What do you want to talk about?” my girl asked with innocence as she turned in the water to once again rest her back against my chest while clasping my hand.

We sat in water for a long time, even releasing half of the contents and refilling it with hot water when it started to chill. By the time we were ready to get out we had systematically discussed all that had happened earlier in the evening. Bella told me how she finally stopped feeling sorry for herself, realizing that there was a reason why I wouldn’t accept her service. Once that came to her mind she was able to put everything into the right perspective and see the lesson. Throughout our talk I explained my side of the story along with the drug addict theory.

Bella scoffed, “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Have you met my Isabella? She is one ornery…”

“Ornery?” she questioned turning to gawk at me. “Now you sound like Charlie.”

“Oh Bella, I’m not your daddy and thank god for that.”

With a giggle along with the deepest blush I had ever seen on her face Bella reached over to open the drain. “Are we getting out?”

I assumed that’s what she meant by the action but wasn’t sure if she just wanted to refresh the hot water. Holding up her hands Bella showed me her wrinkly fingers, “I’m getting all water logged and pruney.”

At my nod she got to her feet, standing to full height in front of me. Her wet body shimmering in the overhead light, my face just inches away from her center. Grasping both hips with my hands I held her in place as my nose skimmed over her mound. Rubbing it through the small patch of hair my tongue parted her lips taking one swirl around her clit. The soft moan from Bella matched my own as I savored the taste.

God she is fucking delectable

Bella held perfectly still while I continued, and only voiced her discontent when my licks turned to kisses, “Ohhh…don’t stop.”

Placing one more kiss on her sensitive skin my eyes shifted up to hers, “Needy or greedy?”

“Both,” Bella smiled down at me biting her lip in that provocative way she has.

“Ahhh…indecisive,” I said pushing off the sides of the tub making Bella step back to make room for me to stand. Stepping out of the tub she handed me a towel before wrapping one around herself and stepping over to the sink to brush her teeth.

“What was all the blushing about in the tub?” I wondered aloud as I picked up my own toothbrush.

Holding the side of her hair back with her hand Bella bent over to spit in the sink before meeting my eyes in the mirror, “You were doing that swirly thing on my clit.”

Narrowing my eyes I prompted, “No…I mean when I said I wasn’t your daddy.”

Starting to brush I watched as Bella’s whole body practically turned red while she giggled and spit again, rinsing with water from her cupped hand and made like she was going to leave. Spitting quickly I reached out for her arm to stop her, because this I had to hear. “Tell me.”

Through a stiff face that looked about ready to pop she asked, “Do you know your mother calls your father…daddy?”

Is that all?

“She’s always done that,” I shrugged going back to finish my teeth.

Bella stepped up behind me standing on her toes so she could peer over my hunched shoulders into the mirror and whispered, “But did you know she does it while their…ummm…going at it?”

My hand stopped moving and I practically choked on the wad of toothpaste in my mouth, Spitting, my wide eyes went back to Bella’s smug smile nodding at me in the mirror, “It’s true, Alice used to hear them and your sister…”

“NOOO?”

I so did not want to know this

Bella’s face was so red I couldn’t tell if it was from the giggling or the blush as she said, “Alice too…” at my bewildered expression she giggled once more nodding her head, “Yup…and not only that your sister likes…”

“I don’t want to know!” I said throwing my hands in the air to stop her from talking.

Picking the hairbrush up off the counter Bella giggled, “Ok, but if you’re ever interested…”

The suggestion was obvious as she sauntered out of the bathroom leaving me standing there looking at myself in the mirror. All kinds of images came into my mind, each one stranger than the previous. I did not want to know about my parents, and I certainly didn’t want to think about what Jasper was doing with Alice.

That rat bastard

He has the nerve to condemn my relationship with Bella, acting all holier than thou when apparently he is defiling my baby sister on a regular basis. And when the fuck did this all start? Alice swears she was a virgin when they got married and within a few months she was pregnant. You don’t do nasty shit to a virgin or your pregnant wife and the mother of your children…do you?

Fuck!

How the hell does Bella know that shit anyway?

God damn women and their talking

Rinsing out my mouth I turned out the light and joined Bella in the bedroom. She still had the towel wrapped around her body as she lay across the width of the bed. Her one leg bent at the knee while she relaxed threading her fingers through the length of her hair that hung over the edge almost touching the floor. Her eyes were closed as if she was in peaceful mentation, yet sensual as her tongue peeked out to moisten her lips.

She was fucking gorgeous and I knew in that moment that whoever she was to anyone else, sister, daughter, mother, it didn’t matter; to me, Bella would always be the one I did nasty things to.

Hearing me enter the room Bella tilted her head back, watching me approach she smiled and I couldn’t help but grin back. “So…who’s your daddy?”

“Augh,” she groaned scrunching her face in disgust, “don’t say that. It’s kind of disturbing.”

“I seem to remember age play as a rather high number on your limits; do you wish to change that?”

The blush was back as her teeth bit into her bottom lip, “Ummm…nooo.”

What the fuck is she thinking?

Staring down at her red face I prompted, “What did you have in mind?”

“I was thinking something along the lines of…You being Mr. Letcher…”

“Letcher?” I laughed making Bella nod, “Yup and Mr. Letcher comes home to find his virtuous but curious baby sitter going through his porn stash and he schools her in the proper way to give a blow job and then…other things.”

Ahhh…that’s my girl

Yet I wondered, “Are you sure you’re that good of an actress?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well Ms. Swan, I mean you are very talented with that mouth of yours, so you would have to be one hell of actress to pull off inexperience.”

“You never know, I just might give an academy award performance.” As she spoke her hand came up to my waist opening the towel. Reaching her head back I watched her tongue peek out to lick the tip of my dick making it spring to life.

“Is that so?”

“Mmm..umm” Bella nodded running her tongue along the underside making me suck in air through my teeth. Her mouth continued its movement down to my balls which Bella licked before sucking the right one gently into her mouth.

“Fuck”

The incredible feeling only got better as she grasped my dick firmly with her hand taking one long stroke while her mouth opened to take in the other one. It felt so fucking good my hips involuntarily thrust forward and a little hum came from Bella adding a small vibration that made me thrust again.

Reaching down I opened the towel that was hiding her body. She was a fucking vision to behold; soft supple skin with firm breast and taunt nipples that I tweaked and rolled between my fingers. She let out a soft moan moving her mouth in a long sweep up my dick to swirl her tongue around the head. She teased me for a few more moments before sucking me into her mouth while her hand continued to stroke me.

Fuck

Needing something else to think about, I let my fingers drift softly over the skin of her stomach until I reached the patch of hair, which I forcefully tugged causing her to moan around me as her bottom lifted off the bed. Bella gripped behind my ass with her other hand pulling me closer to her as she sucked more of me into her mouth, and rather than bob her head she just sucked my dick like it was a thumb.

Holy hell

The feeling that the suction of her mouth along with the subtle movement of her tongue created was fucking awesome making me call out, “Oh Fuck baby!”

Embarrassing as it was, I could have blew my load then and there but I pushed back the sensation by focusing on the woman in front me. Bella must have been feeling her own need as she bent her other leg and began squirming to find some friction.

Leaning over her body I put my hand behind both her knees and pulled them towards me so her body was in a “C”. Using my elbows I spread her legs open, gripped her hips to keep her steady and lifted them to put her slick center level with my chest. I was worried for a second about the pressure on her neck but that didn’t seem to be a problem. The move I made must have caused Bella to slide on the silky duvet because her head was hanging off the bed between my legs. She grabbed my ass with both hands, sucked my dick further down her throat, and began to fuck me with her mouth.

Fuck she was good

Bending my head my tongue took a swipe through her folds stopping for a moment to dip inside her. Bella moaned around me as I worked my tongue in and out of her and then whimpered as I left to continue my journey to her puckered rear entrance. The movement of her head faltered for a moment when my tongue swirled around the outside and the most glorious moan I had ever heard came once I broke through the surface.

Finger nails dug into my flesh as my tongue took another plunge and I thrust my dick deeper into her mouth.

Don’t stop now baby

Easing my hips back my mouth followed the trail it had started with, dipping deep inside Bella’s pussy to enjoy the taste of her essence. She continued to moan against my dick as my hips thrust in unison with the movements of her mouth.

The quickening in my balls started to flutter along with the pressure in my stomach, both feelings I pushed aside as I concentrated my attention on lavishing my mouth upon Bella’s clit.

She moaned loudly when I quickly flicked my tongue back and forth over the bundle of nerves.

She squirmed and shook when my tongue flattened and lapped over the hardening bud.

And her whole body tensed as she freed my dick from her mouth, screaming out in release when I held her clit between my lips and sucked.

After placing a few kisses over her sensitive skin I released the hold I had on her hips, watching her body fall limply on the bed and stood to gaze down at her. Bella’s head lagged over the edge of the bed, her eyes closed, mouth wide open with panting breaths that made her chest rise and fall in exaggerated motions.

Yeah that was a good one

Sensing my gaze Bella’s eyes fluttered open to meet mine. Staring down at her post-orgasmic face I wondered aloud, “Did I say you could cum?”

The response came through panting breaths and wide dazed eyes, “My mouth…was full.”

Raising one eyebrow I showed none of the humor I felt as she went on. “Besides…I was trying to make you go…first. Thought I …almost had you.”

You almost did - twice

“The word is control nâhtötse and it looks like over the next few weeks we will be working on yours. But right now…” Leaning over her I grabbed under her arms flipping her so she lay on her belly and gave her a good swat on the roundness of her bottom making her yelp.

“Quiet,” I warned with another swat.

Running my hands firmly down her legs I gripped Bella’s ankles swinging them sideways so she did a one-eighty. Keeping a firm grip on her ankles I used them to flip her on to her back and pulled quickly so her feet were resting on my shoulders with her butt hanging off the bed. The look of surprise in her eyes was as alluring as the scream that came out of her as I held her hips and slammed my dick inside her.

The endless moans and gasping breaths only served to enhance the look on her face and the bounce of her breast as I moved in a rapid hard pace.

“It’s…all…about…control…Isa..bella,” the words came out of my mouth with each thrust.

“Goddd….Yesss...” She cried out fisting the edge of the bed.

It wasn’t going to take me long, I had already warded off my release and frankly I didn’t want to do it again. My fucking balls felt like they were in a vice as the pressure built to an unbearable point. Bella seemed to tense and I knew she was close, squeezing my fingers tighter on her hips I inclined my head and bit down on her big toe as I grunted out, “Now.”

“Fuck!” I roared as Bella arched her back and clamped her internal muscles down on me.

She was so fucking tight and felt so damn good that I let go of the hold I had on myself. The wait was worth it as I slammed into her, cuming so fucking hard my legs buckled making me collapse on top of her in overwhelming ecstasy.

Bella’s exaggerated breathing matched my own as I laid on her chest kissing any part of her skin that I could reach. After a few moments I realized that I was probably crushing her so with a grunt I pushed my arms off the bed and fell onto my back next to her. Bella made a kind of whimpering noise as she turned to snuggle into my side. And that’s how we stayed holding one another and just enjoying the high that we brought each other.

As relaxed as I was it would have been easy to drift off to sleep but we really were in a weird position with half our bodies on the bed and our feet on the floor, at least mine were. Raising my head I saw that Bella had curled herself against me in a fetal position.

Yeah, this was not good for sleeping

Bella groaned out her displeasure when I sat up but made no inclination that she was planning on moving. Looking around the room I spotted an unopened bottle of water sitting on the dresser, getting up on shaky legs I got the bottle and took a long drink downing half of it. Glancing over at Bella she still had not moved.

Nothing like wearing out your woman Cullen

Putting the bottle down on the table next to my side of the bed, I went over to Bella’s side, moving the disheveled blankets out of the way. My body was so drained that Bella felt like she weighed fucking three hundred pounds as I lifted her from the spot she was in to tuck her into bed. Turning out the light I climbed in next to her, spooning my girl I kissed the top of her head, “Good night nâhtötse.”

The back door of Bella’s house was wide open- the kitchen empty, bare, like no one had lived there for a long time. There was some kind of rustling sound coming from the living room “Bella” I called out but there was no answer. Fear ran through me at the empty living room but the rustling sound became louder. I could hear someone crying making me call out “Bella” once again as I run through the empty house looking for her. Coming to her bedroom door I stop to hear the crying turning into her voice, “help me”. Calling out her name I throw open the, only to see another door and her call for help getting louder along with the rustling, “Bella!” Throwing open the next door I’m met with another one and another one. I keep opening more doors, and with each one her cries for help become louder, the panic in her voice clearer and that damn annoying rustling….

“Bella,” I awoke with a start.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” She says quietly from the seating area where all the bags from her shopping trip had been placed. She’s dressed in the T-shirt I wore last night standing over an open suitcase.

Breathing a sigh of relief I glance at the clock – seven-thirty- “What are you doing baby?”

“I had to pee and since I was awake I thought it would be best to start packing.”

Oh yeah, we’re going home today

“Why don’t you come back to bed with me, we’ll sleep for another half hour?”

She got an amused look on her face. “Edward, you know damn well if I get back in that bed, we will not be sleeping.”

“And what’s so bad about that?”

“Nothing…” she smiled broader, “…in fact it’s always good.”

Damn right it is

Leaning on my elbow I used the other hand to hold up the blanket, “Come on nâhtötse, just a little snuggle.”

Bella’s eyes raked over my naked body from chest to dick – which was standing at attention and saluting her. For a brief moment I saw the desire grow in her as she took a deep breath, licking her lips, then her eyes blinked a few time before she placed the clothes in the luggage.

“No time, I want to get this stuff packed,” she gestured to the pile of clothes on the table. “And I’m not going to be late for Emmett. Knowing him, he will make me run laps and throw in some calisthenics for good measure.”

She’s probably right; still, I had to try. Tilting my head to the side I gave her my most alluring look, “I’ll make it worth your while.”

It would have worked had Bella even looked in my direction; instead she kept packing, “No can do.”

Throwing the blankets off me I sat up putting my feet on the floor, “Oh you are a cold woman Isabella Swan.”

Her giggle made me smile while I pulled my pajama pants up, “Alright be that way, I’ll take little Eddie and go make some coffee.”

She giggled louder at my fake pout, but kept up what she was doing as I headed into the bathroom.

After starting the coffee I switched on the TV, we had been gone for over a week and I figured since we were going back to reality I might as well see what has been going on in the world. Getting myself a cup I sat down on the couch watching the NASDAQ figures run long the bottom of the screen while the CNN reporter gave a rundown of the Middle East.

A few minutes later Bella came out of the bedroom still dressed in my shirt. She got herself a cup of coffee and came over to stand behind me. Bending over the back of the couch she kissed my cheek, “Good morning Edward.”

“Now you want me…too late woman, you had your chance.” I said taking a sip from the cup

“Are you playing hard to get?” she purred in my ear.

“I was hard in the bedroom…which by the way, it’s not easy to pee in that condition; you could have given me a urinary infection.”

She burst out laughing, “Poor baby…”

As we laughed the new story switched to a woman dressed in dark gray suit and the word Chicago came on the lower right of the screen.

Chicago Police have arrested twenty-nine year old Alderman Marshall Baldwin. He was taken into custody last night on allegations of sexual harassment, battery, deviate sexual assault, and rape of a 20 year old female intern. The victim states that on June 8, 2010 the Alderman from the cities twenty-second district requested that she
remain after hours to assist him. After several attempts and lewd comments the victim became alarmed and attempted to leave. The victim who is hospitalized from the injuries she received stated that Alderman Marshall then became agitated threating her with termination.
He then proceeded to physically batter her around the face and genital area before the rape occurred. Alderman Baldwin is the son of Councilman Wilson Baldwin. The Alderman is being held in police custody pending arraignment and due process.


Bella’s whole body stiffened while her eyes were glued to the TV, after the report was read all I heard was one word that was filled with dread, “Rose.”

Chapter 75

BPOV

Edward groaned and shifted his body underneath me, which that alone wouldn’t have completely woken me up, however the loud ringing of the phone was another story. Trying to settle back into my place on his chest the sound of his sleepy voice resonated against my ear. “Yeah…ummm…” Edward’s shoulders moved again disturbing me further, “…shit…ok twenty minutes…see you.”

“Bella…come on baby we have to get up.”

“I don’t wanna,” I griped refusing to open my eyes.

We had been up late into the wee hours of the morning. First with our talk on the patio and then in bed where we made love for hours until god only knows when I finally fell asleep. Not that I was complaining, given the choice between sleep and slow tender loving with Edward, I’d never sleep again.

That didn’t mean in the light of the morning I was thrilled at the prospect of having to wake up.
Unless Edward wanted to have his wicked way with me?

At that thought my body snuggled in closer to him while I rubbed my happy spot against his thigh. I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t a chuckle. “Sorry nâhtötse, we just don’t have the time.”

“Not even for a quickie?” yeah I was whining, but who the hell wouldn’t.

“Nope, we’re already running late.”

Late? How could we be late?

We didn’t need to be at breakfast until nine… “Oh shit,” my words echoing Edwards as I looked at the clock – eight-fifty-three. Throwing back the covers I quickly sat up and as my brain began to function I started calculating how much time I would need to get ready. Judging from the smell of stale love juices coming from my vag, postponing a shower was out of the question.

“How much time do we have?” I asked Edward as he moved to sit on the edge of bed.

“Alice needed an extra twenty minutes, so not much.”

Twenty minutes? It was doable.

“Ok,” I agreed getting to my feet. “I’m going to get a drink, do you need anything?”

At his no I started towards the door, stopping before going out into the other room to take a good look around. The chuckle from behind me made me turn as he asked, “What the hell are you doing?”

“Hey for the past two days I’ve been caught in compromising positions, that is not happening today,” my hand moved in front of my nude form to let him know what I was talking about. Nighties and underwear were one thing, being completely naked? – I didn’t think so.

“Just go,” he laughed, “I assure you there is no one out there.”

“Well I wasn’t taking any chances,” I mumbled before going out to any empty room.

Taking a bottle of water out of the refrigerator my eyes looked longingly at the empty coffee pot hoping that if I stared long enough it might miraculously fill with liquid. Twisting off the lid on the bottle I figured that wasn’t going to be happening and once I had resolved myself to that fact my eyes fell on the journal sitting on the counter. I had purposely left it on the nightstand for Edward, which meant that after I had gone to sleep he must have brought it out here to read.

Sticking out from the top of the closed book were two scraps of paper. That meant not only did Edward read it, he was planning on speaking with me about what it said. That fact did not surprise me in the least; he had told me last night in no uncertain terms that we would be discussing my actions once I was properly kneeling before him.

I couldn’t fault Edward for that; I had, through my own foolishness, broken the trust that was placed in me.

When I started to journal the conversation I had with Jane, the only thing I wanted to do was get it finished so that Edward could see the pureness of our talk. We hadn’t discussed any conspiracies against him; Jane had not challenged my Master’s control, nor did she try to rationalize his reasoning. Throughout the whole conversation there was only one agenda; to please my Master.

Edward was right, the exercise he gave wasn’t a hard one it was just that his explanation was vague. Whenever I felt that I had come up with one of the goals it would be dismissed with the rationale that it wasn’t good enough or it wouldn’t meet his expectations. I should have just gone to Edward and gotten more details and Jane had told me to do that. Her exact words being, ‘As soon as you hang up, seek your Master’s guidance,’ I told her that I would- and yet I didn’t.

At first it was only because I wanted to present him with my list of categories to prove that I had taken his task seriously. And I suppose that would have been alright had Edward not questioned me. Once that happened, the whole status quo changed. At that point it was my duty to provide my Master with full and total disclosure. I knew that, and yet to make the whole thing worse I justified my rebellion by placing the blame on him.

Stupid Bella…totally fucking stupid

At that moment, standing there staring at my journal, there was not a doubt in my mind that I was going to pay for that colossal blunder. I wasn’t sure how, or exactly when but I knew it would happen and I knew it was warranted.

Edward must have taken the quickest shower in the world, by the time I was entering the bathroom he was stepping out of the shower stall. His naked body glistening with drops of water, he wrapped a towel around his waist as he leaned into me placing a kiss on my forehead, “Good morning nâhtötse, did you sleep well?”

“Good morning,” I figured there was no need to act ignorant. “You should know how I slept, since you were up later than me.”

“Not too much longer,” he assured me with a wicked smile. “I had a beautiful woman sleeping peacefully in my bed.”

“Oh yeah? Was she prettier than me?”

“That’s an impossibility,” that time I got a kiss on the lips and a swat on the bottom as he said, “hurry up,” shooing me into the shower stall.

While I washed Edward used the sink to finish his morning routine. We talked back and forth about the upcoming day; there was nothing but relaxing and enjoying the last full day of our vacation. I thought about asking for more details on our usual, Edward had said we would be in full mode. I had already done that in public so that wasn’t a problem - my concern was with his family. Emmett and Rose wouldn’t care one way or the other; Jasper and Alice were a different matter. As I thought about it, I figured there were two reasons for Edward’s decision: either we would be spending the evening alone or he would give me further instructions later. Deciding it was best to just trust his judgment I let the worries leave my mind knowing that Edward would tell me when he was ready.

The warm water was rejuvenating making me wish that I had more time to enjoy it, but as it was I needed to hurry. Edward wasn’t in the bedroom when I came out with a towel around my body and one twisted on my head. Drying quickly my nose smelled the coffee and as I was pulling my bra straps up he came in to hand me a hot cup.

“Ohhh...thank you,” I said appreciatively before taking a drink. “I thought about making some but didn’t think we had time.”

“Some thing’s you have to make time for,” he smiled devilishly as he took the cup and set it on dresser, “like this,”

Edward wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me to him as he leaned down to kiss me. His lips were soft and his mouth tasted of coffee with a hint of mint. It was one of those kinds of kisses that sent my body into overdrive and I couldn’t help but to mold myself to him. The sensations were rushing through my body; it was as if he was trying to express all his feelings for me in a single kiss.

Our lips parted for a brief moment to allow for a quick intake of air before his hands tightened on my body and he spoke in a husky whisper against my lips, “I love you, nâhtötse.”

There was no time to for me to respond before Edward was kissing me again and the thought of skipping a family breakfast in exchange for a more private one was definitely appealing. From the echoing moans coming from Edward, it wouldn’t have taken much convincing. That was until the loud knock on the hotel door sounded through our room.

Pulling back Edward sighed looking at me with a slight bit of remorse as we both said together, “Emmett.”

Touching my cheek with the back of his hand Edward smiled at me, “It’s going to be harder than I thought.” At the time I didn’t understand what he meant and there was no other hint as to the meaning.

More knocking caused Edward to remove his hand with a resounding sigh. “Finish getting ready I’ll go see what he wants.”

Edward shut the door on his way out and I dressed in a pair of white shorts before going onto the bathroom to dry my hair and then put on a light blue fitted t-shirt. Going out into the other room both Emmett and Rose were sitting in the living room with Edward looking at various pamphlets. Saying good morning I sat in the remaining chair finishing my coffee as I glanced over at what they were looking at. There were several walking tours around town and Rose wanted to go on one, eat lunch, and then spend the afternoon on the beach. While I put on my shoes Edward showed me the one that was the most interesting, it would take us to various Art exhibits and shops along the south side of town as well as to a glass blowing exhibition. Rose wanted a floating fairy and since she didn’t find one on the beach she decided to purchase it.

It didn’t matter to me what we did and I thought it would be fun to see a little bit of the town; however, I wondered why they didn’t wait until we were at breakfast to bring up the subject. Emmett answered my question by explaining. “The Vin Man is not happy about having to go home early, and we don’t want to let him overhear our plans.”

That made sense.

The last thing anyone wanted was a tantrum and that would be sure to happen if Vinny thought for one minute that he was going to be missing something even remotely fun. I suppose that the idea of some man using a long stick to blow bubbles out a hunk of melted glass was sure to do that, hell I was excited to see it.

Once that was settled we headed down to the restaurant, Alice and Esme were already there with the kids. Saying good morning Rose inquired where Jasper and Carlisle were and Alice told her they had taken the kids suitcases out to the car.

Vinny was indeed unhappy, as evident by the full-on pout on his face along with the snub when we said good morning. Mia however was a different story. At seeing me she reached her little hands in the air indicating for me to pick her up. She had always been shy around me but while we were shopping the day before Mia had warmed up to me, from then on she loved me. Edward bent down scooping her off the floor while Vinny whined and asked Emmett if he could stay with him. There really is no reasoning with an insistent five year old; however Emmett gave it a try. While he spoke with his nephew my attention went to the little girl in Edward’s arms.

“Good morning Mia,” she started squirming reaching out for me to take her.

Edward released his grip and she settled on my hip laying her head on my shoulder, “Looks like you got a friend,” at my nod he asked me quietly, “She’s not to heavy, is she?”

Oh that was why he lifted her up – always so protective

“No, she’s fine,” my eyes shifted to look down at the bright eyed little girl, “aren’t you Mia?”

Lifting her head she nodded at me and I couldn’t help but smile at her, “You look very pretty in your yellow dress.”

Putting her hands on top of her head she tugged on the two pony tails sticking up like whale spouts, “I gots ellow bows.”

“I know…,” our conversation was interrupted by Vinny. “Uncle Eddie, can’t I stay here with you?”

Looking down at the little man who was so pathetic, with his sad eyes and pouty lips, I was glad he hadn’t asked me because I would never had been able to refuse him. Edward, however, didn’t seem to have that problem. “I don’t think so, but maybe if you ask Aunt Bella real nice she’ll let you sleep over at our house one night next week.”

“I sweep over too,” Mia chimed in while Vinny gave me a hopeful look. “Can I…please Aunt Bella, can I?”

Shrugging I laughed as Edward laid his head on the shoulder Mia had vacated as he mimicked Vinny’s voice, “yeah …can he..pleeeaaasse?” making both children laugh as Mia shoved his head off my shoulder to replace it with hers.

“I guess if it’s alright with your mom.”

That was all it took for his attention to shift to Alice, and as Jasper and Carlisle came in she told her son that we would talk about it on Saturday when I came over for his party. After another round of good mornings, Esme told the hostess that we were all there and she led us to the same table we had used the first night. This time, with the sun out, we were able to enjoy the view of the ocean from the large plate glass window.

Jasper took Mia from me to put in the high chair before I sat down in between Edward and Vinny. I wasn’t very hungry so I opted for poached eggs over toast and a slice of melon, but coffee was a must.
While we ate Esme confirmed the plans for the next evening as well as talk about a big family dinner at her house Sunday. Before paying the bill Esme had the waitress take a family picture and we walked them out to the car. After hugs and good byes we all stood there watching the black Mercedes drive away before getting into Jaspers Escalade.

Edward and I held hands while we walked through the town, stopping in a few different stores to see the various art works for sale. There was one store that sold three-dimensional water color paintings. I was completely captivated by the woman’s work. She had taken a simple picture, reproduced it many times and used those reproductions to give the dimension, by twisting curling and enhancing the paper until it popped out of the frame.

One in particular caught my eye, it was entitled ‘Mother Earth’ and portrayed the side view of a woman from the shoulders up with her head turned to see her full face. Vines and flowers draped from her hair to conceal most her shoulder and breast. It was simply beautiful.

Standing behind me Edward laid his chin on my shoulder, “Let’s get it.”

Turning my head slightly to see his face I wondered, “Do you like it?”

“Very much, she reminds me of you,” my gaze went back to the picture hanging on the wall. Not really seeing the resemblance my eyes narrowed as the back of Edward’s hand skimmed the side of my face. “Same jaw line, same round cheeks, mahogany hair and brown eyes that hold a slight hint of seduction with a whole lot of intuition.”

“Is that how you see me?” I asked questionably staring at the enticingly beautiful woman portrayed in the framed picture.

“Since the moment I laid eyes on you nâhtötse.” He kissed my cheek and I could feel the blush warm my skin and the moisture warm my girly parts.

Damn what he does to me

The chuckle from Edward made me giggle, “What do you say, are we taking her home with us?”

“Where are we going to put her?” At my question Edward stood straight but still close enough that I could feel him shrug, “We’ll find a spot.”

Edward didn’t wait for my consent, going over to the woman in the front of the store he brought her back and a few minutes later he was pulling out his credit card to pay. I had never really realized how expensive hand crafted art could be. I suppose when you think of all the work that goes into producing one piece the cost is still reasonable, however my mouth dropped when she told us the price. I was going to tell Edward to put it back but the woman had already ran the card through the little machine and was wrapping the picture in tissue paper. As she started to cover it in protective bubble wrap Edward signed the slip then gave me a smug smile.

“I’ll pay for this, and you can pay for the rock.”

Agreeing with him I laughed because there was no reason to get into a discussion about who pays for what, besides the picture was going to be hanging in his home, so it was his prerogative to pay for it. Edward carried the rather large package out of the store; Emmett was eyeing us as we met them on the sidewalk. “What did you buy?”

“A portrait of mother nature,” at the answer Emmett snickered while he wondered what kind of picture it was. I, however, was more focused on Rose who was eating some kind of dounut on a stick. “What’s that?”

She took another bite and I could see the white cream and dark red jelly oozing out from the middle. Rose chewed and swallowed offering the stick to me for a taste as she explained, “It’s called a pastry rod. They make them fresh and fill them with whatever you want.”

Opening my mouth around the long pastry my teeth bit into the yummy goodness. It was still warm making the sugar coated dough melt in my mouth as the cream and jelly mixed together to make the whole thing simply scrumptious. Closing my eyes I let the flavors and textures melt against my tongue and I’m pretty sure I moaned, loudly. It didn’t matter that around me was a mixture of chuckles and groans; I was in my own little heaven.

Opening my eyes Rose was nodding with a knowing grin, “It’s better than an orgasm.”

Swallowing, my tongue licked across my lips searching for anything it might have missed before answering, “Close.”

“Jesus Christ,” Emmett muttered as Edward chuckled, “I’ll have to remember that.”

Alice and Jasper met up with us while we were looking in the window of a shop a few doors down. They had been in one of the many jewelry stores and Alice was sporting a new bracelet made of amber colored glass beads. It was pretty and while we stood there admiring it Jasper gave Edward the car keys so he could put our package in saving him from having to carry it. Once he was back, we moved on to the next street which was mostly filled with eateries. It was still too early for lunch so we made our way down to the glass blowing exhibition.

Housed in what appeared to be an empty brick factory, the front of the building was nothing but retail sales. They had everything in there from small glass roses, vases, and round balls of every shape and size, to large fluted bowls and lamps. We took in some of the items they had, waiting for the next exhibition to begin. As we walked around, the craftsmanship was something to admire along with the individual beauty of each piece. Rose had picked out a mobile that consisted of five spheres of varying colors of blue. It was pretty and would look great hanging close to a window where the sun could reflect off the glass; she was also holding a deep purple flower vase with fluted edges that had hints of bright green going through it.

“That’s really pretty,” I said taking the vase from her hands to admire it closer.

“That will go great in your dining room,” Alice added while Rose agreed, “Yeah, I was thinking of putting it there that shelf over the fire place.”

As they were talking it dawned on me, “I haven’t been to your house yet.”

“Well come on girl what are you waiting for?” Rose sounded like it was some sort of snub on my part.

“An invitation,” I answered sarcastically while she rolled her eyes taking the vase back from me.

Alice had the bright idea for all of us to eat at Rose’s house Saturday night, and then she would be there to help us get ready for the Anniversary party. Both women looked at me for an answer, which was something I couldn’t give without first asking Edward. My big mouth had already gotten me into trouble by making plans without his consent, so there was no way I would do it again.

“Umm…let me check with Edward first.” Alice rolled her eyes, “Do you need his permission to use the bathroom too?”

Rose tried to interject, however I didn’t need any help with handling Alice. “As a matter of fact, sometimes I do.”

Hoping that there wasn’t going to be a dispute I was actually very glad to hear the cynical, “Whatever,” come from her mouth. Alice understood our other relationship, she didn’t fully agree with it, but she wouldn’t interfere either. I honestly believe that to her any part of my submission to Edward was an extension of our sex life. Which I suppose is true – in a way – just as within a marriage the intimacy shared is an extension of what happens in the bedroom. The sexual undertones are always there and they are strong at times, but the overall commitment is something so much deeper. If that weren’t the case I would never have any clothes on and would be walking around in a perpetual state of orgasm.

That didn’t sound so bad

Snickering at the thought, Edward moved in behind me, “What’s so funny?”

“Your sister,” even though she had no clue what had just run through my mind Rose giggled and Alice mentioned her idea about Saturday night ending with, “Bella said she had to ask you first.”

His eyes shifted to me; there was a flash of darkness in his gaze that sent a shiver through me and left me wondering what he was thinking. It was gone in an instant, and by the time he spoke to his sister his expression was normal. “I don’t see a problem with that.”

“Are we ready to go see some hot blowing?” Jasper asked making me giggle.

Rose went to pay for her purchases while we all went into the back of the building into what was called –for good reasons -the hot shop. Two huge furnaces along the back wall made the room so sweltering that within seconds I was perspiring. The men who were doing the demonstration talked about how high the heat of the fire needed to be in order to keep the molten glass at the right temperature. Rose rejoined us complaining about the warmth just as the one man pulled a large ball of melted glass from the fire. He twisted and turned the long blow stick with the glob of melted amber glass until it had elongated into the desired shape. Laying the length over the large trough he rotated it while sponging down the metal with water and at the other end his partner began blowing into the stick allowing the glass to expand. The two men worked together adding more broken chards of glass for color, reheating the glass in the glory hole – a word that made Emmett snicker - and repeating the previous procedure. Once they were happy with the result, they toiled together spinning and blowing while working with tools and thick pieces of wet newspaper until they had formed the base of a lamp. As they worked they talked about the precision of their craft and how one little mistake by either of them could ruin the whole piece. They were so versed in their abilities it only took about twenty minutes before they were done. The man then said the finished piece had to go into a special cabinet where it would be allowed to slowly cool down over the next twelve hours. If it cooled too fast it would crack, too slow and it would lose its shape. It was extremely interesting to watch giving me an added appreciation for the floating fairy we had found.

With the demonstration done we decided rather than stop for lunch it would be best to grab sandwiches back at the hotel and eat them on the beach. Edward carried the picture we had bought and while we were stepping out of the elevator Alice warned us about not taking too long. We assured her fifteen minutes would be all it should take for us to change and meet back up with them. Walking down the hall Emmett made a sly comment about Edward’s quickness but we just laughed it off.

I knew that since our usual was planned for later, sex would be out of the question – Edward always wants me itching for him and taking care of that scratch early would hinder my response to him. Reaching our door I did have to wonder, “What’s going to happen tonight? I mean being in full sub mode around Alice and Jasper, how is that going to work?”

Opening the door Edward stood back for me to enter, “I haven’t figured the whole thing out yet. So I was hoping to banish our set time constraints to play it by ear and that you would be open to my whims.”

“Whims?” I questioned, “as in urges?”

He smiled setting the picture down on the table, “No…as in impulses. Just be ready whenever the spirit moves me.”

“Alright,” I agreed going into the bedroom to change.

I was still apprehensive about being around Alice and Jasper, but I had to trust that Edward knew what he was doing. I also trusted that if the shit would hit the fan and they got upset, Edward would step in and let them fling their resentment at him- not me.

Taking out my blue tankini to change quickly, I pulled the white cover-up over my head before going into the living room to find Edward pacing. At seeing me he seemed to relax, yet his jaw was still tight as he spoke, “Give me a minute and I’ll be ready to go.”

I nodded as I headed for the kitchen area to gather the open bags of snacks we had left and a few bottles of water. Double checking the beach bag I pulled out my sunglasses and plopped them on top of my head. Edward came out wearing a pair of burnt orange board shorts and a dark blue t-shirt, he picked up the bag, I put on my flip flops and we left. Walking down the hall Rose and Emmett were coming out of their room.

Emmett nudged Rose on the arm, “You owe me, I told you they would make it out in time.”

“It was close but I resisted,” Edward added with a devastatingly charming smile.

“Resisted what? You didn’t even come near me.”

“How do you think I resisted? I stayed the fuck away.”

“Is that why you were pacing?” My question making Emmett and Rose snicker however Edward had no shame.

“Hell yeah,” he admitted. “I was ready to tear down the fucking door down to get in there with you. That would have been detrimental,” the last part came out in a hushed murmur, so low I barely heard him.

Alice and Jasper were already in the store ordering their sandwiches and once everyone had their food we went out to the beach. The sun was bright with a cool breeze blowing, but it was still warm enough to remove the cover-up. Alice had brought down her big beach blanket which we all sat on to eat, talking about where they wanted to go for dinner and Alice wondered what we were going to wear. I shrugged saying that I didn’t know – which was the truth. Edward always picks out my clothes during our usual.

After lunch was cleaned up the guys went down to the water throwing the football back and forth while we stretched out on the blanket. Our heads were all together with the bags of open snacks between us. Alice turned on some music while Rose lay on her stomach – after digging a hole out in the sand for her expanding belly – reading Cosmo. I lay down on my back with my knees bent, fanning out my hair a little bit so it wasn’t bunched under my neck. Beyoncé’s ‘The Best Thing I Never Had’ was playing and I quietly sang along.

“I haven’t seen the skanks all day, maybe they went home,” Alice said without emotion.

“Did your mom tell you what she said in the bathroom?” Rose wondered while I tried to dismiss the whole memory from my mind.

“No, she only reiterated what she had already told us,” Alice sounded disappointed and then added, “I can’t believe some little floozy would actually say something so preposterous. I mean come on, look at how my brother looks at you Bella; did she really think she stood a chance?”

I only shrugged because evidently that was exactly what the skank thought. “Besides…” Alice chuckled “…even if you weren’t with him, I would have loved to see her face when he told her what he wanted to do to her…” She laughed some more, “…one look at his playroom would have had her running for the hills.”

“Not necessarily,” Rose interjected while I glanced over my right shoulder to see Alice, wondering exactly what she meant by that statement. She was still giggling and I figured it just wasn’t worth the effort to draw out the conversation.

Thankfully Rose felt the same way as she changed the subject by reading from the magazine. “Ok, here are some stupid things men have said.”

Resting my head back I listened and laughed while Rose read aloud, ‘I was getting ready to go out when my boyfriend started to absentmindedly look through my purse. When I turned around to see what he was doing, he was sniffing a panty liner. ‘What’s this?’ he asked, ‘is it like a perfume sample or something?’

“Oh my God, is he stupid?” Alice laughed along with me but I was more curious about something else, “What the hell does she have an open panty liner in her purse for?”

Rose laughed, “Yeah, that couldn’t be very sanitary,” she giggled again and then read the next one. “This guy told his girlfriend, ‘You’re not fat. You just have a big body.’

Alice gasped, “I’d fucking kill him!”

“It’s better than this one,” Rose snickered, “This guy asked, ‘Are your boobs supposed to be as saggy as my balls?’ The three of us laughed while Rose went on, “Or this poor guy who wondered, ‘Why do you have an electric dildo on your dresser plugged into the wall?’ Rose was laughing so hard I could barely understand the answer, “It was her hair straightener.”

We broke into a fit of laughter.

“Talk about a Hot Twat,” Alice giggled and Rose added with a laugh, “Cooked Beaver,” and I couldn’t help but chime, “Fried Snatch.”

“That sounds like a redneck dinner party.”

Whipping the tears from my eyes I told her, “That’s nasty Alice.”

As our laughter settled down Rose read a question, “Have you ever regretted having sex with someone?”

“Does a husband count?” I wondered tilting my head back to see Rose while waiting for the answer.

“Do you regret any of it?”

“I regret all of it.”

Rose smirked at my answer but in all honesty it wasn’t funny.

“Well I only had sex with Jazz so…no.” Alice was sure while Rose just muttered, “I have,” before asking the next question. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?”

“Sixteen,” Rose found some satisfaction in my response as she answered, “Ha, I was seventeen that makes you the hoe Bella.”

“Na ah…Alice was younger than me when she started dating Jasper…”

“I’ll have you know that I was a virgin on my wedding night.”

“What?” removing my sunglasses I quickly turned onto my stomach, leaning on my elbows so I was level with Alice’s face. “There is no freaking way I’m going to believe that.”

My eyes shifted to Rose who was nodding her head in an all knowing fashion while Alice answered flippantly, “I don’t care if you believe me, it’s true.”

“How the Hell did you manage that?” She and Jasper had started dating right after she turned sixteen – secretly at first – and he is almost five years older than her, so I highly doubted he was a virgin. I could see him being patient and gentlemanly but celibate? I wasn’t buying that bill of goods.

“Go ahead Alice, tell her your technically theory.”

“It’s no theory,” Alice defended. “The definition of a virgin is that no penis has entered the vagina.”

Ohhhhh

She was using a very loose literal meaning which she continued to explain, “It was important to me that on my wedding night I would give myself to my husband. Jazz was older and in college and he had… experience,” disgust seemed to cross her face, “which I’m not even going to talk about Maria with you,” her expression softened. “Besides he would get me so freaking hot with his magical hands…”

Ok that was more then I needed to know

“…so we did other things.”

Nodding, I could understand her reasoning and it would be nice to give yourself wholly to your husband. As I thought about it though I wondered, “If you had over four years of practice, why did we have to school you on giving a proper blow job?”

Her face became stoic, while Rose snickered whispering as she leaned her head a little closer to me, “Jasper used an…alternative route.”

Alternative route? What the …

“Holy Shit!” I gasped as realization came to me, “Jasper was a back door man?”

“Shhhh…” Alice waved her hand in front of my face to get me to lower my voice, while Rose became rather smug. “He still is.”

For some reason that piece of information was astonishing to me. I couldn’t really say that I had thought about their sex life, but if someone were to ask I would have pegged them as the strictly missionary type. Not that I didn’t understand the joy of anal sex but …Alice? The woman who frowns upon me needing permission to pee takes it up the ass on a regular basis? It was almost surreal to me, and I had to look over my shoulder to make sure we were talking about the same Jasper. For all his cynicism towards our usual, he was just as wicked as the next man.

Shaking the images from my head I twisted the cap off my bottle of water and was glad when Rose asked the next question, “What is the hottest thing you can say to your man during sex?”

Putting the bottle to my lips I said with a grin, “Don’t hurt me with that thing,” making Rose giggle while she shook her head and I took a big gulp of water as Alice replied, “Come on Daddy, fuck me hard!”

Shock overtook me as I swallowed making me choke on the water while Rose was more boisterous. “Jesus Alice, you call him daddy?”

Still coughing I took another drink while she answered, “Everybody calls their man Daddy in bed.”

“I’ve never…” before I could finish the coughing started again and Alice patted my back while I took another drink to ease the discomfort in my throat. Rose gave me a cynical look, “I have once or twice but it’s not my thing.”

“What thing?” Alice wondered, “My mother called my father Daddy all the time.”

“Not in the bedroom,” my tone was off from the tickle in my throat.

“I’ll have you know that my room was right next to theirs and I assure you she did.”

Oh My God…that was something I could have lived my whole life without knowing. It was one thing for Esme to acknowledge the daily sex; in fact, I found that to be rather amorous. But having an intimate knowledge of what occurs was a wholly different thing. Then again what child wants to hear or see their parent’s intimate times?

Rose who had been so good at dropping uncomfortable subjects decided this was one she couldn’t let go, “You could actually hear them?”

“Yes, mom is really loud. It was so embarrassing when I had friends over…they would wake us up.”

Giggling, I had to share, “Leah and I walked in on Charlie and Sue once.” Both of them stared at me waiting for the rest, “They were in the living room defiling a chair.”

They giggled and thoughts of Charlie made me wonder, “How about your parents Rose?” I couldn’t remember her ever talking about them.

“No…I think my mother was too proper to have sex and my father was a bit anal retentive so …”

The word was - past tense - is what had stuck in my mind. “Are they gone?”

With narrowed eyes she shook her head, “No, they are still in Chicago.”

Maybe I should have dropped the subject especially when Rose dropped her eyes back to the magazine at the mention of the city. I knew it was a major point of contention yet I asked anyway, “You don’t talk to them?”

Her gaze was back to me, “I speak to my father at Christmas and Birthdays, my mother…” through glassy eyes she spoke in a voice that almost broke with the pain, “…she never forgave me for ruining her social status. She would rather I had died that night than have to face all the people at the country club who considered her daughter to be a lying whore.”

“Oh Rose…” I didn’t know what to say as I felt my own eyes well up with tears, “…one day everybody gets what they deserve and he will too.”

“I believe that too,” Alice added in a subdued voice, “after all Karma is a bitch and that which you sow is reaped back tenfold.”

“I would love to believe that because I did all I could, was bitch slapped for the effort, and thrown out like a piece of fucking trash.”

Squeezing Roses hand in a show of support I asked, “Didn’t your parents stand behind you when you went to the police?”

I was astonished at the shaking of her head, “When they came to the hospital my mother told me to keep my mouth shut, tell the police I didn’t have any memory of the events because the scandal would have adverse effects on the family.” Anger crossed Rose’s face, “I was lying there dealing with being gang raped, with my jaw wired shut, and her only worry is what people would think about her.”

Squeezing her hand in support she looked into my tear fill eyes letting the bond we shared solidify. Rose and I were kindred souls, we had both lived through the horror of being brutally violated and yet we were very different. Where she had faced the truth head on, I refused to even acknowledge it. She was admonished for her honesty while I was criticized for my denial. Both of us on opposite ends of the spectrum yet in the end we both had to live with the consequences of our decisions.

“So, what’s the answer?”

“I don’t have an answer Alice,” Rose said solemnly as her gaze shifted away from mine.

“No, I mean to the question ‘what’s the hottest thing you can say?” she pointed to the open magazine.

“Oh…” Rose looked down as she spoke, “I’m cumming.”

“Where are you going?” I wondered.

Rose laughed, “That’s the answer Bella. The hottest thing you can say is, ‘I’m cumming.’”

I was stunned, “That’s it, that’s the hottest thing?”

Rose read the reasoning, “So simple, so powerful. This sentence is like the sex version of bacon — men freakin' love it. Being a great lover is a prime source of pride for guys. Telling him you're about to orgasm is the ultimate accolade. It's proof that he's successfully satisfying you. What's more, he's gotten you so aroused that you're out of control — this phrase suggests that even if you tried, you couldn't stop from tumbling over the edge. Announcing your orgasm's arrival also amps up anticipation for that pivotal moment, thus enhancing enjoyment for both of you. Plus, since most men are ready to climax before women are, this gives him permission to come and that's definitely music to his, um, ears.”

“Well, I don’t know about you two, but that’s disappointing,” Alice muttered rolling over onto her back.

Snickering I was about to turn over myself when I felt the weight of Edward’s body laying over me, his lips kissing my exposed shoulder, “What are you doing nâhtötse?”

Twisting my head to see his face I told him exactly what we were doing, “Listening to Rose tell us about men’s sex secrets.”

“Oh yeah, did you learn anything new babe?” Emmett asked sitting down next to his wife and reaching for the bag of Cheetos.

“Nah… sorry, you’re stuck with the same old bag of tricks.”

While they were talking, Edward kissed his way along my shoulder until his mouth was next to my ear where he spoke quietly, “At four-fifteen you are to excuse yourself and prepare to wait for me in the living room.”

Between his breath against my ear and the anticipation his words created a shiver went through me as I whispered, “As you wish.”

Edward lifted up on is arms taking the weight of his body off me and I turned around to lie on my back. He reached over my head taking a hand full of pretzels and laid his head on my stomach munching on the snack while he stretched his legs out into the sand. Closing my eyes at the brightness of the sun my body relaxed as my fingers ran absentmindedly through his hair.

“What the hell is this…twenty-eight ways to keep your man happy,” Emmett must have been reading from the magazine

“Twenty-eight? All you need is four,” Jasper announced.

Four? Esme summed it up in three.

Blocking the sun with my hand I turned to look at him hoping he would elaborate, and I wasn’t disappointed as he used his fingers to rattle off his list. “Suck my dick, play with my balls, make me a sandwich, and for god’s sake don’t talk during football.”

It seemed off to hear Jasper talking about his dick and after what Alice had said earlier I came to see prim and proper Jasper in a different light. He really was just one of the guys, however Emmett’s comment was completely expected, “Better yet suck my dick during football that way I know you can’t talk.”

“You guys are disgusting.”

Jasper responded to his wife’s comment, “There’s nothing wrong with that darling, anytime we can get blow job, we’ll take it.”

“Fuck yeah, at home, in the car, on the beach,” I could imagine Emmett wagging his eyebrows at Rose as she replied, “I’m not sucking you off on the beach but maybe if you’re a good boy…”

“Oh baby…I’m always good.”

I was laughing so hard Edward’s head was bouncing around on my stomach. The banter back and forth continued and after a while we all got up to take a walk down the beach to the jetties. While we were there I found the perfect rock and by the time we got back to the blanket there was only ten minutes left until I had to excuse myself. Taking my camera out of the bag I snapped off a few pictures before I started gathering up my stuff. Rose and Alice also packed up leaving the blanket on the beach for the boys to use. I kissed Edward and he told me to take the rock but he would bring in the tote bag.

Riding up in the elevator Alice again wondered about what to wear, we were going to a pub for dinner but to the casino afterwards so she was torn between dressing up and going casual. Rose decided that she wasn’t in the mood to wear a dress but I remained quiet, still unsure of what Edward would have me dress in. Stepping off on our floor Rose and I walked in silence to her door, saying I would see her later she stopped me.

“Bella…” turning to see what she wanted Rose remained quiet as she stared at me. There was no need for words; I knew what was in her heart. Holding on to my rock I gave her a one arm hug saying, “It will all work out Rose, besides look at what you have now with Emmett.”

Stepping away she patted her belly nodding in agreement, “Yeah, it was worth the hell to get to the heaven.”

Walking down the hall to my room I thought about Roses parting words. Two months ago I don’t know that I would have agreed with her but that was only because my heaven was still waiting to find me. At that moment as I opened the door I knew that her words were true, going through the hell to get to Edward was worth it.

Having no idea how much time Edward was going to give me I set about preparing myself, getting in the shower to rinse the sand off, brushing my hair and teeth along with applying a little bit of makeup. I was told to wait in the living room area but there was no mention of where. Starting to kneel in the space between the table and the TV I thought better of it as I remembered his instructions from a few days ago.

‘If there is no indication of where to kneel then you are to wait in a standing position.’

Getting back up I stood facing the wall with my back to the door.

Waiting on my feet was a first for me and I found it very uncomfortable to stand ram rod straight with my feet shoulder width apart and my hands clasped behind my back. It was also difficult to relax enough to center myself. Normally when I knelt my whole body settled into place and I could close my eyes to mentally prepare for his entrance. That wasn’t possible while standing, every time I closed my eyes my equilibrium would be lost making me feel like my body was swaying. So I found that I was either focusing all my attention on not falling over or I was concentrating on the tension in the muscles of my calves and feet.

I don’t know how long I stood there with before the sound of the door opening caused me to concentrate very hard on my proper posture. Edward didn’t say a word as he walked around the room; with me facing away from him all I could do was try to remain still while listening to the sound of cabinets opening and his retreating footsteps into the bedroom. There was a part of me that felt slightly miffed at being ignored especially at the sound of running water.

He’s taking a shower?

Reasoning that I too had taken a quick shower to remove the sand, my mind settled back onto the task of remaining steadfast. He was in there much longer than I had expected and even after the water was shut off it seemed to take a long time before I heard him come out to me. Once again there was no acknowledgement of my presence as he busied himself in the room behind me.

What the heck is he doing?

After a few minutes the curiosity was getting to be too much and my eyes shifted side wards trying to see what he was up to. I had no idea how long I had stood there waiting and I cursed myself for not standing a few feet further back so I could have seen the clock.

The sound of Edward walking in my direction was very welcomed as the trepidation from waiting so long was starting to get to me. I knew that there was going to be some kind of discussion about what had occurred with Jane, but even a reprimand was better than just standing there. With my eyes on the floor I saw movement on the peripheral as Edward walked past me – fully dressed – without saying a word. He pulled one of the side chairs from against the wall to a spot about six feet in front of me, close enough that I could see him yet out of arms reach. After picking something up from the side table he remained completely quiet while taking the seat.

I had often stood bare before Edward, yet for some reason my anxiety spiked at the humiliation I felt standing naked while Edward was completely dressed; right down to his shoes. It became so bad that I had to literally force my lungs to expand at a regular pace as I desperately tried to keep still. With my eyes on the floor I could barely see enough of his movements to distinguish his actions. I was also starting to realize that I had been flexing the muscles in my legs and the need to shift the weight in my feet was beginning to get to me as Edward snapped his fingers.

That was new

Did it mean look at me…stand still …come to me? The possibilities seemed endless.

Tentatively my eyes lifted to see his hand make the signal telling me to kneel, once on my knees the next two signals came immediately. The first to relax and the second to lower my eyes, both of which I gladly did. Sinking down further until my bottom was nearly touching the floor as my eyes focused on an imperfection in the nap of the beige rug and then the waiting game began again.

If I had to come up with the absolutely worst part of my submission it would be the waiting while under his scrutinizing gaze. His eyes raked across my body with burning interest. It was unnerving and yet at the same time it caused a reaction in me that pumped adrenaline through my veins making the anticipation of his touch or command sinfully luscious.

Not being able to see Edward’s face, all I could do was concentrate on taking even breathes while trying to remain calm as he analyzed every minute detail of my presence. The tension was beginning to creep in again when there was movement on his part.

Getting to his feet Edward moved towards me and I relaxed knowing that he was about to start. That feeling only lasted for a second as he walked passed me to once again do something over in the kitchen area. The cabinet opened and closed as well as the refrigerator door before he came back over to the chair. As he sat back down I heard the distinct clink of a glass being set on the side table, telling me he had gotten himself a drink.

Why didn’t he have me do that?

Edward’s gaze continued to burn my skin even as his hand reached over to lift the glass after taking a sip he set it back down and he finally spoke in a subdued voice.

“Who’s collar do you wear Isabella?”

It was not a yes or no question so I remained quiet and was glad when he continued, “I ask because there seems to be some kind of confusion as to who owns the collar, who wields the collar, and the meaning that the collar exhibits.”

The desire to look in his face so I could get a reading on what he was thinking was so strong that I could feel the stiffness in my face as I forced myself to keep looking at the floor. Edward’s hand reached out to the table and through my lashes I saw him opening my journal, clearing his throat he began to read.

‘I truly don’t understand what the problem was with me contacting Jane to fulfill the assignment he gave me. All I wanted to do was show Edward that I was fully capable of satisfying his wishes all on my own’

He was quiet for another moment making wonder what was wrong with that statement, it didn’t take long of him to tell me.

“That’s not really the truth though. You were not capable of doing it on your own, which was evident by your asking Jane for help. And as we talked about last night there were other motives at work,” looking down he once again began to read aloud.

My whole life I had been forced to do everything on my own, always with the
wish that someone would step up and take care of me or at the very least, be there for support. Then when I finally have that someone, I push him away. It almost became a source of pride, that I could do it on my own not needing the help that he could give me. After all I’m a big girl and I thought that once Edward saw how in depth I had dwelled into my psyche, he would be proud of me. Even after Jane advised me to seek his guidance in what he was expecting I still couldn’t bring myself to do it.


Edward paused for a moment while he turned the page and read a little more.

The question of why I hadn’t come to him rather than seek Jane’s direction got the better of me. For the time being I had the upper hand. Oh I reasoned that at a later time I would tell him but at that moment there was something inside me that desired for him to stew in his own curiosity.
I wanted him to see what it felt like to have your questions dismissed in the hopes that he might see that my wants mattered too. My focus which had been on pleasing him was turned to gratifying me. It no longer mattered what he thought it was strictly about maintaining my pride.


Hearing my own words brought a sense of shame to me, I truly had taken the trust he placed in me to be honest with him and trampled all over it. The snap of his fingers brought my eyes to his, they were intensely dark and his face was stone cold impassiveness.

“Isabella, tell me the meaning of manipulative.”

The question caught me off guard but I didn’t hesitate to answer, “Doing something with the intent to make someone else do what you want.”

“Do you agree that would be a fair description of your actions?”

Manipulative? Is that what I was?

Not sure if I truly agreed and not wanting to push Edward’s patience I answered with what I thought to be a safe response, “You’re girl is not sure Master.”

“She’s not? Then let me reiterate what I just read,” his eyes went back to the journal as he repeated the sentence I had written stressing the words that would condemn me, “Oh I reasoned that at a later time I would tell him but at that moment there was something inside me that desired for him to stew in his own curiosity. I wanted him to see what it felt like to have your questions dismissed in the hopes that he might see that my wants mattered too.”

Raising one eyebrow he spoke with a harsh coolness, “Scheming, calculating, underhanded trickery.”

There was quiet for a few moments as those words sunk into my brain.

“Now are we in agreement?”

Releasing the lip that I had been biting I thought about my definition along with the synonyms he had used and realized that was exactly what I had been. “Yes Sir. Your girl is…”

Cutting off my apology he spit out, “I don’t want to hear about being sorry. I’ve told you, I know you’re sorry, but we are past that and during our usual I don’t ever want to hear the word sorry come out of your mouth again.”

What should I say then?

The answer to my unspoken question came, “Talk is cheap Isabella, don’t tell me …show me.”

Show him how?

That was a question that would have to be answered at a later time as he moved onto a new subject.

“You know Isabella, there seems to be some kind of delusion you have that says I should be concerned with your wants. In that, you are very wrong.” Edward paused for a moment before going on.

“I have told you that your needs are always first and foremost on my mind. I will indulge your wants at my discretion, however, your needs will always be exceedingly met. It doesn’t matter to me if I am thinking of my girlfriend or my submissive, to me the two are interchangeable. Because try as I may to differentiate between the two identities, it is an impossibility. There are times when one takes precedence over the other but the two personas are always simultaneously present. And in that I owe you an apology because even though I was not talking to my submissive at the time, what I should have done was take you aside and demanded the answers to the questions I was asking. I want you to know that it will never happen again, I will not allow you to be a devious, crafty, secretive female, simply because I feel that by demanding an answer crosses some arbitrary line.”

By the end of his lecture his voice had become rather harsh.

While he picked up his glass for another drink I thought about what he had just said and understood the truth of his convictions. He had voiced an accurate depiction, even when we are not in our usual time slot Edward is at always my Master. The boyfriend who I love so very much is enriched by the fact that I know under the surface the Dominant man is laying there waiting to be released. There are times when his presence takes me by surprise, but even then the submissive in me is always glad to see him. My heart pounds a little harder, my body fills with desire and something deep down wants to fall on her knees and worship him with her service.

With a deep sigh he placed the glass back on the table before continuing. “I’m afraid that you have put me at a disadvantage Isabella, which is not exactly something I’m use to or like. But I am a man of my word and when I said that you would never be punished for something you wrote in the journal I meant that. Because believe me, had I not given you that promise I can guarantee you that the privilege of speaking with Jane would have been revoked. I will, however, give you my assurance that should you once again seek her advice about a task I gave you without first addressing the concern with me, that is exactly what will happen. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes Sir.” It was all I could say.

“Good,” at that word he sat forward with his elbows resting on his thighs he clasped his hands together letting them hang between his open legs.

He seemed slightly more relaxed as he spoke with a softer tone, “You can and should always come to me with everything; I want you to, and furthermore expect it from you. There is no shame or weakness in asking me to clarify something for you. And just as we tell our students the only dumb question is the one that goes unasked. I’ll also tell you that just as with your journaling there will never be a punishment for your thoughts or feeling, unless like yesterday you act upon them.”

I knew it was coming

I waited to hear what my punishment was going to be but it didn’t come, instead Edward continued to talk. “However, I don’t expect that to happen because last night I was guaranteed from now on you would seek my advice so I can put that worry out of my mind, correct?”

“Yes Sir.”

Pursing his lips he regarded me curiously, “I guess we shall see.”

He got to his feet but still stood rather far away from me which was disappointing as I really wanted to feel his touch. Instead all I got was the signal to look at him, which I immediately did.

“So, back to my original points.” Pausing for a moment he asked, “Who’s collar is it Isabella?”

I would like to think of it as mine but I knew it wasn’t, “It is yours Master.”

“Are you sure about that? Because as I was reading your journal you often make reference to it being ‘My Collar’ - showing possession, which made me wonder if maybe there was some misunderstanding.” With one raised eyebrow he asked, “Is there a misconception?”

“No Master.”

“Good, then from now on I’ll expect the appropriate reference to be made.”

That was simple enough to comply with, while I was making a mental note to remember Edward asked his next question.

“And whose neck does My Collar adorn?”

Blinking a few times I wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear, we both knew that it was on my neck so it seemed silly to say that. Edward didn’t like my hesitation as he asked with a harsh tone, “Whose neck?”

“This girls…”

“Just any girl?” He asked the question with an irritated tone.

“N…no…Your Collar adorns the neck of M…Master’s submissive.”

Staring in my eyes his face became impassive, “And what does My Collar mean to My submissive?”

At the question I started rattling off the standard answers, “It means that this girl is own by her Master, that she is his to command.”

“What else?”

All I could do was stare back into his beseeching eyes while I tried to think of what to say. In an attempt to help he prompted me, “What does being owned mean to my submissive?”

I could feel the foreboding growing inside me, that feeling of dread that makes your stomach knot and your face tingle. Tears filled my eyes as I couldn’t think of anything to say.

Edward sighed and spoke with no emotion, “That’s what I thought.”

I wanted to cry out that it meant everything to me but I knew that he would have wanted me to elaborate and at that moment I was simply at a loss for words. Taking a deep breath Edward said the words that I dreaded to hear.

“I will not nor cannot accept the service from someone who has no idea what it means to wear my collar.”

Tears filled my eyes and the instinct to grab a hold of Master’s Collar and hold on to it was overwhelming. So much of my focus was on the meaning of what Edward had just said that I almost missed his instructions.

“For the time being you are to behave as if in full mode. For this evening around my family you will not refer to me as Master nor use my proper name….”

For the time being? For this evening?

I was so focused on trying to decipher what he meant that I almost missed the rest, then once I comprehended what he said I wished I hadn’t.

“…However, I assure you your service will not be acknowledged. Perhaps as you go about obeying the rules and following protocols without any distractions, maybe the answer will come to you. But for now that’s the way it’s going to be, so do you have any questions?”

Sniffling, I asked the only thing that came to my mind, “For how long?”

Was he talking about tonight, this weekend, a month? I had no clue and apparently neither did he as he answered sternly, “As long as it takes.”

The quietness was a thick tension as Edward continued to stare into my eyes. After a moment he glanced over to the right at what I believed was the time because he took a step in my direction holding out his hand for me, “We have to leave soon so unless you are planning to go like that…”

Getting to my feet I looked into his emotionless face, “What would you have this girl wear?”

The nonchalance of his answer was cutting, “It doesn’t matter.”

It was like I had been kicked in the stomach and it took all I had to not cry as I felt the muscles in my face twitch. Without saying a word I turned to go into the bedroom where I lost the battle and the tears came. Wiping my eyes I really wished I had listened more to what the other girls were wearing. The last I could remember was Rose saying she didn’t feel like getting dressed up so that was what I went by. Choosing a pair of skinny jeans I dressed it up with a long black fitted halter shirt and black open toed heels. Once I was dressed the need to wash my face and reapply makeup was a necessity.

Brushing through my hair I stared at my face in the mirror wondering what had just happened and what it was that Edward expected me to say. Running the mascara through my lashes it came to me that he didn’t want the typical answers of to be obedient, respectful or subservient. He was looking for a deeper meaning and try as I might nothing was coming to me. Washing my hands I began to wonder how long it would take and what if it never came to me would our usual consist of rejected service forever?

Feeling rather forlorn and wishing that we could just stay home or at the very least spend the night alone I walked out to meet him, presenting myself as required. Edward was in the kitchen rinsing out his glass. As I stood next to him, he placed it in the strainer turning he took in my appearance with a sad smile.

“You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” it felt off not to add the Master.

“Do you think you need a jacket?”

Knowing that my shoulders were bare I nodded, “Yes.”

There was no command to get one as he shrugged raising one eyebrow as if to say ‘use your own judgment’ - I did get a jacket before we left.

Edward checked his pockets making sure he had everything before holding the door open for me to step out into the hallway. Once he shut the door I fell in line walking a few step behind him with my eyes lowered and my purse slug over my arm.

It was going to be a long fucking night

Getting down into the lobby I was glad to see that my choice of clothing was correct. Both of the girls wore jeans with heels, Alice had on a beige sleeveless silk shirt while Rose was in a burnt orange strapless top that flowed over her belly. She was also donning a tight gold choker of interlacing circles.

I kept up all protocols while Edward fulfilled his promise of ignoring any and all of my attempts at service. He was as gentlemanly as ever, holding doors open, taking my hand to help me out of the Escalade, pulling out my stool and even kissing my head before taking his place opposite me at the table. Everyone was chatting while looking over their menu, personally I wasn’t hungry.

I was looking around the pub while they ordered two pitchers of beer and Rose got an iced tea. It was typical casual style with lots of neon beer signs, old license plates and country music coming from the juke box. The waitress came back with our drinks taking an order for several appetizers that we all could share. Everyone was relaxed, laughing at something I hadn’t heard when Edward asked me what I was going to order.

Edward always orders for me
My eyes went to the untouched menu on the table as I blinked away the tears, feeling silly that having to order my own food would make me weep. It wasn’t so much the action of picking out food; I’ve been doing that since I could read. The problem was the overwhelming feeling of grief and loss plus the fact that I didn’t know how to act. Why have me be in full sub mode when there is no one to serve? It was like I was my own submissive, which made absolutely no sense.

The waitress was back and picking up the menu I ordered the first thing I saw – steak salad – knowing that I probably wouldn’t be eating much of it anyway. I tried really hard to fit in with the banter at the table, smiling at the appropriate times, eating bites of food that I couldn’t taste. Half way through the meal Rose asked to use the bathroom, actually her exact words were “Your child is kicking my bladder,” to which Emmett replied, “You’d better go empty it.”

I knew it was her way of asking permission and I’m sure Alice did too as she rolled her eyes while announcing she would go too. As they stood Alice summoned me to go along, my gaze going to Edward was met with him turning his head to ask Jasper a question. I didn’t have to pee but I couldn’t sit there anymore either. Picking up my purse I followed the entourage to the back of the pub where the restrooms were.

“Do you have a headache or something Bella?”

I hated lying but I certainly wasn’t giving Alice any information, “Just a little one, too much sun.”

Rose gave me a sympathetic smile; she was a smart woman and knew something was amiss. She never asked, which was a good thing as I wouldn’t have known what to tell her anyway. When we got back to the table Edward was standing by the juke box. As I approached him to present myself he turned and kissed my forehead saying there were three songs left if I wanted to pick something out, leaving me alone while he went back to the table.

Standing there looking at the digital listings I let the grief wash over me picking out the first three songs that I knew. Wiping my face with the back of my hands I stood there a few more moments until I was sure the tears wouldn’t be discernible.

I had just sat back down when Emmett started talking about something he wanted to do in the morning which did not make Alice happy at all. “When? It’s the only day I’ll get to sleep in.”

Pointing his finger at his sister he was adamant, “Eight-thirty in the workout room, be there,” his finger pointed in my direction, “You too little Bella, eight-thirty or I’m coming to get you and then you’ll be running laps.”

What the heck is this, gym class?

“Ummm…what are we doing?” I suppose he must have already told everyone but I just sat back down and was oblivious. I was game for whatever everyone wanted to do, or at least I thought that was the case until hearing his plans, “Self-defense lessons.”

At my shaking head he only smiled widely contradicting my ‘no’ by nodding his head ‘yes’ while Alice grumbled, “Come on Bella, if I have to be there so do you. Besides, think how much fun it will be to beat up Emmett!”

Glancing at Edward he shrugged, “When else are you going to be able to take some free jabs at him?”

Oh, that is not a good idea

When everyone was done eating we sat there talking some more while they all finished off the pitchers of beer. Right before we left one of the songs I had played came on making me smile. “This is your song.”

“Excuse me?” Edward asked.

“Yesterday, you wanted to know what your song was on the phone, this is it.”

Regarding me for a moment his eyes softened, “Evanescence’s, Bring me to Life?”

At my nod he genuinely smiled before putting back on the mask of hardness he had been wearing all night.

The rest of the evening was more of the same, the only bit of pleasure I had was walking into the Casino. I had never been in one so all the lights, sounds, and people were rather exciting. Gambling was not something I took part in, not even playing the lottery on a regular basis. Of course I do purchase a dollar ticket when the jackpot hits two hundred and fifty million but that’s the extent of my wagering. It just seems a waste to throw money away on a chance. I would much rather buy something with it that I enjoy than have nothing to show for it. As Charlie would say ‘You might as well burn it.’

The basic excitement wore off quickly as I realized the extent of some people’s obsession. One little old lady sat in a chair playing not only the slot machine in front of her but the two on either side. Other people seemed to be glued to their seat as was evident by the pile of empty glasses and full ashtrays. Personally, I didn’t see anything good in participating, so I didn’t. My time there was basically spent walking around behind Edward and watching Emmett as he tried to explain how to play Craps.

There was a live band but the dance floor was so full there was nowhere to move and I really wasn’t in the mood to dance. I was, however, trying to figure out what Edward had meant by his words. Some it I had figured out, at least I thought I had. He wanted me to go through the motions of service because if there is no meaning behind it then all it was – was a gesture. Once I resolved that in my mind it was easier to not be so defeated. Not that it still didn’t hurt to have him disregard me, but at least I could rationalize it.

Driving back to the hotel I was so miserable and tired of putting on a fake smile that I actually sat on the seat next to Edward and sulked. Thoughts of Vinny’s pouty face from the morning filled my vision and even though I knew it was childish, I couldn’t help it. They were all talking about going to Emmett and Rose’s to watch a movie; that was the last thing I felt like doing. All I wanted was to go to our room, soak in the tub and have a good cry.

Taking my place behind Edward we got out of the elevator, walking down the hall a few steps behind him with my eyes on the floor, I had a moment of clarity in my thought. Standing at the door waiting to be let inside I saw Edward in a different light then I had all night. I’d been so wrapped up in myself that I forget to think about him. I loved him beyond all reason and I knew without a doubt that he loved me so there had to be a purpose for what he was doing.

Stepping inside their room I was struck by the differences in the decor between our rooms. Ours was all done in homey tones of beige, Alice’s was painted a warm sage color and Rose’s was stake white. Looking around I spotted the purple vase she had bought sitting on the table. For some reason that struck a nerve with me and I thought about how it also related to the relationship I had with Edward. Just as with the two men who toiled together to make something so beautiful were a partnership, so were Edward and I. Each of them had their job to do but yet they needed to work together the same as us. If one was not paying attention or went off on their own, then the piece they were working on wouldn’t come out right. It was tedious at times yet the finished product was truly a beautiful work of art and worth the effort it took to make.

Edward’s words came back to me, ‘talk is cheap, don’t tell me you’re sorry, show me.” The whole night hadn’t been about punishing me for talking to Jane or not knowing the answer to what His collar means. He was forcing me to see something; he wanted me to to show him that I understood.

No the night hadn’t been about punishment, it was about disciplining me.

There was a lesson to be learned and had I not been so wrapped up in my own feelings I just might have been able to see it sooner. Just as with not approaching him with my inquiries because of my own ego I let hurt feelings obscure what was right in front of me.

It was a lesson in humility.

The more I thought about it, the more I understood. I had been so stubborn in wanting to show him that I didn’t need his guidance that I let my pride overrule my common sense to prove I was a big girl. There was a vast difference between putting on big girl panties so that you could handle the stress and challenges of life and another thing to be so damned determined that you refuse to seek the help you need from the one person who can give it to you.

That conviction became clearer as I thought back to the words Jane had told me the first time we spoke. ‘There is no such things as needing your Master too much. He wants to be needed, it brings him satisfaction.’

Earlier Edward was trying to tell me the very same thing when he said, ‘You can and should always come to me with everything; I want you to, and furthermore expect it from you.’

At the time when Edward said those words I had been so wrapped up in what was happening to me, that I wasn’t listening and in that I had done him a great disservice. Through my own obstinacy I was doing the same thing to Edward that I had done with Charlie. Pushing him away in order to prove that the only person I needed to depend on was myself. It wasn’t fair to dad and it’s not fair to Edward.

The only difference between the two of them was Charlie didn’t call me on it and Edward wasn’t going to let me get away with it. Edward was well aware of how hard it is for me to ask anyone for any kind of assistance, be it financial, emotional or physical. He was going to push me past whatever mental block I had until I was forced to humble myself and learn to depend solely on him. Edward wasn’t going to accept anything less and if I was being honest, being able to count on someone was what I have always longed for.

Edward was also reminding me or rather forcing me to remind myself what’s at stake. The image of our see-saw came into my mind and how together we keep it balanced. When that happens we are both happy and fulfilled, when one steps away even a little bit the other one crashes. Without warning and due to my own vanity I had moved away. Just like with the glass blowing, my sudden movement caused a crack that needed to be fixed…my hand flew to Master’s collar and I knew…I knew what it meant to wear his collar around my neck.

The night had been so long that I couldn’t wait another second, I needed my Master and he needed to know. But with the realization I just had, along with his instructions, I didn’t know how to get his attention. If I approached him he would ignore me as he had all night. Then it came to me, I was told not to use his proper name or refer to him as Master but her never said not to use…

“Asgaya.”

At hearing me say Sir, Edward stiffened and I repeated the word adding a beseeching please on the end.

“Asgaya …hoto'vta.”

Edward turned, giving me the most penetrating stare I had ever seen.

Now what Bella?

I needed to end the horrible turmoil that my arrogant disobedience had caused. There was only one way I could think to do it. Swallowing hard I spoke out the word I never thought I would say, “PAY-chuh.”

Red

At that word Edward’s face softened and the tension he had been holding in his shoulders dissipated as he held his arms out to me in an invitation to go to him. It didn’t matter to me that everyone was watching us; all I cared about was being where I belonged. Tears were already streaming down my face as I leaped into his arms. He lifted me off the floor letting my feet dangle as I held on to his neck sobbing against his shoulder.

I could feel his arms tighten around me while he took his own stuttering breath before speaking quietly to his family, “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

Then he was walking, shushing me, while heading down the corridor to our room. Crying the words came out came out of me, “I kn..know what your collar means.”

“Tell me baby,” he whispered before I felt his lips against my temple.

Through my tears I told him exactly what wearing his collar meant, “Total…com..complete…surrender.”