Chapter 40

EPOV


Mine

Damn straight she was mine.

I don’t know what the fuck got into me. When I saw those freaking pictures and I held Bella in my lap rocking her back and forth, she just seemed so damned fragile. I felt like such a fucking hypocrite.

There I was, trying to comfort her from the horrible memories and yet I got my kicks out of dominating her. Was I any fucking different than the animal that caused her so much misery? I didn’t want to inflict more pain on her life, I wanted to strengthen and build her up. I couldn’t resolve the differences in my head.

I needed time to set myself straight, I knew that it upset Bella that I had cancelled our session. I rationalized the decision by telling myself that she was not mentally prepared, but I knew I wasn’t either. I tried to tell her that I needed to just be together and re-forge those bonds between us. The problem was I was afraid to fucking touch her.

Jacob’s words resonated through my head ‘she’s not as strong as she pretends to be’ and I saw that while she cried helplessly in my arms. Then every time I touched her all I could see was the bruises and I would be damned if I ever left a mark on her body. Every touch was tentative; every kiss was soft and tender.

I could do that, worship and love her. But as Bella straddled my legs I was even afraid to do that, worried I wouldn’t be able to control myself. Scared that in the heat of the moment I would lose it and push her too far. I saw the devastation roll across her features as she came to the only conclusion she could make.

“You think I’m dirty,” the pain in her voice was nothing compared to the hurt in her eyes.

“No Bella…God No, you’re not dirty,” that was the last thing I wanted her to feel and I put as much conviction into my statement as possible begging her to believe me. I didn’t think that and I never would.

I watched as realization came to her while she pieced together the events.

“You saw my pictures…it grossed you out!”

I tried to deny it because I wasn’t ‘grossed out’ but yet it was still those pictures of her so battered and bruised that was causing my reaction. I couldn’t look at her anymore all I saw was my hands leaving those marks on her body and it disgusted me. A second later she was running away from me in a fit of tears.

Her door slammed as I reached the top of the steps, I needed her to understand that it was me. I had the mental block, and I needed to resolve the differences in my head. Bella called me a liar and maybe I was but not in the way she was insinuating. I held her arm while she tried to move past me. I knew if I let her walk out that door she would be gone and my world would fall apart. I couldn’t let her leave.

“Bella…Isabella please,” she had to listen, I just needed time, but she spit the words at me that cut me deeper than anything she could have said.

“Don’t you call me that!…You don’t deserve to call me that!”

Something snapped inside me and I growled. “Don’t you ever say that.”

I don’t know what she was saying, all I could see was her with someone else and there was no way that was going to happen. I needed to own her body and soul, to mark her as mine but not with bruises or scars. I needed to prove to myself that our relationship was different than that and I needed to reclaim Isabella.

Both of us were breathless while she lay underneath me, she let out a small grunt and I moved to get off her. Bella’s hand snaked up to hold my shoulder. “Don’t…don’t leave me.”

I moved my head then swept the hair off her shoulder so I could get a clear view. A light sheen of sweat covered her flushed face. Her eyes were still closed while heavy breaths came from her slack jaw. Bella’s one eye peeked open to look at me as I kissed her cheek, “I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

Her bottom lip went between her teeth as her eyes squeezed together tightly while one single tear escaped. I quickly rolled to my side wrapping my arms around her to pull her to my chest. “Don’t baby… don’t cry…we’re going to be ok, I swear we will.”

I would make sure that no matter what came our way I would make sure to keep that promise.

She sniffled lying there quietly while her hands gripped my t-shirt finally she sighed into my neck,
“Do you feel better?”

I smiled huffing out my answer, “Yeah.” Then added the truest answer I could give, “I just needed to get my head out of my ass.”

“And now it’s out?”

“Yes,” I grinned.

“And it truly had nothing to do with you being …sickened by me?”

I moved back so I could cup her chin and make her look at me.

“No Bella…Honest to God, I would never…you could never sicken me. Bella I don’t ever want to hurt you and I was so afraid…”

“Do you want to leave me bruised like tha…” I didn’t even let her finish her question.

“Fuck no…I would cut my right arm off before I ever left a mark on you” Bella pursed her lips together while she thought then she asked the questions I had not taken into consideration.

“Do you think I liked what James did to me, that I let him? Do you think that I would let you do that to me? That I wouldn’t stop you…don’t you trust me Edward?”

I had spent a whole day fretting over my ability to control myself in the kinky games I played. Fearing that I couldn’t trust myself, I forgot about trusting Bella. Our see-saw became unbalanced. I had hopped off sending her crashing to the ground.

“I forgot …forgive me. All I could think of was that I wasn’t any better than him and I forgot that I could trust you. That you had a say in what happens and how far I go.” Bella moved to sit up tucking her breasts back inside her shirt.

“Safe, Sane and Consensual.”

She wasn’t asking but I replied anyway.

“In all things. I’m sorry Bella,” my fingers absentmindedly played with a lock of her hair. “I told you my head was in my ass and I didn’t figure your consent into the equation.”

Bella’s hands pushed on my shoulders rolling me to my back while she straddled my stomach and lifted my shirt up so it bunched under my arms. Her fingers ran through the hair on my chest but her eyes never left mine.

“I think you need a reminder that we are in this together.”

I could feel the grin on my face starting to form, but she remained serious.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Hmmm…” She moved to reach over to the night stand opening the drawer and taking out a blue pen. When she was squarely back on top of me, she popped the lid off with her teeth and brought the point down to my skin where she wrote something over my heart.

I tried to look at what she was writing but the cotton from my shirt was in the way. When she was done the lid was returned before she tossed the pen onto the top of the table. Her eyes seemed to hold some satisfaction as she gave me her instructions.

“Don’t you scrub that off, I want to see it for as long as possible.” There was not one hint of humor in her tone and I wondered if perhaps she did have some dominatrix hidden inside her.

“I’ll wear it proudly,” I stated and the sly smile played at her lips and she leaned down to kiss me. My hands ran down the length of her back gripping the full roundness of her bottom. Her lips moved off mine down my throat where she lightly bit the nape of my neck.

“I’m hungry,” her words made me laugh.

“Me too, I’ll call for pizza.”

I laid there with a puddle of our mixed juices on my stomach while she picked her pants up off the floor and went into the bathroom. Taking my shirt off I used it to wipe my stomach off then went to see what she had written. Over my heart in her squiggly hand writing it said:
Edward
&
Isabella
I wasn’t lying I would wear it proudly.

We sat on a blanket in front of the fire drinking wine and eating pizza, while Seth sat between us waiting for Bella to give him bites of uneaten crust. Bella told me she didn’t have to go into the center until the afternoon the next day. That was a good thing she would be here when the security company came. I wasn’t completely stupid about technology but she had more expertise with that particular area and I hoped she would ask the right questions.

Instead of going to bed to watch the movies she wanted to turn off all the lights, leave the fire on and cuddle on the couch. She lay between my legs with her head on my chest while she jumped in the darkness and hid her face as we watched Ghost Ship.

I wondered why Bella would pick a horror movie if it caused that kind of reaction from her but I was enjoying the closeness too much to care. When the movie was over I asked if she wanted to watch the second one but she yawned and said she would rather go to bed. She stood out on the back patio with me while we let Seth out; she was looking up at the night sky, the stars twinkling in her eyes.

“When I was little, I thought it would be so cool to travel in space.”

I looked at her waiting for her to continue when she didn’t I had to prompt her, “So what changed?”

Her eyes met mine with a warm smile, “I grew up, realized it was safer to look than to touch. Charlie bought me a telescope and I would sit out in the yard looking and wondering at the glory of the universe. It was my quiet time when I could be alone, Leah had her pictures and I had the stars. No matter how much better she was at taking pictures than I was, she could never see the stars the way I could.”

I thought about what she had said to her sister, ‘taking pictures isn’t my thing,’ and I asked her, “Is that why you don’t like to take pictures?”

“It’s not that I don’t like it,” she shrugged. “Leah was just always better at it. She has an eye that knows exactly how to capture the image in the best possible way. When you’re mediocre is always compared with greatness…” Bella drew quiet for a second then added, “…besides I would always get copies from her, let her allowance pay for the developing,” she giggled making me chuckle.

“What happened to your telescope?” Perhaps that was the wrong question because even in the muted light I could see the spark leave her eyes.

“It was one of the first things James broke.” Bella took a breath like she was debating something then began to talk again. “He thought I spent too much time staring at stars though a cloudy sky…he said it was an accident,” she looked out into the yard then back to me. “It was the only time that he didn’t come right out and say that he destroyed something that I enjoyed…so who knows maybe it was an accident.”

“So why didn’t you get another one?”

“We didn’t have the money, besides he would have just broken that one too.”

I understood that but I meant later on. “No I mean like now, after you were gone from him. Why didn’t you get a new one then?” She looked at me as if I held the answer.

“I…I don’t know,” a huge smile lit up her face. “I should get one…a really good one!”

I nodded in agreement.

So quickly I didn’t even see it happen, Bella spun and threw her arms behind my neck and hopped up to straddle my hips. My hands automatically caught the fullness of her bottom as her mouth was against mine. It took me a second to get over the shock before I responded parting my lips to allow her control. Her lips were soft and supple and as her tongue moved gently against mine a sigh escaped her throat.

Bella pulled back after placing one more soft kiss against my lips to look in my eyes while her hips wiggled against my dick. She smiled as the hiss left my mouth. “Little Eddie wants to play hide and seek.”

“Oh he’s not hiding…” my hips thrust forward, “…and he defiantly knows where to look.”

“Well then…let him come find it.” Her legs lost their grip as she slid down my body, but I held her back firmly keeping her against my chest.

“Are you teasing me again?” The last time she tried this I ended up giving her a spanking over the kitchen counter, the memory alone made me throb.

“I wouldn’t think of it.” stepping away the hint of a smile formed on her face, my girl was up to something. I eyed her speculatively but she gave nothing away as she moved towards the house telling me she was chilly and going in to get ready for bed.

While Bella opened the door to go back in the house she stopped. “Edward…” the somber look on her face was a direct contrast to the playful one she held just a minute before. “…do you trust me?”

I answered her immediately. “Without a doubt.”

The smile returned to Bella’s face and I think I detected some smugness, but I didn’t get to dwell on it because she told me to not take too long and she was gone. Seth followed me into the house where I got him some fresh water and turned the gas fire place off before going upstairs. The door to my room was ajar and Seth made his way in there ahead of me, so I figured that’s where Bella was.

Pushing the door open the room was muted in a dim light from the lamp in the corner by the chair. There was soft jazz playing from the iPod resting in the dock and Bella was in her waiting position, clenching something in her hands. It took me a few seconds to take in the scene and then I realized why she asked if I trusted her, she wanted to play.

I had never had a submissive initiate playtime, but as I studied her I could see it was the hairbrush in her hands and I was dying to know what she had in mind. In all honesty I had my own thoughts; I just wanted to see if I was correct.

Walking around the room, not doing anything in particular other then getting my head into the right frame of mind, I let Bella wait. When I stood in front of her I could see she was anxious but not from fear, I believed it was excitement. The first thing I needed to do was correct her on the proper way to give me something while waiting.

“What do you have in your hand Isabella?” Her hands came forward holding the brush out for me to take, but that wasn’t how it worked so I informed her.

“When you kneel before me you are to be completely devoid of everything, you are to come before me bare. The item you wish me to see should be on the floor directly in the center of your body and above your knees.” I watched while she placed it where I had instructed and then waited to see what she would do. Smiling to myself as I watched her hands return back to where they belonged; once she was settled I figured I would give her some fair warning.

“While it is acceptable Isabella to display an item in my bedroom, I would suggest you not do that in my playroom, unless I specifically ask you to.” Once that was out of the way I wanted to see just much she wanted to play.

“I must say Isabella you are full of surprises tonight.” Satisfied I would get no reaction to that statement I thought of one that I would get one from “First you orgasm without permission…” when her eyes narrowed ever so slightly I knew that had hit a sore spot so I went on, “…did you think I would forget?”

I waited for an answer and when I didn’t get one I prompted. “And now you refuse to answer, oh yes Isabella, nothing but surprises.”

I made sure my voice was stern while I continued, “I will ask again. Did you think I would forget?” making sure I punctuated each word.

I was growing impatient with Bella’s lack of response and was going to get more forceful when she spoke up. “Master please be patient, this girl is unsure how to answer your question.”

“Explain yourself,” I needed to understand what she was talking about.

“This girl does not think that her Master would forget, however she does not believe that orgasm should count.”

“She doesn’t? I would love to hear her reasons why not.”

Bella didn’t hesitate to plead her case, “a -- your girl was not in a submissive mode. b – your girl was upset and not thinking clearly and c – she was in her room and can do anything she wants to in her room.” Bella was a little smug with that last answer.

“I see…” I moved to stand behind her running my fingers through her hair. “Lets address each of your excuses one at a time. If you were not in a submissive mode, why would you obey my commands as well as refer to me as Master?” Bella remained quiet I assumed she was taking in my words.

“As far as you not thinking clearly, in the heat of the moment you never think clearly and I am always amazed at what comes out of your mouth. Now as for your last point… let me ask you Isabella, while you are in your room, would you masturbate without permission?”

“No Sir” she answered with conviction

“Why not, it’s your room; you can do whatever you want in your room.” I didn’t wait for an answer I asked the most important question.

“Tell me Isabella, whom do you belong to?” I finger swept along the silver that adorned the side of her neck while she answered immediately

“This girl belongs to you Sir”

“Hmmm…and if you belong to me, then it stands to reason that every part of you is mine including your pleasure…” Bella interrupted.

“But…”

“Quiet! I didn’t ask you for an explanation.” I retorted then went on.

“Before I was so rudely interrupted I was going to say, I can understand why you would feel that way and I would be willing to overlook your slip up this one time because of the circumstances that surround it. However due to your outburst, I am beginning to rethink that decision. Perhaps you need to be reminded of your place”. I gave Bella the hand signal to look at me and when her eyes met mine I made sure that she understood that I took her submission seriously.

“This was your choice to kneel before me tonight; if you are going to come before me then you come with full respect and behave appropriately, or say the word red right now.” I was giving Bella an out just in case she wasn’t prepared to continue; when she remained steadfast I went on.

“By your silence I’m going to assume that you wish to carry on…,” again I gave her a few seconds to let my words sink in before going back to her original purpose.

“Now as I was saying, you are full of surprises and besides the little outburst you just had, the most astonishing one is that hairbrush on the floor. Tell me why you would present me with such a thing.”

Bella’s tongue peeked out to moisten her lips before she spoke. “Master your girl would like you to use it on her.”

“You want me to brush your hair.” I made the statement knowing full well what she wanted, but I needed her to say exactly what she meant.

“No Sir, your girl would like you to spank her with it.”

Bella’s voice was unwavering as she spoke the words that made my dick stand at attention. My excitement at that thought was getting the better of me and the only way I could think to stall was by asking, “Why?”

Bella took a deep breath before she explained, “This one has been thinking about it since the first time you brushed her hair.”

“I see…” she seemed excited about the possibility I wanted to see how excited she could get. I looked over at the ottoman in front of the chair and the scene came to my mind. “Pick up the brush and come with me,” I held my hand out to assist her in standing then patted the center of the ottoman, “Kneel.”

Once she was in the right spot I tapped the inside of Bella’s thighs so she would part them, and then held my hand out for the brush before telling her to close her eyes. Once I was sitting on the chair I gave her instructions.

“You are to keep your eyes closed, if you do not and I have to blind fold you I will be very disappointed.” I let that sink in then went on, “for tonight your hands will be mine and I want you to use them on your breasts, now.” When I was done talking, I sat back to watch the show.

Bella’s hands moved up over her stomach to cup the fullness of her breasts while her thumbs ran across her taunt nipples. I let her continue what she was doing rolling and tugging her nipples until a small sigh escaped her throat. Then I took it up a notch.

“Come now Isabella, I’m sure my hands would be more forceful then that.”

At my words her hands began to tug harder stretching the tight peaks further away from her body while twisting them. I sat on the edge of the chair, my one hand laid on Bella’s stomach for a second before running down to feel the wetness between her thighs. As my fingers skimmed across her chit she whimpered letting me know my little game was working.

“Yes Isabella that’s more like it.” With my left hand on her stomach to give her support my right hand brought the brush down on lower part of her ass. The sound of pleasure that escaped her mouth made the brush come down on the other cheek so I could hear it again, and I was not disappointed.

The brush landed quickly two more times on each cheek before I got another sound. “Harder Isabella, squeeze them harder.”

“Ohhhhh…..” the long moan turned to gasps when the brush landed on her flesh several times in quick succession before I put it down and ran my hands over her warm pink bottom.

“Are we doing alright here Isabella?” I wanted to make sure.

“Yes…” she panted out.

“Yes what?” I questioned with a heavy sigh to let her know I was not happy.

“Yes Master.”

“Much better…” I told her picking up the hair brush before bringing it down on both cheeks.

“Oh…Oh…” the tone of her gasps were beginning to rise and I knew she was almost at her limit, but I figured since it was her idea I would push her just a little more.

“Squeeze you nipples and with each strike apply more pressure. Do you understand?” When she hesitated the brush came down again.

“Yes Master,” her voice was breathy, “I unde...”

“Who?” once more the brush made contact.

“Ohhh…” the sound wasn’t one of pain it was more of euphoria, “…yeesss…your girl understands.” I looked up into Bella’s face, she was totally relaxed and I used the bristles of the bush on the tender flesh of her ass while my other hand dipped back down into her center; she was dripping wet.

“My, my Isabella. I do believe you are enjoying my attentions.”

I moved further to the edge of the chair to keep a good grip on Bella so she didn’t fall. Then I held the top part of her clit between my thumb and forefinger before giving her the last piece of information.

“Ten Isabella, that’s the magic number, I’ll count.”

As the brush came down my fingers applied more pressure to her clit while I counted out “One.”
On the second strike I applied more pressure and I reminded her to do the same. With each strike the pressure increased as did Bella’s moans.

On the fifth on I applied more pressure and wiggled the nerve eliciting a sound of vibrating delight from Bella’s mouth while she quivered in my grasp. The sound resonated straight to my dick making me throb.

“Mmmm…yes Isabella, that’s the sound I enjoy so very much.”

By the eighth strike Bella was breathless and so fucking wet I was having a hard time keeping a decent grip on the swollen nub. Her body was shaking while her breathing quivered so much that I wasn’t sure she would make the last two. When I brought the brush down for the tenth one Bella let out a sigh but I wasn’t done with her yet.

“Keep squeezing Isabella and you may cum as you please.” As soon as the words left my mouth I brought the brush down on her bottom in a rapid pace while quickly rubbing her clit with my fingers. It didn’t take her long before her body shook and Bella’s legs could no longer hold her weight while she screamed out her release.

“Yeeessss…..ssssooooo…..gooooodddd…..auuunnnngggggg...”

I dropped the brush and as my arm supported most of Bella’s weight, my fingers continued to rub her until she completely sagged against my shoulder panting in breathlessness. Lifting under her legs I pulled her into the chair with me so she straddled my thighs, while she laid against me chest catching her breath.

After giving her a minute my hands gripped under her thighs and I lifted her up laying her back on the ottoman so she was spread open. Bella’s hands quickly undid the snap of my pants and she cried out as I entered her. She felt so fucking good I couldn’t help the groan that left my throat. She was so damned wet my dick slid in and out of her at a furious pace.

In no time at all Bella was once again panting and I used my elbows to spread her thighs even wider so I could go as deep inside her as possible. The sounds of flesh meeting flesh was drowned out by the sounds coming from her mouth.

“Pleasseee….right there…ohhh….I’m going to …I can’t hold ….pleassseee….Master please…”

“Not yet,” I grunted out through my own gasp of air. “Hold it.” I ordered while I continued to move in and out of her. My hands moved under her hips tilting them up and on the next stroke Bella’s back arched and she screamed out my name while her muscles contacted around me as she came undone.

“I told you …not to fucking cum.” My words were lost in her breathless moans and my hands moved to hold her hips as my pace picked up, Bella’s moans increased.

“I’mm…going...can’t…hold…”

“Don’t you fucking cum again.” I growled as the pressure in my balls started to build, my legs started to tingle and on the next thrust I came deep inside her with a loud groan of release as she shook around me in what I believed was another orgasm.

My head lay against Bella’s breast and while I tried to catch my breath, I became aware of Bella’s words coming through her heavy pants. “Sorry…couldn’t …stop it…you …were…too much...”

I chuckled at her words, “Sorry…isn’t going to cut it.”

“But…”

I raised my head to glare at her, “Are you seriously going to offer me more excuses?”

Bella quickly cast her eyes down from mine, “No Sir.”

“I should hope not.”

My arms let go of her legs and I sat back on my knees resnapping my pants before offering Bella my hand to help her up. Once she stood I had her turn so I could see her bottom, it was mostly pink with a few spots that were a deeper red. I sat on the bed with her standing between my legs while I rubbed some lanolin onto her tender flesh. I then marveled at the view while watching her walk into the bathroom.

Our before bed activity was completely unexpected and after the past few days we had I would never have asked Bella to submit to me. Between her emotional meltdown and my self-induced uncertainties I was not expecting any playtime until the weekend. But as I waited for her to come out of the bathroom I thought about how it had turned out to be the best possible thing to have happened.

Bella needed to know that I didn’t have any qualms about what happened to her in the past. That no matter what happened or what she told me there was absolutely no change in the way I felt about her. I needed to know without a doubt that I was not the monster that I was beginning to think I was. It took her pushing me to realize that we are in this together.

My hand automatically came up to cover my heart where Bella had written on my skin. I chuckled quietly as I thought about her punishing me.

“What are you laughing at?” Bella asked while coming through the door and turning out the light.

“You.” She eyes me while I pulled the blankets down for her to get into bed while I told her what I found so humorous.

“Well you shouldn’t have been so naughty…” I interrupted her.

“I wasn’t naughty I was inattentive. On the other hand, you were naughty. Two…” I held fingers to emphasize my point, “… unauthorized orgasms in less than five minutes. It doesn’t get any naughtier then that.”

Her bottom lip went between her teeth as her chin lowered and she looked at me through her lashes.
“I couldn’t help it…” her voice was regretful and her head tilted to the side, “…I really tried.” She sighed lowering her eyes to look at the bed while they narrowed in guilt.

She sighed audibly once more. “It was just, my butt was tingling and …” she sighed again getting a pitiful look on her face, “you had my legs pinned and …you hit that spot,” she chewed on her lip then sighed in frustration looking at me through her lashes once more, “can’t you please let it go…please?”

I pursed my lips and lifted Bella’s chin so she would look at me. She looked so pitiful with the sad expression on her face; it reminded me of the way Seth looked at me with his sad eyes. I sighed then pursed my lips before moving to place a kiss on her forehead.

“Baby…” I smiled sadly at her, “…your acting skills better improve because that shit isn’t going to wash with me.”

Bella gasped as her eyes grew wide while she looked at me in shock making me laugh while she blushed at her attempt to manipulate me. “Didn’t it work at all?” she asked in disbelief

“Ahhhh…No,” I said mater of factly.

“Damn,” she snapped her fingers with a soft giggle before lying down.

Bella’s naked body was snuggled up tightly to mine. Her breasts pressed against my chest while my hand ran down the length of her spine making her hum. “Edward do you think that will ever go away?” I wasn’t sure what she was talking about but she clarified, “The tingle.”

I smiled in the muted darkness, “I hope not.”

Bella nestled closer into the nook of my neck placing a kiss under my chin, “I love you.”

I smiled kissing the top of her head, “I love you too.”

I thought Bella had fallen asleep because she was quiet for the longest time and I myself was just starting to drift off when she said, “By the way, the orgasm’s were so worth it.”

I chuckled into her hair hoping she felt the same way about it in the morning.

While Bella drifted off to sleep I thought about the last seventy-two hours and all that we had learned about each other. How much our relationship had grown, how our trust in each other had solidified, along with the strength we had gained from each other. Bella ended up feeling secure enough to initiate playtime and I was confident enough to let her. That thought brought me enough assurance to allow myself to fall asleep.

When I woke the room was dark and Bella was still attached to my body. Her head was tucked under my neck while her warm breath washed over my skin. I would have gone right back to sleep except that Seth was walking around the room.

At first I thought that he needed to go out but then I heard something outside the window. Glancing over my shoulder I saw a shadow out the corner of my eye, when my full gaze hit the window I realized it was the shadow from the tree limbs blowing from the passing thunderstorm.

I pulled Bella closer to me and as she settled back into a comfortable sleep she whispered my name adding a sigh. I kissed her head then whispered against her hair, “we made it through the storm baby, we made it.”

Chapter 39

BPOV

My eyes remained closed while I hovered in that peaceful quiet calmness as long as I possibly could. I was wrapped in Edward’s arms with our bodies facing each other and our legs entangled together. The scent of his skin filtered through into my brain giving me a sense of security that I only found with him. Peeking open my eyes the muted light from the window above my bed was just beginning to cast shadows around the room, telling me it was late evening.

Edward’s arms tightened around me as I burrowed my head back into the nook of his neck closing my eyes to ease the burn. So many thoughts came to my mind, flashes of a bad morning that lead to a horrid afternoon. I felt wretched when I left the house after having a fight over something so stupid. I knew I was being irrational but I just couldn’t stop myself, maybe it was my sense of self-preservation pushing Edward away.

The previous day Tanya had commented that Edward would grow tired of my limitations. She was referring to the sexually physical aspect because she had no idea how deep my limitations truly were. Things that had been buried so deeply in my subconscious that I wasn’t even aware existed were rearing their ugly head. At first I thought their emergence could have been a result of stress, but as I drove into the center it was starting to come together.

I had shut down so much of who I was, placing the limitations on myself by refusing to open up enough to completely trust someone. The trust I had in Edward had done something to the stability I had worked so hard at keeping. It was like my psyche took it upon itself to say ‘if you are going to trust him with anything, then trust him with everything.’

I wanted to fully trust him but it was the unknown factors that kept me in perpetual limbo. I was unsure of what his reaction would be and scared to death about what was going to come out. My work at the center was not exactly helping take my mind off those fears.

Esme was there, she had joined the growing number of volunteers by helping with fund raising. That would be a good place for her with all the contacts she had, and any other day I would have been glad to see her, however the maternal love that radiates off her only fueled my fears, making me miss my own mother.

Sitting there watching the slides of the nameless, faceless women whose pictures of bruises, scars and burns are used to demonstrate what the center works with, and all I saw was my own wounds. My mind went to the pictures of myself which are locked away like all the emotions I held inside. I couldn’t sit there anymore and telling Carol I was ill was in no way a lie, my heart was racing, my head was pounding and stomach was doing back flips.

Driving to my house was a blur of red lights and tears, once I was inside the eerie quiet unsettled me, making my head throb even more – I needed Tylenol. Coming back down the hallway those damn pictures were calling out to me. Taking them out of the safe I grabbed the thicker envelope that lay underneath.

I had to take the medication before I could even focus on what I was looking at. The bottom envelope contained all the papers from my mother’s estate, insurance documents, the will, trust fund information, financial planning and lastly a death certificate. A two inch stack of used paper was all that was left of my mother.

I was so angry at her for dying and leaving me, and all those papers basically said was that her life was only worth ‘x’ amount of dollars. That was all she was worth to anyone who saw those papers. Not that she spent every Saturday eating breakfast at the diner with her daughter, that every night she read the same damn book ‘Sam I Am,’ or that the only thing she could cook perfectly were peanut butter cookies.

I couldn’t help but wonder what my life would have been like had she just put me first and stayed home. All the misery of growing up with doubts about my own self worth wouldn’t have happened. I never would have moved to Forks, never would have met James, and never would have been so fucked up. The regret over thinking so selfishly made me angry and I threw the glass across the room watching as it shattered on the floor.

Picking up the other envelope I wanted to put it back away, but something stopped me. While I swirled the little red string around the circles that held it closed I could feel the pressure in my chest building. Sinking to floor as I started taking out the evidence of all the indignity that I had suffered. Once the tears started I couldn’t stop them as I recalled every detail. The fear as I realized he was in my kitchen, the sound of the belt hitting my flesh, the burning ripping pain of him entering me, the putrid smell that was coming off my body, all those memories came back in an instant and all the emotions came with them.

Someone said my name so softly I wasn’t sure at first I had even heard it. When I looked up Edward was standing there looking at me with the pity I tried to avoid at all cost. He didn’t move at first just standing there, when he did his movements were so slow it was like he was afraid of me. I needed to tell him everything that happened along with all the feelings of guilt, shame and anger. I cried muttering out everything that was locked inside, while he held me protectively.

I wasn’t sure how long we sat on the floor or when Edward brought me to bed and I had no idea what was going through his mind at that moment, the only thing I was sure of was that he was still there. I sighed snuggling closer into his chest and fell back asleep.

When I woke again the bathroom light was shining putting a glow into the room and it was Seth sharing my bed not Edward. I could hear the muted sounds of the TV coming from across the hall; so after using the bathroom that’s where I went. Edward wasn’t in there so I wandered out through the living room and into the kitchen.

Edward was draining noodles over the sink and a small smile played on his lips when he saw me. I wasn’t sure how close to get to him until he set the pot on the counter holding his arms out to me, which I practically ran into. “I was expecting you to sleep all night.” I felt his lips on my hair as I wrapped my arms around his back and held on.

“Are you hungry?” when I shrugged Edward sighed. “Bella did you eat anything at all since this morning?”

“No,” I admitted in defeat. A low rumble echoed in his chest making me smirk while I met his eyes. “Don’t growl I’ll eat.”

“Good choice,” his answer was followed with a warm smile. We stood there staring at each other the atmosphere in the room changed and I could feel the weight of all the anxieties just lift away. I felt liberated and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

“No baby, don’t cry,” Edward said wiping the tears from my face as his own eyes turned glassy.

“I can’t help it…” I sniffled still looking in his eyes, “I love you.”

“I love you,” then his lips touched mine ever so softly like I was a piece of fragile glass. My arms weaved their way behind his neck and I pulled myself to him deepening the kiss. Our lips parted and as Edward’s arms held me closer to his body, desire raced through me making me moan.

Placing one last kiss on my lips Edward pulled back to look in my eyes. “Ah my Bella, if we don’t stop neither one of us will get food.” I mimicked his growl making him laugh.

“What are you making anyway” I asked stepping away from him. I didn’t think I had very much food left.

“You had the pasta and while I picked up Seth I brought the vegetables. It will have to do, but we need to go shopping soon or the only one that will have food is the dog.” He was tossing the bow tie pasta into the large skillet.

Scanning the contents of the refrigerator I took out the bottle of wine along with a chunk of parmesan, glancing at the pile of papers while I placed them on the table. The sight of them made me remember, “Edward where did you put the other stack of papers and pictures?”

I could see him stiffen as he carried the pan over to the table. “Ah… Leah put them away.”

“Leah was here?” I was stunned because I didn’t remember that.

“You were sleeping, she wants you to call her.” I looked at the clock - nine-thirty. I would eat then call. Getting down the plates and two glasses I thought of something else.

“Did she clean up too?”

“No, I did that,” he admitted placing utensils by my plate.

“Oh.”

He looked me in the eyes while he sat down, “did you drop it or did you throw it?” Edward laughed when I admitted to throwing the glass then he mumbled, “that’s what I thought.”

While we ate the conversation centered around anything but the stack of papers on the edge of the table. He told me about the contractor and the change of destination for the beach trip adding that his parents are going along. That information made me think of Esme.

“Why didn’t you tell me your mom was going to work at the center?”

He gahuffed. “Bella, I can’t tell you something I didn’t know”

I wanted to ask him if she ever showed an interest in helping victims or if she was doing it because Carlisle was there but Edward added to his thoughts, “…it was a good thing mom was there, she’s the one who told me you had left.” His eyes lifted in that way he has of silently asking me to elaborate.

“I couldn’t sit there anymore and on the way home I thought maybe the paperwork from my mom would be of some help to Mr. Weiss.” I continued telling him the rest of what occurred before he arrived. When I was done he asked what the papers contained and then added he would ask if they could be of any use.

Getting up to do the dishes Edward took a hold of my hand. “I’ll clean up, why don’t you go call your sister so she doesn’t worry and then take a long hot bath?”

“Only if you join me,” I stated stepping between his open legs; Edward’s hand encircled my hips as he got a wicked grin on his face.

“Try and stop me.”

I kissed him and his hands moved down to squeeze my bottom making it difficult to move away from him. Seth walked by us not even giving us a second glance as he moved to go through his door.

“How do we turn that off?” his head inclined towards the door. It was a simple switch on the security key pad; once it was off I figured I better give Edward some fair warning.

“He is not going to like this, he is going to sit out here by the door and whine all night.” He looked at me in disbelief and I nodded continuing to explain, “to Seth it’s like he’s grounded or something.”

“Well it’s only one night, maybe we can close the bedroom door and keep him in there?” It was worth a try, but I knew we were going to be dealing with one unhappy dog.

I turned on the water in the tub first, because it takes forever to fill up then while I undressed I gave Leah a call, it went straight to voice mail; I left a message telling her I was fine and that I would call her the next day. I figured to be safe I would try the house phone, Jake answered and after making sure I was alright he told me that Leah had gone to bed early. He then asked if Edward was staying with me tonight and seemed pleased to learn that he was. We said goodbye and hung up.

The water felt good as it surrounded me in warmth and I had just settled my back against the wall when Edward came in with a coffee mug. “This is the last of your milk.”

I took the cup then watched as he stripped out of his clothes marveling at the beauty of his form. He caught me watching and raised his eyebrows, then chuckled at the blush that came over my face, but didn’t say anything when he slid in behind me. Turning the jets on low I leaned back into his chest and basked in the strength of his arms around me, while I sipped on the warm milk.

My body was so relaxed and I realized that my mind was also; so there was only thing that seemed to be bothering me at that moment. “Edward, I’m really sorry about this morning.”

“It’s ok, you had a lot on your mind and I’m sorry too.” I wasn’t sure if he meant that he was sorry that I yelled at him or that he had done something. My head turned to try and see his face Edward cocked his chin and looked to look down at me.

“In a way you were right, I made the decision without consulting you. Not thinking that it would hurt your feelings. So yes, I’m sorry.” I took the last drink of milk feeling rather satisfied.

“You know what that means…right?”

“What?”

“Make up sex!” I was excited about the possibility Edward chuckled.

“Do you think you have the energy for make up sex?” he asked as his hand ran down the length of my arm.

“I don’t know…” I confessed, “…I’ve never had make up sex, is it different?”

Edward’s arms tightened around me as he shrugged, “I don’t know, I’ve never had it either.”

I sat forward then spun to look at him in shock. “Never?”

Edward just shook his head while I continued to look at him with my mouth gaping open. I realized then that what we had was as new to him as it was to me. The giving and taking of building a relationship of love and trust was something he had never done either and I giggled.

“You find something amusing?”

I nodded, “mmm hmm…We’re virgins…” his eyes sparkled and I couldn’t resist asking, “…do you want to pop my cherry?”

“That is quit an offer you are giving me…” He smirked, and his hand tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “How about we get a good night’s sleep and save the cherry popping for the morning?”

I smiled in agreement but part of me wondered if something was wrong; Edward was turning down sex, maybe he was tired.

I would have thought that with all the sleeping I did in the evening there would have been no way I would have slept all night, but that’s exactly what I did. As soon as I crawled under the covers and into Edward’s arms I drifted off into a dreamless peaceful sleep waking in the morning to an empty bed. The smell of coffee carried my feet out into the kitchen; the back door was open and after getting myself a cup – with powered creamer – I joined him out there on the porch.

Edward put his arm around my shoulder then kissed my head, “You were right he whined all night, crazy dog.” That information struck me as odd, because I didn’t hear him at all. He smacked his lips together to get Seth’s attention then called to him so we could go back into the house, where Seth sat himself down in front of his door and stared at me with sad eyes.

“I know boy, it sucks to be locked up,” I said while squatted down to scratch his ears.

“Why doesn’t he do this at my house?” Edward asked taking the last few eggs out of the carton.

“Because you don’t have a door and he knows it,” I informed him while opening the freezer to get the frozen juice and bagels out.

Edward started chopping up some onion, and I realized there was an uncomfortable quiet while we worked and I wondered what was on his mind, he just didn’t seem like himself. I didn’t need to wait long once we were seated.

“Bella,” my eyes met his. “I know its Wednesday but I think…” he sighed, “…how do you feel about skipping our session tonight?” I could feel my chest tighten and my stomach knot up and asked the only thing I could think of.

“Why?” Edward blinked a few times then got a resigned look on his face. So I knew that regardless of what I said or how I felt the decision was already made there would be no usual tonight.

“I think it’s for the best. Bella last night was the first you’ve slept since Saturday. Yesterday was… demanding on both of us. Baby, I think you need time…I need time to just be together.” I heard the together but what stuck in my mind was the ‘need time’ that he had mentioned twice.

“Alright…” I could hear the sadness in my voice so I was fairly sure he detected it also. “…I’ll just come home. I need to do stuff around here anyway,” my voice trailed off as my eyes moved down to the plate in front of me. Watching my fork play with the eggs that there was no way I was going to be able to eat. Edward’s hand cupped my chin to make me look at him.

“You can come here if you want, I wish you wouldn’t. I was thinking we could order pizza and eat in front of the fireplace with a bottle of wine and then watch some mindless movies in bed.” His thumb wiped at the side of my nose to capture a tear I didn’t know was there.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by the tear; the sadness I felt was almost stifling. Intellectually I understood what he was saying and in reality it made sense. I had been under a large strain and even though it felt like a huge relief to be rid of the burdens I had been carrying, I was still drained from the effort. Emotionally was a different story, I felt like I’ve been kicked in the stomach.

“What movies?” It was the only thing I could think to say.

“You pick.” Edward’s eyes never left my face while he waited for my answer. I didn’t trust my own voice so I nodded, not actually in agreement it was more in compliance, I didn’t have a choice.

I forced down the last few bites of egg, and then got up to wash my plate. It was actually later than I thought and I needed to get to the center. I had a counseling session and then it was my day to work with the people who man the hotline. They needed to be aware of standard procedures then I would answer their questions as well as giving basic pointers on dealing with a distraught caller. The same group would be back tomorrow for more in depth training with Carol while I worked with the women who actually did what is referred to as coffee time counseling.

Those are women who have been with the center for several years and have all taken the six week course offered by the local community college on personal counseling. It is always a fun afternoon to sit down with what I refer to as my ladies. It is basically a gabbing session about what is going on in their lives along with any unusual incidences that they might want to bring up to the group. We laugh and joke and let off steam because the work we do can be very discouraging sometimes.

All counseling is confidential even what is said to them, I however oversee their notes, because it is my responsibility to make sure that everything is copasetic. If one of my ladies detects any problem at all they inform me immediately so it can be taken care of. When one of the women are ready to move on into one our outreach programs then it becomes my job to find the placement, but their counseling always remains with who they started with.

It works effectively, bonds of trust are forged and even after the women have left the safety net of the center they will still return from time to time to let their counselor know how they are doing. Those are always good days when you see all the hard work come to mean something. An even better day is when one of those women you helped comes back to the center as a volunteer. In this new group that has just started training there are two.

While I was dressing Edward came into the bedroom. “You said you wanted to take more stuff over to my place, do you have time to do that?”

Looking at the clock I decided I didn’t, “No, not really we’ll have to come back another time, tonight” I stopped talking for a second still unhappy about the change in our usual but then went on, “…or tomorrow?”

Edward eyed me, catching the break in my speech but didn’t say anything while he sat on the bed to put his shoes on. He put Seth on his leash then reminded me that he would be with his mother all afternoon. I wondered as I walked to my car if a dresser was going to be necessary.

Edward put Seth in his car then squatted down so his face was level with mine, “I love you, don’t you doubt that. It’s just one night Bella. So we can relax and let all the outside shit go.” I nodded without saying a word because I didn’t trust my voice. Edward leaned over placing a chaste kiss on my lips, the same way he had earlier like I was fragile and he was afraid I would break.

Calling Leah back as I drove her phone went to voice mail yet again. I told her I would be at the center all day and that if she called I wouldn’t be able to answer so I would try her again later. When I arrived at the center I only had a few minutes to say hello to everyone and grab a cup of coffee before the counseling session. During those ninety minutes my mind was focused on something other than my own problems.

However the reprieve only lasted so long, once I was alone the feelings of inadequacy came back in full force. I wondered if this was unique to us, or if other couples in our lifestyle have experienced …down time? I thought about calling Rose to ask her but I knew she was busy at work and their relationship was different from ours. There was only one other person I could get some advice from, and I had said I would call her during the week.

I didn’t want to bother her if she was busy and I thought about calling the office number but I knew it was only late morning and she would still be at home. When the phone started ringing I had hoped that she would answer but I wasn’t surprised to hear Aro’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Hello” I smiled at his friendly greeting.

“Hello Sir, this is Isabella how are you today?”

“I am well Isabella. I would ask if there was anything I could do for you, but something tells me that I am not the one you called to speak with.” I grinned because he always gets right to the point.

“Sir, I always like to speak with you” He chuckled

“Yes, but here of late not as much as you like to chat to my slave.”

I gave a resounded sigh, “Is she available?”

“Give me a minute, I shall get her.” The line on the other end was quiet, and I sort of felt bad like I was being rude to Aro after he had helped me so much. But this was not something I wanted to address with him when I wasn’t even so sure that I wanted to address it with Jane.

“Hello Bella, how are you?” Jane always sounded so sure of herself; I wondered if there would ever come a time when I would be like that.

“I’m well.” I don’t think I put the right amount of enthusiasm in my tone because Jane didn’t buy it.

“Hmmm…something tells this one that is not true.”

I took a deep breath; I didn’t really know where to begin so I just started from Sunday night and the sounds and how I got all freaked out with having nightmares and not sleeping very well. I told her about my breakdown and how Edward found me in the living room with the papers and pictures all around me, how he held me while I spilled my guts to him finally blurting out, “And now it’s Wednesday and he doesn’t want to have our usual.”

“Usual?” she kind of chuckled.

“That’s what we call it.” I guess it did sound silly but it became our little word.

“By usual…” I could hear the smile in her voice, “… this one is guessing you are referring your time alone together in the playroom?”

“Yes…” I was going to start whining about how he could just decide on his own without taking my feelings into account when Jane asked,

“In all honesty Bella do you feel that you are physically and emotionally stable enough to enter into your…usual? Are you fit enough to give your Master everything that he expects from you?”
I thought about that for a few seconds and the answer was no, I was emotionally exhausted and I probably wouldn’t be any good to him, I just didn’t want to give it up.

“I’m being selfish.”

“No. This one did not say that,” she waited a split second before going on. “Bella it is a perfectly normal response to want to be close to your Master, one could ever fault you for that. However it sounds to this girl like Edward is being a responsible Dominant.” Jane let that statement sink in before she made another point that I had not thought of.

“Have you considered the idea that perhaps Edward needs to come to terms with his own feelings? This one is very sure that it was also traumatic on him. Perhaps he just needs time to readjust his own feelings about the whole thing.”

“I didn’t think of it like that…I only saw it as him pushing me away,” I admitted timidly.

“Has he pushed you away or has he suggested an alternative plan?” I told her about eating pizza by the fire with a bottle of wine and then watching movies.

“Bella it sounds to this one like your boyfriend needs to spend time with his girlfriend with no other outside influences. That will happen from time to time, even with Master there are times my husband needs his wife…” I was surprised she said my, but I understood the context of the word along with the full meaning of what she was saying.

“…during those times we are just Aro and Jane, reconnecting and building our relationship as we work through whatever obstacle we need to, together. Then we can go back to our …usual…” she laughed, “…this one does so like that word.”

Her laugh was infectious and I began to see what she was saying. “It’s all in the building process?” My conclusion came out more like a question.

“Yes. The foundation was laid and the first story started going up but the plans didn’t include the extra window, so now the plans have to be redrawn and that takes communication, understanding, and time.” Jane let her analogy sink in and then went on.

“The alternative evening sounds wonderful; you should pick up two movies. Make one a senseless comedy so you can laugh together make the other one sappy. No scratch that, make the other one scary so you can hide close inside his arms and feel protected.”

I grinned while I talked. “You’re sneaky!”

“This one has been known to be that,” she giggled before adding, “Bella use this time to reconnect to each other. Allow both of you to gain your strength back and your usual will return, probably better then it was… because your trust in each other will be stronger.” I knew she was right, and to make matters worse Edward had sort of said the same thing. But I was so wrapped up in my own feelings of what I thought was rejection I couldn’t focus on anything else. Once I had a chance to see it from his side I felt guilty about that.

“I need to apologize to Edward.” I spoke it more for myself than to Jane, but she answered me.

“This girl would suggest that you do that immediately, and also document all this in your journal so you have it as a reference.” I wanted to ask her to elaborate but I was running out of time so that would have to wait for a different conversation.

“Thank you Jane and please tell Aro that I am sorry for interrupting his day. I don’t mean to be such a pain.” I didn’t want her to feel like I only talked to her when I had a problem.

“Don’t be silly Bella, this girl is most happy to talk with you. She has told you several times this life is not an easy one and it helps to have someone to answer your questions. Besides it makes this one feel useful and had you been interrupting, Master would not have allowed this one on the phone.”

We said our goodbyes and I immediately called Edward who answered on the first ring.

“Hi,” his voice sounded wary which only served to make me feel worse for being the cause.

“Hey…how is the dresser mooching going?”

He chuckled lightly, “I don’t know, I’m still on the ferry.”

I couldn’t take the sadness in his voice any longer.

“I love you,” and as the words left my mouth I could hear his deep sigh.

“Oh Bella…you have no idea how much I needed to hear that,” the relief in his tone came across loud and clear that I had hurt him.

“I’m sorry, I was being selfish and inconsiderate…”

He didn’t let me finish. “Baby I just want a night…I need a night of nothingness” I understood what he was saying or rather what he wasn’t saying, because maybe he still didn’t know himself what he needed.

“Ok, a fire, pizza, and a big bottle of cheap wine like one of those boxes!”

He laughed, “Bella I love you, but I don’t know if I can drink wine from a box...”

I laughed with him; we talked for a few more minutes about nothing in particular and then said good-bye, both of us feeling lighter than we did this morning.

The afternoon went quickly with a lot of the questions being asked were answered by seasoned hot-liner’s and we actually broke early. Even though I stopped to pick up movies, Edward wasn’t home yet when I got there, so I let Seth out and went to take a shower. Trying Leah one more time I was shocked that she actually answered. But she said she was in the middle of a shoot so she couldn’t talk and would try me later, I hung up feeling better because at least I knew she was alive.

I debated what to put on, I didn’t feel like getting all dressed again and if we were going to be staying in the house there was no reason to, so I opted for my blue pajama’s that I had taken to the cabin. While I was feeding Seth, Edward walked in the kitchen making me laugh with his announcement of, “Honey I’m home!”

“Ah, my big dresser provider,” I said wrapping my arms around him while he gave me a quick kiss.

“Yeah babe, I don’t think we are getting one from my parents. I’m just going to order one that matches the set I have.”

“Why would you do that?” I looked at him incredulously.

“Bella, there is no way I’m going to be able to look a dresser that doesn’t match the other ones. If the finish was the same I could live with it but…no I’ll just order a new one tomorrow.”

“Alright…” I looked up into his eyes, “why don’t you empty one drawer and give me this much closet?” I held up my hands to show him ten inches of space.

“I can give you the closet space, but you are going to need more than one drawer, just let me order the dresser…please?” How could a refuse when he said ‘please’ that way?

His thought process lingered on the verge of compulsion but if it was going to bother him that much what did I care if he ordered a new one? He asked if I was hungry yet when I said no he went to take a shower stating that he felt grimy from climbing around his parent’s attic. I sat on the couch reading while I waited for Edward to come back down.

I guess he thought the same way I did about dressing comfortably because he came down with his hair still slightly wet and wearing blue flannel pajama pants and a grey T-shirt. Edward sat on the couch pulling my feet into his lap and started massaging them. I couldn’t help myself; his hands on me, even in the most innocent way made me want to be close to him. So I threw the book on the table and straddled his lap.

The shock in his face from my surprise attack was comical and I giggled while my lips met his. He was tentative again. Even the hold he had on my hips just didn’t feel tight enough. My fingers ran through the soft hair at the back of his neck as I tried to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away.

“What’s the matter?” I asked him looking into his eyes.

“Nothing, are you ready to eat yet?” I shrugged still trying to figure out what his problem was.

“I thought maybe we could have our make up sex first, you know the cherry popping?” I wiggled my hips over his groin but all I got was a half smile. “Edward?”

“Bella please…later.”

Later?

I sat there looking at him waiting for some other explanation, when I didn’t get anything I asked the only thing I could think of. “What’s the matter with me?”

“Nothing Bella, don’t take it personally.”

I could feel my heart drop. Don’t take it personally? How could I not when he wouldn’t even touch me? He’s been like this since I told him what happened.

“You think I’m dirty?” I could feel the tears fill my eyes.

“No Bella…God No, you’re not dirty.” His eyes bore into mine with such conviction I couldn’t doubt he was telling me the truth.

So then what was it? What did he hear or see?

Oh. My. God.

“You saw my pictures…they grossed you out!”

He shook his head but then he did something very uncharacteristic, Edward shifted his eyes away from mine, and I knew I was right.

I sat there for a minute waiting for him to look at me and when he couldn’t I jumped up and ran up the stairs crying, slamming shut the door to my room. I didn’t know what to do, but I didn’t have time to think because when I turned around Edward was there.

“Bella please…I swear it’s not you. God please believe me…it’s me Bella…”

I didn’t let him finish.

“Oh that’s just fucking great Edward! Can you be anymore original?” I yelled at him through my tears.

“Please Bella…you have to understand. I saw those pictures and I couldn’t believe someone could do that to you. Then I got to thinking, am I so different? I fucken get off inflicting pain on you, and I can’t reconcile the difference in my brain!”

“Are you serious?”

He knows there is a big difference!

“Fuck Bella, rationally I know it’s not the same. But I can’t get those photos out of my head…”

It was all starting to make sense.

“That’s the real reason you didn’t want to go in the play room?”

“No…Yes…partly yes,” I couldn’t believe this was happening my hurt turned to anger.

“You’re a liar…You’re a fucking liar! You said trust you…Tell me Bella…tell me! Nothing will change my love for you…Why didn’t you fucking tell me it would change everything else!” I tried to move past him to leave the room but he grabbed ahold of my arm.

“Let me go!”

He pulled me to his chest and I tried to push him away to get out of his hold but he just held on tighter.“Let me go Edward!” I said through my tears.

“Bella…Isabella, please?” His voice was firm and it just hurt me more.

“Don’t you call me that! You don’t deserve to call me that!”

“Don’t you ever say that.!” He tugged hard on my hair so my head tilted and I had to look at him, his eyes were dark and heavy.

“Why not? It’s tru…”

I didn’t get to finish my sentence because his lips crushed against mine, and it wasn’t in tentative softness, it was fierce and hungry. At first I tried to push him away but then his tongue forced its way into my mouth and desire took over. My body raced with warmth as his hands moved up under my shirt to cup my breasts squeezing them forcefully. I moaned as he spun me up against the wall pinning me there with his body.

My breathing was heavy as his hands moved down my hips taking the pajama bottoms with them letting them pool on the floor at my feet. His fingers ran through my slick folds then plunged inside me making me moan and arch my back to thrust my hips out to allow him to go deeper.

“Is this what you want Isabella?” he growled against my mouth while his fingers curled up inside of me.

“Ahhh…Yeeesss…” Edward’s other hand pulled down on the top of my shirt so my breast popped out and he sucked the nipple into his mouth tugging it with his teeth.

“Ohhh…more…please …more…” I could feel the pressure starting to build in my stomach and I tried to push my hips forward for more friction but Edwards hips had me pinned against the wall and all I could do was whimper and beg for release.

“Please…harder ...” his teeth tugged harder, but not quite hard enough.

“Please….hard…” I panted out the words and he bit down hard sending my body into a spiral of warm tingly delight.

“I don’t think I gave you permission to cum.”

I heard the words but in my blissful haze I didn’t comprehend what he was saying. The next thing I knew I was on kneeling on the bed and Edward was pushing on my back so I was leaning on my hands. He placed his left foot flat on the bed then lifted my leg so it hooked over his then grabbed my hips and slammed into me.

“Oh Fuck!” I yelled out as he thrust hard and fast in and out of me.

“Is this what you want Isabella…to be fucked?”

“Yes…yesss!” I yelled out.

The way he had my leg I was unable to move so all I could do was take it- and take it I did. Relishing every blessed moment of it.

“Well Isabella, I would hate to fucking disappoint you!” His words were only fueling my desire and I could feel the pressure building as the moans escaped my mouth.

“Don’t you fucking cum again…not until I tell you to!” he growled the words out as his body continued to slam in and out of me.

My legs were beginning to shake and I didn’t think I was going to be able to hold it off very much longer. Each thrust left me gasping in an attempt to ward off some of the building pressure.

“Who do you belong to Isabella?”

I could barely get the words out as I tried to relax my muscles so I could stay in control.

“You…you…I’m…ohhhh….pleeaasee…I’m …yours…ooohhhhh…I …can…”

“Cum Isabella!” As soon as I heard the words my muscles squeezed around him while my body shook so hard my arms couldn’t hold me any longer. My chest slumped to the bed as I screamed out his name in the sweetest release. My whole body was numb and as I tried to catch my breath I heard Edward curse and then yell out my name a second before I felt his chest sprawled against my back.

We laid there with his body covering mine catching our breath and coming down from the high of our release. I couldn’t tell if I was dizzy from the panting or from the orgasm but Edward swept my hair away from my face tugging my ear lobe between his teeth making me shiver and he growled out the word that left no doubt in my mind who I belonged to.

“Mine”

Chapter 38

EPOV


“Cullen, two.”

The hostess looked down in the book, marking something with a pen before looking back to me, “It will just be a minute Sir.”

I nodded taking Bella’s hand in mine noticing the small wince she made. Lifting it I observed that the side of her palm was slightly swollen.

“What did you do to your hand?”

She sighed while making a noise of irritation but she didn’t get to explain because the hostess showed us to our table.

We followed the woman through the restaurant - my hand on the small of Bella’s back - to an intimate table in the far corner of the room. While we walked I felt Bella stiffen in her movements but I didn’t understand why until I pulled her chair out and she sat down. A few tables over sat Eleazer, Carmen and Tanya, Eleazer gave me a curt nod in greeting which I returned before moving my chair to sit closer to Bella.

“Ah…shit, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to see her for a few weeks.”

“Who?” I didn’t know who she was talking about.

“Tanya...she seems to think she has some kind of claim on you.”

That little revelation shocked me, “When did you see her?”

The waiter came over to get our drink order. I hadn’t looked at the wine list so I just ordered a bottle of their house specialty figuring that would be a good choice.

“This morning in the gym, well actually in the shower room,” Bella started to explain once we were alone again. “She felt it was her place to inform me that I was your…‘flavor of the month’ and I shouldn’t get too comfortable in my position.” I shot a quick glance over my shoulder in the direction of their table before looking back to Bella.

“What else did she say?” I asked while Bella took a drink from her water glass.

“She seemed to be concerned with my…limitations; insinuating that you would tire of me.” I was beyond shocked, heading into fury but I didn’t want my anger to be directed at the woman sitting next to me so I reined it in.

“I’ll talk to her Bella.”

She answered me quickly, “No don’t… that’s what she wants.”

The waiter was back with the bottle of wine pouring a small amount for me to test. It was acceptable and after pouring each glass he left allowing us to look over the menu.

While I watched Bella scanning the choices I felt something needed to be said. “Bella,” her eyes met mine. “You are the only one that has any claim on me…” A soft smile played on her lips “…and I love you, there are no limitations where you are concerned.”

Her hand cupped my cheek, “I love you.” I knew we were in a crowded restaurant but I didn’t care as I moved closer to kiss her. A throat clearing stopped us from going too far.

“Have you decided?” The blush on Bella’s face made me grin.

“Calamari?”

She nodded, and I told the waiter we would start with that and to give us a few minutes to decide on the rest. Bella wanted Egg Plant Lasagna, so when the waiter returned I ordered for both of us along with the house salad.

“So, how did you hurt your hand?” I asked picking up the wine glass.

“Umm…I hit your steering wheel.” The way she scrunched up her face along with the tone of her voice made me chuckle. I wanted to ask why, but Bella grinned and then went on, “I was mad, she pissed me off and when she grabbed my arm I wanted to smack her, so instead it hit the steering wheel.”

“She touched you?” That was completely uncalled for, and would not happen again.

“I can handle her,” there was venom in her voice while she admonished my reaction. “Believe it or not Edward, I’m not a china doll and I can take care of myself.”

I figured I’d better do something to change her mood, so when waiter left after bringing the Calamari I leaned in closer to her, “I would never compare you to a china doll Bella, you’re more like a Barbie.”

“What?” I grinned at her reaction.

“Oh yes baby, china dolls sit on a shelf for you to look at. Barbie’s you take out to play with, and you know how much I like to play!” I growled the word in her ear making her giggle.

“Eat your squid Edward.” I chuckled at her blush, stiffening at the sound of my name being said.

“Edward, excuse the interruption.” Eleazer was standing next to the table; I stood to see what he wanted. “Carmen informed me there was an altercation this morning and I wanted to offer my apologies in behalf of my own.” I looked to Bella she was glancing down at her plate pretending to find something interesting.

“Bella,” her eyes met mine, “I believe Eleazer was speaking to you.” When I glanced at him he had the decency to nod in her direction increasing the respect I had for the man.

“I accept your apology.” I thought she was done but then Bella added, “May I ask you a question?”

“Certainly”

“Was Tanya there to see me or was it just my good fortune?” I had to bite the inside of my lip to keep from snickering.

“I assure you it was totally coincidental, the women had joined that particular fitness center over the weekend. Carmen tried to catch you this morning to have Tanya apologize herself, however I thought it would be better to have the apology come from me.” Bella only nodded and the waiter had shown up with our salads.

“I will leave you to enjoy the rest of your evening. Ms. Swan, Edward.”

I sat back down while the waiter put our plates on the table. Bella was quiet and she looked deep in thought; as I took a bite of salad I was wondering how to bring up Mr Weiss. I had made a promise to myself and to her that I would not keep anything hidden and I wasn’t going to go back on my word.

Bella broke off a piece of bread before finishing the wine in her glass which I quickly refilled. I thought maybe after another glass she would be more relaxed while we had the conversation I dreaded bringing up. But I didn’t get a chance to wait because Bella broke the silence.

“Edward, that guy Stephen…”

“Stefan,” I corrected her.

“…Stefan. How does he know how much money I have?” I needed a drink before I started.

“Was he correct… about the amount?” I asked setting my glass back in the table.

“A little more, it was all from my mom and Phil. I got everything; the life insurance, the house, bank accounts, Phil’s signing bonus, it was all mine. But how did he know that?” I took a deep breath telling her the honest to god truth.

“I don’t know Bella, but I think we need to find out.”

I proceeded to explain to her what Aro had said - that it is probably harmless curiosity but that it needs to stop and the only way to do that is find who we are dealing with. Then I told her about hiring the Private Investigator to look into the matter.

“Do you think that’s necessary?” the concern in her voice was what I was hoping to avoid.

“I don’t know Bella. If there is nothing to find…good, but on the off chance that there is something, well then we need to know.” Bella sighed taking a small bite of her salad which she seemed to chew forever before swallowing. I figured I’d better tell her what else I decided today.

“I’m going to call a security company tomorrow and have them install a good system that includes outside surveillance”

“Why?” Bella’s voice was high from the tension.

“Peace of mind. It was probably just kids but someone was messing with your car. There was nothing wrong with that tire other than the air was purposely let out. So do me a favor and make sure you always park in the garage.” Bella looked in my eyes with that sadness I had only seen on her a few times.

“I’m sorry all this stuff is coming down around you, maybe it would just be better if I stayed away for a while...” the tears were forming in her eyes and I wiped them away before they could fall or she could utter one more word.

“No Bella…baby…” the last thing I wanted her to feel was guilty and I certainly didn’t want her to stay away. “… that’s not the answer. We need to know what’s going on and why. It could be anything from happenstance to deliberate vandalism. Then it could be someone we know, or kids playing pranks or someone we’re not even aware of. I’m just saying we need to check it out. In the mean time please be careful.”

Our meals came and while we ate Bella she told me how the rest of her day went, along with what the rest of the week entailed. I told her about the contractor coming tomorrow and my date with my mother the following day. Then we talked about the upcoming weekend. She was busy with the walk-a-thon most of Saturday and Sunday morning was the volunteer’s breakfast. I told her we would work around those things, because as much as we try to not let it, sometimes real life gets in the way of our playtime.

“If I eat anymore of this I’m not going to have any room for cake,” she announced pushing her plate away making me chuckle.

“Well heaven forbid we can’t let that happen.”

When the waiter came back I ordered coffee and the Chocolate Cake I had promised her. Asking him to wrap up the rest of Bella’s meal – which she insisted on taking for lunch the next day - and to seal the remainder of the wine for us to take home. While we waited I had one more thing I wanted to talk about.

“I was thinking about that trip to Victoria.” Bella didn’t say anything so I went on, “next weekend we go to Forks and Victoria is on the way.” Her eyes narrowed making me grin, “Alright Port Angeles is on the way,” I amended.

“And we can get the ferry there…” I nodded in agreement watching her put the fork in her mouth silently groaning as her moist tongue peeked out to wipe some chocolate off her lips.

Damn that is so fucking sexy

I started picturing her licking chocolate off my dick, her tongue making long sweeps and swi…
“When do you want to go?” Her question brought me out of my little fantasy. I heard what she said, but it took a second for my brain to start again, so as a diversion I took a drink of coffee.

“I was thinking we could go Wednesday to Friday and then head to Forks,” I explained the plan while pushing the plate with the last bite of cake towards her, which she gladly put in her mouth.

“Hmmm…” that sound was not helping my hard on at all, “…well, I would rather leave Tuesday; that would give us two whole days there.” That was an even better idea. “I have to see if Seth can stay with Leah again…”

“Abigail’s allows pets, we can take Seth.”

“Yeah?” I nodded at her surprised expression. “Ok, I’ll tell Carol tomorrow.”

“Let’s look at it in the morning and make sure we can get a room first.” The waiter came to see if we needed anything else, I ordered a piece of cake to go.

The ride home was quiet. I could tell Bella was deep in thought about something. I wanted to ask but then I remembered what Emmett said and decided to wait, thankfully I didn’t have to wait long. “Edward about this Mr…Weiss?” I glanced her way meeting her eyes with a nod. “What exactly is he going to be looking for?”

I told her everything that I knew. “He said that he would start with checking out who was inquiring into your credit history, financial reports, medical and educational records along with any other personal information. He would also do a full background check on anyone who had been accessing that information along with anyone else we think could be responsible.”

Bella sat looking out the side window until I pulled into the garage. Putting the car in park and turning the key I picked up her hand. “Baby talk to me.”

Her head turned but she didn’t meet my gaze, “There’s nothing to say. You’re going to pay a stranger to look into every minute aspect of my life to find out if some other stranger is doing the same thing. What about my privacy?” her voice broke on the last word.

“There are things I don’t want people …things I can’t even…” a heavy sigh left her and before I was aware of what was happening she was out of the car heading for the house.

Seth greeted us warmly with a waging tail; Bella bent over to pet his head then made her way out into the kitchen to let him outside. She didn’t say a word while putting the leftover’s from the restaurant in the refrigerator. The silence was killing me and I wondered if I made the right decision in telling her, I didn’t want her to worry but I wasn’t going to lie to her either.

I watched her move around the kitchen putting away the dishes from the dishwasher and wiping a counter that was already clean. I couldn’t take the quiet any longer, “are we going to talk about this?”

Bella spun around to face me, her eyes were glassy and I couldn’t tell if she was angry or scared; either one was something I would have done anything to avoid. “I told you there is nothing to talk about, he’ll find out all my dirty little secrets. But it doesn’t really matter because apparently everyone already knows all about them.”

The pain in her voice was tangible and I knew that whatever she was talking about had nothing to do with vandals. I wanted to grab her and force her to tell me what was causing her so much despair, to scream at her to just fucking tell me and get it off her conscience so she could heal. I couldn’t understand why she was keeping it bottled up inside her where it was festering causing her whole body to become infected.

Instead I took a deep breath to calm myself. “Bella if you would like me to tell Mr Weiss to forget it, I will…” I didn’t get to finish because she butted in.

“No! I don’t want people looking into my personal business, and I want to know what they find so damn interesting about me. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“You’re right” I told her wrapping my arms around her, as her body relaxed against me I could feel some of the tension evaporate. “You didn’t sleep very well, it’s been a long day and you’re tired. Let’s go to bed.” Bella sighed against my chest before nodding her head in agreement.

While I let Seth in she opened the refrigerator to get a bottle of water then stood looking at the calendar. With her finger she pointed, moving it along the paper in what looked like she was counting the days to something. I could guess what it was, but I didn’t ask.

Bella went down the hall to get ready for bed, while Seth and I went into my room. He plopped himself down in his bed while I went into the bathroom. When I came out she was sitting with her back against the pillows with her knees bent rubbing lotion into her legs. The pink night shirt she had on hung loose over her breasts while it gathered around her lower stomach letting me see the shape of her ass cheek. As I threw my clothes into the hamper I took notice that a few things had been added to my dresser, a small hand mirror, perfume and a hairbrush which I picked up to take with me.

“My parents have an extra dresser I’m going to get for you.” She looked at me in confusion. “I thought it would be more convenient for you to have your own than to share mine.”

“Oh,” her eyes met mine with a wicked grin. “My own room and a dresser. Next thing you know there will be tampons in every bathroom.”

I chuckled motioning with the brush for her to turn around which Bella did without a second thought. Soft sounds of contentment came from her as I moved the brush through her hair. “Edward…” my name left her mouth in a hush.

“What baby?” I asked sweeping a section of hair over her shoulder.

“I’m sorry for losing my temper downstairs; it’s not your fault.”

I placed a small kiss on her shoulder, “it’s alright, you’ve have a stressful day and I’m a big boy, I can take it.”

The corners of her lips twitched in an amused expression while she tucked her chin against her shoulder, “you’re too good to me.” I kissed her cheek as a single tear ran down her face.

“There is no such thing baby.”

Bella’s chin lifted and her lips brushed against mine ever so softly. When she pulled back her eyes were staring into mine and I could feel the force pulling me to her. Dropping the brush, I put my hand behind her neck and kissed her, tasting the mint on her breath as her lips parted to allow me entrance.

The moan that left her mouth was captured by my own as our tongues moved together. Bella shifted rising to turn so she was facing me while our mouths continued in their slow sweet dance. Her thighs straddled my hips causing her hot center to come in contact with my dick. She wiggled her own hips making me thrust up and groan from the contact while my hands cupped her breasts through the thin material of her shirt.

“Ohh…Edward…touch me… please…”

She didn’t have to ask twice. My hands gripped the bottom of her shirt and Bella raised her arms for me to remove it before capturing one taut nipple with my mouth. Her hands held on to my shoulders while her chin raised so she could arch her back giving me better access. My mouth swirled and teased her nipple as my hand worked on the other one, all the time she continued grinding her hot core against me.

It felt so fucking good I thrust up to get more friction as we moaned against each other’s mouths. Bella pulled her mouth away from mine placing soft kisses down my neck; her breath was heavy in my ear as her desire rang through her voice, “make love to me.”

My hands found purchase on her hips so I could gently lay her down on the bed. Her eyes were heavy with longing as I lay on top of her grinding myself against her. She was so fucking wet the moisture was soaking through my boxers. Her hands reached down over my hips to remove the thin layer of cotton that was between us. They only went so far and Bella used her toes to move them down my legs while I did the rest by kicking them off with my feet.

Bella’s one leg hoisted around my hip as I entered her with a satisfied groan as a sigh of desperate relief came from her mouth. Our lips never left each other’s skin while we moved together through the building intensity. With each stroke she would encase me in her warm wetness tightening her muscles as she whimpered out her satisfation.

My balls started to ache and Bella’s breathing became more erratic; I knew she was close and I needed her to cum. I rose up slightly on my knees to get a better angle and was rewarded with a moan that vibrated from her throat, “Ohhh…yeesss….ahhh….aaahhh…”

Bella’s body shook in release as her muscles clamped down around me, “Bella, ah fuck!” it didn’t take much longer; I buried my dick deep inside her and came muttering her name.

I stayed there perched on my elbow - unwilling to lose the closeness - looking down into her flushed face. Her hand cupped my jaw as her thumb moved across my cheek.

“My Bella, so beautiful,” I told her staring in her eyes, brushing a few stray hairs out of her face.

“I was thinking the same thing about you,” a warm smile played across her lips. “Can we stay like this forever?”

I leaned down to kiss her. “We could, but I think we would starve to death.” Bella’s giggle caused me to move slipping out of her with a grunt.

She yawned while we were sliding under the blankets and it wasn’t long after she was sleeping with her head on my shoulder and one leg draped over mine. Her warm body snuggled in against my side, and I marveled once again at how perfectly she fit there. I was surprised that I wasn’t tired, but I had a few things on my mind that kept me from joining her in sleep.

I needed to make a few phone calls the next day, the security company was a priority, and then a call to Alice to see if there were anymore plans made for the beach trip. If all worked out we would leave for Victoria next Tuesday, spending the weekend in Forks and then ending up at the beach until the following Thursday.

While I thought about that it dawned on me what she was counting on the calendar; Forks. Is it possible that she dreads going that much? Emmett told me once he and Rose were flying to New York and she became so distraught over the thought of a simple layover in Chicago that he changed the flight plans. That change added hours to the travel time by flying to Dallas and making two stops instead of one, but he insisted it was worth it.

The main thought occupying my mind was Bella herself. She was edgy, downhearted, and irritable and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, except wait. The question nagging at me was how much longer I was going to be able to sit back watching her self-destruct before my eyes? A whole day had already passed and I still had not gotten the full story from her.

All Bella had to say was, ‘Caning is off the table’ and the discussion would be closed, no big deal and never brought up again unless by her. But she didn’t and that is what confused me. Why does she have to be so damned vague? I’ve been telling her since day one that I need clear, concise answers; I can’t help her work through whatever mental barrier she has until I know what it is.

One thing I was defiantly sure of, there was no way we could not go back into the playroom until I was fully aware of what she was concealing. There was no way in hell I was going to take the chance of Bella bottoming out because of some repressed memory. I wasn’t willing to accept the possibility that I could inadvertently hurt her or set back the progress she had made for a few hours of kinky fun. She wasn’t going to like that and would more than likely blame herself, but I would deal with that when the time came. At that moment I was going to give her one more day to talk to me before making a decision.

Bella stiffened in my arms, “No…don’t …don’t…”

“Shhh…sleep my Bella,” I whispered into her hair tightening my arm around her shoulders.

The rest of the night was spent much the same way, she would whimper out words of protest at one point tears streamed down her face. I could not imagine the fearful horror that would cause such a reaction to occur. There was nothing I could do but hold and soothe her as much as possible. I found that whenever my embrace became slack her cries increased, so I rolled us into a spooning position with my leg entwined around hers. In the security of that position she grew quiet and I finally fell asleep.

I felt Bella slip out of my arms; glancing at the clock it was almost six. I thought she was going to the bathroom, but then the door opened. I laid there for another hour before going downstairs to find her in the same position she was in yesterday.

“Hey, you really enjoying that book or is there some other reason you’re getting up so early?” I knew the answer to that question and I was hoping she would take the opportunity to talk to me, but she didn’t.

“It’s an interesting outlook on life.”

“Hmmm…I’m going to get some coffee.” I couldn’t stand there looking at the discontent on her face.

I took my cup of coffee upstairs to drink while I showered and dressed, when I went back down Bella was in the kitchen with a bowl of cereal and yogurt. I got myself a bowl joining her.

“Edward, if I’m going to stay here I will need to go home and get a few more items, and there are some things in my fridge that I should bring along.”

“We can go over tonight to get whatever you need.” I nodded while chewing.

That was the bulk of our morning conversation. Bella moved to wash her bowl and clean up the counters taking another cup of coffee upstairs with her to get dressed. When she came down her hair was pulled back in a barrette and she had on a pair of brown slacks and a light blue shirt.

“Do you think we could look over the information for the trip, so I know what to tell Carol?”

“Sure”

I set up the laptop on the table and once I was all logged in we sat looking over the various sites. I showed her Abigail’s; it’s a hotel in the heart of town that is more like a Bed and Breakfast. The rooms are quaint, each one a different theme with a sitting area and a fire place. Bella liked the Coach House rooms and after checking the availability we were all booked.

We sat a little longer talking about some of the things she would like to do there. I had not been to Victoria in a long time and there were some new attractions that were possibilities for us to see. I thought it was a good time to bring up the extended stay at the beach. Bella seemed very open to that possibility, with it being made all the more attractive because both hotels allowed pets.

“When you talk to Alice would you get the name of the hotel so I can sort of figure out what the cost is going to be?” The statement was harmless enough but my answer must not have been.

“I got it Bella, you don’t have to worry about paying”

Her eyes narrowed, “Edward I’m not going to let you pay for the whole thing. We’re both going so we’ll both pay.”

“I’m the one that suggested the long trip, I got it.” I watched as the resentfulness rolled across her face.

“This is not up for discussion, I’m paying my half.”

What does she mean half? Are we going to split the cost of meals?

“Isabella be…” I didn’t get to finish, Bella’s eyes turned to pure fury.

“Don’t you Isabella me! Every time you want to get your own way it’s Isabella…well it isn’t fucking working this time!”

“Excuse me, I suggest you calm down.” Her whole face turned bright red as her eyes narrowed even more while she glared at me.

“Don’t You Tell Me To Calm Down…” the words spit from her mouth through clinched jaws. “This isn’t a Wednesday and it’s not the weekend…so don’t you tell me what to do because I’m not fucking listening!” She got up to put her cup in the sink; half way there she spun around to look at my stunned face.

“And another thing, you want to go on this trip that’s great, but you better get it through your thick head that I am paying my fair share, and if you don’t like it Tough Shit!” I was totally speechless and slightly bewildered at her anger while she moved around the kitchen.

“You know I’m not your whore Edward or some concubine that needs to be kept. I can pay my own way”

Alright now she was going too far.

“Bella I never said you were my whore and I know you can pay. I just didn’t think…” My own voice was beginning to raise but not as much as Bella’s.

“That’s right you didn’t fucking think! You didn’t care how I would feel about it, you just took it upon yourself to make a decision. Then you thought you could pull that Isabella shit and I would comply to your wishes on my knees with my fucking mouth open. Well forget that shit, I’m not doing it!”

I stood taking a deep breath in restraint while I tried to reason with her. “Bella,” I made sure to say the correct name again, “Bella, I know you are tired and stressed from whatever you have going on in that pretty little head of yours …”

“Oh great Edward …now I’m stupid?”

What? When the hell did the word stupid leave my mouth?

“I never said you were stupid, in fact you are quite the opposite. Except for right now…” She interrupted before I could continue.

“So I am stupid?” I sighed putting my hands on her forearms hoping she would look at me but her glare was over my shoulder.

“No you are not stupid. You are, however, putting yourself through undue turmoil and you’re not thinking straight.” I stopped talking thinking she would look at me and when she didn’t I went on. “Baby talk to me and tell me what’s bothering you.”

Finally her tear filled eyes met mine and I thought I had gotten through.

“At the moment…. it’s you!”

“Fine…have it your way. When you’re ready to talk to me, I’ll be waiting.” I let go of her arms thinking that was the best way to end this whole fiasco; Bella however had another idea.

“Don’t patronize me Edward!”

“Bella what do you want me to do?” I was getting frustrated and beginning to lose my temper.

“I want you to let me pay my fair share.”

I let out a long deep breath, “Fine, we’ll figure it out and divide it up. But this isn’t just about the money Bella and I’m beginning to grow impatient”

“What the fuck does that mean? You said that yesterday, what are you - going to get rid of me? Am I the flavor of the month?” Bella looked over at the clock.

“Don’t talk so stupid Bella!” How could she even think that?

“Oh, now we are back to my lack of intelligence!” My eyes grew wide at the cockiness of her tone and I realized there was no way I was going to win, so I remained quiet while Bella stood there with a arrogant expression waiting for my retort. Once she realized it wasn’t going to happen the anger was back on her face before she moved away from me.

“I have to go” I could hear the shakiness in her voice while taking the leftovers from last night out of the fridge. I refused to say anything fearing that the arguing would begin again. As she walked off the porch Bella turned to look at me her voice sounded hopeful as she asked, “I’ll call you later?”

Still not trusting verbal communication I gave her a nod and then watched as she drove away. Looking down at Seth who was standing in the doorway with me I needed to ask someone, “What the hell did I do? I know mommy is a bit crazy at the moment, but she’ll get better.”

The poor dog looked at me in disbelief, “She will, I promise…come on, I’ll let you out.”

While he was outside I made the bed then called the security company. They would be coming out Thursday to install the system. The call to my sister took longer. She was excited about us all going along apparently my parents had decided to join us however the destination had changed due to lack of available rooms. It didn’t matter to me and I was fairly sure Bella wouldn’t object; but I wasn’t going to bring it up until she was in her right frame of mind. In any case it should turn out to be an interesting trip. Before I knew it the contractor was at the door.

The plans looked great; in order to fit a standalone shower the wall of the tub base would need to be curved. The wall then would extend into the shower creating a bench. It was interesting and expensive just as I had thought it would be. However, the price was within reason so I signed the contracts and they would be beginning the week after I returned from the trip. By the time he left it was after one and I needed to get some lunch.

There wasn’t much in the refrigerator – I was going to need a shopping trip – but there was some leftover’s from the other night so I put that in the microwave and fed Seth. My phone rang just as the ding sounded. Pulling the hot food out I answered.

“Hi Mom.”

“Hi darling. I was wondering how Bella was. Does she feel any better?” I thought maybe somehow she knew about our disagreement this morning but I wondered how that could be.

“She’s alright mom.” It was kind of the truth.

“Oh, good. Is she sleeping?”

I stopped mid-chew swallowing hard so I could answer her, “No…she’s not here.”

“Oh, she was going home, I just assumed that meant your house.”

“Mom, what are you talking about? Bella is at the center, it’s training week.” I got that bad feeling again and couldn’t take another bite.

“Yes I know, I was there. I’m going to help with fund raising.” She sounded happy about that, but I was more concerned about Bella so I paid more attention to the next part of her statement. “We were watching some slides and she didn’t feel well so she left early.”

“When?” I didn’t mean to sound rude but I needed to know.

“It was before lunch, I guess around eleven?” I looked at the clock it was after one…shit.

“I’ll talk to you later mom, I’ve got to go.” I didn’t wait for her to say anything before hanging up, I would call her later to apologize but right then I needed to hear from Bella.

She answered on the second ring; I could barely understand her through the sobs. The best I could understand was she was safe, at her house, which I got to as quickly as I could. Bella’s car was sitting in the driveway and that fact alone struck me as strange, pressing the code into the door I went inside.

The kitchen was a mess there was a broken glass shattered on the floor and papers thrown all over the table. I couldn’t think about what I was seeing because my focus was on the wail of pain that was coming from the living room. I wasn’t sure what I was walking into… but I knew it wasn’t going to be good.

She was sitting on the wooden floor among a pile if spread out papers and photographs, with used discarded tissues thrown about.

“Bella?”

The look in her eyes was one of total devastation; there was no life behind her gaze, only pain and grief. My own eyes filled with tears as she sucked in an audible breath then shook in anguish on the exhale. I was pinned there for a split second, unable to think about anything but the wretchedness of what I was looking at.

Wiping the tears from my eyes I slowly moved towards her glancing at the photos while I sat down; they were all of her. I looked around at the papers they appeared to be some kind of legal documents along with a few medical reports; I didn’t have time to examine them too closely though because Bella was a mess. Whatever wound had been festering under the surface had just been ripped open, leaving her completely desolate.

“I…I…I...t-t-tried…I tried …tried ….I tried to g-g-get away…I cou...c-couldn’t…”

I could barely understand what she was saying because her breathing and words were coming out in short quick gasps. I had to get her to calm down.

“Come here baby,” I pulled her into my lap cradling her in my arms and sniffled as I breathed in the familiar scent of her hair.

“Shhhh…breathe with me Bella…that’s a girl deep breaths…shhhhh…” We sat there while I rocked us back and forth, trying desperately to calm her while I wiped away my own tears. Her sobs had turned to hiccups and I thought she had calmed down until she spoke in a wail.

“He..he…t-t-t…tied me to the…t-t-t..table ….I…cou...couldn’t move,” the last word left her mouth in a high pitch tremble and I held her tighter while she shook.

“Shhhh…it’s ok baby…let it out…just let it all out,” I whispered repeatedly while I held and rocked her.

She started talking through her tears and I listened as she told me about being tied to the table. How he used tweezers and beat her with a belt. As she told me the story my eyes shifted down to the floor where they caught glimpses of the aftermath of the attack. I thought about what Jacob had said and I had pictured images in my head of what I thought the bruise would look like, my imagination was nothing compared to reality.

I was looking at pictures of a woman whose jaw was black and blue. She looked like there was not one spot on her torso that was not battered. Her breasts, ribs, and stomach as well as her upper thighs were all varying shades of purple with deep red stripes going through it. How the hell she survived that attack at all; let alone without more internal damage then she received was beyond me.

Bella buried her head in my neck and wailed as she told me how he pinched her thighs and stomach while he raped her. Her body trembled while I cried listening to the fisting and degrading humiliation she lived through with him spreading feces on her.

My arms wrapped protectively around her while she clung to me crying that it was her fault for leaving the door open, for letting the abuse continue, for being with him in the first place. The feelings of shame, indignity, fear, and hurt all came pouring out. Lastly the anger came, anger with herself, with the world, and then with the person she should be most angry with James Cummings.

When I thought she was finally done crying a whole new set of guilty tears came. “I’m …s-s-sorry Edward…I didn’t mean ..what I ..I said…t-today”

“I know baby,…I know.” The last thing she needed was to feel guilty about that. I knew at the time it was a diversion from the real problem, which I still had not heard what the catalyst for all these pent up emotions were. I needed to get it out of her.

“Bella, what happened the other night, what was it that frightened you badly?”

“It was the..the sound…it sounds like the belt.”

I didn’t need to hear anymore to understand what she was talking about. I rocked her gently while sitting on the floor until she was all cried out, draining herself to the point where she fell asleep on my shoulder.

Moving ever so slowly so as not to disturb her, I got to my knees before standing, to carry Bella into her room. Her body was limp from the exhaustion as I laid her in bed, covering her with a throw. I sat there on the edge of the bed keeping watch and waiting to see if she would awaken, when she didn’t I moved out into the other room to survey the aftermath. Looking around the room, the only thing I was clear about was that I needed a drink.

There was half a bottle of wine in the fridge, which I poured myself a tall glass of, before getting the broom to start cleaning up the floor. I didn’t know how the glass shattered, if she dropped or threw it, either way it couldn’t stay there. I didn’t take too much notice of what the papers were on the table, other than to see that they were from an attorney’s office in Phoenix that were dated from the early nineties.

Bella’s phone rang; I would have let it go to voice mail but I saw that it was Leah so I answered.

She was surprised to hear my voice.

“Who is this?” I got in way of a greeting.

“Edward,” I answered, not even recognizing my own voice.

“Oh is… where’s Bella? Is everything alright?” The concern in her voice was clear.

“She’s sleeping.” I then proceeded to give a brief rundown of the afternoon.

“Oh my god…I’ll be right there,” she hung up before I could say anything which reminded me of my mother, quickly calling her I left a message on her voice mail. Leah came in the back door as I was hanging up. I must have looked like hell, because she took in my face asking if I was alright before going to check on her sister.

I had gathered all the photos in a pile unwilling to look at them, Leah’s voice cracked from behind me while I gathered the paperwork. “Do you know when all this happened”

I shook my head, “my mom called me at one asking how Bella was, telling me that she left the center around eleven, by the time I got here she was a mess,” I handed her all the papers along with the pictures and a large manila envelope that was underneath everything.

“Do you know where these go? I don’t want to look at them, and I don’t want her to have to look at them either.”

“That was almost five hours ago, why didn’t Bella call me?” Looking at the clock it was four thirty-eight. I didn’t have an answer for Leah, and frankly it didn’t matter. I was more concerned with Bella’s state of mind; Leah’s next statement completely astonished me. “I guess you guys aren’t coming for dinner.”

“I don’t think so, I’m thinking Bella needs to sleep and neither one of us would be very good company, maybe we could do it another night.”

“Yeah, whatever,” she sighed taking the envelope with her, I assumed she put it away because she was empty handed when she came out. “Well, I don’t need to stick around, tell Bella to give me a call when she wakes up.”

I chalked up the indignant tone in Leah’s voice to imagination from my own fatigue, telling her I would relay the message. When she left, I joined Bella lying down next to her and she rolled in her sleep to adhere herself to my body; my arms instinctually tightened around her form as I whispered, “I’ve got you Bella, I swear no one is ever going to hurt you again,” before falling into an exhausted sleep.