Chapter 93

EPOV

“Fuck me Edward.”

Yes…God how I needed her

The extra plea Bella gave was just an added bonus that spurred me on; the whole evening had been torturous on my nerves. After Jacob had left and Bella had her own breakdown in confessing why she had been so reluctant in taking security measures I had at least gotten a hold of myself. Up until that point I was in no way calm, anger, fear and uncertainty had me gripped to the point of losing control and yelling.  It was not something I was proud of and I knew it had to get a hold on myself, but I just couldn’t.

Every time I thought the anger was contained my eyes glanced back to the pictures with the words resonating in my head ‘See how easy it is’ and the agitation would intensify. Bella didn’t help my demeanor one bit because every time I thought she had finally gotten it through her head that this was a serious matter, she would go and do something to make me think she was still going to fight me on it.

Bella sat across from me on the stool, rolling her eyes, huffing in annoyance and pouting while she stuffed her face full of chocolate. Then when she told us to stop talking about her like she was a child and I told her to stop acting like one and she fucking sighed, my blood pressure reached the boiling stage.  Had Jacob not been there that girl would have been over my knee and given a spanking that would have cure her of that horrible habit forever. As it was, it took everything I had inside me to not send her to the corner and Bella was damn lucky she lowered her eyes or that’s exactly where she would have gone.

Even Jacob saw the snarly attitude; calling Bella a brat and chalking it up to her menstrual period or as he so eloquently put it, ‘being on the rag.’ I suppose part of her insolence could be hormonal imbalances yet ever since we learned of the dangers there has been reluctance from Bella. I couldn’t understand out why she had to be so damn obstinate. Then when she promised Jacob Black – of all people – that she would do everything she could to protect herself, I nearly lost it. In my mind I figured Bella was just giving him lip service like she had done with everyone else, still it was too much to bear. I had been begging, pleading, ordering her to not be out alone, to take extra precautions, to be mindful of who is around her, only to be met with opposition.

I just couldn’t fucking figure out what the problem was, where was her sense of self-preservation at?

The words came out through her tears and I had known that Bella was beginning to put her past fears behind her. I could see her happily living life and embracing a future but I didn’t completely understand what that meant to her personally. My girl had lived her whole life afraid, scared of being abandoned, worried over not being accepted and then terrorized by someone who should have protected her. Each ordeal leaving its personal mark on her until normal everyday actives terrified her. It frightened her to walk into a dark room, paranoia gripped her whenever anyone approached and sudden movements left her panicking. Hell my girl was so worried she didn’t even have home mail delivery.

I could see all those fears slipping away from her, my mind recalling the very first time Bella and I were intimate. We lay naked in her bed after having a rather satisfying tryst yet neither of us dismissing the option of another round. I had brought up her sex life with James – something at that point I had very little information of. As was usual at the time, Bella shut down asking why I wanted to hear about ‘all that shit’. In my answer I assured her I didn’t really want to be told – because I knew it was going to piss me off – but I had to hear it. Reasoning with the hope that together we could work though all the fears and bring us to a place where the past had no bearing on the present.

It would appear that had come to fruition Bella was definitely more confident not only in her submission to me but towards everyday life in general.  Normally I would be praising the accomplishment, thrilled to death that Bella no longer was afraid to participate in everyday actives. However in an attempt to show fearlessness she was crossing over into stupidity. We were back to her focusing on what was in front of her and not paying attention to the peripheral. I could understand her not wanting to live in fear, finding the inner strength that I knew laid dormant inside her. But that didn't mean when the wolf is knocking on your door you open it up and invite him in.

And that was what she was doing, disregarding all the warning signals to the point where it was driving me insane. Jacob pleaded with her to not make him have to find her tied to a table barely alive and all I could think about was the memory of seeing those pictures. The aftermath of what James had done to Bella in her own kitchen was enough to freak me out even more. Flashes of her body covered in bruises with angry red welts from the whipping of the belt clouded my mind. There was no way in hell I could ever allow something like that to happen. I had given my word no one would ever hurt her again, and I was so fucking afraid I wouldn't be able to keep my promise, especially with her self-destructive attitude.

As if she could read my mind about where my thoughts had gone or maybe it was the one thing she herself feared the most Bella said the word I had never heard her say. When she admitted to being raped all the anger inside me dissipated, my worries were still there but they were put into a better perspective.

She had lived through the most horrific experience that not only took away her sense of pride but also her sense of security. Bella survived the experience through relative silence, she sought out therapy, stored away the aggression into the deepest recesses of her mind and lived as cautiously as she could.  

And she was right; I didn't know what it was like to be afraid all the time. I had only been dealing with the stress since Friday morning; when Weiss sat in the dining room laying everything out for us. It had only been affecting me for three days; I couldn't imagine the magnitude of stress that years of living in fear would cause or the emancipation that occurred when it was gone.

I didn't want Bella to be afraid like that anymore, but on the other hand she needed to see the danger of the situation and for the time being take the threat seriously – And there was a very real threat.

By her own admission of the reluctance she felt to give into letting the fear rule her life I was able to calm myself. Part of that had to do with the fact that she needed me to reassure her; she needed me to be strong so that she could regain the sense of security she fought so hard to get. I held her while she cried out in frustration and her own anger, letting the tension dissolve around us.

That calmness only lasted for so long. Calling Weiss I learned that Jessica was indeed gone, she had sent the same e-mail to three people. Angela, Lauren and Tanya all received the message

“I have to leave. Call you when I get there.”

Weiss had told me she had wiped out her bank accounts and according to credit card records Jessica was in a Merrill Iowa. She had grown up in the small town in the north western corner of the state and presumably had returned to her grandparents’ home. He had absolutely no idea who had left the envelope in Bella's car, nor did he know who had been following her around. At that point Weiss offered the same suggestion that anyone would give to a victim of a stalker. Don't go out alone, change your normal routines, and be mindful of those around you...the same ideas I had heard from Charlie and had been trying to impress into Bella.

The call to officer Hawk was a different matter. Where Weiss was willing to do whatever I asked  – after all I was paying him – Hawk seemed a whole lot more reluctant. I had told him about the photos and the note. His crass demeanor never wavered as he told me that the words written could be anything from a joke to an actual threat. Until someone personally made contact or there was clear intent to do harm, there was not much the police could do. He then reiterated what Weiss had already told me about Jess, leaving me to think that the man was completely worthless. I had explained the connection with Karen and Mike and his response to the accusation of them being the responsible party was 'Mr. Cullen, You have no proof.'

The only thing he could do was to stop by in the morning to speak with Bella, see the photos for himself and take a report. Even then his only suggestions were the same as everyone else, don't go out alone, and change your normal routines and me mindful of your surroundings. 

As I said worthless.

By the time I had gotten off the phone with officer – thanks for nothing – Hawk my anxiety that had waned was back up through the roof. I felt helpless, inept and scared by the thought that someone trying to take Bella away from me.

God damn it she was mine

Calling Jacob – as I had promised – his reaction was not exactly conducive to easing my ill temperament. He thought the same way I had, Bella was only agreeing with him because that was what he wanted to hear. He assured me I was doing the right thing and even though Leah wasn't happy about being confined to the house, she agreed with him. Before hanging up the phone he left me with his own parting words.

“Listen Edward, Bella is stubborn as hell, but she is truly scared too so hopefully there won't be too much trouble from her. But if there is, I don't care if you have to tie her in a fucking chair and sit on her, don't let her out alone”

I assured him that was one thing that would not be happening and as I hung up the phone those chains in the playroom were starting to sound better by the minute. Thoughts of Bella being restrained sent my dick into overdrive and I realized it had been nearly an hour since she had gone upstairs. Thinking she would be done in the bathroom I was surprised to hear the water running. Get Bella into a bathtub of hot water and she'll sit in there until she becomes waterlogged. However the shower was a different matter, unless I was with her she was get in, get washed and get out kind of girl.

The one time she had dawdled in the shower was the night we had discussed her going to the Doctor to start receiving Depo shots. I spoke out of turn asking about her need for birth control and she told me about the internal damage James had caused. The scaring had left her not completely infertile yet the possibility of her uterus being capable of carrying a child was very slim. That night I had gone into the bathroom with a mug of warm milk to find Bella in a fetal position in the tub, sobbing uncontrollably. All in all the experience had turned out to be a good thing because as I held her wet body against me we talked and ended up declaring our love for each other. Even with the happy ending the memory of Bella crumpled on the floor of that tub had me moving quickly into the bathroom.

Bella had just had a major revelation or perhaps I should call it a breakthrough in the mental blockade she had built to keep the pain out. I was damn proud of her for finally admitting James had raped her, yet I couldn’t help but fear that there might be some kind of fallout from the admittance. Then again she had been so distraught I wasn't even sure if Bella realized what she had said. Fearing that once she was alone realization might hit her and I didn't want her to face the onslaught of the pain alone.   

Seeing her in the shower, standing under the spray of water all thoughts of her wellbeing were  gone as  something inside me snapped. Desire strong and heavy gripped me to the point where all I wanted to do was claim her so I could take pleasure in what was mine. She was so soft, so loving, so kind and she was mine. My body responded without any hindrance from my brain, taking what belonged to me.

All the frustration from the fucked up situation came out along with the vocal words of uncertainty I was feeling. I had promised no one would ever hurt her again, I had given my fucking word to keep her safe and I didn't know how the hell I was going to keep it. That scared the shit out of me because even the police made it seem hopeless.

How the fuck was I going to live without her?  I was going to break my word and I was so fucking sorry.

“Use me Edward!”

Bella's cry made me realize what the fuck I was doing. Lifting my mouth from where I had bit into her shoulder I looked into her eyes. This was my Bella, the woman who meant more to me than life itself.

Use her?

Never

She wasn't some whore whose only purpose in my life was tension release. She should be loved, tenderly loved, until she felt very emotion coming out of the depths of my soul.

Releasing the hold I had on her neck, I lifted her legs to gently carried her to the bed, laid her down on the towels and told her the truth “I love you nâhtötse; you deserve more than to be used.”

Bella's eyes filled with tears as I began to slowly move inside her, cherishing every stoke, relishing the feel of our connected bodies. Her swollen walls engulfed me in their smooth silky wetness and I knew at that moment what heaven felt like. She was so beautiful lying beneath me, accepting me inside her in the most intimate embrace known to man.

The touch of her hands running over my back sent tingly chills through me which only seemed to prove how right we were together. I wanted to embed every touch and every sigh into my mind, so I would always remember what she meant to me. Looking down into Bella's face I needed to see her eyes, I needed her to know.

“I love you Bella…I love you so fucking much,”

I could feel the moisture leak out of my eye at the same time Bella's muscles clamped down on me while her fingers dug into my shoulder as her orgasm hit. My lips capturing the moans from her mouth while I kept up the slow movement of my hips. She was so damn wet and extra soft that I wanted to enjoy the feeling for as long as I could.

Bella gasped for breath and my lips traveled down her neck, kissing the skin along the way. Fighting off my own release I spoke softly against her ear telling her more of my thoughts “You’re so beautiful...god baby you feel so good...so perfect”

“Edward...” she whimpered again my neck as the tingle in my balls started to spread

“please Edward...please”

I was so lost in her warmth, the smell of her skin, the quick rush of her breath washing over me, that I fought against the impending orgasm. My thrust never increased in speed or depth, the slow building pressure was as welcoming as the waves of emotions that filled Bella's eyes. Her panting breaths matching my own as she spoke.

“please Edward...cum with me...can't hold...want you to...please baby”

Unable to stare in her eyes and deny her anything I closed my eyes, fighting harder to contain myself. The sensations running through me from the feel of Bella's warm soft body was just too good to give up.

I never wanted to give it up.

I wanted to stay right where I was, suspended there in our own little cocoon, feeling the pleasure of every stroke I took within her.

“Not yet...not ready...can't stop yet...”

Bella let out a moan that made it harder for me to remain steady as the coil in my stomach intensified, making me have to resort to rolling my hips in an attempt change the sensation so I could last longer. The change helped me but not Bella as she cried out through a whimper.

“Pleeeease”

“Can't...stop...need...to...” chatting out the words through clinched teeth trying to hold off so I could feel one more stoke.

Bella's hands cupped my face forcing me look into her eyes and said the words no one has ever said to me.

“Cum Edward”

With a groan I stared into the eyes of the woman who owned me, thrusting once more inside her I let go of the control. My body trembled in ecstasy as my cum split within her walls which squeezed around me as Bella's own release carried her away. The pulsating of her muscles surrounding my dick felt so good my arms buckled. Unable to hold myself up my chest collapsed against Bella's with my forehead resting against hers as I rode out the bliss.

As reality started to come back to me along with full capacity of my lungs I became aware of Bella's tears. Kissing them away I whispered “Shhh...don't cry baby....shhh...please don't cry...i love you”

“I...I know”

Looking down into her face I wiped away the tears. Bella took my hand in hers and bringing to her lips she placed a single kiss on my palm. Letting out a small sniffle she held my hand against her jaw looking at me with more love in her eyes then I could ever deserved. “I never thought anyone would love me...like you do...” more tears fell from her eyes as she spoke “I don't know how I got so lucky”

“Shhh...” I cut off her words with a kiss before resting my head back against hers while gazing into her chocolate brown eyes “...I'm the lucky one nâhtötse. I thank god every day for bringing you into my life.” a slight taste of salt hitting me when I kissed her “And I'm so scared god's going to take you back”

“I'm not going anywhere Edward...besides who would balance out the see-saw with you?”

I chuckled and added “Or keep the vase from breaking?”

Bella giggled and the movement caused me to slip from inside her followed by a warm gush of what I could only assume to be blood.

“Ugh...period sex feels good but it sure is messy”

“Sorry...”

“Don't you be sorry. I'd take being inside you any day...no matter how gushy you are”

Smirking at her I placed one more kiss on her lips before pushing on my arms to kneel back and like driving by the scene of an accident I just had to look at the carnage.

“Yeah those towels are ruined”

“That bad?” Bella asked leaning up on her elbows to see for herself and I halted her progression “Don't move”

Using the end of bottom towel I wiped myself off as best I could and then pulled both of them through Bella's legs creating a make shift diaper before picking her up bridal style to carry back into the shower. Looking down at the bed I was glad that the menstrual fluid did not saturate through to the comforter however the water going down the drain was something right out of a horror movie. There was no messing around in there or any other form of physical touching. The shower was merely for cleansing purposes.

Finishing first I stepped out to let Bella continue what I had earlier interrupted. Wrapping a towel around my waist I wiped the fog off the mirror and used another one to remove most of the water from my hair. Cracking open the glass door, Bella peeked her head out “Edward can I use your razors?”

“Why?”

Bella gets a full body wax, besides it's my razor with triple blades that vibrate when you press the little button to give a smooth clean shave.

“Because I don't have one and I'm all stubbly...” holding her hand out expectantly.

Where the hell was the stubble? My hands had just been all over her body I didn't feel anything.

“Edward?”

Bella was getting insistent but I needed more information “What do you have to shave?”

“I thought you wanted me to keep that patch of hair off...if you'd rather...”

“No...I'd prefer the fur be gone, but...”cocking my head to the side I looked over in her direction “...that doesn't sound very sanitary”

Bella's whole face fell as her mouth popped open “Sanitary? Are you freaking kidding me? You lick my vag all the time...”

“I wouldn't do it now”

“Gee I hope not...” Narrowing her eyes Bella questioned “...Is that what the problem is? Because I swear I won’t get any blood on ...”

 “Noooo...blood will wash off...”

“So what's the problem?”

“I told you it just doesn't sound very sanity.”

“Edward you stuck your tongue up my ass”

“Yeah, that's was with my mouth, everything in there goes straight to my stomach and the acid will take care of any bacteria. But my razor slices the hair off my face leaving tiny little open scrapes behind. And what happens if I nick myself or something, I could get an infection...on my face”

Bella stood there staring at me in wide eyed shock for a long moment before shaking her head “Fine, it can wait until tomorrow. But can you do me a favor pretty boy and remind me to get some when we stop by my house in the morning” shaking her head again Bella closed the shower door muttering “get an infection on your face”

“Haven’t you ever heard of impetigo? It’s nasty and spreads like crazy...”

“Next time your giving me a rim job I'll remind you of a little thing called E-Coli” She yelled out over the sound of the running water.

Bella could remind me all she wanted to; I knew damn well that the acid in the human stomach would take care of the majority of the bacteria. Besides it's not like I went around eating out every girls ass, in fact Bella was the first one I’ve ever feasted on. And I didn't stick my tongue up her ass; I just licked around it, probing into uncharted territories. I must say it surprised me to know that I enjoyed it as much as my little anal queen did.

Glancing at the floor the blood stained towels laid in a heap, picking them up to put into the garbage I told Bella I was going to take it downstairs and left Set out. After I had finished drying off and had my pajama pants and t-shirt on I stepped up to the door just as she was getting out of the shower.

“Hey…” my unexpected appearance causing her to flinch “Sorry didn’t mean to startle you. I was just wondering if you wanted anything while I was down stairs.”

“Ummm…a drink and maybe a small snack of cheese and fruit…” I was just about to leave when she asked “…Edward is there any more of those truffles left?”

“Yes…but you just had a whole handful of Kisses”

“When?”

I stared at her in disbelief “When Jacob was here, you practically ripped his hand off when he went to get one.”

“That doesn’t count...” she said tucking the end of the towel in “…besides I don’t want a whole handful, just one or two…” leveling a glare at me she pointed out “…and they are mine”

O-Kay

Somewhere in my long term memory I recalled the conversation with my dad and brothers. We were at my parents for Mother’s Day, it was one of the first times they were schooling me in dealing with a woman. Emmett had mentioned something about chocolate being its own food group, especially during a woman’s period.  He had said Rose would hoard the candy in her purse and just absentmindedly eat it. At the time I hadn’t believed him, I thought it was just something they were saying to razz me with.

Yeah, I guess I was wrong because Bella was staring at me in such a way that told me she was not fooling around, she wanted those truffles and she wanted them NOW.

“I’ll bring you some”

That must have been the correct answer as the irritation that was starting to boil under the surface was gone and she smiled angelically making me shake my head and chuckle at the mood swings – something else I had been warned about.

Bella hadn’t really said what she wanted to drink and I figured since I had a plate of cheese and crackers along with grapes and strawberries – not forgetting the three truffles as the Pièce de résistance – wine was a good choice.  

Walking into the bedroom with Seth on my heels I found Bella in her pink night shirt sitting on the bed with a towel wrapped turban style around her head. Both feet were resting on the comforter with her knees bent making the bottom of the pajamas ride up over her thighs, revealing just a glimpse of white cotton panties. That angelic look she gave me in the bathroom was still evident on her face as she smiled at me while continuing to rub lotion on her leg.

“I love you so much I not only brought you two truffles…I brought you three” I said placing the plate on the bottom of the bed.

“My hero” Bella giggled as she snapped the lid closed on the bottle of lotion and placing it on her nightstand before reaching to get a piece of candy.

While I sat back against the head board Bella swiveled on her butt so she was facing me. Biting through the middle of the candy she closed her eyes and practically purred out in pleasure “Mmmmm… these are soooo good”

The actions not at all helping with the pop tent that was starting to go up in my pants, especially when she held the other half of the truffle and used her tongue to lick out all the creamy middle before popping the shell into her mouth. The shiver ran through me and truly the only thing that stopped me from attacking her was the two glasses of wine occupying my hands – after all I had plenty of towels.

Opening her eyes I handed off the glass and spoke with more lust in my voice then I had intended “Are you done?”

Part of me hoped she was and the other part was telling him to shut the fuck up because I wanted to see that again. Bella took a sip making another sound of contentment and I wondered how the hell I was going to get through the rest of the night without another shower.

“No I have two more to go…”

What’s she talking about?

“…since someone was so generous and brought me extra chocolate”

Oh…chocolate...that’s right we were talking about chocolate

Bella set the glass on the table next to the bed and pushed the plate up so it was easier to reach before taking a piece of cheese. Figuring I had better get my mind on something other than her mouth I remembered there was one thing I needed to say “It was a piece offering”

“For what?”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you and I’m sorry about loosening my temper like that”

“You didn’t really yell at me Edward, it was more like you were yelling to me.”

“There’s a difference?”

“Of course there is. Yelling at me means you’re anger was directed at me because I had done something to piss you off. Yelling to me, means it wasn’t my fault yet the outside disturbance was so great that you felt the need to get it off your chest”

It took me a second or two before what she said had settled into my brain. Bella regards me in such a way that my actions were even more inexcusable “Well anyway you look at it Bella, I still should have had a better hold on my temper”

“Why Edward? Your only human, someone had dismantled my car and those pictures were scary and you had a right to be angry. I know you think that somehow or another you need to control yourself all the time, but there are also sometimes you need to just blow off steam. At no time was I ever afraid of you, no matter how much you yelled or cursed, I knew you would never lose your temper to the point of striking out at me.”

I hadn’t even considered the possibility of that happening, not ever would I strike out Bella in anger. Although I did consider putting her over my knee for a spanking but since Jacob was there. “I’m sure Jacob would have stopped me”

“You would have stopped yourself…” Bella picked up a few grapes, pulling one off she rolled it around in her fingers as if she was contemplating something. Keeping her eyes on the grape she started to speak “I know we spoke about this before but…are you…I mean you’re not worried about my relationship with Jake? You know that there was never…”

If there was one thing I knew it was that Jacob Blake and Bella had never been romantically involved but that doesn’t stop the feeling of jealousy that overcomes me. What I needed to do was think of a way to explain why it happens. Thinking it over I thought of something Bella herself had said to me. Touching her chin I needed to see her eyes as I explained.

“Do you remember when we were having the discussion with Jess in Aro’s office and you got upset because of what you perceived as me giving her my…Dom look?”

I could tell by the expression on her face she knew what I was talking about so I continued “You said that look belonged to you and that it hurt your feelings to see me act that way to someone else, especially since on one level it gave Jess pleasure”

At Bella’s nod I told her exactly how I had felt “It’s the same thing for me Bella. It’s a difficult thing for me to watch you so willing agree to Jacob’s request knowing damn well you have denied me the same one.” Her eyes grew and before Bella could interrupt me I finished “I had been asking you for days to please…please take extra precautions and in the deepest part of my mind I knew that you were only agreeing with Jacob to get him to shut up, still it…”

She spoke the words for me “I hurt your feelings”

The statement was made with a touch of her own pain and although I really wanted to take the grief away from her all I could was nod in agreement.

Bella moved quickly, straddling my legs and wrapping her arms around my neck as she gazed into my eyes. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to do that. And I wasn’t just saying what he wanted to hear. I had already made up my mind when I left the store this morning that I wasn’t going to go out alone anymore. The tension was just too much and besides I had made it one of goals to remember your point of view in any situation. I had forgotten about that for a moment and I’m sorry for not thinking how all this bullshit was affecting you. I’m trying hard Edward and I have to say that between someone messing with my car and those damn pictures…”

Bella let the words hang in the air for a second before giving me a pointed look “I have no problem in doing what you ask, I shouldn’t have fought you on it to begin with and I won’t do that anymore. I’ll do whatever you think is best and that’s why I was agreeing with Jake. Not because his opinion means more to me than yours does, because he doesn’t. It’s more that he was only restating what I had already agreed with you on. And well Jake and I…well we have…”

“A pact, I know. But you and I have a pact too Bella and I’m not asking you to decide which one is more important to you because frankly you can have both. All I’m saying is that…” I sighed rubbing my hand down the length of her back “…look maybe it’s my male ego, or maybe I just love you so fucking much that the thought of you agreeing to another man’s, any man’s request drives me insane. I don’t want to come off as an over possessive jerk who is trying to control every aspect of your life or trying to drive you away from your friends and family. Because I truly enjoy being around all of them and you need to be around the people who love you. I don’t want to take away any bond you have with them. But at the moment none of that mattered because all I saw was my girl in the arms of another man agreeing to comply with his request while ignoring mine.”

Placing a single kiss on my lips Bella rested her forehead on mine “I didn’t mean to do that, it’s just when he brought up…”

I knew what Bella was going to say but she stopped herself “…it was a really bad time.” She let it drop there not willing to relive the trauma again.

“I know nâhtötse and that’s not exactly something I ever want to experience either”

The honesty of the statement just sort of hung there for a moment before she sighed “I am really sorry that you felt hurt. I never want to do that…ever”

“Ok” It was all I could say.

Bella straightened up, settling her bottom on my thighs as she chewed on her bottom lip while her finger tips traced the collar of my t-shirt. I knew there was something on her mind and it didn’t take long for her to get to the point. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything”

Pursing her lips she seemed to be waffling, whether that was because she didn’t know how to ask or whether she was changing her mind I couldn’t tell, so I prodded “What is it Bella?”

Getting off my lap as she started to unravel the towel covering her hair she shook her head dismissively “Never mind”

“Bella” I warned picking up the hairbrush off the bed before she could get to it “…ask me”

“It’s just…well you get all jealous about other men but not with…”

“With who?”

“Well this morning you didn’t seem to mind at all, I mean you didn’t even ask what happened while I was alone with Demettri”

“Why did something happen I should be concerned about?”

I highly doubted it but I figured it was best to ask, Bella looked aghast “Nooo… he was a perfect gentleman, calmed me down and showed me his studio and some of the jewelry he made. He’s very talented and even the simplest rings became extraordinary with all the detail he did on them”

Listening to her I hoped that Bella would find her ring just as impressive and my heart kind of raced with excitement for the day she could see it. However at that moment I needed to sound indifferent.

“It sounds like you had a nice with him, so what’s the problem?”

“No problem per say…just that you seem to overly trust Demettri. I even suggested he could paint me…” she glanced at me “…with your permission of course”

I smirked “Of course”

“But it didn’t bother you…” she scrunched up her face as if she smelled something foul “…and you know he only does nudes”

I couldn’t help but laugh as I patted the space between my legs for Bella to sit in so I could brush out her hair. Once she was seated I let her know what I found so humorous.

“You should know by now I have no problem with showing off your body as long as the person seeing it knows who you belong to. There is an unwritten law among the D/s community; you do not ever handle another person’s property without their permission. I know without a doubt that you could walk around naked, begging him to touch you and as long as you are wearing this…” my fingers traced along my collar “…no matter how much he may want to, Demetri would never touch you. I would even go so far as to say he would take out anyone who tried to.”

Tilting her head to the side Bella gave me a questioning look over her shoulder “But even at the club there are those who you don’t completely trust”

“They don’t all have the same training Bella…I know what training Demettri had, I know that the correct principles were instilled into him”

“How can you be sure?”

“Demetri and I trained together with Aro” I told her while taking the first sweep of the brush through the length of her tangled hair

Bella’s upper body abruptly turned giving me a stunned look “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously, I was just beginning formal training and he was almost finished but still we were together for a few months”

Bella continued to gawk at me then seemed to think of something “Is that how comes Aro lets him run a room or why he said he was the ‘head Dom’ in the art exhibit?”

I nodded “Aro’s training provides a certain clout”

She seemed to consider that for a moment before turning back around so I could continue with her hair “So what about all the others? Who were they trained by?”

“Well, I think over the years Aro has trained forty or fifty Doms, some are still here in Seattle others have moved away. Some Doms have been trained in other cities by experienced Masters, some have paid to take courses…”

“Like college?” she giggled “Talk about the school of hard knocks…”

Her humor making me chuckle “Something like that, except these are set up like a conference, they spend the weekends learning the techniques and then practicing them during the week”

“Like you said you did with learning bondage?”

“Yes, sort of”

“Hmmm…” Bella seemed to deliberate “So basically all the Doms had some sort of training?”

“No. some are self-taught, they read, they researched, they watched and they learned. Some of them are good Doms, some of them not so good. But that is something you have with everything, it’s just the bad Doms can create a lot of problems.”

“How so?”

“Well anyone can put on a pair of leather pants and call a woman slut. Some think that’s all the preparation they need, they are there for the kink and have no idea what responsibilities come with the title of Master. They don’t know what they’re doing, and when you have someone suspended from the ceiling while you whip them, you had better know what the fuck you are doing or someone is going to get hurt. They also don’t or won’t comprehend the basic rules of decorum. There are those at New Moon I wouldn’t even allow you to say hello to, done the less get anywhere close to them.”

“Because they are players?”

“Yes, and they are playing with people’s lives. A submissive, especially a new one is very susceptible to falling prey to those kinds of people. That’s another reason Aro doesn’t allow any unaccompanied females in the club. It cuts down on the danger of the predators…”

“Predators?”

“That’s what I would call them, their actions border closely to abuse rather than D/s play and unfortunately their actions don’t become revealed until after someone is hurt either physically or more often emotionally. Newbie’s in this life need to be extra cautious before they go around trusting someone and usually that is not the case. They are so quick to jump into what they preceive as exciting they will attach themselves to the first Dom who shows an interest. Only to find out too late that their actions are not something a responsible Dom would do. Aro attempts to weed out the players because New Moon should be a safe haven for those in our lifestyle, not a candy store for want-to-bes”  

“This happens a lot?” the worry was clear in her voice.

“Not too often at the club, because like I said Aro is thorough and checks out the background of prospective members. But it is rampant on the internet or personal ads. In fact there is a monthly meeting at New Moon for submissives who have found themselves victims of these so called Doms. Those submissives are very diligent in spending the word about safety measures, recognizing the signs of an abuser and stressing awareness. They have gone so far as to post pictures on the web and warnings about what had happened to them. It’s like a little support group”

“Well that’s nice...I mean that there’s help for those who need it. And thank you for telling me about Demetri, I was kind of baffled as to why you didn’t seem to care.”

“Oh I care Bella; I care about everything that has to do with you. It’s just as I said, Demetri is kind of like my comrade in arms. I trust him with you; knowing my most prized possession is as safe in his hands as she would be in mine”

Finishing off the last section of hair I thought it best to let Bella know exactly how much faith I had in my friend “As a matter of fact Bella I should tell you that along with family members you can and should always speak with Demetri. Also if I am not there you should obey him the same way you would obey me. Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir”

“Good” sweeping her freshly brushed hair to the side I went to place a kiss on her shoulder and noticed the faint imprint of teeth.

“I’m sorry baby, I got a little carried away” I said kissing the bite mark.

She must have known what I was talking about as Bella’s hand came up to rub the area “Is it bad?”

“No…but I don’t like to leave marks on you” I confessed placing a trail of kisses on her neck “…a red bottom…yes…other marks…no”

“Edward…” the desire starting to simmer in her voice and a shiver went through her as I hummed against her ear “Hmmm”

“We’re going to run out of towels”

Her words making me laugh as I sat back “No nâhtötse I can control myself”

“I like when you lose control”

“I know”

Instead of going back to her neck I busied myself with braiding her hair and just for good measure I made Bella move back to her own side of the bed. We sat there eating the plate of snacks while talking about various things. I had informed her of Officer Hawk’s intention of stopping by in the morning. I also told her what Weiss said about Jess being in Iowa, that piece of information brought on a whole round of questions. Did I know she has grown up there? How long was she going to be gone? Was I still going to press charges?

As I answered each question the only one that caused a reaction was when I said ‘Yes, the charges are going to stand”

Bella didn’t understand my reluctance to drop the charges and frankly I couldn’t for the life of me fathom why she wanted me to. So we agreed to disagree and Bella finally relented by saying “Well since technically it is your house, I guess you can do what you want”

I won’t lie and say her words weren’t cutting because yes the house was in my name, but Bella lived there too and I was under the impression she was starting to think of it as home. The other thing we had to discuss was her plans to have lunch with my mother. I couldn’t allow the two of them to be out at a restaurant alone. I would need to speak with my mom in the morning to see how they could work around the new restrictions on Bella.

She also wanted to spend the afternoon with Leah at her house. I could give her that just as long as she guaranteed me she would stay in the house with the doors locked. Since Jacob had already informed me that Leah agreed to stay home, I figured it would be safe for Bella to spend time with her sister. The two of them hadn’t been able to spend very much time together. In fact since Bella and I had been together the two women hadn’t been alone at all. Given their past relationship I figured they could both use an afternoon of sisterly love.

Bella reminded me at along with Jacob and Leah coming for dinner the next evening, Vinny was expecting to spend the night. She was going to call Alice to make arrangements but I had to admit there was nothing like having a five year old around to lighten the mood.  

By the time we had all the discussions out of the way it was after eleven when we cleaned off the bed and stood together at the sink brushing our teeth. Bella sent me out so she could have some privacy and I thought about staying there while she changed the tampon, but decided against it. Wednesday would be there soon enough and if she was still bleeding, I’d take care of that little piece of self-consciousness then.    

As I had expected Bella’s revelation of her fears and the admittance of being raped came out in her dreams. Twice throughout the night she cried out the word ‘No’ and muttered something about ‘not the box’. Neither of those times caused her to awaken and all I could do was hold her tighter, shush away her nightmare and pray it didn’t escalate into something bigger.

The last time Bella’s subconscious had reared its ugly head she ended up going through two days of hell. Fighting against what was trying to surface until she ended up in a shattered mess on her living room floor. Her mind was no longer able to push away the memories as she had a meltdown amongst the scattered evidence of pictures. My own memory of finding her so broken made me hold her closer to me until she finally settled into a contented sleep.

I had no idea what the next day would bring, what twist and turns fate was going to throw at us. That thought making me snicker, three months ago I would have scoffed at the word fate or destiny. They just seemed too hokey, superstitious and cheesy. What kind of grown man goes around viewing life as a series of events that lead to a preordained future?

Certainly not this one, at least I never thought I did, but things have changed. My whole outlook on life was different.  Years spent in Sunday School wasn’t enough to give me the predestination outlook on life, yet two months with Bella had solidified it into my soul. At that thought the phase ‘The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away’ popped into my head and the fear was back. Lying there in the dark room with the rain pounding against the windows I squeezed Bella to me and prayed for the first time since Mason died.

“Please God…please don’t take her away from me”

Chapter 92

BPOV

What the heck was I looking at?

It had taken about twenty seconds for my brain to catch up with what my eyes were viewing before a sure and steady dose of fear crept in.

“Oh my god…Edward” I gasped knowing damned well it was going to freak him out more than he already was.

In all the time we had been together no matter how upset Edward had gotten he had never lost his composure to the point of yelling. He had been angry, frustrated and irritated yet he always kept himself under the careful control he maintains. However the news Jake had given about my car was sufficient enough to push him over the edge. Oddly enough even with his temper flaring I wasn’t afraid of him, in fact rather than cringe away from the ferocity, I fought back.

My mouth arguing the point that nothing bad happened to me before my logicalness could stop it. I knew the childish way my attitude came off; making it appear as if I was going to fight Edward on the request that I no longer go out unaccompanied. That was already resolved in my mind before the car had even broken down. The whole trip around the store had been so tense and Edward’s heartfelt appeal of ‘never again baby’ so very sincere that I had no choice but to agree ‘It just wasn’t worth it’

Besides, Edward was right. Once the car had overheated making me high tail it out on to the street I was truly scared and had never been happier to see someone I knew in my life. At that time I had just assumed the car had a normal mechanical failure. Never dreaming that someone would sabotage it, yet that’s what Jake said they did. And it was purely by dumb luck I had to pull over at that spot. Had it been a block before or after Demetri wouldn’t have been there and I would have been standing on the street alone. I didn’t want to think about the ramifications of those circumstances, there had been enough glitches in my day that all I wanted was some normalcy.

And who wouldn’t feel that way?

Here I was thinking returning to work after my vacation was the best way to forget about all the outside interferences, get back into my regular routine and let life go on as it had been. What a joke that turned out to be.

Everyone at The Center was glad to see me and I was busy all day with the pile of work setting on my desk. The first thing I did was contact Julie; she was more than willing to meet with Rose to discuss what she could expect during the upcoming legal procedures. The rest of the day was spent answering correspondences, checking out new employment possibilities from a local business and reading over the last two weeks of notes taken during counseling sessions and making the appropriate recommendations.

There was so much for me to do I hardly had the chance to regret my decision to not have any Fruity Pebbles. I was sure the text to Edward had made him happy after all he was right about that too, I had used his words to incorrectly justify what I did. He said I could decide and had I actually eaten them the guilt would have gotten to me and what’s the sense in having a treat you can’t fully enjoy?

All in all the first day back at work had been gratifying, nothing more so than my personal session with Sally. She had made a lot of progress while I been gone, even sitting down with Julie to file the documents for full custody, restraining orders and the beginning of divorce proceedings. Her husband Tom was still in prison awaiting trial on a drug charge so he wouldn’t be able to immediately retaliate.  Still the man was not going to be happy and her resolve was just icing on the cake.

Carol’s request that I be the speaker at the national convention was not as rewarding. Carlisle had already warned me there was something she wanted. So while we put away the supplies I bought, Carol’s mentioning it hadn’t surprised me. By the end of the day I figured had it been important enough she would take the time to sit me down in the office. However being the sneaky woman she was Carol waited until we were in the car with no clear way of escape before springing it on me.

She had already agreed that someone from the Seattle Center would fill in for the absent speaker. Thinking she wanted my backing I was more than willing to give it to her. “I wasn’t really planning to go this year but if you need me to I will, so you have moral support”

“The thing is Bella…I was thinking you would be better at giving the presentation then I would”

My surprise came out in a laugh “Yeah right?”

“I’m serious Bella…” the look she gave told me she wasn’t lying “…The subject is ‘Living as a Survivor’ you have personal experience that I can relate to yet could never be as passionate about. You should be the one to give the talk and I’ll be the moral support”

“No way…Carol I don’t want to do that. Besides, surviving is one thing…living is something else altogether. Would you honestly say that I was living my…”

“Yes Bella I would. You left, despite everything you left him. You went on to college, realized your dream and was living your life”

“I highly doubt locking myself away from my friends and family would be called living.”

“But you’re living now Bella. Look at you, you’re happy, you’re confident, you’re connecting with people and socializing. You’re…”

“I’m only those things because of Edward…without him…” Carol interrupted my melancholy thoughts

“Does it really matter? Besides that excuse only serves to prove that the victim is capable of loving again. Of being able to give yourself to a man who is supportive and caring not demeaning and abusive. It’s one more aspect where you are proof positive that there is hope for those fundamental things Bella. We can offer our clients a safe place to regroup, teach them basic skills and shower them with knowledge of their legal rights. But what they really want and the one thing we supply the most of is hope. We feed their need to hope for a decent future for them and their children. You are a walking, talking billboard for that kind of life Bella. You put a new twist on ‘we’ve come a long way baby’ and you need to tell people they can too.”

“I…I…I don’t want to stand up on a stage and speak in front of all those people”

Pointing out Edward’s house, Carol pulled into the driveway and put the car in park before turning to face me  “Look Bella…I know public speaking is not high on your list of favorite activities. But there is a passion in the message that comes through in the truth of your words and conviction. Just promise me you’ll think about it, talk it over with Edward and see if he can do without you for a few days. The Center will cover the cost of airfare and the organizers provide lodging for all the speakers” Giving me a sly smile Carol added “You are going to have to share a room with me, that alone should be enough of a perk.” 

“Gee..” purposely sounding lighthearted “Speaking in a room full of people plus shacking up with you, how could I ever turn that down”

Telling her I would let her know, yet doubting my answer would change I left her with a hug.

Edward had taken Carol’s bombshell much better than I did, of course he wasn’t the one who had to stand up and deliver the speech. He also tried to sweeten the pot with an extended trip to Disneyland, someplace I had never been and Edward assured me I would enjoy.

Over dinner we talked about an even less appealing subject then public speaking – Jessica Stanley. She was gone, missing, but did that mean she was on the lamb or sleeping with the fishes. Something in the back of my mind said she had left and as I recounted the small conversation I had with Angela, it was clear Edward was starting to agree with me.  If she was truly gone it would be worth it for Officer Hawk to just drop the whole investigation. The last thing I wanted was more interaction with the annoying bimbo, good-bye and good-riddance that was my motto.

The contented feeling only lasted until Jake came into the kitchen holding that damn piece of hose. Edward went ballistic, his anger although directed at me wasn’t really with me. I’m sure he was blaming himself for what someone else had done to my car with the intention of getting to me. His frustration coming out in the form of yelling was something although I wasn’t use to it, I could understand it. In my mind I figured we would wait until Jake left, snuggle up on the couch and I could calm him down with my reassurances that I would comply with his request.

However once I had opened the envelope there wasn’t a chance in hell of a simple talk having any effect on him. My man was on the verge of a total melt down and I was closely following. Edward just kept staring at the pictures while Jake wasted no time in calling my dad to explain what was going on. Charlie was on speaker phone asking all the questions that any cop would want to know; only he was much more passionate because it concerned his daughter.

The nervous fear continued to creep in on me as I once again looked at the picture of me with a circle around my head. It was taken while Edward and I ran the trail with Seth in the park, that revelation was even more unsettling. Someone had been following me around for at least a month, snapping my picture during the most ordinary task. It just didn’t make any sense, neither did the note attached to the last photo, which was also the most resent having just been taken over the weekend. Edward was holding my hand as we exited New Moon, since he was minus a jacket they must have snapped it when we rushed to the car to fuck.

Stretching my neck to get a better view of that picture which Edward was clutching in his hand the sudden loud fierceness of his voice along with the no-nonsense look in his eyes startled me.

“Now! You’re fucking grounded!”

Jacob narrowed his eyes and for a brief second I thought he was going to argue with Edward, instead he dipped his head in agreement “Damn Right!” and my own father practically snarled “Absolutely!”

I sat there in total disbelief ‘grounded?’ “What happened to lockdown?”

“We are so past that!” Edward roared, throwing his hands out like an umpire calling the runner safe.  He was so distraught that his dark eyes took on an eeriness that trapped me in their intensity while he declared with a pointed finger.

“Until further notice you are grounded! You will go absolutely nowhere by yourself! You will not drive and don’t you even think about asking me to make an exception. Because the only time you will step foot outside that front door is when I am with you!”

I was still taking in the new conditions of my grounding status when Charlie’s completely floored me.

“Isabella Marie” he asserted over the phone “Don’t you dare try to fight Edward over this. You do as your told young lady or I’ll drive out there and spank you myself!”

“Don’t you worry Charlie I have that covered” Edward spoke with a tight jaw and a deadly glare that was just daring me to defy him.

Looking to Jake he was standing there with his hands on hips causing his chest and shoulders to expand making him look more threatening than I had ever seen him appear before.  I wanted to tell the three of them I had no intentions of challenging Edward but I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction.  Instead I did what any moody woman would do.

Huffing out my annoyance I pulled out the stash of Hershey Kisses from my front pocket, slammed them on the table and started eating them.

“What’s she doing now?” Charlie asked bringing Jakes’ reply “Drowning her sorrows in chocolate”

“Good, that will at least keep her quiet now what do you intend to do about this Edward?”

The three of them talked back and forth about the merits of calling the police department along with Edward’s details of what my ‘grounding’ involved. Apparently not only wasn’t I allowed to leave the house unaccompanied I had to have a male escort with me at all times. Personally I thought that was sexist overkill but then I started to consider who would have been with me. Leah and Rose were both pregnant and the last thing I wanted was for something to happen to them or their unborn babies. Alice agreed to come along but she was so tiny and always had the two children with her. My mind went to the few others who could possibly be with me, Esme, Jane or Kim none of which I would want to endanger simply because they had the misfortune of being with me should the stalker choice to approach.

Sitting there scarfing down Kisses one after another I was beginning to get disgruntled at them all speaking about me like I wasn’t in the room. “Could you all stop talking about me like I was a child?”

“We will when you stop acting like one!” Edward’s tone telling me he still hadn’t calmed down.

Twisting open another little silver foiled covered piece of heaven I purposely sighed really loud, dropping my gaze quickly as Edward’s eyes grew twice their normal size. He was not in the mood for my attitude and apparently neither was Charlie “If she gives you any trouble Edward you have my permission to...”

Edward spoke before dad could finish “There won’t be any trouble, will there Isabella?”

Biting my lip I stayed quiet until Edward lifted my chin to make me look at him. “Do I make myself clear Isabella?”

There was not one ounce of levity in his dark penetrating eyes. My boyfriend was not inciting me to resist him; my Master was demanding obedience and that left me with only one reply “Yes Sir”

Sure of not only my understanding but also my compliance Edward held my gaze for a long moment before releasing my chin. The accompanying firm nod telling me disobedience would result in dire consequences.

Knowing it was best to just let the men’s testosterone levels even out I sat quietly listening to the rest of the plans. Charlie recommended to Edward that we change up our normal routines, even going so far as to suggest we stay in a hotel or at a friend’s home for a night or two. I was warned by Jake about accepting unexpected packages which I thought was rather funny since he was the one who brought the envelope to me. He also stressed that I shouldn’t open the door to anyone I didn’t know.

Edward on the other hand reaffirmed my need to always have my cell phone with me and properly charged. That was one lesson I had no intention of repeating or not complying with. He also said first thing in the morning we were going to my house to get the pocket pepper spray I had in my night stand.

With the men sure that they had done all that was humanly possible to ward off an unforeseen threat Charlie hung up with an “I’ll talk to you in a few days Bella” and a “Thank You for keeping me informed” to Jake and Edward.

The room was still rather tense and I continued to sit quietly waiting for whatever came next. Jake pulled one of the stools to sit down next to me watching as I popped another candy into my mouth, savoring the creamy goodness melting on my tongue. Reaching out he went to pick up one of the few remaining unopened pieces sitting in a sea of crinkled wrappers on the island.

“Those are mine” I said slapping at the extended fingers

Jerking his hand back Jacob eyed me “Are you on the rag or something?”

I hate that phase

“As a matter of fact …yes!”

Jake snickered and rolled his eyes “Well that explains it”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means your acting like a moody brat…now knock it off an tell me what the fuck is going on”

“Actually Jacob” Edward said handing him a bottle of beer and me a glass of wine “We were going to fill you and Leah in tomorrow night when you came for dinner. There have been some…developments that were uncovered. If you would like, I can tell you now but it really would be better to have Leah here also.”

Twisting the top off the bottle Jake glanced between Edward and me “It’s that fucking asshole isn’t it?”

“N…” I stared to say no it had nothing to do with James but Edward spoke first “In a roundabout way, yes…however James is not directly involved at least it doesn’t appear to be that way. I’m going to call the private investigator later to see if there is any new information…”

That was news to me I thought Mr. Weiss had completed his job “is he still working on the case?”

“Just for some follow up Bella and maybe in this instance he might know something more we can tell the police. Because most of what is in his report is merely hearsay or was obtained illegally so it’s inadmissible”

“But you think you know who did this, messed with your car and left this calling card” Jake pointed to the yellow post-it note with the message ‘See how easy it is’ written in blue ink.

Edward told his suspicions “Judging from the writing it’s a female so more than likely my guess would be Karen…”

“Karen who?”

“Kohn…”I  said “Karen Kohn” Jake stared at me for an immeasurable amount of time until realization dawn on him.

“She’s just a kid, what the fuck would Vickie’s sister want with you” his eyes narrowed “Do you think the asshole and that psycho sister of hers put Karen up to this?”

Edward responded “Karen is nearly twenty and we have no idea why she contacted Bella…”

“What do you mean contacted you?” turning an accusatory eye towards me “You’ve met with her? What did she want?”

Taking a drink I thought of the best way to tell Jake and decided to just start at the beginning how Karen had pretended to be someone else to get into The Center. Her interest in wanting to talk to me alone and then everything Mr. Weiss had uncovered about her mental health issues. Her personal connection with Mike Newton and Jessica, lastly the news about her son EJ– Evan James

Throughout the short yet direct conversation Jake remained quiet, taking drinks of beer while listening to everything until he heard the name of the four year old little boy. It was as if I could hear the click in his mind as Jake tilted his head and started shaking it in disbelieve.

“Noooo…” he croon while I gazed into is eyes willing him to believe my answering nod “Yeah”

“There’s no absolute proof” Edward interjected “But it certainly looks that way”

Edward went on to tell about the money exchange causing yet another reaction from Jake “That’s what the six-hundred dollars was for and now since Karen doesn’t have the kid any more that asshole is still sending it as payment to fuck with you”

To be honest I hadn’t really considered that idea, looking to Edward it was clear he hadn’t either “That’s one possibility”

“It’s a damn good possibility” Jake answered Edward adding “That whole family is fucked up, the mom, Vickie, they have mental problems and now it sounds like Karen does to. And Charlie heard all this on Friday so when he came back to my house and Leah said he was upset…it wasn’t about the two of you…”

The two of us? Why would my being with Edward upset Charlie?

“… it was about all this other shit. He knows better than anyone how fucked up that family is. Fucking Kathy wearing nothing but her underwear chasing Alfred down the street trying to kill him with a frying pan and Vickie…” Jake pointed a finger at me “…don’t even tell me you don’t remember all that stuff about her claiming she could fly”

“We were kids…” for some reason I came to the defense of the woman who was fucking my husband

“Bull! She was tripping on acid…that shit eats your brain cells and she didn’t have enough to begin with”

Jake chuckled along with me for a moment before his phone rang and answered with “Hey Nenemoo'sha.”

Knowing damn well Jake wouldn’t call anyone else sweetheart I tuned out his conversation with Leah to focus on Edward. He still appeared tense with a look of trepidation in his eyes and I wondered what it was going to take to remove it.

Reaching my hand across the counter top to touch Edward’s, the familiar tingle that still occurs from the contact radiates through my fingers. At the exchange his eyes fluttered closed while he let out a deep breath as the tension seemed to leave his face. It was then I knew that my touch had the same effect on him as his does to me. I wanted to take away his stress, relieve the fear and strain of the uncertainty; I would do whatever was needed of me to ease his mind.

Edward’s fingers entwined with mine and when he opened his eyes the beautiful green orbs held a troubled gaze that I would have given anything to remove. Squeezing his hand I gave a reassuring smile.

“Better?”

“No Bella, not better...”glassy moisture formed in his eyes “…when I think of what could have happened...had Demetri not been there…”

Blinking rapidly his jaw set tightly before Edward forced out a sigh, he was trying hard to contain everything and I just couldn’t take it anymore. Getting up I went to him wrapping my arms around his waist while his folded around me. I could feel the tightness in his chest relax as he buried his face into my hair.

“We are going to do this my way Bella, and I don’t care if you like it, I don’t care if you get mad at me or call me every fucking name you  know…we are going to do this my way!” reiterating the words in a growl that sent chills through me.

“Your way” I agreed in consent.

There was nothing else I could do, after seeing Edward’s reaction there was no way I wanted to bring him anymore stress. Besides that I was scared enough he could have put me under lock and key and I wouldn’t have cared.

“I’m going to go” Jake said making me release the hold I had on Edward while he continued to hold on to my waist as I turned around.    

Looking to Edward he questioned “You’re going to call the police and that investigator right?” at Edward’s nod he added “I’d appreciate it if you let me know how what they say”

“I’ll call you…in the meantime…”

“In the meantime…” Jake glared at me “…You do everything you are supposed to do. You’re not fucking invincible Bella and I know that mother fucking asshole has something to do with this…he’s been quiet for too damn long. If it is Karen then then he’s either paying or threatening her so don’t you start feeling for sorry for her and going all Bellaish, and acting like her savior or something. You stay in the house, with the door locked and the security on…you got me?”

All I could do was nod at the finger pointed in my direction while he practically pleaded “Don’t make me find you like that again…” tears filled both our eyes at the memory before his face turned to pure rage “because I swear to God I’ll kill that motherfucker”

“Jake…” I sniffled taking the three steps towards him where lifted me into a tight hug and spoke in my ear “Don’t do anything stupid…please na-WAY-th...please for me.” wiping my tears on his shirt I sniffled and looked into my best friend eyes before as he held up his hand, bending his forefinger “pact…remember?”

Nodding I wrapped my finger around his “Always”

It had been so very long ago, sixteen years have passed since Jake and I sat in his garage using a pocket knife to slice into our fingers. We were children who had no idea what obstacles life would bring our way, yet we still vowed to stand by one another. In all that time Jake was the one person I could always count on, no matter what happened there was never any condemnation on his part or mine.

Now I had someone else in my life, someone who - although I still loved Jake with all my heart - was so much more important than my best friend, because Edward was my heart.  

Releasing me Jake got a worried look on his face “Now I have to go home and tell Leah she’s not allowed out either”

The idea shocking me “Do you think that’s necessary?”

“That’s my wife and child, I’m not going to take the chance that someone comes after her to get to you”

Oh My God! I hadn’t even thought about that.

“I’d be doing the same thing” Edward said as he moved to pull me back against his side

Something told me that Leah wasn’t going to take too kindly to being house bound and I would have given anything to be a fly on the wall at their house when she found out. That was Jake’s problem mine was the man standing next to me in the doorway. Once we were alone and the alarm set I looked up into Edward’s face, his eyes were still slightly weary.

“What’s the matter?” I asked touching my palm to his face.

“What’s the matter?” he repeated sarcastically

“Jesus Christ Bella, ever since Weiss was here I have been asking you, practically begging you, downright ordering you to not be out alone. You promised me, your dad, my father, my uncle and every other fucking person you know that wouldn’t do it. Then instead of living up to your word, you manipulate me into permitting something I knew better than to allow…and what brings you to your senses…Jacob Black. Him you guarantee…all the rest of us can all go fuck ourselves…”

Startled by the venom in tone I defended myself “That’s not true Edward. I promised him after I had agreed to your…”

“To what? To my order? That’s what it takes? What about my request Bella? Where was the reasonableness then? What about my sense of safety for your wellbeing? Just as Jacob is worried about his wife, I’m just as worried about you, in fact I would say more so because the threat is so much more imminent. They are coming after you Bella! They want you! And how fucking afraid do you think that makes me?”

I knew he was scared and I knew my callous attitude towards the unseen threat was selfish yet up until Jake showed up there was no real threat and I …”I’m sorry Edward, it’s just that after I was…”

Swallowing hard I blinked back the tears that were starting to return before saying the one word I never wanted to admit “…raped…” sniffling I swallowed and took a ragged breath as the tears rolled down my face “…James raped…he ra…raped me…and I was so afraid…for so long…”

Edward wrapped me in his arms holding me against his chest while I cried “…I don’t want to be afraid anymore... you make me feel safe …I was just starting to feel normal…and I don’t want to go back…to living in fear…you don’t know what it’s like…you have no idea what it feels like…to be afraid…all the time…”

“Shhhh...” Edward nuzzled his face against the top of my head wrapping me in the cocoon of his arms while he continued to shush me until I calmed down. Once my tears had subsided he tilted my chin up making me look at him. The anger was gone there was nothing but concern in his eyes as he spoke.

“I don’t want you to be fearful of every dark corner or a passing stranger on the street Bella, that’s no way to live. But when you are face-to-face with a real danger and the threat is right in front of you…you can’t bury your head in the sand and pretend it’s not there either. That’s even more dangerous than the actual threat.”

I knew Edward was right, the behavior was dangerous yet that was the way I chose to deal with any ordeal that came my way. I survived so many trails in my life by pushing everything away until it was absolutely imperative that I deal with it. Occasionally I would get lucky and the situation would resolve itself. Other times it would spiral into something larger that became complete mess, requiring more energy then I sometimes had. 

“I didn’t mean to be such a pain in the ass, and it wasn’t Jake’s plea, it was yours.”

Edward stared down at me for a long moment “You’re not going to fight me anymore on this”

He wasn’t asking but I answered anyway “No, I won’t”

Leaving my chin go the back of his hand skimmed down my jaw resting against my lips where I kissed them and the emotions brewed in his eyes.  “God Bella, do you have any idea how much you mean to me and what seeing those pictures…holy fuck…someone has been following you around…that’s fucked up, and that note…Jesus…”

Edward’s rambling was beginning to sound as if the anxiety was about to overtake him again and I needed to reassure him. All I could do was make promises that I hoped would ease his mind.

“I’ll stay in the house Edward, you can drive me to and from work, and I won’t go anywhere without you or another male escort. We can stay at a hotel or maybe at your parent’s apartment for a few days…”

“I actually thought about asking them but there would be no place for Seth to go out and with the security system this house is much more secure.  I think this is the safest place for us at the moment, however Mexico is sounding better and better…”

I laughed “I tried to talk you in to it…”

“I know nâhtötse” Edward finally smiled “Next time I’ll listen to you.”

Letting me go Edward sighed “I have to make some phone calls”

Telling him I wanted to take a shower we parted, him to the dining room table with the folder from Mr. Weiss and the envelope full of pictures and me with my purse up to my bedroom. Removing the jacket and shirt I had on, my intentions of standing under the hot water was thwarted by the sound of ‘Love Shack’ coming from the phone. I had expected a call from Leah, just not so fast. Sitting the bed I spent the next forty-five minutes calming down my sister along with filling her in on all that was going on.

Jake had indeed convinced her to stay home for the next few days breaking her normal routine. She had enough work to keep her busy but was more than happy when I mentioned coming over to visit her. I hadn’t really had any time alone with Leah and I wanted to see if she would mind helping me with Edward’s Birthday present. Along with the season tickets I had something else in mind as I explained my idea, Leah became more excited about it then I was. Then again photography was more than just a job for her; it was an art form that boarded on obsession.

I had already made plans to have lunch with Esme the next day; at that point I wasn’t sure if or how that was going to take place. Still it would be completely possible to spend the later part of the afternoon with Leah. We would need to stay in the house and as long as Edward drove me there and picked me up I couldn’t see any reason for his refusal. In fact, maybe while he was there and Leah’s studio was already set up, I could talk Edward into posing for the picture I wanted over the bed.

Once I hung up with her after insisting I was perfectly safe where I was and yes dinner was still on for the following night, I really needed to use the bathroom. Not just to pee but my tampon was starting to get uncomfortably full. Starting the shower I stripped off the rest of my clothing while I sat on the toilet.

The room was already getting steamy as I stepped under nozzle and closed my eyes while tilting my head back under the spray. The sound of the glass shower door alerted me to Edward’s presence, blinking away the water I smiled “Do you want to…”

I didn’t even get a chance to finish asking about washing my back. Edward’s feral gaze was the only thing that registered before his body pinned me against the wall as his lips crashed into mine. It wasn’t a kiss of passion or need, it was pure possession. His one hand planted firmly on the small of my back while the other entwined in my wet hair holding me in place while Edward ravaged my mouth. The attack was so sudden the shock caused me to momentarily try to pull away.

A low rumbling growl resonated in his throat as his grip on my hair tightened to the point of pain. Rather than be afraid of Edward’s action my body responded with an intense desire. My breathes quickened and between the lack of oxygen along with the heat from the steamy water I started to feel light headed. With a groan Edward’s mouth left mine only to attack my neck and I rested my head back against the wall threading my fingers into his hair while he nipped and sucked any part of my skin he could reach. The hand in my hair tightened its hold making me moan out while his other hand ran down my bottom to the back of my thigh. Hoisting my leg Edward thrust his hips making his dick slide between my folds.

“Please baby…I need you” the strangled plea against my neck sent chills down my spine that made my own voice weak.

“Fuck me Edward…”

His hardness slipped through me once more making me beg “Please…”

The loss of pressure on my stomach from his pelvis was the only warning I had; in one deep thrust Edward buried himself inside me. It was as if time stood still for one brief moment, I had just gotten accustomed to the fullness when the rumbling growl from his chest reached my ears and then it was like he was a demon possessed. Moving his hand down behind my leg, Edward lifted it higher, held my head in place and with my body pinned between him and wall, he fucked me

.

My own moans were drowned out by Edward’s heavy words that came out between grunts “Fuck…so good…so soft…so fucking worried…can’t stop them…can’t keep you…need to…keep you safe…”

Earlier I had wondered what it was going to take for Edward to fully relax and it seemed like I was finding out.  I had equated him to being a demon possessed but that wasn’t really true. He was using my body to purge himself of all the evils that were plaguing him. With each thrust that slammed into me the fever of his need seemed to grow.

“can’t live…without you…so sorry…so fucking …sorry…”

I didn’t know if his apology was for other people or for what he was doing, either way there was no need for him to be sorry. How many times has he taken care of me? How often have I found the security I needed in him? If Edward needed me in order to regain himself, he could have me…any part of me - I was his.

His teeth sunk into the junction of my neck and I cried out “Use me Edward”

My words seemed to bring him out the trance he was in, lifting his head from my neck his breathing was still harsh yet eyes were much softer.

“No” Edward said reaching over to turn off the water.

He released my hair and used both hands to lift my legs around his waist before he carried me out of the shower. Water dripped off our bodies as he grabbed two towels hanging on the rod and moved into the bedroom still buried inside me. I was slightly bewildered by the look in his eyes as he held my gaze and a moment later he laid me down on the towel covered bed while he hovered over top of me.

“I love you nâhtötse, you deserve more then to be used”

Tears pricked my eyes as the demanding kiss from the bathroom was replaced with soft tender lips and the hard punishing thrust became slow loving movements. My hands moved down the planes of Edward’s back, feeling the flexing of his muscles and the small shiver that went through him. His hips moved in a slow motion propelling himself in and out of me building a tension in my belly while his hands roamed loving over my breast. Lifting his head Edward gazed into my eyes holding me in his trance as the pressure built inside my belly.

“I love you Bella…I love you so fucking much” he said as a single tear fell down his cheek and I shattered around him.