Mine

Mine
A riding crop and a blindfold doesn't make it BDSM. There is a big difference between being kinky and being in the scene. It's not a sexual thing to me, it's a very spiritual thing. ~ DominaBlue

7/27/13

Chapter 109


BPOV

“So let me get this straight”

Needing clarification, Emmett removed the casual arm he had across the back of Rose's chair, straighten in his seat and took on a a look of contemplation. His voice projected out across the kitchen table to address both Edward and I, however his focus was on his brother. Throughout the half hour or so we had been sitting there, Emmett had been unusually quiet. Like the rest of us, he 'd been intently listening to Edward weave a tale that was just, for a lack of better words – fucked up.

“Wait” he said pushing his chair away from the table “I need another beer to deal with this shit”

Edward tipped his bottle to show it was almost empty and Emmett nodded before scanning my empty wine glass and asked his wife “Do you need more juice babe?”

“No I'm good”

My sympathy went out to Rose, who due to being pregnant was forced to endure without the assistance of alcohol. I don't know how she was handling all the information with only Orange Juice but one things for sure, she was doing a whole hell of a lot better then me. I had already downed two glasses of wine and was beginning to stare longingly at the jars of Lahb. The topic of conversation was not exactly on my top ten list of favorites. Each time I thought it couldn't get any worse, Edward just kept talking and it fucking did – Get worse

Like on a scale of one to ten, on the fucked up worse shit-o-meter, we had just hit thirty-seven.

I knew from the moment we pulled into the driveway and saw that patrol car, the day Edward had tried to save for me had gone south. To be honest from the moment Claire reminded me of everyone converging on the house I was struck with a premeditation of impending calamity. The idea of having both Edward's family and mine get together for his birthday seemed like a good idea when I first thought of it. At the realization of only having a few short hours before my suggestion became a reality, pure unadulterated panic set in.

They were all going to be at the same place at the same time. All of them, the young and the old, the tall and the small. Every single one of them, including Billy and Edward's grandmother, all together, watching how the two of us interact with everyone. It was the first time they were going to see the dynamics associated with the relationships we shared. They were going to get to know each other, and each and every one of them was going to be making that all important first impression.

I must have been out of mind to suggest such an encounter.

Don't get me wrong, I loved my family, Sue has always treated me as one of her own and I knew she would help keep Charlie in line. Because lets face it, as a whole my father is not a talkative person, but every now and then he gets in the mood and when he does, there is a tendency to say things he shouldn't. Especially when Billy is around to act as his 'wingman' and there's jars of fresh brewed Lahb flowing to loosen his tongue. Dad was a stark fifth generation Democrat who praised Roosevelt's new deal as the greatest feat in American history and thought Ronald Reagan was the anti-christ. Give him three gulps of old Quil's home brew and Charlie's not only going to think it, he's going to say it.

Plus I had to contend with Leah, who spoke without thinking about what she was saying, often times to the point of being crude. The only saving grace I had was Jake, he'd help smooth things over and of course Seth, who had so much man-child magnetism, no one could resist his charm.

Having my family at the house would have been bad enough, mixing them with the Cullen clan, all of a sudden seemed like a recipe for disaster. So far Edward's parents were wonderful, Carlisle was warm and fatherly, stating straight out he considered me a daughter. My lunch with Esme had gone smoothly, she was friendly and even a bit territorially protective over me.

Yet I couldn't forget Carlisle's bewilder expression when I told him of my preference for collecting rocks rather then t-shirts. Or Esme's distasteful reaction at hearing the location of Leah's baby shower. They both had a bigger is better mentality, which was something I had never in my life aspired to attain. I have never been ashamed of how I was raised or where I came from, my father worked hard, we lived modest but we lived well. There was always food on the table, clothes on my back and a roof over my head. I was raised in simple surroundings that were far removed from the life the Cullen's lived and that fact was about to haul off and slap them in the face.

I could see that rude awaking producing the same look of revulsion on Esme and Carlisle as the one that was there when they happened upon us at the beach. Edward and I were on the patio, I was in my nighty, kneeling before him when they walked along the beach and caught us. It wasn't a shining moment and it was made worse by his parents clear disgust. Specifically Esme, who's disapproving glower made me feel like a derelict.

That look she gave me was forever etched in my mind along with Esme's low opinion of Jane. On the surface Edward's mother was cordial, almost to the point of forced benevolence, while underneath the hostility ran deep. Jane was the warmest, most honestly compassionate person I have ever met. I could not imagine her doing anything so heinous as to evoke that kind of malice from someone, especially family. Knowing Jane the way I did, it was safe to say, if she had commented a wrong, even unintentionally, she was the type of person who would walk through fire to make amends.

So the only conclusion to draw from the situation was that Esme clearly disapproved and detest her brother and his wife's choice of lifestyle. For that reason, because she couldn't openly reject Aro, Esme transfers the blame and therefor projects the aggression she feels unto the other participant - Jane.

It occurred to me, if Edward's mother could behave that way towards her sister-in-law, she could do the same thing to me. And I couldn't help but wonder in the back of my mind if the outward acceptance of me in Edward's life was nothing more then a show of latent disapproval. After all it would stand to reason, just as a sister couldn't openly scorn her brother, she surly wouldn't project her contempt onto her son either. Which since Jane bares the brunt of rejection, under the same circumstances, the target would be turned to me.

From the time their child is born, mothers start dreaming of the kind of person they will grow to be. Edward has not exactly lived up to that expectation, quitting medical school, twenty-eight and still unmarried with -as he put it – a propensity for all things kinky.

I could see how his life choices might cause a mother concern, especially since Edward told me, Esme was holding out hope for he'd meet the woman who'd lure him away from the 'dark side'. Someone who would stand by him as he took his rightful place among peers and make a picture perfect family that included lots of pretty babies.

Not in anyway, shape or form, was that woman going to be me.

If the acceptance Edward's mother offers s based on her assumption that I was going to fulfill her dreams and the outward smile on her face is simply masking underlying disappointment, eventually the resentment would manifest. It would only be a matter of time before Esme realized her dream was dead and gone and it wouldn't take much effort for her to fall back on to the learned behavior she had thirty years to customize. I would be the loser in that situation and suffer the same fate as Jane, tolerated, yet always serving as constant reminder of life's greatest disappointment.

Claire's mention of changing the sheets brought all those thoughts to the forefront of my mind. I didn't want to be a disappointment to Edward's family. I didn't want to be shunned off as nothing but collateral damage brought on them by a wayward son or brother. Alice was already starting to act indifferent. I would like to believe her behavior was little more then mood enhancing pregnancy induced hormones, but something told me that just wasn't the case.

Call it woman's intuition, discernment or just a nagging suspicion, it doesn't really matter, because nothing changed the fact that there is a problem with Alice and according to what I could tell, her problem is with me. No one has actually come right out and said anything but the little hints made by people couldn't be denied. Things like Emmett's comment about her being upset over not having access to Edward's house. Or the look I sometimes got from Dougie whenever Alice's name was mentioned. The most tell all sign came from Edward's reluctance to let me acknowledge his sister's antagonism. At the mere mention of Alice's name, he'd immediate try dropping the subject, telling me he'll handle her, or worse saying he didn't give a shit about her deteriorating attitude. All his indifference was only serving to feed my skepticism.

Alice and I were never really close friends, I only knew her prior to meeting Edward for a brief time at college. She joined in a few study groups, not many because our intended majors were different, yet like any underclassman, the core group of courses are all the same. We never spent time together outside of school. Between keeping my grades up, working part-time and taking care of all that came with being married to James, I had very little time for socializing.

Once we re-connected, Alice seemed pleased I was with her brother. In fact it was her insistence I joined the family for lunch at her home that set up the first full day Edward and I spent together. She took it upon herself to design fetish garments for me, I was invited to her home for friendly lunches, expected to accompany the women on shopping trips, and generally treated with considerable friendliness. Somewhere over the course of two months, the beginnings of what I assumed to be a bonding closeness had changed. I didn't think it was me who caused the chasm and if it was, I wished to god someone would tell me what I did, so I could make it right. It just seemed to me that ever since we returned home from our trip to the beach in Oregon, things with Alice have been rather tense.

If I was a betting woman, I'd lay wager on the shift in our relationship starting to occur during our shopping trip. The men were off golfing while we hit the outlet malls and found that damn Gucci dress. The woman just could not understand my refusal to buy it, going on and on about what a steal it was, how no one in their right mind could let such a find go, how I'd be a fool to walk away from it. When all her bitching didn't work she resorted to bribery, then pouting, then out and out demanding that I – and I quote - 'get my head out of my ass.'

To which my reply was 'I had better things to do with eight hundred dollars then wear it on my back.'

It was a thirty minute stand off right there in the middle of the boutique which only ended because I got frustrated enough to tell her how embarrassing she was and walked out with Rose following me.

Not willing to let the whole thing go, Alice brought up the episode again while we all sat around the hotel pool, complete with a mini-repeat tantrum at her dismay about my lack of designer envy. I didn't want to continue listening to her talk about the stupid dress, that frankly I could have gotten similar at J.C. Penny for a tenth of the price. And I certainly was not going to continue sitting there listening to painful predictions about chubby cheeked, curly haired, little girls.

I knew Alice truly believed what she said, but that doesn't change how it rips my heart out every time I heard it. Nor does it make it easier to face the fact I will never be able to give the man a love a child of his own. I'll never sit across from him and celebrate a plus sign on a pregnancy test. I'll never be able to lie in bed with his hand covering my belly to feel his child move inside me. I'll never hold a newborn infant at my breast as it suckles nourishment from me. I'll never have any of those simple joys that so many women took for granted, and having someone know the truth, throw it in your face and give false hope, was just cruel.

Deciding not to get into another debate over my choice of clothing nor my hurt at the callousness, I instead went to the ladies room, with Alice soon following. She apologized, but as Edward told me “talk is cheap' and words meant nothing, it's a persons actions that count. Right after the 'I'm sorry' left Alice's mouth, she followed it by patting my arm saying “You know Bella if you need Edward's permission, to buy the dress, I could always ask him for you."

I suppose in Alice's narrow minded world view she would assume I'd need Edward's approval to do anything. After all, like the rest of the family, she too, witnessed my kneeling performance on the patio. Unlike her parents, Alice also had an intimate birds-eye-view of my interacting with Master. Or rather not interacting, because the night in question was the last one we were in Oregon.

It was a Wednesday night and Master used our 'usual' to instill his submissive with a rather eye opening lesson by refusing to acknowledge my offered service. It was more difficult then anything I could have imagined, cutting me to the core and bringing me to the point where I had an honest view of myself. Not liking what I saw, the only way to end the misery was to safe word, after saying 'red', I ran into Edward's open arms, and without thought of who was present, cried like a baby. That night Edward carried me to our own room and it was that night I told him what it meant to me to wear his collar.

It was a hard learned, equally laboriously taught lesson on my submission to a Master who was worthy of respect, trust and admiration. I learned something very important that night, looking back it would appear during all the turmoil, tears and testimony, Alice just might have learned something too.

“Here girl” Emmett refilled my empty glass from the bottle he brought took from the fridge “You looked like you could use another one”
“Thanks, but I'm not sure a glass is going to cut it...” taking a hard drink I told him “I'm thinking about downing the whole freaking bottle”

Handing a bottle of beer off to Edward he sat back down with a sigh “I don't blame you...this shits FUBAR”

That it was – Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition

Twisting the top of the bottle, Edward nodded in agreement and gave a snap of his fingers sending the cap sailing across the room into the garbage.

“Three points baby” I muttered before taking a long drink and returning Edward's grin while Emmett got back to his original statement “So Caius wasn't just after some stocks, or at least that's not all he had in mind, because according to these emails...”

Emmett picked up the stack of copies Edward had printed from the file Eleazar had sent “...our little Bells is an heiress to his family fortune.”

“How did that happen?”

Rose's question had me taking another drink because I had already heard the story, twice, it didn't make any more sense the second time around and I wasn't so sure I wanted to hear it again. The whole thing was completely ludicrous, besides we had already figured out the connection with Caius Salvatore and it had absolutely nothing to do with Phil.

“I don't really know, looking over the paperwork Bella had, I don't see any connection”

Edward was talking about the stack of legal documents I had retrieved from where they were stashed in my room. Like I had told him, there wasn't much to see, only the last tax forms, the final disbursements of insurance payments, and a few closed bank account statements. The other papers didn't offer any more information then we already knew. Those were the official legal documents made out in the name of Philip Victor Dwyer.

The first saying on October fourteenth, in nineteen-sixty-six, in Cincinnati Ohio, twenty year old Marilyn Ann Dwyer, gave birth to him, the line for a father's name was blank. The second certificate, declared on April twelfth, nineteen ninety-three at the age of twenty-six, in Tallahassee Florida, he died from blunt force trauma as a result of a vehicular collision. The third was a Last Will and Testament, naming Isabella Marie Swan as beneficiary and sole heir of his estate.

Almost two decades had past since the estate was settled and to me, it was a substantial amount with the majority coming from the sale of the house along with Phil's signing bonus. Why would Caius all of a sudden be interested in anything that occurred nearly twenty years ago?

I had assumed his interest in me had been due to a vendetta against Aro for the stock purchases he supervised on my behalf. Even though his conjecture about Illegal trading was false, it was still very logical for a man such as Caius to think something shady was going on. After all, given the circumstances I could see how the motives of having me buy shares in a family owned business before they went public could be question. So it made sense for Caius to believe I was some kind of family, or at least someone who held a very close realtionship with him or Jane.

Once – thanks to Mike – Caius ascertained I was literally a nobody from nowhere, then a new conjecture began to form. Caius figured the only reason for Aro to be helping me must have beenfor illeict reasons. Either he was doing it as some sort of payoff to me in the form of hush money or possibly blackmail, which explained the rumors about me being a gold digger. Even worse was the second reason; I was being used as a front – possibly a paid one, hence the prostitute references - to purchase the holdings in my name while actually giving control of the votes associated with them over to Aro.

This theory, was covert, based on pure greed, feasible and given what I knew of the principle player – Caius – it was completely logical.

The man had been around long enough to know there is no love lost on Esme's part when it came to Jane. After the lengths he had gone to for answers I could Caius taking his notions to Esme in hopes of planting a seed of doubt about her brothers activities. Since the discord centered around Jane was already present, perhaps he hoped it wouldn't take much convincing on his part for Esme to believe her brother was being dishonest towards his siblings. In essence maneuvering his way into monopolizing the company by acquiring more shares then he was entitled to. Because of the already existing animosity, Caius could use the new betrayal as a power play to persuade Esme into changing her voting power in his favor.

Like I said the approach was underhanded, covetous, achievable and more important, completely believable. What made absolutely no sense – None, What So Ever – was the theoretical link between Phil and Caius. I didn't care how many copies of emails Eleazar sent or what they had to say about a seven hundred and fifty thousand dollar inheritance - that I knew nothing about. I would never, ever accept the possibility the two completely opposite men had anything in common with each other.

The more the three of them went over all the information – I might add – for the third time, the more pissed off I was getting. It was bad enough having Caius conniving his way into my personal business by getting information about me from the newly arrested, looking at life through iron bars, getting what he deserves, Mike Newton. But what really stuck in my crawl is that fucking bitch Tanya, sticking her god-damn nose into something she had no business being involved in. Then to top the whole thing off, the fucking whore takes it upon herself to open a whole new can of worms by contacting James.

What the fuck?

Downing the last half of the wine in one gulp, I gathered the attention of everyone sitting there by slamming the glass down and forcibly pushing away from the table. “I got a toilet to clean”

“Bella,” Edward reached out to grasp my wrist “...the bathroom is fine”

It was hard to tell if his underlying tone was meant to be persuasive or intimating, either way it didn't matter, Edward had his agenda and I had mine.

"The bathroom is not fine!" Wrenching my arm from his grasp "It hasn't been cleaned for days and there is no way I'm letting people use a dirty toilet!”

"Fine...I'll clean it" Edward said as he stood to glare at me "You sit down, take a few deep breaths and relax"

"I don't want you to clean it and I don't want to sit down and I don't want to fucking relax! What I want to do is clean the damn toilet!”

“Are you done?”

Son of a bitch!

I hated when Edward stayed all calm, cool and collected while I was freaking out, and by that point I was on total melt down.

Narrowing my eyes I could feel the blood pounding in my chest “NO! I'm not done! How the hell do you expect me to be done when the is whole...” swinging my arm around in a wide dramatic circle “...damn thing is so totally fucked up?”

Nothing, Edward gave me nothing, which in my world meant I was free to speak my peace and that's what I did.

“If Caius Salvatore has a problem with me,” jabbing my finger at my chest “that's too fucking bad for him! I don't know anything about any money that I supposedly got, that he says belongs to him! So for all I care, he can shove it up his ass! I can tell you one thing for sure, that son of a bitch has nothing...” throwing my hand out to form a circle with my thumb pressed firmly against my forefinger I yelled “...ZILCH...to do with Phil. In fact, that ass-wipe doesn't deserve to the privilege of even speaking his name!”

Throughout my whole tirade Edward stayed completely impassive, he didn't move, he didn't twitch, he didn't even fucking blink. Which totally pissed me off more because it was no fun yelling at someone who refused to yell back. So I switched tactics, instead of anger, I channeled my inner advocate and pleaded my case.

“Don't you get it?” not even knowing what I was imploring him to understand I kept talking“You've had it your whole life, there's never been a day you didn't know it.”

I was still getting nothing but a blank stare from Edward. Then again it was getting hard to see straight through the tears welling in my eyes as the words just came out of my mouth. “The only time I ever had it...”

Not even sure myself where my thoughts were headed, I took a deep breath and words flowed out as fast as my tears did “He carried me to bed. He sat there listening to my mother read Green Eggs and Ham, night after night.” My tears became heavy as I patted my shoulders “Whenever he hit a homerun, he'd put me on his shoulders while he ran around the bases.”

Sniffling I continued on “He filled my world....with tickle belly contest. He kissed away m...my boo-boos and chased the monsters... from my closet. He...” my voice faltered as I sucked in a gasping breath “...was the first person...to ever tell me...I could do anything....be any-thing....I wanted to be. He'd say...'Bella b..b..ba..baby, You dream it....and I'll make it happen”

Sucking in a deep a much needed breath I admitted “He was my daddy...the only one I ever really had....And he's dead!” I said with finality before taking another deep breath to get myself under control so I could continue.

“And the only thing to prove he even existed is his name printed on a few scraps of paper, a bunch of money and my memories.”

Calming myself, I wiped my hand across my face to remove the tears and asked “Do you want to know something Edward?"

True to form, he still would not respond so I just forged on "I'd give it all back, Every, Single, Penny, of it...just” my voice broke over the sob “...just to have him back. That doesn't seem like too much does it?”

Sniffling I shook my head “But no matter how much I wanted it...or what I did, it was never going to happen. So I clung to the only thing I had, my memories...and I'll be damned if anyone is going to take them away from me too."

Leaving out a stuttering breath I suddenly found myself wrapped in the safety of Edward's arms. One strong hand pressing on the small of my back while the other twisted in my hair. Holding me immobile with my face planted flatly against his chest, letting me draw from his strength and control until it became my own.

Keeping me as I was, Edward tugged a hand full of hair, causing my head to tilt back until my vision was filled with only his captivating face. The emotion stirring in the depth of his green eyes was staggering. He might have been able to control his physical reaction to my venting yet that didn't mean he wasn't effected by what I said.

The fingers in my hair tightened and the twinge of pain caused me to suck in a quick gasp as Edward's face drew slowly closer to mine. My eyes widened in fear as my body shivered with a rush of desire and I thought for sure Edward was going to kiss me, Instead he came so close that I could feel the brush of his breath on my face as he spoke with a determined tone.

“You hold on to those memories Isabella, don't you let anything pollute them for you. I wish it was within my power to give you what you want, but it's out of my hands. What I can do is tell you I would die a thousand deaths before I ever allow the reputation of a good man to be tainted. Especially when that man means so very much to you"

not Meant, past tense – Edward said, Means, present tense.

“Do you understand what I am saying?”

I did, Edward loved me, so much, that he would defend a man he's never met, someone it was impossible for him to ever know. He didn't do this out of obligation or guilt, he would do it because Phil, meant – no, he means – so very much to me.

Tears refilled my eyes as I answered in a hushed whisper “Yes Sir”

“Good girl” his soft lips touched my forehead for the briefest of moments before the tension on my hair let up and his fingers threaded through the length.

“May I clean the toilet now?”

A smile lite up Edward's face and the memory of my first visit to him came back, that day we joked over it being my weekend chore to see the bathrooms remained cleaned. I wasn't sure if his mind had gone to the same place or not because his only reply was “Go ahead”

Stepping back Edward released me just in time for me to remember there were other people present during my melt down. Emmett still sat in the same spot next to his wife, there hands clasped together on the table top. His eyes slowly moved from where they were joined to my mine. Pursing his lip, Emmett gave me a sad almost sympathetic smile. Regret stabbed at my heart, I didn't want his pity, I didn't want to be seen as the little rich girl, or loss the only thing her money couldn't replace and she cried over it.

Then the muscles in his arm flexed at the same time I noticed his hand squeeze tightly over Rose's and my attention went to her tear filled eyes. "I lost a daddy too Bella, death didn't take him but he's gone just the same"

On so many levels Rose and I were one and the same, maybe that was why we got along so well. We both knew the world for the cold heartless place it could be yet amongst all the hell, somehow we both manged to persevere and find our own little piece of heaven.

Afraid speaking anything at all would bring on another round of crying all I could do was nod at my friend in understanding. That wasn't good enough for Rose, her hand slipped from under Emmett's and keeping her eyes on me, she stood to move around the table. The grace of her advancement was so deliberate she appeared to be in slow motion.

“You and me girl” was all she got out before the two of us were embracing each other.

I'm not sure which one of us initiated the hug, or if it came about through mutual compulsion, all I knew was at that moment, it was a relief to have someone who fully understood and I treasured Rose for that.

Of course I adored her even more when she said “I'm not cleaning your nasty bathroom, but I'll run the vacuum for you”

Oh yes, I truly loved Rose

The bathroom wasn't gross, still in the ten minutes it took me to make it sanitary enough for my own satisfaction I had hoped Edward and his brother would have moved onto a new topic for discussion. They did and they didn't - rather than focusing on Caius, the new area was Tanya. Now I know it's absolutely ridiculous to be jealous, yet I couldn't help it. My man was taking time and exerting energy on another woman. He wasn't actively fucking her but she sure was screwing him and that pissed me off.

Washing my hands I decided to ignore them by taking distracting myself with forming the burgers. Having finished in the living room, Rose saddled up along side me and without having to be asked she started slicing onions and tomatoes. The busy work along with the chit chatting worked wonders at freeing my mind. That is until I made the mistake of taking the two cold beers to the table for Edward and his brother.

That's when Edward said “I get the feeling Eleazar would prefer Tanya not be a part of his household."

I had gotten the same idea from Dougie, in fact he practically came right out and said as much, which made me kind of sorry for Eleazar. I didn't know the man very well, we had only spoken a handful of times, yet I liked him. Plus Dougie absolutely adored the man, called him uncle and if for that reason alone, I figured Eleazar was a man who deserved my respect. With admiration came loyalty and consideration. In the small amount of the conversation between the two brothers that I actually heard,there seemed to be something Edward hadn't considered.

Perhaps, it was my fault for not adequately expressing just how pathological my ex-husband was. I preferred to put it out of my mind, the omission wasn't in denial and it certainly wasn't ignorance. It was self preservation that kept everything in the deep recesses of my subconscious but if there was anybody who knew how James operated, it was me.

That knowledge was abruptly at the forefront of my mind and standing at the end of the table with Edward seated on one side and Emmett on the other, I wondered aloud. “Has anyone warned Eleazar”

“What do you mean...warned?”

“About James"

My answer to Edward's question had him giving me a perplexed look and I knew in that moment I had done him a great disservice in keeping quiet. Shaking my head a humorless laugh came out while I admitted “It's my fault, I.."

The gravity of the situation settle on me and I realized there was nothing at all to laugh about. "Oh my god...someone has got to tell Eleazar about the shit storm that is coming his way. James might not have answered Tanya's emails, but I can guarantee he's read them. Which means the only reason he's not replied yet, is to give him time to plan the best way to approach, and mark my word, he will approach."
Of that I was absolutely certain and I spoke my reasons aloud "Especially since Tanya made it sound like there was a payday in it for him. To James, the more wealthier the victim, the more excited he's going to be. Plus don't forget, James enjoys messing with me, so if he can vicariously get at me, while still appearing to be the beacon of law abiding citizen..." letting the words sink in I noted "...there's no way in hell he'll pass up that chance . I know James, all too well and right about now, he's salivating over the possibilities."

“You give him to much credit Bella”

“No, Edward, You don't give him enough, and that's my fault. I don't like to think about the kind of person James is, none the less talk about it. It makes me feel stupid and weak for ever falling into the traps he set. There's no excuse for my ignorance and that's my own cross to bare..."

Pausing, my eyes left Edward's for a moment to focus on the wood grain of the table top. So many memories flooding back to me, the fear, humiliation and shame James wrought in my life and the cowardliness way I handled it. Hiding, running, denying, excusing, condoning, the list could go on and on.

Admittedly I dealt with the situation badly but I did what I did to survive "...anyway I could."

Lifting my eyes to Edward's I admitted something else "Even as a young girl, I learned to take care of myself. So when I was older, if I chose go through life with my eyes wide shut, taking whatever rained down on me in stride, that was my choice. I knew what I was doing wasn't exactly the best thing, I understood the consequences of turning a blinds eye and pretending shit never happened. It was my decision. Mine alone. I'm the one who had to look in the mirror everyday and as long as the majority of the time I could live with the person staring back, then that's all on me. Sometimes it's a heavy load made worse by people who don't understand or agree. Right or wrong, I came to terms with my decisions, they were mine alone to make and mine alone to live with."

I could tell by his expression Edward didn't agree with me, reaching out to take my hand he gave a small squeeze "Baby, you're not alone in this, I have to live with your decisions too"

"I know darling..." tightening my grip on Edward's hand so he'd know "...I love having an us. From the moment you and me became a we, things have been different. We talk, we work it out and meet somewhere in the middle of the same page. Having an 'us' is the best thing to ever happen to me, but talking about a residual issue. It might not be fair to unbalance our seesaw by forcing you to live with something you had no say in. There's nothing I can do about things that occurred before you had a say in the way I chose to live with things. Only you can decide if you're willing to live with me...living with it"

Edward didn't like that either but before he could respond I pressed on.

"I have first hand experience at being fully indoctrinated with anything that has to do with James. Right or wrong, I've gone through it with eyes wide shut. I clearly saw James for the person he is, yet still made the conscious decision to shut my eyes to the madness. Eleazar on the other hand is coming into an ongoing situation completely blind. He has no idea what's going to come a knocking on his door and he needs his eyes opened. Then, once he's been fully warned, if he chooses to shut them again, the fault will lie with him, not us."

"Jesus...Bella” Rose muttered from behind Emmett who wondered “What kind of a person is he?"

Shifting my attention to Emmett I regarded the big man for a moment then gave the most honest answer I could "James is a methodical, sadistic, psychopath."

Much as Edward stayed impassive during my breakdown over Phil, Emmett did the same thing while contemplating my assessment. Because of his lack of emotion it was hard for me to tell if he was seeking any exaggeration on my part or if he was processing my words for the truth they held. Once he reached whatever conclusion he'd been searching for, Emmett eyes transferred to Edward's and so did mine.

Unlike his brother, my man knew all to well what James was capable of yet because he hadn't taken it upon himself to inform Eleazar, I figured it best to lay it out.

“If this was just about Tanya...I'd say, the bitch brought it on herself. James come looking for her, she gets caught up in more then she bargained for, ends up regretting ever hearing his name...hey" sounding flippant "...not my problem. In fact, if it was just her involved...after what she did? I'd say it would be nothing but poetic justice...she wanted him so badly...well the bitch got him...good for her...I wish her luck...because she's going to need it.”

My tone was emotionless, just stating facts as if reading the directions for a recipe. Which I suppose made me a cold hearted shrew. As a victims advocate I should have been appalled by my own thirst for vengeance, yet I just couldn't seem to drum up any sympathy.

Karma was a bitch, what comes around goes around, life comes full circle, reap what you sow or any other philosophical jargon used to explain the consequences Tanya should have to face. The two other people she's unwittingly brought into the mess was a different story.

Eleazar and his wife..." I couldn't think of her name and at my pause Rose promoted “Carmen”

"Carmen” I repeated with a smile before looking back to Edward “They're a different story. The only thing they did was make a poor decision on who they associate with. Personally I don't understand the attraction, but having poor taste in women...”

Edward's brows rose at the insult and I remembered his taste had gone down the same path. To bad – to sad for him, I was on a roll and calling it as I seen it.

Shrugging it off I continued “...isn't a crime and they shouldn't be punished for it. I would hate for anything to happen to either Eleazar or Carmen because of a nosy...”

Throughout the whole conversaton I had remained calm, it was so important for Edward to understand I wasn't simply over reacting. Had I at anytime lost my composure his attention would have been on how I was behaving rather then what I was saying. Since I had gotten my point across and my focus was no longer on the wellfare of innocent but rather on the vile wicked witch who brought this on them.

“...god-damn, Skanky ass, Motherfucking...” each insult being spewd with more venom until I spit out " toe-Tae

"Alright Trace..." my brothers excited voice sounded from behind me "...we got here just in time.." he continued while walking to the opposite end of the table and setting a box on it he asked me "...who's the toe-Tae?"

Emmett had his own question "What's a toe-Tae"

"Whore" Edward answered incorrectly while Seth enlightened them "Actually..it means, Cunt"

Edward's eyes widened as they went to me and I knew what he was thinking. I had stressed how much I disliked the 'C' word. James used the word all the time, for everything. It was degrading and vulgar and I hated it with a passion that made my skin crawl. Yet when push came to shove and I need a word to describe a woman such as Tanya, 'cunt' seemed to fit the bill.

There's yet another reason for me to hate Tanya – just the thought of her brought out a side of me I didn't like. It was bad enough when I was hoping James would beat her with a belt, lock her in a box and ass fucking her until she bleds. But despising the bitch so damn much I was calling her a 'cunt' seemed like crossing the line, yet I couldn't sum up an ounce of remorse.

She was a CUNT with a capital C, that rhymes with 'T' that stands for TRAMP.

Oh this is fun

I was actually starting to enjoy myself and was fairly possitive if I asked her to, Rose would have joined in. The only problem was Edward, he was staring at me with an amused expectation, to which I answered with a smug smile that clearly said – that's right baby, I called that bitch a 'cunt'

“Soooo" The glee in Seth voice telling me he was enjoying himself "Who's the cunt? Wait...” holding his hands up “not just a plain old run of the mill, everyday cunt. This héva...” pointing a finger at Edward “...that's a whore...” looking back at me with a smile “...is so bad, that she got the sweet wonderful sister to call her a motherfucking cunt"

Not wanting to continue entertaining my brother I switched subjects by pointing to the box “What ya get?”

Seth's smile widened “Who's the cunt?”

Ok, lets try something else

Remembering my manors I made the introductions by looking to Emmett “In case you haven't guessed, this is my little brother...Seth and...” swinging my hand in her direction “...his girlfriend Tracy”

When I introduced them, Rose gave a wave and said 'hi' while Emmett half stood and leaned over the table to shake Seth's hand. Instead of saying hello, hi, or pleased to meet you, my brother had something to say “You're that really big guy from New Moon”

“Excuse me” Emmett said while getting to his full height but Seth wasn't intimidated “Me and my friends went there one night, you wouldn't let us in.”

Emmett glanced at me before smirking “Sorry dude, you turn twenty-one...”

“I know, I know...already heard that” the dejection on my brothers face only lasted long enough for him to ask me “So about this cunt?”

“UGH!” I groaned while Rose laughed “Maybe when your twenty-one you'll get to met her.”

That seemed to excite Seth “Oh yeah, the motherfucking cunt hangs out at New Moon?”

OK, enough was enough

"If you say the 'C' word one more time, I'm going to put soap in your mouth"

Rolling his eyes at me he didn't look to worried when he addressed Emmett "She's been telling me that since I was ten, still hasn't done it"

"There's always a first time...but it's your mouth”

Seth rolled his eyes at me, still, it was good to note, what he didn't do was repeat the vile word. Glad cunt-gate seemed to be put to rest, I once again pointed to the box “What did you get?”

“My new laptop”

I was surprised he hadn't already purchased one with the gift cards he received for graduation “You just getting it now?”

“Yeah...” Seth said opening the lid “Port Angels didn't have one in the store for me to try out and a computer is like a girl.” putting the packing material on the table he wiggled his fingers as if playing a piano “...you have to get your hands on it to make sure she's right”

My mouth dropped open, while everyone - except poor Tracy who looked like she wanted to crawl under a rock – laughed just as the door bell rang. Still kind of laughing Edward stood, leaned in to kiss my still stunned face and whispered “He's a mini-Emmett” before going to see who was there.

Seth, being born only a six weeks after the death of my mother, was the first baby I ever held. I remember being nervous because he was so small and always cried for Leah. Sue put him in my arms and when he stayed quiet, she gave me a big smile saying 'see he loves you Bella', in that one moment, I loved him too and I always have. He breastfed until her was three, and a year later, clung to his mother's leg at Harry's death ritual. Even with the loss of his father, Seth was a happy kid who had a gift of making those around him happy as well. He grew to be a fun loving wise cracker, with a big heart and a strong sense of loyalty. He was indeed like Emmett and in every sense of the word, he was my baby brother and I loved him.

What I didn't exactly appreciate - since any minute the house was going to be overrun with people - was the mess he was making.

“Hey...” I said pointing to the packing material, cellophane and papers spread all over the table “...get rid of all that junk”

I got the standard teenage answer of 'in a minute' which had Emmett not taken the initiative to start gathering the debris; would have been irritating. Plus Seth's butt was saved from a beat down by Tracy when she reminded me there were things to do when she asked if I needed any help. Before I could take her up on the offer, Edward returned with a box in his hands covered in brown packaging paper and wrapped in blue ribbon.

“Your sister say's this is not a birthday present and I can't open it in front of Charlie”

Who'd have thought Edward would be so excited about presents, I swear he was like a two year old on Christmas morning. Eyes sparkling, happiness in his cheeks, it was kind of nice to see and a good thing to know. It was also hard to refuse but I tried.

“Sure she did”

“She did” he pleaded and from behind him Leah agreed “I did, but...”seeing Seth Leah added “...maybe you'll want to save it for later when you're alone”

Smirking at Edward I moved towards my sister, kissed her cheek and said 'hi' to Jake who, standing behind her was holding a similarly dress package as Edward while Seth jumped to conclusions “How comes I can't I see it?”

“How comes you've been in town all weekend and didn't tell me?” Leah countered as she moved to hug Rose 'hello'.

Excuse me for not wanting to ruin your surprise”

Moving on to Emmett she gave him a hello cheek kiss before turning to Seth “Well what about last night? You didn't even call me.”

“I was busy”

Standing at his side she said “Too busy to call your sister and say 'hey, how are you'?”

“Hey...” Seth smirked “how are you?”

The smart ass reply was accompanied by a tight hug that caused Leah to gasp “I'm good...where you staying tonight”

Leah's question was directed to Seth however it was Tracy who was receiving the embrace as he answered. “We're going home later. Tracy has to be at work early tomorrow morning”

Jake had wormed his way into mix, shaking hand's with Emmett, taking the offered beer from Edward, he was his normal self, it was Leah's behavior I found so bizarre. She was in an exceptionally good mood, smiling at everyone, passing out hugs, and surprising the crap out of me when she replied “Oh, ok”

Normally, Seth making plans to accommodate Tracy would have brought – at the very least - a facial expression from Leah to say she was thinking something unpleasant. Leah's simple response was so completely out of character it made Tracy's eyes narrow and jaw drop and put my spiddy senses on high alert. She wasn't only in a good mood, Leah was down right happy...wearing eye shadow?

Yes-sir-re Bob, she had on eye shadow, and she was kind of glowing, she looked like...like

“OH MY GOD! You did Kim's move!”
 
Yup, just like that, it came right out of my mouth and in matter of two seconds my sister's face turned three different shades of red until she exclaimed “Bella!”

There was no anger in her tone and I confirmed “YOU DID!...it's about freaking time...” laughing as I turned to Jake “Did you remember how?”

“Shut up Bella”

But there was no way I was keeping quiet “Damn Kim should patented that shit...if this is what it does to you”

Leah still wasn't angry so when Rose asked 'what move' I freely advised while still laughing “Ask Leah for a demonstration...in about two months...you're going to need it...” Leah looked like her face was going to pop from chagrin but I had to know “...did he keep his leg up?”

Her cheeks were still tight as she raised her chin, swept her hand through the air and said smoothly “The whole time”

And the two of us burst out laughing

“You guys are gross” Seth uttered with a repulsed expression which only served to make us laugh harder

“So what's this move?” Rose asked again and Leah glancing towards Seth waved her off “I'll tell you later”

Oh, she was in a good mood – thank you Kim

Rose accepted the answer by saying “That's a great shirt”

It was just a long black maternity t-shirt with the saying 'Look What Daddy Did' written in white block lettering across the belly.

“Not as great as Bella's”

What?

Leah's smug reply had me looking down to see my chest proclaiming I had a bad mouth, that I could do great things with Seth cursed “Damn Leah! You shouldn't have said anything, I wanted to see Charlie's face”

He what?

“You...you...” My little brother was setting me up, he was a mini-Emmett, who at the moment was saved by my inability to form a coherent sentence.

“Can't do such great things with it now, can you?”

Again Seth was saved, only this time it was by the door bell, whoever was on the other side was not someone who should see my oral skills being proclaimed across my boobs. Edward got the door and I raced up the stairs to change. I wasn't particular about what shirt to wear, grabbing a light blue sleeveless waist length that clung to my body. The whole thing took only a few minutes but as I flung open the door to leave, Edward was standing on the other side with his phone to his ear.

“Here she is”

It was unusual for me to get calls on his phone, so I tenativily took it from him and spoke a questionably “Hello?”

“Isabella?” the strange male voice responded “This is Garrett, I have a situation here”

My eyes went to Edward and between his grave expression along with the word situation I suddenly felt weak. Backking into the room I sat on the bed while Garrett continued “I know it's against the rules to contact you but Peggy is really upset and I didn't know what else to do. Can you talk to her”

Shit!

“Umm...sure”

A moment later Peggy's small quiet voice came over the line “Bella?”

It was obvious she'd been crying and it worried me “What happened?”

“Oh Bella, Rick came and he started saying...oh god, he was so angry...then he”

“Wait” last I had heard Rick had been arrested for breaking the restraining order “How did he get out of jail?”

“I don't know, maybe he posted bond or is out on ROR”

ROR meant Released on own Recognizance, no bail money required, just the person's own signature saying they would return for a hearing. These were usually granted in cases that were not considered to be serious crimes.

“When did he get out?”

“I don't know that either. He just showed up here at the restaurant this morning. He was standing in the parking lot...I didn't see him until it was too late. And he started...talking stupid. Saying he couldn't live without me and then he was going on...”

My heart was beating so fast I could literally feel it pounding in my chest as she went on “...he said, if I wasn't going to be with him...” her voice broke “...he said I won't be with anyone”

Oh Jesus

“He started talking really stupid and threw a rock at me, smashed a window in the kitchen, he was going nuts”

“Where is he now?”

“I don't know”

“Did you call the police?”

“Garrett did, they are looking for Rick but they can't find him”

“Where are you?”

Peggy was obviously with Garrett, yet I had no idea where and I didn't think it was safe for her to go back to her apartment. My mind started coming up with options on how to get her to the safety of The Center. I had a house full of people so I couldn't just leave and besides Carol chewed my ass out but good when I went to get Sally, so that was out of the question.

“I'm at the Tanner's.”

They were her landlords, the parents of her roommate and the Cullen's next door neighbors “The three of us are staying here tonight and Mr Tanner said he'd take me on the ferry in the morning and make sure I get in a cab.”

“Ok” that was a good plan just so long as “Peggy, please...I'm begging you. Do not leave the house. And Do Not...please sweety promise me you won't go on that ferry alone”

“I promise Bella...I feel so stupid, causing all this trouble”

Typical, victims always harbored the blame, it was ingrained in us.

“Peggy you didn't do anything wrong”

“I know but...” she started crying “Garrett has been so nice...and now he got a broken window...I'll pay for it..I will”

I assumed Peggy was speaking to Garrett as I heard him mutter 'girl you'll do no such thing' so I knew he must have been close and I hoped giving her a small bit of comfort as she continued on “The Tanners...they are letting us...stay and they...they shouldn't have to...”

“Stop it...they care about you Peggy, they want you to be safe and they don't blame you.”

“Why doesn't Rick just leave me alone?”

That was a question for the ages

“Are you scared?”

“No” there were no more tears “I'm mad”

Anger was a mixed blessing, it took away the power the abuser had to control with fear. However it also had a tenacity to instil the victim with a false sense of bravado. Being brave with determination was one thing, being bold with recklessness could get you dead.

“Good.” I told her “Be good and mad, just channel that anger in the right direction. Don't go off half cocked thinking you're going to prove something to him or anyone else. You need to be smart, so stop, think about what you're doing, re-think it and for god's sakes girl please...please for me, for yourself, for all the people who care about you...please, be safe”

“I will Bella...see you in the morning”

Tears filled my eyes and I realized there was nothing I could do to protect her. Garrett came back on the phone, assuring me Peggy was indeed safe. He said the following morning, Mr. Tanner would accompany her to the city, get her into a cab and was going to use his lawyer status to repeal Rick's continued freedom from jail. I had a heavy heart, but it was out of my control.

Handing the phone back to Edward, he spoke briefly with his friend while I silently wondered 'what else could possibly go wrong?'