Chapter 92

BPOV

What the heck was I looking at?

It had taken about twenty seconds for my brain to catch up with what my eyes were viewing before a sure and steady dose of fear crept in.

“Oh my god…Edward” I gasped knowing damned well it was going to freak him out more than he already was.

In all the time we had been together no matter how upset Edward had gotten he had never lost his composure to the point of yelling. He had been angry, frustrated and irritated yet he always kept himself under the careful control he maintains. However the news Jake had given about my car was sufficient enough to push him over the edge. Oddly enough even with his temper flaring I wasn’t afraid of him, in fact rather than cringe away from the ferocity, I fought back.

My mouth arguing the point that nothing bad happened to me before my logicalness could stop it. I knew the childish way my attitude came off; making it appear as if I was going to fight Edward on the request that I no longer go out unaccompanied. That was already resolved in my mind before the car had even broken down. The whole trip around the store had been so tense and Edward’s heartfelt appeal of ‘never again baby’ so very sincere that I had no choice but to agree ‘It just wasn’t worth it’

Besides, Edward was right. Once the car had overheated making me high tail it out on to the street I was truly scared and had never been happier to see someone I knew in my life. At that time I had just assumed the car had a normal mechanical failure. Never dreaming that someone would sabotage it, yet that’s what Jake said they did. And it was purely by dumb luck I had to pull over at that spot. Had it been a block before or after Demetri wouldn’t have been there and I would have been standing on the street alone. I didn’t want to think about the ramifications of those circumstances, there had been enough glitches in my day that all I wanted was some normalcy.

And who wouldn’t feel that way?

Here I was thinking returning to work after my vacation was the best way to forget about all the outside interferences, get back into my regular routine and let life go on as it had been. What a joke that turned out to be.

Everyone at The Center was glad to see me and I was busy all day with the pile of work setting on my desk. The first thing I did was contact Julie; she was more than willing to meet with Rose to discuss what she could expect during the upcoming legal procedures. The rest of the day was spent answering correspondences, checking out new employment possibilities from a local business and reading over the last two weeks of notes taken during counseling sessions and making the appropriate recommendations.

There was so much for me to do I hardly had the chance to regret my decision to not have any Fruity Pebbles. I was sure the text to Edward had made him happy after all he was right about that too, I had used his words to incorrectly justify what I did. He said I could decide and had I actually eaten them the guilt would have gotten to me and what’s the sense in having a treat you can’t fully enjoy?

All in all the first day back at work had been gratifying, nothing more so than my personal session with Sally. She had made a lot of progress while I been gone, even sitting down with Julie to file the documents for full custody, restraining orders and the beginning of divorce proceedings. Her husband Tom was still in prison awaiting trial on a drug charge so he wouldn’t be able to immediately retaliate.  Still the man was not going to be happy and her resolve was just icing on the cake.

Carol’s request that I be the speaker at the national convention was not as rewarding. Carlisle had already warned me there was something she wanted. So while we put away the supplies I bought, Carol’s mentioning it hadn’t surprised me. By the end of the day I figured had it been important enough she would take the time to sit me down in the office. However being the sneaky woman she was Carol waited until we were in the car with no clear way of escape before springing it on me.

She had already agreed that someone from the Seattle Center would fill in for the absent speaker. Thinking she wanted my backing I was more than willing to give it to her. “I wasn’t really planning to go this year but if you need me to I will, so you have moral support”

“The thing is Bella…I was thinking you would be better at giving the presentation then I would”

My surprise came out in a laugh “Yeah right?”

“I’m serious Bella…” the look she gave told me she wasn’t lying “…The subject is ‘Living as a Survivor’ you have personal experience that I can relate to yet could never be as passionate about. You should be the one to give the talk and I’ll be the moral support”

“No way…Carol I don’t want to do that. Besides, surviving is one thing…living is something else altogether. Would you honestly say that I was living my…”

“Yes Bella I would. You left, despite everything you left him. You went on to college, realized your dream and was living your life”

“I highly doubt locking myself away from my friends and family would be called living.”

“But you’re living now Bella. Look at you, you’re happy, you’re confident, you’re connecting with people and socializing. You’re…”

“I’m only those things because of Edward…without him…” Carol interrupted my melancholy thoughts

“Does it really matter? Besides that excuse only serves to prove that the victim is capable of loving again. Of being able to give yourself to a man who is supportive and caring not demeaning and abusive. It’s one more aspect where you are proof positive that there is hope for those fundamental things Bella. We can offer our clients a safe place to regroup, teach them basic skills and shower them with knowledge of their legal rights. But what they really want and the one thing we supply the most of is hope. We feed their need to hope for a decent future for them and their children. You are a walking, talking billboard for that kind of life Bella. You put a new twist on ‘we’ve come a long way baby’ and you need to tell people they can too.”

“I…I…I don’t want to stand up on a stage and speak in front of all those people”

Pointing out Edward’s house, Carol pulled into the driveway and put the car in park before turning to face me  “Look Bella…I know public speaking is not high on your list of favorite activities. But there is a passion in the message that comes through in the truth of your words and conviction. Just promise me you’ll think about it, talk it over with Edward and see if he can do without you for a few days. The Center will cover the cost of airfare and the organizers provide lodging for all the speakers” Giving me a sly smile Carol added “You are going to have to share a room with me, that alone should be enough of a perk.” 

“Gee..” purposely sounding lighthearted “Speaking in a room full of people plus shacking up with you, how could I ever turn that down”

Telling her I would let her know, yet doubting my answer would change I left her with a hug.

Edward had taken Carol’s bombshell much better than I did, of course he wasn’t the one who had to stand up and deliver the speech. He also tried to sweeten the pot with an extended trip to Disneyland, someplace I had never been and Edward assured me I would enjoy.

Over dinner we talked about an even less appealing subject then public speaking – Jessica Stanley. She was gone, missing, but did that mean she was on the lamb or sleeping with the fishes. Something in the back of my mind said she had left and as I recounted the small conversation I had with Angela, it was clear Edward was starting to agree with me.  If she was truly gone it would be worth it for Officer Hawk to just drop the whole investigation. The last thing I wanted was more interaction with the annoying bimbo, good-bye and good-riddance that was my motto.

The contented feeling only lasted until Jake came into the kitchen holding that damn piece of hose. Edward went ballistic, his anger although directed at me wasn’t really with me. I’m sure he was blaming himself for what someone else had done to my car with the intention of getting to me. His frustration coming out in the form of yelling was something although I wasn’t use to it, I could understand it. In my mind I figured we would wait until Jake left, snuggle up on the couch and I could calm him down with my reassurances that I would comply with his request.

However once I had opened the envelope there wasn’t a chance in hell of a simple talk having any effect on him. My man was on the verge of a total melt down and I was closely following. Edward just kept staring at the pictures while Jake wasted no time in calling my dad to explain what was going on. Charlie was on speaker phone asking all the questions that any cop would want to know; only he was much more passionate because it concerned his daughter.

The nervous fear continued to creep in on me as I once again looked at the picture of me with a circle around my head. It was taken while Edward and I ran the trail with Seth in the park, that revelation was even more unsettling. Someone had been following me around for at least a month, snapping my picture during the most ordinary task. It just didn’t make any sense, neither did the note attached to the last photo, which was also the most resent having just been taken over the weekend. Edward was holding my hand as we exited New Moon, since he was minus a jacket they must have snapped it when we rushed to the car to fuck.

Stretching my neck to get a better view of that picture which Edward was clutching in his hand the sudden loud fierceness of his voice along with the no-nonsense look in his eyes startled me.

“Now! You’re fucking grounded!”

Jacob narrowed his eyes and for a brief second I thought he was going to argue with Edward, instead he dipped his head in agreement “Damn Right!” and my own father practically snarled “Absolutely!”

I sat there in total disbelief ‘grounded?’ “What happened to lockdown?”

“We are so past that!” Edward roared, throwing his hands out like an umpire calling the runner safe.  He was so distraught that his dark eyes took on an eeriness that trapped me in their intensity while he declared with a pointed finger.

“Until further notice you are grounded! You will go absolutely nowhere by yourself! You will not drive and don’t you even think about asking me to make an exception. Because the only time you will step foot outside that front door is when I am with you!”

I was still taking in the new conditions of my grounding status when Charlie’s completely floored me.

“Isabella Marie” he asserted over the phone “Don’t you dare try to fight Edward over this. You do as your told young lady or I’ll drive out there and spank you myself!”

“Don’t you worry Charlie I have that covered” Edward spoke with a tight jaw and a deadly glare that was just daring me to defy him.

Looking to Jake he was standing there with his hands on hips causing his chest and shoulders to expand making him look more threatening than I had ever seen him appear before.  I wanted to tell the three of them I had no intentions of challenging Edward but I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction.  Instead I did what any moody woman would do.

Huffing out my annoyance I pulled out the stash of Hershey Kisses from my front pocket, slammed them on the table and started eating them.

“What’s she doing now?” Charlie asked bringing Jakes’ reply “Drowning her sorrows in chocolate”

“Good, that will at least keep her quiet now what do you intend to do about this Edward?”

The three of them talked back and forth about the merits of calling the police department along with Edward’s details of what my ‘grounding’ involved. Apparently not only wasn’t I allowed to leave the house unaccompanied I had to have a male escort with me at all times. Personally I thought that was sexist overkill but then I started to consider who would have been with me. Leah and Rose were both pregnant and the last thing I wanted was for something to happen to them or their unborn babies. Alice agreed to come along but she was so tiny and always had the two children with her. My mind went to the few others who could possibly be with me, Esme, Jane or Kim none of which I would want to endanger simply because they had the misfortune of being with me should the stalker choice to approach.

Sitting there scarfing down Kisses one after another I was beginning to get disgruntled at them all speaking about me like I wasn’t in the room. “Could you all stop talking about me like I was a child?”

“We will when you stop acting like one!” Edward’s tone telling me he still hadn’t calmed down.

Twisting open another little silver foiled covered piece of heaven I purposely sighed really loud, dropping my gaze quickly as Edward’s eyes grew twice their normal size. He was not in the mood for my attitude and apparently neither was Charlie “If she gives you any trouble Edward you have my permission to...”

Edward spoke before dad could finish “There won’t be any trouble, will there Isabella?”

Biting my lip I stayed quiet until Edward lifted my chin to make me look at him. “Do I make myself clear Isabella?”

There was not one ounce of levity in his dark penetrating eyes. My boyfriend was not inciting me to resist him; my Master was demanding obedience and that left me with only one reply “Yes Sir”

Sure of not only my understanding but also my compliance Edward held my gaze for a long moment before releasing my chin. The accompanying firm nod telling me disobedience would result in dire consequences.

Knowing it was best to just let the men’s testosterone levels even out I sat quietly listening to the rest of the plans. Charlie recommended to Edward that we change up our normal routines, even going so far as to suggest we stay in a hotel or at a friend’s home for a night or two. I was warned by Jake about accepting unexpected packages which I thought was rather funny since he was the one who brought the envelope to me. He also stressed that I shouldn’t open the door to anyone I didn’t know.

Edward on the other hand reaffirmed my need to always have my cell phone with me and properly charged. That was one lesson I had no intention of repeating or not complying with. He also said first thing in the morning we were going to my house to get the pocket pepper spray I had in my night stand.

With the men sure that they had done all that was humanly possible to ward off an unforeseen threat Charlie hung up with an “I’ll talk to you in a few days Bella” and a “Thank You for keeping me informed” to Jake and Edward.

The room was still rather tense and I continued to sit quietly waiting for whatever came next. Jake pulled one of the stools to sit down next to me watching as I popped another candy into my mouth, savoring the creamy goodness melting on my tongue. Reaching out he went to pick up one of the few remaining unopened pieces sitting in a sea of crinkled wrappers on the island.

“Those are mine” I said slapping at the extended fingers

Jerking his hand back Jacob eyed me “Are you on the rag or something?”

I hate that phase

“As a matter of fact …yes!”

Jake snickered and rolled his eyes “Well that explains it”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means your acting like a moody brat…now knock it off an tell me what the fuck is going on”

“Actually Jacob” Edward said handing him a bottle of beer and me a glass of wine “We were going to fill you and Leah in tomorrow night when you came for dinner. There have been some…developments that were uncovered. If you would like, I can tell you now but it really would be better to have Leah here also.”

Twisting the top off the bottle Jake glanced between Edward and me “It’s that fucking asshole isn’t it?”

“N…” I stared to say no it had nothing to do with James but Edward spoke first “In a roundabout way, yes…however James is not directly involved at least it doesn’t appear to be that way. I’m going to call the private investigator later to see if there is any new information…”

That was news to me I thought Mr. Weiss had completed his job “is he still working on the case?”

“Just for some follow up Bella and maybe in this instance he might know something more we can tell the police. Because most of what is in his report is merely hearsay or was obtained illegally so it’s inadmissible”

“But you think you know who did this, messed with your car and left this calling card” Jake pointed to the yellow post-it note with the message ‘See how easy it is’ written in blue ink.

Edward told his suspicions “Judging from the writing it’s a female so more than likely my guess would be Karen…”

“Karen who?”

“Kohn…”I  said “Karen Kohn” Jake stared at me for an immeasurable amount of time until realization dawn on him.

“She’s just a kid, what the fuck would Vickie’s sister want with you” his eyes narrowed “Do you think the asshole and that psycho sister of hers put Karen up to this?”

Edward responded “Karen is nearly twenty and we have no idea why she contacted Bella…”

“What do you mean contacted you?” turning an accusatory eye towards me “You’ve met with her? What did she want?”

Taking a drink I thought of the best way to tell Jake and decided to just start at the beginning how Karen had pretended to be someone else to get into The Center. Her interest in wanting to talk to me alone and then everything Mr. Weiss had uncovered about her mental health issues. Her personal connection with Mike Newton and Jessica, lastly the news about her son EJ– Evan James

Throughout the short yet direct conversation Jake remained quiet, taking drinks of beer while listening to everything until he heard the name of the four year old little boy. It was as if I could hear the click in his mind as Jake tilted his head and started shaking it in disbelieve.

“Noooo…” he croon while I gazed into is eyes willing him to believe my answering nod “Yeah”

“There’s no absolute proof” Edward interjected “But it certainly looks that way”

Edward went on to tell about the money exchange causing yet another reaction from Jake “That’s what the six-hundred dollars was for and now since Karen doesn’t have the kid any more that asshole is still sending it as payment to fuck with you”

To be honest I hadn’t really considered that idea, looking to Edward it was clear he hadn’t either “That’s one possibility”

“It’s a damn good possibility” Jake answered Edward adding “That whole family is fucked up, the mom, Vickie, they have mental problems and now it sounds like Karen does to. And Charlie heard all this on Friday so when he came back to my house and Leah said he was upset…it wasn’t about the two of you…”

The two of us? Why would my being with Edward upset Charlie?

“… it was about all this other shit. He knows better than anyone how fucked up that family is. Fucking Kathy wearing nothing but her underwear chasing Alfred down the street trying to kill him with a frying pan and Vickie…” Jake pointed a finger at me “…don’t even tell me you don’t remember all that stuff about her claiming she could fly”

“We were kids…” for some reason I came to the defense of the woman who was fucking my husband

“Bull! She was tripping on acid…that shit eats your brain cells and she didn’t have enough to begin with”

Jake chuckled along with me for a moment before his phone rang and answered with “Hey Nenemoo'sha.”

Knowing damn well Jake wouldn’t call anyone else sweetheart I tuned out his conversation with Leah to focus on Edward. He still appeared tense with a look of trepidation in his eyes and I wondered what it was going to take to remove it.

Reaching my hand across the counter top to touch Edward’s, the familiar tingle that still occurs from the contact radiates through my fingers. At the exchange his eyes fluttered closed while he let out a deep breath as the tension seemed to leave his face. It was then I knew that my touch had the same effect on him as his does to me. I wanted to take away his stress, relieve the fear and strain of the uncertainty; I would do whatever was needed of me to ease his mind.

Edward’s fingers entwined with mine and when he opened his eyes the beautiful green orbs held a troubled gaze that I would have given anything to remove. Squeezing his hand I gave a reassuring smile.

“Better?”

“No Bella, not better...”glassy moisture formed in his eyes “…when I think of what could have happened...had Demetri not been there…”

Blinking rapidly his jaw set tightly before Edward forced out a sigh, he was trying hard to contain everything and I just couldn’t take it anymore. Getting up I went to him wrapping my arms around his waist while his folded around me. I could feel the tightness in his chest relax as he buried his face into my hair.

“We are going to do this my way Bella, and I don’t care if you like it, I don’t care if you get mad at me or call me every fucking name you  know…we are going to do this my way!” reiterating the words in a growl that sent chills through me.

“Your way” I agreed in consent.

There was nothing else I could do, after seeing Edward’s reaction there was no way I wanted to bring him anymore stress. Besides that I was scared enough he could have put me under lock and key and I wouldn’t have cared.

“I’m going to go” Jake said making me release the hold I had on Edward while he continued to hold on to my waist as I turned around.    

Looking to Edward he questioned “You’re going to call the police and that investigator right?” at Edward’s nod he added “I’d appreciate it if you let me know how what they say”

“I’ll call you…in the meantime…”

“In the meantime…” Jake glared at me “…You do everything you are supposed to do. You’re not fucking invincible Bella and I know that mother fucking asshole has something to do with this…he’s been quiet for too damn long. If it is Karen then then he’s either paying or threatening her so don’t you start feeling for sorry for her and going all Bellaish, and acting like her savior or something. You stay in the house, with the door locked and the security on…you got me?”

All I could do was nod at the finger pointed in my direction while he practically pleaded “Don’t make me find you like that again…” tears filled both our eyes at the memory before his face turned to pure rage “because I swear to God I’ll kill that motherfucker”

“Jake…” I sniffled taking the three steps towards him where lifted me into a tight hug and spoke in my ear “Don’t do anything stupid…please na-WAY-th...please for me.” wiping my tears on his shirt I sniffled and looked into my best friend eyes before as he held up his hand, bending his forefinger “pact…remember?”

Nodding I wrapped my finger around his “Always”

It had been so very long ago, sixteen years have passed since Jake and I sat in his garage using a pocket knife to slice into our fingers. We were children who had no idea what obstacles life would bring our way, yet we still vowed to stand by one another. In all that time Jake was the one person I could always count on, no matter what happened there was never any condemnation on his part or mine.

Now I had someone else in my life, someone who - although I still loved Jake with all my heart - was so much more important than my best friend, because Edward was my heart.  

Releasing me Jake got a worried look on his face “Now I have to go home and tell Leah she’s not allowed out either”

The idea shocking me “Do you think that’s necessary?”

“That’s my wife and child, I’m not going to take the chance that someone comes after her to get to you”

Oh My God! I hadn’t even thought about that.

“I’d be doing the same thing” Edward said as he moved to pull me back against his side

Something told me that Leah wasn’t going to take too kindly to being house bound and I would have given anything to be a fly on the wall at their house when she found out. That was Jake’s problem mine was the man standing next to me in the doorway. Once we were alone and the alarm set I looked up into Edward’s face, his eyes were still slightly weary.

“What’s the matter?” I asked touching my palm to his face.

“What’s the matter?” he repeated sarcastically

“Jesus Christ Bella, ever since Weiss was here I have been asking you, practically begging you, downright ordering you to not be out alone. You promised me, your dad, my father, my uncle and every other fucking person you know that wouldn’t do it. Then instead of living up to your word, you manipulate me into permitting something I knew better than to allow…and what brings you to your senses…Jacob Black. Him you guarantee…all the rest of us can all go fuck ourselves…”

Startled by the venom in tone I defended myself “That’s not true Edward. I promised him after I had agreed to your…”

“To what? To my order? That’s what it takes? What about my request Bella? Where was the reasonableness then? What about my sense of safety for your wellbeing? Just as Jacob is worried about his wife, I’m just as worried about you, in fact I would say more so because the threat is so much more imminent. They are coming after you Bella! They want you! And how fucking afraid do you think that makes me?”

I knew he was scared and I knew my callous attitude towards the unseen threat was selfish yet up until Jake showed up there was no real threat and I …”I’m sorry Edward, it’s just that after I was…”

Swallowing hard I blinked back the tears that were starting to return before saying the one word I never wanted to admit “…raped…” sniffling I swallowed and took a ragged breath as the tears rolled down my face “…James raped…he ra…raped me…and I was so afraid…for so long…”

Edward wrapped me in his arms holding me against his chest while I cried “…I don’t want to be afraid anymore... you make me feel safe …I was just starting to feel normal…and I don’t want to go back…to living in fear…you don’t know what it’s like…you have no idea what it feels like…to be afraid…all the time…”

“Shhhh...” Edward nuzzled his face against the top of my head wrapping me in the cocoon of his arms while he continued to shush me until I calmed down. Once my tears had subsided he tilted my chin up making me look at him. The anger was gone there was nothing but concern in his eyes as he spoke.

“I don’t want you to be fearful of every dark corner or a passing stranger on the street Bella, that’s no way to live. But when you are face-to-face with a real danger and the threat is right in front of you…you can’t bury your head in the sand and pretend it’s not there either. That’s even more dangerous than the actual threat.”

I knew Edward was right, the behavior was dangerous yet that was the way I chose to deal with any ordeal that came my way. I survived so many trails in my life by pushing everything away until it was absolutely imperative that I deal with it. Occasionally I would get lucky and the situation would resolve itself. Other times it would spiral into something larger that became complete mess, requiring more energy then I sometimes had. 

“I didn’t mean to be such a pain in the ass, and it wasn’t Jake’s plea, it was yours.”

Edward stared down at me for a long moment “You’re not going to fight me anymore on this”

He wasn’t asking but I answered anyway “No, I won’t”

Leaving my chin go the back of his hand skimmed down my jaw resting against my lips where I kissed them and the emotions brewed in his eyes.  “God Bella, do you have any idea how much you mean to me and what seeing those pictures…holy fuck…someone has been following you around…that’s fucked up, and that note…Jesus…”

Edward’s rambling was beginning to sound as if the anxiety was about to overtake him again and I needed to reassure him. All I could do was make promises that I hoped would ease his mind.

“I’ll stay in the house Edward, you can drive me to and from work, and I won’t go anywhere without you or another male escort. We can stay at a hotel or maybe at your parent’s apartment for a few days…”

“I actually thought about asking them but there would be no place for Seth to go out and with the security system this house is much more secure.  I think this is the safest place for us at the moment, however Mexico is sounding better and better…”

I laughed “I tried to talk you in to it…”

“I know nâhtötse” Edward finally smiled “Next time I’ll listen to you.”

Letting me go Edward sighed “I have to make some phone calls”

Telling him I wanted to take a shower we parted, him to the dining room table with the folder from Mr. Weiss and the envelope full of pictures and me with my purse up to my bedroom. Removing the jacket and shirt I had on, my intentions of standing under the hot water was thwarted by the sound of ‘Love Shack’ coming from the phone. I had expected a call from Leah, just not so fast. Sitting the bed I spent the next forty-five minutes calming down my sister along with filling her in on all that was going on.

Jake had indeed convinced her to stay home for the next few days breaking her normal routine. She had enough work to keep her busy but was more than happy when I mentioned coming over to visit her. I hadn’t really had any time alone with Leah and I wanted to see if she would mind helping me with Edward’s Birthday present. Along with the season tickets I had something else in mind as I explained my idea, Leah became more excited about it then I was. Then again photography was more than just a job for her; it was an art form that boarded on obsession.

I had already made plans to have lunch with Esme the next day; at that point I wasn’t sure if or how that was going to take place. Still it would be completely possible to spend the later part of the afternoon with Leah. We would need to stay in the house and as long as Edward drove me there and picked me up I couldn’t see any reason for his refusal. In fact, maybe while he was there and Leah’s studio was already set up, I could talk Edward into posing for the picture I wanted over the bed.

Once I hung up with her after insisting I was perfectly safe where I was and yes dinner was still on for the following night, I really needed to use the bathroom. Not just to pee but my tampon was starting to get uncomfortably full. Starting the shower I stripped off the rest of my clothing while I sat on the toilet.

The room was already getting steamy as I stepped under nozzle and closed my eyes while tilting my head back under the spray. The sound of the glass shower door alerted me to Edward’s presence, blinking away the water I smiled “Do you want to…”

I didn’t even get a chance to finish asking about washing my back. Edward’s feral gaze was the only thing that registered before his body pinned me against the wall as his lips crashed into mine. It wasn’t a kiss of passion or need, it was pure possession. His one hand planted firmly on the small of my back while the other entwined in my wet hair holding me in place while Edward ravaged my mouth. The attack was so sudden the shock caused me to momentarily try to pull away.

A low rumbling growl resonated in his throat as his grip on my hair tightened to the point of pain. Rather than be afraid of Edward’s action my body responded with an intense desire. My breathes quickened and between the lack of oxygen along with the heat from the steamy water I started to feel light headed. With a groan Edward’s mouth left mine only to attack my neck and I rested my head back against the wall threading my fingers into his hair while he nipped and sucked any part of my skin he could reach. The hand in my hair tightened its hold making me moan out while his other hand ran down my bottom to the back of my thigh. Hoisting my leg Edward thrust his hips making his dick slide between my folds.

“Please baby…I need you” the strangled plea against my neck sent chills down my spine that made my own voice weak.

“Fuck me Edward…”

His hardness slipped through me once more making me beg “Please…”

The loss of pressure on my stomach from his pelvis was the only warning I had; in one deep thrust Edward buried himself inside me. It was as if time stood still for one brief moment, I had just gotten accustomed to the fullness when the rumbling growl from his chest reached my ears and then it was like he was a demon possessed. Moving his hand down behind my leg, Edward lifted it higher, held my head in place and with my body pinned between him and wall, he fucked me

.

My own moans were drowned out by Edward’s heavy words that came out between grunts “Fuck…so good…so soft…so fucking worried…can’t stop them…can’t keep you…need to…keep you safe…”

Earlier I had wondered what it was going to take for Edward to fully relax and it seemed like I was finding out.  I had equated him to being a demon possessed but that wasn’t really true. He was using my body to purge himself of all the evils that were plaguing him. With each thrust that slammed into me the fever of his need seemed to grow.

“can’t live…without you…so sorry…so fucking …sorry…”

I didn’t know if his apology was for other people or for what he was doing, either way there was no need for him to be sorry. How many times has he taken care of me? How often have I found the security I needed in him? If Edward needed me in order to regain himself, he could have me…any part of me - I was his.

His teeth sunk into the junction of my neck and I cried out “Use me Edward”

My words seemed to bring him out the trance he was in, lifting his head from my neck his breathing was still harsh yet eyes were much softer.

“No” Edward said reaching over to turn off the water.

He released my hair and used both hands to lift my legs around his waist before he carried me out of the shower. Water dripped off our bodies as he grabbed two towels hanging on the rod and moved into the bedroom still buried inside me. I was slightly bewildered by the look in his eyes as he held my gaze and a moment later he laid me down on the towel covered bed while he hovered over top of me.

“I love you nâhtötse, you deserve more then to be used”

Tears pricked my eyes as the demanding kiss from the bathroom was replaced with soft tender lips and the hard punishing thrust became slow loving movements. My hands moved down the planes of Edward’s back, feeling the flexing of his muscles and the small shiver that went through him. His hips moved in a slow motion propelling himself in and out of me building a tension in my belly while his hands roamed loving over my breast. Lifting his head Edward gazed into my eyes holding me in his trance as the pressure built inside my belly.

“I love you Bella…I love you so fucking much” he said as a single tear fell down his cheek and I shattered around him.